Things That Flummox Me

March 23rd, 2005

1) How it’s possible that I have to perpetually pee. This includes nighttime. For the love of God, I’m asleep by 11 and up to pee by midnight. I go out to lunch. Pee before I eat. Pee during meal. PEE AGAIN AFTER THE MEAL.

2) The appeal of 50 Cent. Dr. Dre, can you please explain what you were thinking here? For starters, the man cannot pronounce a single word properly. Not one. Secondly, his lyrics are beyond inane. Let’s explore…”I love you like a fat kid love cake,” and “If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century, Could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?” Right. Um…No. And let’s not forget the radio ADVERTISEMENT I just heard that set off this whole diatribe wherein he said – HE ACTUALLY SAID – “I got my pulse on da finger of da yoot o’ ‘Merka”

Right.

3) I forget. I HAD TO GO PEE AND LOST MY THOUGHT.

5) How I expect to lose weight when I find myself sitting in front of the TV eating Kraft Parmesan cheese with a spoon, watching Ashlee Simpson.

6) Why the bathroom in my office smells like chicken lo mein EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at 5 p.m.

7) Why this never fails to make me CRAVE CHINESE FOOD. We’re talking about the smell of lo mein in a public bathroom. I’m quite certain that it’s not actual lo mein in there.

Why I have to pee. Again.

Entry Filed under: Nuttin'