Doctor! Doctor!
February 13th, 2006
I hadn’t really been to the doctor in four years when I moved here. I’m there pretty much close to every. single. day. nowadays. Between the therapy appointments, the thyroid testing and now the psychiatrist, I am getting the most out of my fabulous health plan.
One of the reasons I started going to therapy was crippling anxiety about my health. It’s really less of a big deal now, surprisingly, since I quit that job. That awful, awful job. Anyway, while I was off worrying about aortic ruptures, cervical cancer and Death by Farting, my left ear was quietly growing this small patch of eczema that wouldn’t go away. It’s still there, despite some steroid creams and though I’m likely going on something heavier tomorrow, there is still a chance that it needs to be frozen off, because apparently, persistent eczema can morph into something more sinister.
I am making this sound like I think it’s a big deal and I am giving you more detail than ANY HUMAN BEING NEEDS, and I just need to say right now that I don’t think this is a big deal at all.
Anymore.
My anxiety returned shortly before Adam left for Boston. It always does when he goes away, since I can’t be there to see him or hug him or make sure that I’m holding his hand when the plane goes down or the car mows him over or whatever irrational demise I can conjure. But instead of focusing on this actual fear, I usually channel it into something much more valuable. Like suddenly being afraid of needing a prosthetic ear. You know, because of the 1/4 inch patch of eczema behind my ear. Make sense? I didn’t think so.
I could barely focus on my pancakes that morning when I realized with utter positivity that I was going to be losing my ear. I love my ear, it was discovered, in ways I never fully realized. Suddenly my average, ordinary ear became the entire world. I need that ear, dammit! The way the earlobe was detached – would they be able to make a plastic one that had the same curve, the same flippy lip at the bottom and the third hole that I pierced myself with a potato and a needle when I was 13 that never really grew over?
I need to remind you that no one has even hinted that I will be losing my ear. And really, in the grand scheme of things, it’s just an ear. AN EAR.
After I calmed down, I recounted the Ear Drama to my therapist with a certain level of humor. Usually she tries to deflect my laughter to get to the root of it, but I think she was just having an off day, or maybe she’s just sick of my random, completely irrational hypochondriacal fears, for she replied, “It doesn’t matter. They’re making human ears on the backs of mice, so you’ll be fine and you’ll get a real human ear. Let’s talk about how the medication is going.”
And so, I bring you my potential new ear:
And since some have asked, the medication in question is Buspar. I’m not through the requisite two weeks, so don’t ask me how it really is yet, because I don’t know. And of course, it comes at a time where there’s really not much going on from an anxiety standpoint. I realize that sounds insane, given the Ear Incident, but it was short-lived and has passed. And besides, the doctor seems to think that the majority of my anxiety came from a fucked up thyroid (being solved!), a job that I hated (and quit!) and an apparently ripping case of sleep apnea, caused by meatball-sized tonsils. I’m not sure I go with that theory, but whatever. I see additional doctor’s visits in my future and maybe a tonsilectomy. Hoo-yah! Searing pain! ICE CREAM!
*Thompson Twins. Neither Thompsons, nor twins. Discuss.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
22 Comments Add your own
1. Katie | February 13th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
OMG – J, how could anything on the face of you freak you out more that that picture??? There is a HUMAN EAR growing off a RODENT, like some horrible Aldous Huxley vision of the future, except that there is no problem with radioactive fallout, and the future is now. That picture is going to give me nightmares, I swear.
“Death by Farting” should so be used by some Bond villian – you crack me up.
I can’t discuss the Thompson Twins right now, though – I’m too busy singing “Hold Me Now” to myself!
2. Katie | February 13th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Wait, I take that back. “Singing Hold Me Now to myself” sounds like a really dirty euphamism, now that I just read what I wrote. I’m so embarassed.
3. Yesrie | February 13th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
BWAAhahaha! {{wipes eyes}} Now you have me flashing back to my least favorite part of O Lucky Man (a fave flick, but cover your eyes in the hospital part). Thanks loads :>
Um, with the Cat Bite From Hell, in my morose moments I envisioned losing the first joint if not the whole finger, and I too perfected inner pep talks. (It’s just a finger, it’s not even on my left hand.) Needless to say, I’m still fully digited.
