I Will Beat That Bitch’s Ass!!

I loathe Kimora Lee Simmons. I’ve loathed her for years, even before this article gained her legions of enemies. Simply put, I think she’s tacky, classless and foul.

However, I love her husband. I love what he’s done for hip hop, I love Def Poetry Jam, I love Run DMC. I love me the Russell.

I didn’t always, frankly, because I didn’t know who he was. I grew up in Pennsylvania the epitome of uncool – I worked on a farm, played the oboe and clarinet in the marching band. You cannot be cool playing the oboe.

Hip hop culture missed our area entirely. We were too busy wearing mullets. We ROCKED the mullets. My high school boyfriend had a fabulous mullet. It was all about the mullets and hair bands. I’ve since learned that other areas called the mullet “Hockey Hair.”

Anyway, I had no idea who Russell was. When I met my husband in late 1999, I was introduced to a slew of new music – for unlike me, he did not spend his high school years marching in a busbie – and new artists. After watching a random show on television and hearing the name Russell Simmons bandied about, I asked him who he was.

He deadpanned that Russell Simmons was the CEO of Russell Athletic and had been around for decades innovating new and creative ways to wear sweat pants. I believed him and surprisingly, over the next year, lots of people would idly ask me who Russell Simmons was and I would proudly explain his many innovations and contributions to the athleticwear industry.

One day, I got busted. Russell Athletic had some kind of crazy financial crisis and ended up all over the news – and Russell Simmons was no where to be found. I actually got phone calls from friends asking what the hell happened to Russell? Well, what the hell DID happen to him, is what I wanted to know!

I’ve never believed a story he’s told me since.

6 comments March 25th, 2005