Halloween
November 10th, 2005
Halloween was an interesting exercise ’round these parts. First of all, it was EIGHTY DEGREES outside. It was limp, not crisp. I wore shorts. Halloween is not meant for shorts.
It’s also the night I met Boob Neighbor’s daughter. Since all of the doors in our neighborhood are set far back from the street, trick or treat was set up in the driveway. Chairs plunked down, I noticed a rather rotund woman in a folding chair in Les’s driveway. Assuming she was his wife Rosemary, I perkily called out, “Hello! Haven’t seen you for a while!”
“We’ve never met, but I’ve seen you lots of times outside. You work from home for a technology company. You wear a green T-shirt to get the mail a lot.”
Um, okay. Cindy is Lou’s daughter and is rather hefty, with beady little eyes, gigantic glasses and a penchant for oversize turquoise t-shirts with images of airbrushed cats that have been Bedazzled into blinding white sparkles that radiate even in Halloween darkness. She’s 36, has never lived away from home and has not had a job since Clinton was in office. She covers her Pontiac Grand Am with a gigantic tarp every night, even though she keeps it in the garage, like Cameron’s dad in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Except it’s a Pontiac.
Originally from Rochester, while we were chatting, she recounted her family’s difficulty adjusting to living here. Not the brightest bulb, she lamented how dark it gets here in the evenings. As if daylight savings time is only in this state. Her real issue, however, was the lack of availability of the Italian sausages she knew and loved so well.
“The foods here. They’re multicultural, but there is far too much…MEXICAN. In fact, if you ask me, there are far too many Mexicans. In general. Everywhere. Hispanic this, taco that. TACOS. EVERYWHERE THERE IS A TACO STAND.”
And then, the crowning jewel, when she finally picked up on my stunned silence,
“OH MY GOD. You have brown eyes. YOU ARE MEXICAN, AREN’T YOU? I’m so sorry. I mean, no offense. It’s dark outside and I couldn’t see your nationality. Mexicans aren’t that bad. Just most of them. I’m sure you’re very nice.”
I didn’t correct her.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
8 Comments Add your own
1. AngelaCh1 | November 11th, 2005 at 2:32 am
HAHAHAHAH. OH. MY. GOD. I *can’t* stop laughing!!! hahhahaha!!!
xox
Ange
2. Parisjasmal | November 11th, 2005 at 8:04 am
Jaunnanita-
I want to go have a drink with her. PLEAAAASSEEEEE if I am ever in your neighborhood–we are so taking her out.
I am so glad you are making friends! Tee hee heeeeeeee!
ROFL about the Pontiac.
3. Jamie | November 11th, 2005 at 10:40 am
Un.Be.Lieve.Able. I can imagine the scenario in my mind. HA!
4. Kate | November 11th, 2005 at 10:56 am
Oh my F-ing God.
You described that so well, it’s a hilarious and yet deeply disturbing little anecdote.
Ok, now this is what I would do: Learn a little Spanish. Just a phrase here and there. Play really loud Mexican music out of your car windows whenever you see her outside and you are pulling in or out of your driveway. In fact, put some of those little ball-fringe around the inside of the window frames of your car. And a statue of the Virgin Mary on the dashboard? And bake some tamales and offer her some. Complain to her about “gringos”. I would totally play it up and laugh at her discomfort. LOL.
Ok, that’s a lot of work for a gag she’ll never get, but still. I would consider it.
I love you, J. I think you are so cool. I do.
5. whinger | November 11th, 2005 at 12:53 pm
Please paint your house pink and aquamarine just to see what she’ll do. Please.
Beware the trick-or-treaters at that house.
6. katiedid | November 11th, 2005 at 8:05 pm
I am speechless with laughter. Oh good lord, she sounds like some absurd character straight out of an Anne Tyler book.
What I want to know is if and/or how you managed to keep a straight face. And just think, J, now you have a good reason to know that the other neighbors will never judge you for any of that “trashiness” you were worried about earlier. I’m willing to bet their benchmark for that was set long ago by Pontiac Sandra.
7. Meegan | November 12th, 2005 at 6:36 pm
You always make me laugh out loud. Thank you for this.
8. Jen | November 15th, 2005 at 2:15 pm
That’s awesome.
Brown eyes=Mexican! What a good story.
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