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March 21st, 2006

Blogging is a funny thing. People often ask me why I started doing it, or what I expected to gain by keeping a blog. I think the expectation is often that bloggers are striving to gain notoriety or become Internet rock stars, a la Heather Armstrong or Wonkette, and I think a lot of bloggers live up to that expectation, disappointingly. They write and blog, day in, day out, hoping for that moment – that post, that comment – that will propel them into Internet fame. *yawn*

Dude, I just wanted to write. My whole life, I’ve wanted to be a writer, or write about something, but I never really had a reason to do it every day. Keeping an actual journal was futile, as I found myself recording the mundane details of my day, such as how many times I went to the bathroom, or where we went to dinner – I looked at it as little more than a record of my life, sans editorial content. Blogging let me write about things a little differently, and forced me to think about the way I really look at the world – it helped me find my voice. I didn’t think anyone would read it, but the sheer chance that one person might stumble on it gave me the motivation to write as often as I could.

Then someone did. I was kind of clueless as to how blogging worked – I didn’t know if you commented, people clicked through to your name and found your blog. I mean, DUH, that’s how the wanna-be rockstars make their way in the world, I guess. I had absolutely positively no freaking idea how it actually went down, or why. In fact, only just recently did I figure that part out. I comment on others’ blogs because I’m moved to, and because it feels like the right thing to do. But I’m digressing.

I’d been enjoying Carol’s posts for a little while after seeing her linked a few places – I liked how real and unpretentious she was (and is) as a writer, and her voice is honest, clear and kind. She didn’t put on a single air as to who she was or what she was trying to accomplish, but instead recorded her life with a grace and unique wit that made my early diaries look about as exciting as grocery lists. A post she’d written struck a chord with me, and prompted me to not only comment, but started an email exchange.

She was the first stranger to post a comment on my site, and I nearly fainted, frankly, for it meant that someone actually read it and – oh no. Someone ACTUALLY READ IT OH MY GOD OH NO. But, miraculously, a friendship was born. Her dad lives down here – a fact I realized shortly after we started talking, and after we moved here, the specter of her maybe-visit has always dangled over us like a cherry we might be able to reach if we were good girls.

That week was this past week. We met! WE MET! And she is everything I thought she would be, and is, in fact, exactly how she appears on her blog: beautiful, smart, funny, graceful and refreshingly open in that way that only Midwestern people can really be. And her family is just gorgeous, and just as nice as she is. Her husband Chris is a doll, and her children, Ella and Harrison, are perfect: Harrison is a near-replica of Chris, while Ella mirrors Carol to a startling, and beautiful, degree.

I must add that I was not nearly as graceful. Within a few moments of meeting them for the first time, I realized that my zipper was down, and continued to FALL DOWN, which prompted repeated trips to the restroom to figure out how in God’s name to prop my zipper up without causing undue attention to my crotch. And on our second meeting, when Adam and I had a wonderful night out with Carol and Chris, I actually found myself, after one too many Tanqueray and tonics, expounding on the virtues and life changing qualities of buying a new mattress.

A mattress. I’m amazed they stayed awake. It was one of those moments where my head was screeching, “YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT MATTRESSES. STOP. STOP. STOP.” But I didn’t stop! No! I had to be saved by Adam with a swift under the table kick and, “Yes, yes, mattresses. Tell us more about Utah!”

The point is, meeting Carol was an unexpected gift that restored my faith in people. Because blogging has accidentally become a little more than I thought it would be – I’m still not pining for Internet Rock Star status, but I’m no longer looking at it simply as a mechanism to puke out some writing. Instead, it has become a way to connect with people and understand a little more about the world we live in. I’m not about to abandon all cynicism and get a MySpace account and offer to meet men for sex in back alleys or anything, but I’ve made friends here – actual, live friends that extend far beyond the computer and into a real place where Internet friends are no longer those mouthbreathing freaks in polyester turtlenecks with chunks of eraser in their hair.

And now, we have friends in Utah. What an unexpected joy.

*Howie Day. And if I could get my husband to upload to Flickr, I, too, have a picture. But if you want actual evidence of our meeting, wander on over to Carol. And try – TRY – not to make fun of my double chin. Because I can’t stop. I look HEFTY. That is a hefty, substantial woman standing there. The diet. It starts tonight.

Entry Filed under: Nuttin'