Bubbeleh

March 29th, 2005

I never had grandparents. My family isn’t one with a history of longevity, and most of my grandparents were dead before I even grew into an age where I was aware of other people. The only exception to this is my mother’s father – my grandfather, who drank himself out of the family, moved to the Virgin Islands with a 23 year old model and died a little more than 15 years ago. I don’t think he knew who I was or that I was even born.

When I met my husband, I was shocked to discover that three of his four grandparents were not only alive, but were extraordinarily active. Grandma and Grandpa are perhaps the most charming people I have ever met. I would do anything for these people.

When I first met them, they terrified me. For starters, I had just started my period and felt like shit. During dinner, which was attended by no less than ten miscellaneous relatives I was also meeting for the first time, I kept getting hot flashes, had a headache and would spontaneously break out into a sweat.

Adam did his best to assist by discreetly asking Grandma for the general direction of some Tylenol. She promptly looked in my direction and replied in the most fabulous Boston accent,

“Jauners, is it for you? You feeling okay?” I stammered that I had a bit of a headache. She noticed the perspiration gathering on my forehead, tut tutted and yelled:

“Oy vey, honey, you got your period don’t you? This looks like a period situation – SONNY! Get Jauners some Tylenol. She’s got her period. Is it very bad? Do you have cramps? Is it heavy?”

At the dinner table.

Because this inaugural meal was during Passover, cakes, cookies and other baked desserts weren’t an option – instead we were faced with chocolate covered strawberries. As we finished the meal, Grandma noticed there were several berries leftover – a mortal sin.

“ADDY! JAUNERS! There are some leftover berries here. Take the berries.”

“Nah, Grandma, we’re okay – we’re really full. You eat them!”

“ADDY! You and Jauners take them! You can feed them to each other tonight in bed, NAKED. It’s good for you. Sonny and I used to do that all the time, didn’t we, Sonny? NAKED and ripe, ready with the berries! Take the berries, Addy. Eat them in bed with Jauners, NAKED!”

I need to remind you that dude, we are still at the dinner table.

How can you not love a woman who isn’t afraid to talk about menstruation and sex at the dinner table with a total stranger?

Grandma isn’t doing so well. The cancer she’s had for the past year has taken its toll – she’s bedridden, has little short-term memory, and can’t stay awake for longer than 30 minutes at a stretch. She forgets things. She loses her way. She can’t walk. The last time she danced was at our wedding more than a year and a half ago. Shortly thereafter, she got sick.

I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know how he can go home at night without his “Bubs” after more than 60 years together. I don’t know how he does it. And I don’t know how to help him. I already miss her.

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