Silver Lining
November 1st, 2005
First of all, thank you for all of your emails, notes and comments. I’m touched beyond words, and you’ve all made a HEYOOGE difference. Thank you.
Thank you.
Secondly, I went to the therapist. It was pretty much one gigantic relief to hear her say, “You don’t have to live like this. You’re making yourself sick and it WILL get better.”
Ahh, the ever-elusive validation.
And can I also mention that I quit my job? Yes, November 11th, I will be a free woman. They are extraordinarily upset and trying to make me feel guilty, but honestly, I can hardly contain my excitement, for it was the right thing to do for me. I slept THROUGH THE NIGHT last night for the first time since I moved here. Awoke to the alarm in a heavy, deep dream with drool on my pillow after a full eight – EIGHT! – hours. I don’t deserve such joy!
At any rate, one thing that pushed us over the edge for me to quit was the absolutely pathetic medical coverage the job offered. It was fine in Boston, but down here, I’m covered by a total of two doctors within a 50-mile radius. And not for lack of doctors here. So it was pretty sad that I couldn’t get coverage, and that for some reason, the insurance company thought it was okay that the only endocrinologist I could go to was 70 miles away and didn’t speak English, despite a pressing medical need. And what’s worse, I couldn’t get on Adam’s until I was no longer employed (something about open-enrollment timing bullshit).
Anyway, a while back I’d made an appointment for the gynecologist (whee!) for today, with someone in my PPO network. As I was driving to the appointment, I didn’t really think much of the somewhat-seedy neighborhood whizzing by the windows, as the area is undergoing gentrification (read: get rid of the poor people to make room for McMansions. Argh) of sorts that means you could be in the ‘hood one moment, passing by mansions the next. However, my apathy came to a grinding halt when I pulled up to the in-network gynecologist, which was situated snugly between a pawn shop, its “CASH FOR GOLD” sign blaring in all of its neon grandeur at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday, and a Western Union station that boasted, “CHECKS CASHED TODAY. PAY UTILITY BILLS HERE!”
When I peeked into the “gynecologist,” I noticed that the interior resembled the bus station in Syracuse. Plastic chairs bolted to the ground (you know, in case patients want to steal them), screaming children and sickly looking mothers with tear-stained faces and clothes that hadn’t been washed since January. A man with fingernails longer than I’ve ever seen was trimming his cuticles with a penknife, with a look in his eye that told me that penknife had seen some action.
I fled. I just…RAN, visions of an ether-soaked cloth being pulled over my nostrils so my ovaries could be pawned for cash, urging me to pull away frantically, tires squealing. Thank God I’ll be on Blue Cross Blue Shield in a few weeks, instead of Bob’s Tackle Shop and Health Insurance.
It’s going to be okay.
*Today’s blog/song title brought to you by David Gray, also covered by Bonnie Raitt.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
13 Comments Add your own
1. katiedid | November 1st, 2005 at 9:29 pm
Holy crap – that actually gave me the shudders just visualizing it. Yeeps. Here’s hoping the coverage under your husband’s benefits gives you multiple GOOD options for medical care!
2. Urban Chick | November 2nd, 2005 at 3:00 pm
yet another reason america scares me…
over here, things ain’t perfect on the healthcare front, but prince or pauper, everyone has access to the same specialists
i’ve had my tax dollars back and then some with all that the chicklets have cost the national health service in their first year of life
glad to hear the job-ditcing deed is done and that the future is brightening up for you…
3. laurie | November 2nd, 2005 at 7:35 pm
Oh man, SCARY story. Yikes!
Hey — congrats on quitting your job!!! And sleeping!!
You’re SO right … it will get better. (This is my mantra, too, alas…)
4. keeter | November 3rd, 2005 at 1:03 am
Not to nitpick, but I’ve been in the Syracuse bus station many more times than a sane person should admit, and you forgot to mention the overwhelming stench of urine.
