Kiss That Frog
September 26th, 2005
The creatures down here are something to behold. Massachusetts is home to a slew of extraordinarily boring, mundane inhabitants. Sure sure, we had our Black Widow spiders and yes, there was rumored to be brown recluses in recluse here and there, but by and large, there wasn’t anything particularly exciting. And honestly, even if there was, our area was far too urban to house anything other than a raccoon after the garbage (One night I found one sitting in our driveway scooping old cream cheese out of the container with an ancient celery stalk and licking it like an ice cream cone).
Anyway, Florida is a helluva lot more fun. We are rumored to have alligators, though I’ve yet to see one, and there was talk of panther droppings (!!) in my neighborhood. But what I’ve found most intriguing is the astonishing amount of amphibians and reptiles. Lizards, lizareds everywhere, darting in and out of tiny crevices. Rushing across paved areas and clinging to our lanai (LANAI, LIKE WE LIVE IN HAWAII) screen.
But really, it’s the frogs that fascinate me. They gather in pools, cling to our screen and teeny ones have have invaded our garage.
Invaded. Our. Garage. The ants are gone, and the frogs are moving in. At first it was cute – teeny tiny little visitors hopping around the garage happily, leaping around without a care in the world. Frogs! Cute! At least it’s not roaches, right? And then we started running them over with the car and frog carcasses were littered everywhere. Flat little splayed bodies belly up, smashed to no thicker than a piece of parchment. They were everywhere.
It was time to take some action to save the colony. I convinced myself that I was not responsible for the large-scale frogicide, as I’m rarely the individual driving the car that’s kept in the garage. Close examination of both sides of the garage where the door goes down revealed a virtual frog infestation – HUNDREDS of little frogs gathered for merriment in the corners of our garage. I don’t mind them, but the death and destruction of the frog colony was really breaking my heart. They must move on, for their own safety!
I murdered my first frog last night. Frogslaughter really, since it was unintentional. Adam and I thought we would sweep them out of their hidey holes, politely encouraging them to move along – to Lou’s garage maybe – and find a new place to live. Adam was sweeping with extraordinary enthusiasm, and when he would sweep, they would leap, resulting in flying frog bodies hurtling through the air with extraordinary velocity.
I wasn’t comfortable that this was best for their safety. So, grabbing the dustpan and brush, I began sweeping them gently into the dustpan and walking them outside. Until Larry. Larry wasn’t into getting into the dustpan, and preferred instead to hop irritatingly towards the Broom of Death. I was only thinking of his survival, I promise! I got a little aggressive with the dustpan and the next thing I knew I had STABBED LARRY WITH THE CORNER OF THE DUSTPAN! Confident that he had survived, and convincing myself that the injury was not life-threatening, I swept him up carefully and took him outside.
Larry went belly up. I didn’t mean to kill him! I never intended to STAB HIM TO DEATH! I can now add ‘frog murderer’ to my resume.
RIP, Larry. May you find comfort in the arms of your fallen comrades.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
13 Comments Add your own
1. Jamie | September 27th, 2005 at 11:48 am
(nods head) May Larry the Uninvited Housefrog rest in peace.
I used to love how when the Golden Girls got really stressed out, they would have a sun session on their lanai, chatting and drinking cocktails while Sophia played cards. Now all you need, Jonna, is a great muu-muu, and you’re set!
2. whinger | September 27th, 2005 at 1:53 pm
I have actually experienced this, but with toads at my parents’ lake house. One or two amphibians: cute. One or two hundred smacks of a plague.
3. Tania | September 27th, 2005 at 3:24 pm
Frogs everywhere? Gross. It’s like in Magnolia with the curious precipitation.
4. Kate | September 27th, 2005 at 3:28 pm
I’m trying not to laugh here at the Reference Desk.
Poor Larry.
5. Kyahgirl | September 27th, 2005 at 5:06 pm
God Jonna, where are you living? The twilight zone?
You crack me up
No, I don’t want to trade places. You can keep Florida, I’m a cold weather person!!
6. mireille | September 28th, 2005 at 10:38 am
LARRY! *sob* we’re so sorry. xoxo
7. surly girl | September 28th, 2005 at 11:53 am
i love that you stabbed a frog with a dustpan. random.
8. AngelaCh1 | September 28th, 2005 at 4:49 pm
OMG I am cracking up here… but yes, may Larry’s soul rest in peace.
9. katiedid | September 28th, 2005 at 6:57 pm
I am so sorry about poor Larry. He was a sacrificial frog – he died for the sins of all the frogs in the garage. I dunno, maybe word will get out on the froggy grapevine that Jonna is a vicious serial frog-killer, and they’ll shy away from your place?
10. Anonymous | September 29th, 2005 at 11:16 pm
That was both sweet and funny. You and your husband Must be animal lovers. That’s cool. The frogs should be lessened once Florida cools down. Now, about the possums…….
11. Trina | September 30th, 2005 at 3:20 am
Sweetie, this is why I *hate* driving in Spring and early Summer. Although my brain can rationalize the bugs and frogs (and other critters) my car and I demolish, my heart isn’t so easily assuaged.
Just remember – you tried your best, and Larry’s soul knows this. Yes, I’m one of *those* people who thinks all living things have souls. Don’t beat yourself up. He appreciates your efforts to save him.
I myself have never suffered a frog invasion, but this (apparently) is the year of the cricket at Chez Katymae – I’ve managed to rescue ONE cricket, who had 4 legs left. The rest I have found (and there are many) as carcasses. I had to decapitate one to put him out of his misery. The rest the cats got to long before I could. And do NOT get me started on the poor spiders…
Tell me again why I love these predatory creatures so much?!?
12. Bela | September 30th, 2005 at 9:58 pm
I was going to mention Magnolia, but Tania beat me to it.
I have dissected a dead mouse, but I always refused to do that thing they used to do to live frogs at school. I could never do it.
RIP, Larry
13. WinterWheat | October 1st, 2005 at 7:31 pm
I immediately thought of Magnolia too. I can’t decide what’s more disgusting — the frogs or Tom Cruise’s character. Sadly, the real Tom Cruise has become just like his character. I’d rather kiss one of the frogs.
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