A Question of Time
September 21st, 2005
We don’t know anybody here. I mean, I know that’s obvious, but we know NO ONE. Other than Boob Lou and Chrissie across the street.
Chrissie, by the way, is a short, stumpy hardcore New York Yankees fan (she spied my Sox hat and made sure to inform me INSTANTLY that we had a “rivalry.” Gee, thanks, Chrissie. I had no idea!) with a penchant for heavy gold chains and cutoff sweat shorts. Upon our first meeting, she came into our garage yelling in a terrifyingly deep voice, “Hello? Yo! YO!” and then promptly asked us what we had “done with the woman who used to live here,” as if we’d absconded with her then stuffed her into the garbage bins.
In other words, we have no friends. It’s a very weird feeling. I should point out that despite my raucous storytelling and outgoing nature, I have grown into a less-than-social adult. I like to be alone a lot, and can’t remember the last time I was lonely. I can spend hours and hours tinkering away on random projects in the house without talking to anyone. I prefer to shop alone, and no, I’m not afraid to eat out alone. But this is kind of different – usually, when I’m alone I am not alone [insert dramatic music here]. Like, there were people nearby that I could call or visit, I just chose not to. And when I did, it was nice, and usually with my small circle of carefully chosen family-friends I’ve known most of my adult life. I’m spoiled, I know.
No such thing in Florida, I’m afraid. Oh sure, I could call my in-laws – stop laughing – but I don’t think anyone would argue it’s near the same thing.
I’m surprised that this isn’t bothering me more than it is, but it’s not. However, we are taking extremely amusing steps to remedy it, as we can’t go home to our family and friends four years from now still knowing NO ONE in Florida. First of all, we are smiling our asses off. Again, I’m not a major smiler, but there I am smiling to everyone I see in the neighborhood like I’ve just had my teeth bleached (except for Lou – don’t want to give him the wrong idea). Adam is NOT A SMILER, but there he is, elbowing me in the ribs, “SMILE, DAMMIT!” and waving like Princess Diana on a parade float. And looking probably just a little too long to see if the Smiling Victims are our age.
We noticed a new family moved in up the street, and when we drove by, I recognized that “I’m new!” smile on their faces. Except theirs had the added bonus of also being the “Oh my god, hi, we’re new and we don’t know anyone and are trying to figure out if you are normal or not or are that crazy flasher lady we heard about,” smile.
Secondly, we have signed up for committees in our development. COMMITTEES. I am now on the Grand Opening Committee (Grand Opening? It’s OPEN. WE LIVE HERE) and the Social Committee (people who know me in real life are LAUGHING at this moment, I know it), while Adam, ever the yin to my yang, joined the Rules and Regulations Committee. He’s already driving around the neighborhood commenting, “That truck is illegally parked, per regulation code 45679, no commercial vehicles overnight. I wonder who I should report that to?”
That is more endearing than it sounds, I promise.
Anyway, the buck stops here, people. I stopped short of signing up for the Scrapbooking Club, as the idea of gathering little scraps of paper and making halos around photos of the cat with pages titled, “Our Little Sweetie” or such nonsense honestly makes me want to give myself papercuts all over my body and dive into a bowl of lemon juice. It would be less painful.
And so begins this strange adventure of finding companionship in a strange state. If I start telling everyone that I’m wearing Lilly Pulitzer and joined the Scrapbooking Club, send help, okay?
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
22 Comments Add your own
1. Kate | September 22nd, 2005 at 7:22 am
Did I ever tell you what a good writer you are?
The scrapbooking comment, with the halos? I’m laughing right now.
I wish I could live next door to you, Babe. I’d so by over pestering you all the time.
2. Parisjasmal | September 22nd, 2005 at 9:43 am
Funny funny post J.
I understand on so many levels. When DH and I moved to Illinois, I knew NOONE. DH immediately had a core group at the hospital, but alas I had NOONE. The wives of the other docs tried to be my friend, but they were all much older than me and they bored the hell out of me. As an only child, I am totally able to entertain myself, and I am never lonely either–but like you I liked the fact that I COULD call on family and friends if I so chose.
We have lived here in 7 years now, so I have tons of friends and that is nice. Buy often times I still would rather be by myself.
You kill me with the committees!!!!!!! My neighborhood had a bunco club. I went one time and I was disgusted and bored all at once. Thank God they had wine.
