Iko Iko
August 1st, 2005
Moving is getting to us. I’ve found my keys in the freezer, put the cheese in the baggie drawer, and thought my car was stolen, only to remember that I had taken Adam’s car to work instead of my own.
Today, I called our auto attendant to test how it directed my calls. When I dialed through to my own extension, I ANSWERED THE PHONE.
Three times in a row.
“Hello? HELLO? HELLOOOOOO?” All irritated that I was getting pranked. I was PRANKING MYSELF.
After the car-stealing incident, I picked up my car from the dealer and went to the grocery store. After I hopped in the car at dusk, I realized SOMEONE WAS IN THE BACKSEAT OF MY CAR. I screamed and pepper sprayed the intruder, flailing my arms like a flag boy and crying like a banshee.
The intruder didn’t budge and I ran screaming from the vehicle, admittedly because the pepper spray nearly smoked me out, not because I was using any sort of common sense. When I stopped coughing from the giant cloud of pepper spray that filled the car and my lungs, I realized I had just pepper sprayed an empty backseat. The Honda dealermen had PUT IN THE THIRD HEADREST and I hadn’t noticed. I attacked the headrest, thinking it was an intruder in my locked car.
To make matters worse, as I was writing this, I just used the oven’s broiler to make toast, ate the toast, cleaned the bathroom and took a shower. Came out to get some water and guess what? THE BROILER WAS STILL ON.
I am truly a menace.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
10 Comments Add your own
1. Barbara From California | August 1st, 2005 at 11:14 pm
Hi Jonna,
Good luck with the move! Just do not put the cell phone in the refrigrator. My daughter did this once in NYC and it was a funny story, but hassle to get it back to CA.
Hope you are well.
xox
b
2. Atreau | August 2nd, 2005 at 12:36 am
Moving is crazy and I hate it! My sister has moved at least ten times in the last six years and lived in three different states, I have no idea how she does it!
3. Parisjasmal | August 2nd, 2005 at 4:54 am
Hi J-
I have on a visor at 3:53am as I write this. HA
Stress can do some crazy things to our minds and bodies. Take good care–and be extra careful with that pepper spray– HA!
4. Laura | August 2nd, 2005 at 6:21 am
So it is finally move time? OK, J, go easy on yourself–moving makes everyone bonkers. I WOULD suggest only takeout food or cold cereal until after you get to Florida and settle in, though.
Best of luck, sweetie.
5. Carol | August 2nd, 2005 at 7:46 am
I loved that you pepper sprayed the backseat on so many levels. One, you actually carry pepper spray – good for you, were you a boy scout??? Two, I ALWAYS see things in the back seat and have to do a double take to see that NOTHING is ever there. Is is a shadow? a ghost? Who the hell knows? Anyway – good luck with the move. My parents are heading down in October – so get ready for a coffee date!
6. Campaspe | August 2nd, 2005 at 9:49 am
choking with laughter here … I believe it, all of it, EXCEPT …
the idea that this is all due to moving. ‘Fess up, you’d have pepper-sprayed that headrest even if you were staying in Boston.
7. Lucky Charmz | August 2nd, 2005 at 11:06 am
I really needed to stumble upon your blog, you really made me laugh and see that I am not the only one who feels this ways sometimes!
8. katiedid | August 2nd, 2005 at 6:41 pm
Love this story. At least there’s one good thing about your misadventures, which is that you inevitably make us laugh with them.
9. Kate | August 3rd, 2005 at 10:27 am
I thought this post would involve pot or the Grateful Dead. Or possibly New Orleans? I kept wondering how you were going to work those things in.
Anyway, I love the part about the pepper spray. I used to carry it too, on my keychain and I always worried I would spray myself by accident! You are so funny.
Florida won’t know what hit them!!!
Love, KM
10. PFG | August 3rd, 2005 at 5:33 pm
My god you’re having my week!
Good luck…
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