Holla Back Girl
July 1st, 2005
I can’t believe I’m admitting this. I think this means that I am like, the grossest person in the history of people. I might as well regularly fart in public and stop using tissues in favor of blowing snot rockets. In the mall.
Last week, we bought bananas (go ahead and sing it! “This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”), along with eleventy million other pieces of fruit. Adam has been giving me a lot of flak lately, because I have blatantly ignored the bananas. Who wants to eat bananas when there are much more exciting fruits to be had? Cherries! Plums! Peaches!
Today, while cruising around Sears to return some Land’s End stuff, I noticed a cloud of fruit flies. Irritating, to say the least, not to mention incredibly gross. What kind of establishment has FRUIT FLIES everywhere? Piggy, annoying little bastards that cling to every inch of spare airspace, usually around faces, in case anything tasty might be headed to your lips. After a few minutes, I realized the cloud was really only around me – they seemed to be following me everywhere. Like Pigpen’s halo.
A sniff and a dig in my purse revealed a wizened black banana I’d tucked in my bag earlier in the week, after repeated pleas to eat the forlorn fruits. The source of the annoying fruit flies? Hello, nice to meet you.
I repeat, I am the grossest person ever. The shit really IS bananas.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
12 Comments Add your own
1. Trina | July 2nd, 2005 at 2:02 am
If I was truly brave, I’d post several reasons here as to how and why you are NOT the grossest person ever. But I’m a total chicken. Suffice it to say that although I don’t have clouds of insects following me, you have nothing to fear!
Also, your post totally made me crack up dude!
2. mireille | July 2nd, 2005 at 10:38 am
also, we know enough other stuff on you that makes this look tame. heh. xoxoxoxo
3. Kate | July 2nd, 2005 at 12:06 pm
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! Oh my freaking God, Woman. You always make me laugh. Stand up comedy is your future. I see it!!!! Really.
4. Jamie | July 2nd, 2005 at 12:44 pm
OK, seriously, Jonna. A little fruit fly incident is nothing on the scale of total grossness. Although, it was an incredibly funny story.
And in unrelated news, I love the word “eleventy.”
5. Urban Chick | July 4th, 2005 at 8:25 am
wow – eleventy is a LOT
stick with plums, girl
6. Tania | July 5th, 2005 at 11:34 am
Eeeeeeeeeeew. I am truly your sister in fruit-faux-pas. I once found the source of the mysterious fruit fly infestation in our apartment in my own carry-on bag. From a trip taken two months previous. Yes: It was the hideous remains of the Banana of Good Intentions. (“Oh, I’ll just take a little healthy fruit snack with me onto the plane. Of course I never eat bananas, but when it’s the only thing to eat, I’m sure I’ll eat it! I need potassium!”)
There are only two ways that bananas are consumed in my life, since they fail in every other respect when they compete with other fruits:
1. Smoothies
2. Banana bread/pancakes/muffins
(I make banana baked goods when I have a pile of bananas going black because I didn’t drink enough smoothies.)
7. laurie | July 5th, 2005 at 3:54 pm
Eleventy hundred is my favorite number, I tend to think all bad things happen in multiples of eleventies. Sigh.
You are too much. Although snot rockets still transcend bug-halos on the scale of grossness
8. laurie | July 5th, 2005 at 3:59 pm
Also, when are you coming over? For tea? In which I say, WHO ARE YOU, WOMAN and who are those FRUIT FLIES? heh heh
9. Bela | July 5th, 2005 at 11:06 pm
If the banana didn’t exist I would have to invent it, since it is, with the apple, the only fruit I can eat without being ill. So, please, no more attacks on bananas. I will not allow it!:-)
10. Atreau | July 6th, 2005 at 12:45 pm
Dude, that is sick – do you know that people sell banana holders that look a bit like condoms – I saw it in a magazine.
You’re totally Pig Pen from the Peanuts comics!
11. Kate | July 6th, 2005 at 1:28 pm
Just want you to know that I have chronic insomnia, and when I wake up at 3 or 4 am, I sometimes surf the web, and that includes your blog.
This morning, my son also had insomnia and he heard me typing and came into the computer-room to visit. I read him this entry and he laughed really loud.
And one more thing, he has these giant bugs in his bedroom called “stoneflys”. He killed 4 of them last night. We put in a room size air conditoner in his room with none of that foam stuff around that keeps the bugs out. Poor kid has a room full of bugs!!! No wonder he can’t sleep!
Now you know that I am not only grosser than you, I am a bad mom!!!
12. Anonymous | July 6th, 2005 at 3:56 pm
Oh my word. What a hilarious mental image. Thanks!
Amy
(estesmcc on MUA)
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed