Holla Back Girl

I can’t believe I’m admitting this. I think this means that I am like, the grossest person in the history of people. I might as well regularly fart in public and stop using tissues in favor of blowing snot rockets. In the mall.

Last week, we bought bananas (go ahead and sing it! “This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”), along with eleventy million other pieces of fruit. Adam has been giving me a lot of flak lately, because I have blatantly ignored the bananas. Who wants to eat bananas when there are much more exciting fruits to be had? Cherries! Plums! Peaches!

Today, while cruising around Sears to return some Land’s End stuff, I noticed a cloud of fruit flies. Irritating, to say the least, not to mention incredibly gross. What kind of establishment has FRUIT FLIES everywhere? Piggy, annoying little bastards that cling to every inch of spare airspace, usually around faces, in case anything tasty might be headed to your lips. After a few minutes, I realized the cloud was really only around me – they seemed to be following me everywhere. Like Pigpen’s halo.

A sniff and a dig in my purse revealed a wizened black banana I’d tucked in my bag earlier in the week, after repeated pleas to eat the forlorn fruits. The source of the annoying fruit flies? Hello, nice to meet you.

I repeat, I am the grossest person ever. The shit really IS bananas.

12 comments July 1st, 2005