Suicide Blonde
March 13th, 2006
When you’re on anxiety medication, a certain level of credibility is lost. Suddenly, to some people, you appear weak, fragile or otherwise compromised, and every legitimate frustration, gripe or momentary flash of anger is chalked up to a simple question, “Did you take your meds today?”
Abe has gotten away with asking this question once, somewhat jokingly, but I don’t think he’ll try again. However, while no one else has asked this question directly, I know they’re thinking it. My father in law sidestepped a stressful conversation last night as he watched me shake out my pill just before dinner. It wasn’t that stressful of a conversation, but I guess the reminder that I am medicated was enough to quell his desire to talk about the housing market. Feh.
As much as I want to be open about this, it’s both amusing and disheartening to see how people perceive any kind of psychotropic medication other than the occasional Valium or Xanax for a one-off condition such as flying or a haul to the dentist’s office.
Everyone is a little frightened of medicated people. Recently, a man at the office openly lamented that his insurance company was no longer covering his Prozac, so he was going without for the time being, and there was a flurry of looks exchanged throughout the room. Granted, that statement might have been more warmly accepted had it not followed a diatribe detailing how he was forced to take the job in customer service because he was recently fired from a teaching job for looking at “nudie pictures” on the Internet.* BUT STILL. He’s not on Prozac because he’s a pervmonster, he’s JUST A PERV. Lots of people who ARE NOT on Prozac are pervy. Prozac does not = perviness.
Anyway.
My sister was recently here to visit and it was a wonderful, fabulous time full of funny stories and statements by my nephews, who are 7 and 9, such as, “I love dairy products. Cheetos, I think, are my favorite dairy product. Auntie, why didn’t you move to Wisconsin, where the dairy products are superior? I’d move to Wisconsin. I hear their Cheetos are fabulous.”
His little earnest face was entirely serious. I miss them so much.
Anyway, despite my sister’s perpetual protests that they were “imposing” on us and taking too much of our time/resources/whatever, I love having houseguests, and I was tickled beyond all belief to spend so much time with the whole family. It was actually more quality time than we’d had in years, for we took their presence for granted when they were a half mile from us in Swampscott.
All of the warm fuzzies aside, her husband doesn’t vacation well, and typically spends the first few hours/days/WEEKS of a trip away from home whining about his new surroundings and complaining that everything, “sucks,” from the amount of time it takes to drive to dinner, to the quality of pillows at Chez Jonniker.
During dinner, when he lamented that it had taken too long to get our food and that “This place sucks!” (for the millionth time), I finally exploded, “ENOUGH. If you don’t like it, GO FUCKING HOOOOOOOOOME!”
It was one of those moments you see in movies where a scratching sound is heard as if on a record and then…stunned silence. For my part, the tension was off my chest, and I was prepared to dig into my crab cakes with gusto. Before I ate, however, it was time to take my pill. Because my dose is 1/4 pill, I’ve got to pour out nearly the entire contents of the bottle to get to the bits on the bottom. When I did so, the silence was broken by sister screeching:
“NOOOOOOOOOOO! JONNIKER! It’s not that BAD! IT’S NOT THAT BAD! IT WILL BE OKAY! THIS KIND OF STRESS IS NOT RATIONAL AND IT IS NOOOOOT WORTH TAKING TOO MUCH MEDICATION!”
I procured the teeny pill, popped it, and stared at her. She thought, I can only assume, that I was distraught with her husband and was about to commit suicide on a grand scale during dinner. Because that’s what medicated people do, when we’re not looking at nudie pics on the Interweb.
*Nudie. That’s what he said. Who says nudie? NUDIE? It’s inherently gross.
**and INXS, of course.
**And I’m working on the tagging Bela! I have to think about this one a little more 
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
18 Comments Add your own
1. Jamie | March 13th, 2006 at 9:38 am
The word nudie, ironically, makes me think about the weird adult “bookstores” on the side of the highway between Chicago and Wisconsin.
I love that your nephew thinks Cheetos are a dairy product – he’s a man after my own heart.
2. Whinger | March 13th, 2006 at 11:11 am
Ha ha ha!
Partner’s father travels like this. Spends the first two days comparing everything in our house with his, and must mention the time change and how it affects his meal schedule approximately 9180492384 times.
Perhaps I will just start obviously taking aspirin or something in his presence.
3. Yesrie | March 13th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
>> Because my dose is 1/4 pill, I’ve got to pour out nearly the entire contents of the bottle to get to the bits on the bottom. We now split several pills in advance, and we obtain a second container for The Dose(s) in question. A “poison ring” does nicely :> No need to advertise.
(OT, but a favorite pub maxim says “Don’t advertise; tell a gossip.” :> )
4. Yesrie | March 13th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
I confused the code with my angle brackets. {{hangs head}}
“Because my dose is 1/4 pill, I’ve got to pour out nearly the entire contents of the bottle to get to the bits on the bottom.”
We get the object lesson, though, right? :> We now split several pills in advance, and we obtain a second container for The Dose(s) in question. A “poison ring” does nicely :> No need to advertise.
(OT, but a favorite pub maxim says “Don’t advertise; tell a gossip.” :> )
5. Lara | March 13th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
My favorite dairy product is the Cheeto, too! Hee!
As for the medication issue – I take an anti-depressant, and have noticed that any time I get remotely upset, whoever is near me (if that person knows I’m on the meds) ALWAYS asks me, “Did you take your pill?” It drives me absolutely batty. My favorite response is, “Yes, and if you irritate me any more I will have to resort to taking the ENTIRE GODDAMNED BOTTLE.” I’m sure it convinces said person that I am, in fact, sane.
OK, maybe not.
6. Yesrie | March 13th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
“Yes, and if you irritate me any more I will have to resort to taking the ENTIRE GODDAMNED BOTTLE.”
{{{Applause!}}}
7. Lara | March 13th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Hee!
8. Sian | March 13th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
Yes, porn sounds so much better, doesn’t it? Amazing why so many idiots feel the need to do it at work.
I love your family. As an entertainment sport.
And I’m sure they’re lovely people as well.
9. Banana | March 14th, 2006 at 12:51 pm
I am howling here at work. I am so missing you and can just see you telling me this story in person. I’ve become addicted to your site. I SALUTED you for blasting your bro-in-low to GO HOME already! I have permanently damaged my tongue as well as the inside of both cheeks because I don’t blow up enough!! What meds are you taking again??
10. carol | March 15th, 2006 at 4:44 am
I’m with Banana – way to go telling off your brother in law. How can he not LOVE Florida for a week. I guess beautiful scenery, warm and wonderful temps and a relaxing atmosphere with AMAZING seafood is just not his cup of tea!!!
Thanks to you for yesterday. It was so wonderful to finally meet you. You have wonderful patience for my kids! I made reservations for Friday at the female private parts place
let me know if you can tolerate another couple of hours with the old farts!
11. Trina | March 15th, 2006 at 8:20 am
OMG – thank you so much for this post! I haven’t laughed alone like a lunatic in FAR too long! The animals are now all looking at me wondering if *I* took my meds today!
12. kyahgirl | March 15th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
You are so funny buddy. I can never leave here without a grin on my face!!
hugs,
L
ps. yay for meds.
13. Atreau | March 15th, 2006 at 8:05 pm
Hilarious! I don’t say nudie but I do say panties!
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