Touched by the Hand of God
August 30th, 2005
I never in my entire life thought I would say this, but things went astonishingly perfectly.
You don’t understand, this DOESN’T HAPPEN TO ME. I’m the one that has movers that show up 11 hours and 9 days late and charge me thousands of dollars because they didn’t notice that my house has stairs. I’m the one that gets stranded in nine different states, making wrong turns every other exit, and adding four days and 15 hours to the trip, combined with five flat tires and a side trip to an emergency room because of a surprise UTI. Toothless crazy people flock to me, and I spend most of my evenings in terror that some lunatic from Falling Springs, Virginia in the shack that sells peaches thought I had nice hair and wanted to get a closer look at the shade of it in my hotel room, so he followed me home.
But none of those things happened, I am almost sorry to report. PERFECT. The drive was perfect. Katrina threw a wrench in it, but it was a welcome distraction – we spent an extra day in a resort in Charleston lolling around our hotel room, watching movies and snuggling with the Snapper.
The Snapper. Let me say that pets make everything better – EVERYTHING. The hotels felt homey because of his furry little presence and sweet mews. He screamed in the car for about two hours of each day, but eventually, he ACTUALLY STOPPED and allowed us to listen to soothing books on tape.
I’m a little disappointed, actually. I mean, I didn’t want four days of pure squalor and misery, but I wanted SOMETHING to write about. What fun is writing about joy and happiness and PERFECT DRIVING WEATHER? I’d hate me if I were reading this – who deserves such things?
In other news, I had no idea that happiness – pure, unadulterated HAPPINESS – could come from a house in the suburbs with a laundry room big enough to dance around in, with my very own – YES! – washer and dryer. I have practically humped the pair of them in sheer ecstasy, and if I had known that this and only this was the key to fulfillment in life, I would have bought my own ages ago, and moved them from apartment to apartment in a nomadic washing spree.
You think I’m kidding. I’m not. I have done 14 loads of laundry in two days, and have spent countless hours blissfully cleaning the lint tray and lovingly counting the hundreds of combinations of washing and drying cycles available at my disposal. If Adam can’t find me, he knows I am in the laundry room, probably French kissing the washing machine and getting high off of the fumes of my Tide Clean Breeze (with a touch of Downy!).
Tomorrow, I go back to work. In my HOME OFFICE. Pants and even underwear are optional because NO ONE WILL SEE ME. I have yet another zit between my freaking eyebrows and I do not care because again, NO ONE WILL SEE ME BECAUSE I WORK FROM HOME!
I don’t deserve this, you know. I’m not just saying this. I’m honestly humbled.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
12 Comments Add your own
1. katiedid | August 31st, 2005 at 2:00 am
Oh God I’m dying here – pants optional
employment!
I am truly sorry about the surpise URI. EEEEESH! Painful! That could not have been more inconvenient, huh?
And I don’t care what anyone else thinks – having your own washer and dryer is FRICKING HEAVEN ON EARTH. It just is. I totally empathize with you. It’s not just the time it saves, it’s the secret delight of being able to toddle out to do your laundry in your jammies if you so desire. “Morning hair” or no “morning hair.” The simple fact that you never have to worry over it being crowded. Did I mention the time it saves? I did, but it merits repetition.
2. Parisjasmal | August 31st, 2005 at 8:47 am
Jonna
I could not be happier for you! Such a funny post! By the way I cannot believe you remember my cousin from the peach shack. He asked me what conditioner you use–I just blew him off.
Washers and Dryers RULE! I am happy you are having a love affair with yours. As I am a seasoned Suburban Liver let me give you a little insider information–DYSON vacuums are orgasmic. NO LIE!
Congrats on a wonderful move into your new home. I wish you and Addy and little Snapper many happy years of suburban bliss!
xox
jen
3. Kate | August 31st, 2005 at 9:13 am
Yay!!!!! So happy for you, J. And, (while I am convinced that you DO DESERVE IT!!!!!) deserve it or not — things are going well. So just deal, ok? Because maybe you are entering a happy phase of life where the living is easy, fish are jumping and the cotton is high. Enjoy it.
4. Tania | August 31st, 2005 at 9:50 am
Sometimes Will and I stand around the house, spinning fantasies in the air.
“And we’ll have our own washer/dryer,” we say. “And a dishwashing machine.”
It makes us feel drunk to think about it.
Yay your move went well! I’m picturing you without pants, sitting on your washer as it rumbles through the spin cycle, moaning. And somehow still “at work.”
Totally sweet.
5. Kyahgirl | August 31st, 2005 at 11:06 am
Oh Jonna, I’m so glad it went well. I’ve been wondering about you and Adam.
I’ve had my owner w/d set for a long time but last year I pushed the limits of w/d joy-I bought a new set of front loaders (with windows). Do you have any idea how entertaining these things are? My little guy likes to pull his rocker up in front of the washer and just watch!
All the best in your new home. *mwah*
Laura
6. Jamie | August 31st, 2005 at 11:20 am
woo hoo! this is such exciting news — well, I’m glad you made it through the horrendous weather, but i’m more excited for you on the washer/dryer thing. i too understand the total ecstacy of laundry all day, any day, any time. it makes it much easier to take off the clothes you’re wearing, toss them into the washer, and walk naked back to your room…ha!
7. Jen | August 31st, 2005 at 12:10 pm
Congrats on the luck and the good trip. Welcome to Florida!
8. mireille | August 31st, 2005 at 12:45 pm
NICE lint tray! And now that you have a laundry room, you can get rid of all those marital aids! Glad you’re home and safe! xoxo
9. Carol | August 31st, 2005 at 2:15 pm
I’m so glad you’re safe and sound in your new home. I think I’d feel the same way that you feel about a washer/dryer if I were to ever have a walk in closet. I’ve lived in old homes for so long, with tiny closets and rods hanging in the basement – I would probably react the exact same way!!
Hope you enjoy each and every day in paradise. I’m very jealous. Can’t wait to get down there myself. Probably Christmas.
10. PFG | September 1st, 2005 at 12:50 pm
This post has been removed by the author.
11. PFG | September 1st, 2005 at 12:55 pm
Good for you, your man, and your kitty. Now it’s time to share this good fortune with others. I have a growing list of Katrina relief links at my blog. Please go to one of them and please pass them along.
http://andcoffeespoons.blogspot.com/2005/09/katrina-relief.html
(last comment deleted for formatting)
-Laura
12. Anonymous | September 4th, 2005 at 1:12 am
I hope you and your washer and dryer are all very happy together. Katrina threw a wrench in your plans…WTF????
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