Life Less Ordinary

I have someone who loves me enough to support me 100% with whatever I choose to do with my life, provided it’s what I really and truly want to do. We’ll make it work.

But what if I can’t? Instead of feeling like freedom, I’m terrified. I’m so selfish and absolutely stupid that I even wonder for one second if this is the best situation in the entire world – It’s just that I’m terrified that I’ll fail to the point where I wonder if it might be better to never try and console myself with the thought that I could have done it if I’d been given the chance. Or to get the chance, try, and fail.

I’m still not sure of exactly what I want to do. I need to weigh the practical and the future with what I want over the long term, and it’s so…overwhelming. In the end, I’ll probably choose something in the middle – half career, half writer. I don’t have the balls to go whole hog just yet, and income would be nice.

The truth is, I don’t even know what I want to do at this moment. Part of me wants to run off and sell perfume at Saks, and bide my time until I have a baby.

Sheesh. I’m a mess. A lucky mess.

8 comments September 24th, 2005