And the inner screen has switched from O Lucky Man to a slideshow of finger-backed mice, toe-backed mice, lip-backed mice… X-D
4. Kate | February 14th, 2006 at 8:23 am
Ok, funniest line: “I love my ear, it was discovered, in ways I never fully realized”. LOL. I felt that way about my right kidney when I had a kidney stone.
Before kidney stone: never gave the kidneys a thought and vaguely had some idea that they had something to do with filtering blood and making urine. After kidney stone: Whoa! Kidneys are pretty damn important. I had a rude awakening to just how important those kidneys really are. They let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I should start appreciating them STAT. Even if it’s true you can get through life on just one, I didn’t care. I wanted them BOTH!!!!
OK: the image of the ear on the mouse? That is so scary and freaky. Yikes! Poor mouse.
You crack me up.
5. Jamie | February 14th, 2006 at 8:55 am
I’m not sure which one I feel sorrier for — that poor little mouse who is losing his skin so some human can have an albino ear, or the researcher in the background whose hair looks as if it’s just been released from the oppression of a bad drag queen wig (and earrings to match!).
6. Whinger | February 14th, 2006 at 10:19 am
Perhaps, PERHAPS they could fashion your tonsils into a new ear for you?
It shouldn’t be that hard, considering what they can do with mice these days.
7. Parisjasmal | February 14th, 2006 at 10:33 am
Howling with laughter, cringeing with fear! Thanks for the laughs!
That ear is sad and scary.
I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day Mrs. Roscoe Pekoe!
xo
8. Amber | February 14th, 2006 at 11:12 am
Gah! The mouse with ear is so horrible!! And as far as medication and anxiety, I feel your pain. I know my problems would be partially solved if I quit my job, but I need the fabulous insurance for medication and therapy. Aye, there’s the rub. Bah. Anyway, thatnks for visiting, and no, no glamorous pictures required. : )
9. Jen W. | February 14th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
So glad to hear that someone else freaks out about stuff like that and it’s not just me. Hope it goes away soon. Oh, and if I ever see that mouse photo again, I’m never coming back.
Now THERE’S a threat.
10. winterwheat | February 14th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Okay, so you finally got treatment for a bum ‘roid and quit a rotten job, but at the same time you moved to a new state where you know virtually no one. That alone is enough to send the Anxiety Bats swooping in. And sleep apnea! The disruption in quality sleep caused by apnea is enough to drive anyone insane. This too shall pass as you gradually get networked. In the meantime, may the Buspar do its job effectively and efficiently, with few side effects (including the loss of an ear).
11. Amandampc | February 14th, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Hey, I have a wonky patch behind my ear, too (right ear, though) but I’d rather go “Vincent” (Van Gogh – very sick humor, so sorry) than put THAT on my head!
You get to have a tonsilectomy? I’m jealous. In childhood, my pediatrican insisted I didn’t need one while my sister got all the glory, pity and ice cream (she got the adnoids removed, too, for bonus points.)
I once “helped” scalp tickets to the Thompson Twins while standing in the shadow of the New Haven Coliseum. What does that count for? Exactly nothing. But “Doctor Doctor” makes me bizarrely emotional.
Write on, Jonna! You’re on FI-YAH!
12. carol | February 14th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
You crack me up! Literally – I was just sitting here laughing out loud and my family started staring at me!!
Your ear will be fine, but I’m not sure you’ll ever get over the mint green striped pants incident. Have you told your therapist about your mother in law? Talk about anxiety – pink suede shoes?????
Thank you for the lovely comment about my photo – it meant a lot. Your writing, my photos – we could make millions!
13. kyahgirl | February 15th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
that ear! eww. Glad you’re so attached to your ears Jonna. I’m sure they’ll let you keep them.
I am aware of the hell of bad thryoid too so cansympathize. Hang in there sweet stuff!
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