Caring is Creepy
July 28th, 2005
The hormonal shifts didn’t end with the cold sores. I have a zit between my eyes that will need its own area code shortly. A zit so large and overbearing that it prompted my husband to ask, “Holy shit, what is that between your eyes? Did you get hit with something?”
Sigh.
Despite the Zit That Blocks My Vision, I got hit on tonight for the first time in ages. Traffic was backed up on Rte 128 to a crawl, and sitting in traffic was akin to the proverbial and pathetically overdone parking lot. Normally I’m not a fan of driving down the highway with the windows open – with the Bangs From Hell, I literally go blind from the whipping hair in my eyeballs. When driving at 15 mph or less, however, the rogue bangs are no longer an issue, and I can enjoy the scent of burnt rubber and blazing tarmac to my osmic delight while listening to loud music and regaling fellow drivers with stellar, personalized renditions of The Shins and Rufus Wainwright.
During a particularly impassioned performance of Damien Rice’s ‘Volcano,’ I felt someone watching me. A glance to my right revealed it was a man around my age or younger, wearing mirrored sunglasses and a visor. Let me say for the record that I hate visors. Who wears a visor? A VISOR. Creeps wear visors. Men who were in fraternities and actually agreed to do the elephant walk wear visors, of this I am convinced.
“Hey!” He actually shouted.
“Um, yes?”
“Was that the Garden State soundtrack you were listening to earlier?”
Why yes it was, but that was a FULL THIRTY MINUTES AGO, which meant that this creep was kind of musically stalking me.
Ewww.
“Uhh…”
“Hey, this is kind of odd, but you seem nice [BASED ON WHAT?] and would it be weird if I asked for your phone number?”
“Uhhhhh. Yes. Yes, it would be weird.”
I mean, wouldn’t it? What kind of person says “Yes, take me now?” We’re DRIVING, for chrissake. Not to mention the fact that I’m married – I mean, it goes without saying that “I’m married,” should have been the most logical response, but I didn’t want him to think that the fact that I’m married was the ONLY REASON I was turning him down. He violated my drive time. Listened to the music I was listening to, and COMMENTED ON IT. Sure, it was blaring, BUT STILL.
Is nowhere sacred?
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
10 Comments Add your own
1. Tania | July 29th, 2005 at 11:03 am
Aw, poor guy. He thought he’d finally found the indie rock girl of his dreams.
2. mireille | July 29th, 2005 at 2:03 pm
This post was a virtual adjectival ORGASM! You amaze me! And not just because of the new areacode-requiring addition to your face … which must not be that bad, if visordude didn’t care! heh. xoxoxo
3. Kate | July 29th, 2005 at 4:15 pm
I’m still freaking out about the “elephant walk”. Frat boys, what are they thinking? *shudders*
You are a funny, funny woman.
4. katiedid | July 29th, 2005 at 4:42 pm
Elephant walk… ugh. I’m *shuddering* alongside Kate. Why???That’s just… well I’m speechless.
Poor creepy Visor Guy. He was only looking for a special lady friend to be his creepy Visor Chick.
5. Tania | July 29th, 2005 at 5:03 pm
By the way, I know a perfumista who met her husband while they were both at the same stoplight! Granted, I don’t believe he was wearing a visor.
6. Laura | July 30th, 2005 at 11:37 am
Hey, Jonna! The same thing happened to me yesterday!! Well, not REALLY the same thing. not even close to … the… . But, still, I’m sitting at a stoplight and this guy in the car next to me makes the ‘roll down your window’ motion, so I do. He’s wearing mirrored sunglasses and who knows what else, right? He flashes a zippy white-teethed grin at me and he says…. ‘What a CUTE puppy! Oh, didn’t I mention I had Abby, my 4 month old golden retriever in the seat beside me? Details. So he oohs and ahs then says “I wish my wife were here to see your dog!” And then he waves and drives away. See what I mean? Do you think my husband should worry?
xoxo,
LA
7. Parisjasmal | July 31st, 2005 at 1:04 pm
I wear freakin visors!
8. Barbara From California | August 1st, 2005 at 9:09 am
LOL…
Getting hit on, at any age, is NOT overrated!
9. Campaspe | August 2nd, 2005 at 9:51 am
I completely agree with Barbara. Jonna, you are looking at this all wrong. Woman, you actually, physically STOPPED TRAFFIC …
and you’re complaining?
10. Kristine | August 3rd, 2005 at 9:53 am
If it wasn’t a little creepy, it would actually be kinda cute!
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