I wish you luck on making friends, but I congratulate you on liking yourself and being happy to spend time with yourself.
xoxo
Jen
3. whinger | September 22nd, 2005 at 2:26 pm
My sister moved into a neighborhood where everyone is so friendly that they WALK INTO EACH OTHER’S HOMES AND BORROW MILK AND SUCH AT ANY HOUR OF THE DAY. Whether you’re home or not. They just walk right in.
I consider that to be a bad neighborhood, but she seems to like it. Just make sure you don’t take the friendliness to far, or you’ll suffer a similar fate.
4. buleria | September 22nd, 2005 at 2:39 pm
Ha. We moved in March and let me tell you we smile and wave like nobody’s business. We never used to when we Rented. But now, in our new town, we’re Real Neighbors. We Nod, we Smile, we Chat, we Wave, we Visit, we Bake Coffee Cake, we Offer Tomatoes, we Bring Flowers to elderly neighbors.
No neighborhood committees, though, thank goodness.
-e
5. surly girl | September 22nd, 2005 at 2:58 pm
what in the name of david hasselhoff is a “bunco club”???
6. katiedid | September 22nd, 2005 at 4:31 pm
Dear god, no, do NOT join the Scrapbooking Club. Someone somewhere has got to put their foot down to that
madness. Who actually has the time, patience, and touch of insanity for it? Is there a “Toss It All in a Shoebox” Club? This sounds more like a reasonable thing to do.
Really great post, J. The halos on the cats line killed me. With your sense of humor, you will find friends in your neighbors in time, I am sure.
7. Carol | September 22nd, 2005 at 4:37 pm
I wish you luck, but I know you won’t need it. You are so hilarious, I agree with everyone else, you’ll have people flocking in no time.
i also don’t “need” friends and I am in a pseudo walk-in-for-milk-anytime type of neighborhood. Definite pros and cons. I like the friendliness, but sometimes just wish they weren’t so neighborly – if you know what i mean.
Head to the beach as often as you can – even if just to watch the sunset – it will remind you how lucky you are to be in such a glorious and romantic place – just the two of you!
8. Anonymous | September 23rd, 2005 at 2:51 am
OMG this post had me nodding my head while rolling in laughter at the same time!
I, for one, would love to see a Cappy scrapbook. Well, maybe just one Cappy page in a scrapbook. haha
xox
Ange
9. Parisjasmal | September 23rd, 2005 at 11:58 am
TO SURLY-
Bunco is a boring game played with dice. I do not understand it because after about 5 minutes I needed ritalin to keep my attention because it was all SO DAMN LAME. The women in the Bunco Club took it all very serious, and it was all VERY weird!
10. Kyahgirl | September 23rd, 2005 at 3:40 pm
Jonna, when I moved to Alberta 18 years ago it was the same thing. I don’t mind being alone but I missed the ease of dropping in on a family member or even running into someone I know at the store. It gets easier. Just keep smilin’ and wavin’ and watch out you don’t get too bogged with comittees. One lesson I’ve learned is that there are always a core of people who do all the work in any group and the rest just kind of hang around, shirking
Good way to meet people though. I wish I was your neighbor. You’re such a great person.
11. Bela | September 23rd, 2005 at 6:14 pm
We live in London – that says it all really: we don’t drop in on anyone and no one drops in on us. We’ve been here for over 20 years and we still have no friends; well, we do – a few, but we never see them. It takes weeks to organize anything, especially when you live in a tiny flat and work from home, i.e. you’re not already “in town” in the evenings.
That said, I would hate to have my neighbours turn up unannounced any time they fancy a chat.
12. Anonymous | September 24th, 2005 at 3:40 am
Florida is basically Stepford, with more Malls and prettier flowers. Your take on it is hilarious. If you join a temple or church, or a JCC, you may be able to meet people your own age. Also Volunteer work might be useful in meeting more people that you enjoy the company of.
13. PFG | September 26th, 2005 at 5:25 pm
Very much liking the “our little sweetie” scrapbook image….
14. Trina | September 30th, 2005 at 3:02 am
OMG – you guys are TOO cute, even for miniature pig figurines!!! I haven’t joined any committees (and don’t plan to), though I’m actually considering joining the DAR…
And for all you naysayers (why you always gotta be naysaying me?) despite my own abhorrence of “clubs”, there’s NOTHING wrong with scrapbooking! I like to scrap myself every once in a while, and there are NO halos or cutesy sayings involved!
And, as always J, I LOVE the juxtaposition of the title of your post with the content of the song you got it from! Even better than the “Suburbia” post! Maybe even a little kinky?
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