Shake the Disease
February 1st, 2006
So, there will be no dog in the Jonniker household. At least for a little while. Our friend the breeder called tonight and said he wished he had better news, but she has no tear production in either eye – in fact, after a visit to an apparently-renowned eye specialist, she’s missing all of the glands – and the fact that she’s so young means that she’s going to have a lifetime of eye infections. She’s already had four in her short little life. In fact, Mr. Doggie Eye Specialist offered that prophylactically, he could *remove her eyes one at a time* when she was a little older, depending on what happens. So she’s likely to have at least one glass eye. Oh, and did I mention she needs eyedrops to function every 30 minutes, at a minimum? Usually 20? So we’d be sitting there, smearing eye drops on her eyes every 20 minutes until they removed them. How does one live while smearing eye drops on an eye every 20 minutes? It’d be like living in the hatch on Lost, but with less time between duty.
The poor baby. So…the breeder is keeping her, for obvious reasons, and I’m so bummed. I mean, I don’t have *time* for an eyeless dog that needs ointment on her eyeball every minute, so I’m not the best person for her. Our dog is out there somewhere, I’m sure, and she’s staying right where she belongs. He loves her and will be good to her. I feel so horrible for her my heart hurts, but it’s the right thing for her and her happiness and health.
*sigh*
Separately, to keep this positive, I want all of you to run out and get blood tests done for your thyroid. Right now. GO! GO ON!
I have hypothyroidism – Hashimoto’s, to be specific. Thyroid disease is a weird, strikingly common thing, and it manifests itself in ways that are often mistaken for other things. The effects can be damaging, though, and if you haven’t been checked, please do it. I didn’t even know I had it until I had bloodwork done during a routine exam, but the second I did, my whole life started to make sense. And here’s where it gets gross, and I apologize in advance for the grossness.
I had awful periods. I know everyone says that, and I know I alluded to it before, but really, it was bad. Like, I had some form of my period for roughly 20 days out of every month. Car rides took on a whole new meaning – I would have to really think about how long I could handle being in a car without a disaster striking, which included my morning commute. Often, I would have to stop at the gas station for, erm, touch ups at least once on my way to work in the morning. And cramps. Cramps. CRAMPS. The cramps were so bad that they would literally knock me to the ground clutching my stomach in agony, radiating to my back, legs and even my arms sometimes, I swear. It would wake me up from a dead sleep and on occasion, for good measure, I would throw up – my poor, pathetic body’s lame attempt at trying to ease the suffering. And no amount of pain killers would help – they would dull the pain slightly, but it would still be there. I’ve had ultrasounds, multiple gynecological visits and panics of endometriosis, premature menopause and other maladies, which turned up nothing so far, which only created more panic. I mean, no one could figure it out, really, since symptoms like mine only come with endometriosis, which it didn’t appear that I had…
It was horrible.
Did I mention I also gained 20 pounds? And got anxious? And depressed? And FAT? DID I MENTION I GOT FAT?And the cramping. THE CRAMPING OF DEATH. Seriously folks, it would stop my life. There was no working, sleeping, reading or eating or ANYTHING during The Cramps except for laying immediately on the floor wherever I happened to be standing, which resulted in Adam finding me on the floor in numerous locations throughout the house, from the closet to the garage. Seriously.
And all this time I thought I was crazy. Crazy because I had this horrible body doing horrible things and no one could figure out why. Crazy because I was so anxious and depressed that I would have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry because I didn’t want anyone to know exactly how insane I felt. Crazy because I was working out 4+ days each week and still gaining weight.
Synthroid, thy name is God.
After I was diagnosed, I started taking it, and while there weren’t any immediate changes, over time things improved. I lost weight. I became less anxious (though quitting my job and therapy and meds helped, I totally believe the thyroid was responsible, at least in part). And my periods? I just have one thing to say about that: This? THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE BITCHES ABOUT?! THIS?! You’ve gotta be kidding me. Cramps, schmamps. I mean, not that this isn’t annoying, as bleeding out of any orafice is stinky, but this is so beyond manageable in comparison, you have no idea. And the cramps? Minor. I go without painkillers now, even when I get them. Because they are nowhere near what I’m used to, and I like to see what it feels like. No, really.
And again, I’m not fat anymore. BOO FUCKING YAH! I mean, I’m not Brooke Burke or anything, but my clothes fit. Loosely, even. And while my TSH levels (don’t ask or you’ll start to snore) aren’t where they should be yet, they are closer to fine and my body has stopped acting like a freak.
And it is so very good to not be a freak. So even though I don’t have a dog, I can say for the first time in a very long time that I’ve got my health.
And that’s pretty great. And not to sound too greedy, but I still want my dog. Now, please.
*Depeche Mode
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
19 Comments Add your own
1. carol | February 2nd, 2006 at 9:03 am
How can I get me some thyroid medicine??? I’m pretty sure I’ve been tested and they say I’m borderline. Which basically means…it’s slow, but not slow enough for meds – so I guess no matter how I look at it, I have to learn to like salads!