*shudders*
Thanks for the memories, J.
5. Tania | November 3rd, 2005 at 3:59 pm
1. Yay for quitting the job that makes you miserable!
2. Skeezy gyno office = opening to the horror movie none of us want to see.
3. Yay for therapy and validation and taking action to get out of the hole of Evil Dark Moods That Ruin Everything! Ah, well do I know that hole.
6. WinterWheat | November 3rd, 2005 at 6:37 pm
God knows you haven’t lost your sense of humor. That’s a great sign.
Your post reminds me, somehow, of something a woman I knew told me about getting oral surgery. When she had her wisdom teeth removed, she felt this HUGE rush of relief from the sinus pain she’d been suffering for so many years she barely noticed it any longer. Apparently one of her tooth roots had grown up into the sinus and somehow increased the pressure. Only when the pressure was released did she fully comprehend how great it had been.
You’ve hated this job for so long. Congrats on walking away!
7. ChristinaH. | November 4th, 2005 at 9:16 am
That’s funny about how you mentioned the “cheesiness” of the area and medical care in Florida compared to Boston. I lived in Natick for a year. It was a year too long. While my stay there, I found every beautiful old home turned in housing for 3 family homes. I was shocked at the amount of foreigners in Massachusetts considering that one must be fairly well off to reside any where near Boston , unless of course you’re living in one of these converted “homes”. As for the hospitals in Boston, my personal experience was that they were run quite poorly, filled with the elderly and of course, the huge influx of foreigners . It sounds to me that no matter where you go it’s generally pretty crappy unless you’ve got CASH!Unfortunately , I myself am not rich.I just couldn’t stand the state of Massachusetts and would ratherlive just about any where else then that God forsaken hell hole.
Sorry to rant but I had to.
8. Jonniker | November 4th, 2005 at 9:25 am
LOL! Christina, tell us how you *really* feel.
I loved Boston. Every area is different surrounding the city, but one thing I’ll agree with you on: it’s expensive. It’s why we moved here. But I always received outstanding medical care, I’ll say that – the teaching hospitals and clinics available were amazing, and were right there at one’s disposal, even if you had crappy health insurance (which, erm, I did, obviously).
I have no issues with the medical care down here – it’s not that it’s not available to me, it’s that my insurance is making it unavailable to me. But mercifully, that’s changing
9. Christina H. | November 4th, 2005 at 2:37 pm
Well, after calming down, I feel like I must apologize for sounding fairly inconsiderate but, I think that the real estate agents up there must have been smoking crack!!My husband worked in the “North Shore where all the rich folk reside and at Beth Isreal Deaconess and they were actually pretty good hospitals. We now live an hour away from D.C. in Virginia and I think the real estate agents here must be sharing the same crack pipe!!
10. Lucky Charmz | November 5th, 2005 at 9:05 pm
Just have to mention that they have a brand new bus station in Syracuse now- but the old one is still a bad memory for all of the five senses. They completely remade the old one into a huge Time Warner complex with a weather station on the top and murals on every side- near that old abandoned train platform. Just felt the need to mention this for no reason! Glad things are looking up for you.
11. Carol | November 5th, 2005 at 9:16 pm
Yea!! I’m so happy that you’re getting help AND quitting your job. New home, new town, new beginning.
Hope you find a great doctor. It is amazing what we do to get medical care in this country.
12. Kyahgirl | November 7th, 2005 at 10:45 am
So glad you’re moving ahead J. And I’m glad you’re there with Adam. He’s a gem. This is a hard time for both of you!
hugs,
L
13. whinger | November 10th, 2005 at 6:19 pm
Yaaayyy for you! for the following things:
1) Quitting job.
2) Going to therapy.
I don’t know why so many people look down on therapy. You go somewhere, get to talk about yourself the WHOLE time, and sometimes people give you drugs to make you happy at the end of it.
I see nothing wrong with this system.
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