Me

Bela tagged me, and because she is lovely, and I haven’t talked to her lately and I miss her, I will oblige, quite happily. The idea, you see, is to post five weird quirks about yourself. I have more weird quirks than anyone I know, so while this should be easy, I find myself drawing a pathetic, dull blank.

But here goes anyway:

1: When I’m walking next to someone, I have to be on the right side. I HATE being on the left side of anyone. I like the left side of everything – from my face, to the way I look, to the way my neck bends, and if I’m on the left, then I don’t get to LOOK left, and I hate that. If you and I are walking down the street together, I will do anything and everything in my power to swing myself over to the right. 90% of the time, people don’t notice that I’ve done it, but once they do, they stare at me oddly and say nothing. But that will never stop me.

2: I am obsessed with pickled/brined things. If it’s in vinegar, I’ll eat it. Pickled eggs, pickled beets, pickled brussels sprouts and pickled peppers are all favorites, along with the old standby, pickled cucumbers. Olives are a perpetual staple, and if they come in brine, even better! Capers! I must have capers! Any roommate or mate who has ever lived with me for any length of time figures this out pretty quickly. I buy STACKS of jars of pickled items, and I cannot be stopped. Adam recently put a limit on my pickled goods purchases, and I swear, we’ve saved $20 per each grocery store visit. The rule is, I’m not allowed to buy any new pickled items until I’ve eaten at least one of what’s in the fridge. It’s heartbreaking, but effective. But man, I miss my smorgasboard of pickled items

3: I’m obsessed with bath products. Yes, yes, there is the perfume thing too, but my bath supplies terrify most people who come to visit. My sister recently spent a full hour digging through the shelf in the guest bathroom, trying to discern what each potion could possibly be used for. I rarely finish anything, because I’m almost always moving on to the next item, sniffing obsessively and analyzing the ingredients. I live for baths, if for no other reason than to smell and obsess over whatever bath product I happen to be testing. Mmm…baths…. I am disgustingly obsessed with removing any sort of hair or debris out of the tub before using it, and even if I’ve scrubbed the tub that morning, I MUST thoroughly scrub it again to make sure it’s free of hair, which brings me to my next point…

4: I hate hair. I would rather someone spit in my food than leave a hair in it, and I promise you, that is no exaggeration. Hair repulses me when it’s not attached to someone’s body, and even then, it can go either way. If I like you and think you probably have clean hair, then you’re fine. If I suspect for EVEN ONE SECOND that your hair is less than squeaky-clean, forget it. I will not go near your hair. I would never and could never date a hairy man. My sister’s husband, for example, is downright furry, leaving large swaths of hair behind, particularly in the bathroom. Shortly after they departed, it looked like a yeti had just spent the weekend showering in our tub, pulling out large chunks of hair in agony. I vaccuumed the bathroom six times in two days just to make sure it was all gone. But while that is an extreme case, I still hate hair, even my own. I keep it short for not only aesthetic reasons (you’ve seen my jawline), but because I cannot bear the thought of having any sort of hair ANYWHERE near me or my face or my neck (ick! the neck!). I should probably seek professional help for this, but alas, there are too many other pressing issues.

5: Perhaps my most unglamorous quality is that I snore. Loudly. I always have, since I was an infant, or so I’m told, but it’s progressed to a point where I’m frightened of myself. I wake myself up quite often, and identify with those sleep apnea things on TV. Yes, yes, I’m going to an ENT, but MAN, it would be funny if it wasn’t me. I mean, I SNORE. How gross is that?

Since I’ve already dosed myself with Benadryl for the night, I am blanking on my tag subjects, so I’m going to start with two I knew might be up for it right out of the gate: I suspect Jamie might be up for it, so that shall be where I start. And then, of course, because she knew she would have to do this: Yesrie.

*Paula Cole. God, she had such potential when she toured with Peter Gabriel, but since then…a dud. A hairy dud, and you know where that stands in my book.

13 comments March 23rd, 2006