2. jonniker | February 2nd, 2006 at 9:19 am
Carol, you should go to the doctor and ask what your TSH is. What was once borderline is now considered sub-clinical hypothyroidism. If you *feel* like you might be, you probably are. There are relatively new standards out there, and not all doctors are up on the latest levels. I know my primary care doctor isn’t.
Seriously! It’s worth a second look.
3. Whinger | February 2nd, 2006 at 10:00 am
So sorry about the pup, but it would be unfortunate if you had to quit your job in order to stay home and administer eye drops.
In the midst of feeling sorry, am also SO happy for the thyroid diagnosis. As if I had my pick of diseases (which I don’t really want), I would pick Hashimoto’s. yay for you! Kinda. You know what I mean.
4. Sian | February 2nd, 2006 at 12:25 pm
No thyroid problems as far as I know, but I’ve had those cramps – curled up in a small ball next to vomit because shouting for someone to come up from downstairs to clean up would have been just too painful. Dreading two days of the month for the other 28 (mine weren’t as frequent as yours, thank goodness). Such fun! So glad you’re over that and so gutted about the puppy. Your puppy is out there for you somewhere though. I’m sure of it.
5. buleria | February 2nd, 2006 at 1:46 pm
So sorry about the doggie, J.
6. Kate | February 2nd, 2006 at 1:47 pm
I’m glas your’e feeling better, Honey, because that sounds really bad. Sorry about Sam.
I hope the right dog for you comes along soon.
7. Yesrie | February 2nd, 2006 at 2:28 pm
I’m on another hormonal crest, apparently. Just totally speechless about poor Sam, and you; and that was one powerful post, lady. Difficult to write, I’m sure, but it’s SO GOOD that you got the thyroid issue out and on “paper” where it can help someone else, and where you can be assured that no, you are not crazy and your “monthlies” were NOT normal!
Anyway: Sam. You made the right decision for her, and for yourselves. I think it speaks volumes (of good things) about the breeder that he doesn’t want to adopt her out.
(And now that the door is closed, watch the windows.)
8. winterwheat | February 2nd, 2006 at 5:00 pm
SUCH a disappointment about beautiful little Sam. I wonder what kind of breeding produces a dog with no tear ducts. We got Cowgirl from a local no-kill shelter that posted pictures at http://www.petfinder.org. Have you gone there? You can search by size, breed, etc. It might be worth a try. Beware, though — you can leave a petfinder session having fallen in love 10 times over.
We’ve spoken about the thyroid issue one-on-one, and let me reiterate how happy I am for you that things are starting to normalize. In the two years before my Graves’ Disease was properly diagnosed, I would occasionally eat two — TWO — full-size Cinnabons for dinner, plus half a block of cheese. I could not keep the weight on. After diagnosis I found out that hyperthyroid bodies can need 3x the normal number of calories just to maintain their weight. I was eating probably 5,000 calories/day and losing. (In case this sounds like heaven, trust me, you DON’T want to be hyperthyroid. The shakes, sweats, heart palpitations, and insane, racing thoughts aren’t worth the skinniness.) Anyway, when they destroyed my thyroid with radiation to treat my Graves’ (which, like Hashimoto’s, is only treatable, not curable), my thyroid function plummeted along with my appetite. In spite of eating — I kid you not — no breakfast, a bowl of broth for lunch, and an apple for dinner, I gained 30 lbs. Metabolism controls SO much. It took about a year to figure out the absolute best thyroxine dose for me. It had to be tweaked again during pregnancy, which is typical because the body’s metabolic demands go up.
Seriously, I think there is probably no choice of physician more important than one’s endocrinologist. This is one area where you have to shop around until you’re satisfied. One who will let you hang out at the end of the distribution when you don’t feel well should be abandoned immediately.
9. risa | February 2nd, 2006 at 7:04 pm
hurrah hurrah! how awesome! lack of cramps is a marvelous, marvelous thing. here’s hoping they don’t have to burn your thyroid out and that everything normalized appropriately. woo!
(and i LOVE that song, btw.)
10. Atreau | February 3rd, 2006 at 5:56 am
Ah, Synthroid my friend! Before I was diagnosed with Graves I was slowly dying, didn’t realize it and honestly didn’t care – I had attempted suicide several times before my diagnosis. I was so low and yet for the first time in my life I had lost weight so I wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or curse all at once. I was in really bad shape toward the end, my heart was beating out of my chest and I had lost most of my hair.
I had to be put on heart medication to lower my heart rate before I was put on Synthroid and was told not to excercise or else I’d have a heart attack.
After I was on Synthroid it was like there was an explanation for everything, especially for the suicide attempts! When my thyroid levels are off I feel it, more later than sooner but I feel it.
It’s gone up and down, especially recently but I’m so glad to know that it isn’t me and it isn’t beyond my control. Stupid thyroid!
♥
11. Jen W. | February 4th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about the puppy, but at least you found out before you got her. Don’t worry, you’ll find the perfect dog soon! And also, so glad to hear that you are feeling better and have an answer to what was bothering you. I never really comment that much on anyone’s blog- mainly because I either don’t have an opinion or don’t feel informed enough to say anything- but felt that I had to say something here. So happy for you and your health.
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