White Rabbit
June 21st, 2006
Currently, we’re keeping a list of pros and cons of living here vs. somewhere else. Our list currently looks something like this:
Pros:
Nice beaches
Warm weather
Ubiquitous air conditioning
Cons:
A bizarre culture that debates regularly whether or not to eat the squirrel they shot in their backyard with the bb gun, and whether squirrel is better stewed or fried, if edible
The perpetual availabilty of frog legs in restaurants
Devastating hurricanes
Hallicinogenic poisonous toads
The last bit will be the subject of today’s lesson, which is: don’t write about how scared you are about talking to your kids about drugs when you should be more worried about your dog taking it upon herself to lick a trippy frog that could kill her.
S. mouthed a trippy toad – you know, the ones you heard rumors that if you licked ‘em, you’d start tripping? Yes, they really exist here. The mouthing happened last night on her late night walk around midnight, right after I wrote about all of my trippy experiences and how drugs are good! Great! Everyone drop a tab! Before you launch off on me that I am an idiot, I thought it was a rock, you see, and had no idea until she dropped it and was all…confused. And although she foamed at the mouth, staggered, was completely disoriented, and I’m pretty sure was seeing trails when she moved her paws back and forth in front of her face, apparently, we should be lucky she survived at all, as it was a small bufo toad, and not a large one, which surely would have killed her.
We spent the night on the phone with the emergency vet, who assured us that if she wasn’t seizing uncontrollably, she was fine and would recover and also mentioned, in a casual tone, that if she did start seizing, well, there was nothing we could do, and bye bye puppy!, as there is no antidote, only prevention. And so, we hosed her down outside and screamed things like, “Live BABY! LIVE! BREATHE FOR US!!!” while we stuck the entire force of the hose down her mouth to rinse away the rest of the venom. I’m surprised I didn’t drown her, truthfully, such was my panicked zeal. Also: I’d never heard of a poisonous bufo toad and I never THOUGHT that the cute little benign toad that’s been taking shelter outside our front door would be a Weapon of Mass Hallucination and Deadly Poison. But lo! Bufo toads are trippy AND deadly, like all drugs can be! Here is my lesson! Don’t do drugs like the dog! DANGER, puppy! And JonnikerSpawn!
And then, you know, we didn’t sleep as we waited for her to start seizing and die. At one point she stopped snoring, and I ripped her out of her bed and pretty much started doing mouth to mouth, sobbing like a drunken fool.
“OH MY GOD! COME BACK TO US!!!” I was wailing like some sort of deranged banshee who’d lost her silver comb.
I’m pretty sure she was just pissed off at my constant hovering and just wanted me to shut up, leave her alone and let her sleep, for she glared at me with glaring beams of white hot glarey death. This was also at 4 a.m., when she was so far out of the woods, she was in Camelot.
So: Hallucinogenic poisonous toads: bad. Beaches: good. Puppy: alive. Lesson for my future real kids: priceless.
*Jefferson Airplane, of course.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
25 Comments Add your own
1. -R- | June 21st, 2006 at 8:52 pm
Whoa! I guess you should have practiced your drug talk with puppy. Seriously though, I am glad she is doing ok.
“glarey beams of white hot glarey death” – ha!
2. Allison | June 21st, 2006 at 9:01 pm
This totally has nothing to do with your post, other than my dog has also eaten toads–non poisonous–but still foam inducing. Guess what my dog’s name is!!!! COUSY! As in Bob Cousy! He came with the name–he’s a hand me down dog. I had no idea Cousy was slang for “something else.” Blech.
I am glad that Sunny is okay. Poor doggie.
3. Beth | June 21st, 2006 at 9:04 pm
Oh, poor doggie! She sounds very well cared for, if perhaps a bit “adventurous.” And giving a dog mouth-to-mouth — that’s love, baby. ;^)
4. Leigh | June 21st, 2006 at 10:40 pm
I am so, so sorry you had this stressful experience; you must have been very worried.
But that image of your dog waving her paws in front of her face to watch the trails has me in (inappropriate) stitches.
5. Gypsy | June 22nd, 2006 at 6:33 am
My old roommate’s cat once got into the pot brownies. Not enough to hurt her. It was hilarious. She was all wobbly and lazy. And I think at one point she got the munchies.
Poor puppy, though. I know that must have been so scary, for her and for you. But maybe she’ll have a funny story to tell the other dogs. If she can manage to get over the horror of toad tripping.
6. Christine | June 22nd, 2006 at 7:45 am
OH my…I’m so glad for you and puppy that all turned out alright. I didn’t know that they had trippy toads down there. I’ll have to warn my parents (over on the other side…do you think they have them there too?)….
7. Lawyerish | June 22nd, 2006 at 8:32 am
I wonder if she saw the lights of the little villages in the grass?
Thank God she’s ok! If that happened to my dog, I would have held a bedside vigil, watching for any signs of potential seizure and then flying into a panic if he so much as snored.
Incidentally, my vote is for you to leave there and move to New York right away. There are no hallucinogenic frogs anywhere in the vicinity.
8. Claire | June 22nd, 2006 at 9:10 am
oh my god! Poor doggie! That must have absolutely horrific. I would have been scared to death and probably would have stayed up all night watching her sleep. You poor things.
You wouldn’t find those things in the northeast. I say you come back up here where its safe.
9. Whinger | June 22nd, 2006 at 9:23 am
How? How do you make it funny that your dog had a life-threatening experience.
*Turning green at your writing skills.*
Oh, and glad your dog’s okay, too.
10. Jamie | June 22nd, 2006 at 9:38 am
I thought those toads were an urban legend!
Jonniker: Denouncer of all Amphibious Myths
11. Jen W. | June 22nd, 2006 at 1:01 pm
Those fucking toads! They definitely are a bane to dog-owners down here. So glad to hear that puppy is okay and that you have learned a “life-lesson”.
12. jes | June 22nd, 2006 at 2:52 pm
Oh, the clarity with which I read this. The screaming! The hovering! IT WAS LIKE I WAS THERE.
13. Yez | June 22nd, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Total cliffhangerocity, dudette :> And {{{sob!!}}} not only a song I recognize, but one from an album painstakingly preserved in my own stax o’ wax! :-}
The last line, the summation para it punctuates, and the entire post: priceless indeed.
P.S.: Oh no it di’int! Word verification, I shit you not: “Lesw”. Les. W.
14. Jurgen Nation | June 22nd, 2006 at 5:50 pm
Oh, Jonniker!!! I’m sorry. God, you must have been terrified. And what in hell is a Bufo Toad??
15. jonniker | June 22nd, 2006 at 8:34 pm
-R-: She was glaring at me. It wasn’t pretty.
Allison: OMG! That’s hilarious. I’m so sorry to have ruined it. Do you read Jennifer Weiner? Her dog in Good in Bed was named Nifkin.
Beth: She is immensely loved. Immensely.
Leigh: Once we realized (around 6 a.m.) that it was okay, we coudln’t stop laughing at her. But oy, it was so scary.
Gypsy: POT BROWNIES? A cat? Omy.
Christine: Hmmm. I wonder. Maybe. Well, probably, is my guess, but since it’s inland, maybe not.
Ish: I love NY. But I could not live there. I get stressed out after a day. I know. I’m silly. And lame.
Claire: I think we will at some point.
Whinge: You stop that crazy talk.
Jamie: I know! I KNOW! I had no idea!
Jen: YOU KNOW ABOUT THE TOADS?
Jes: HA! Because you would have done the same thing.
Yez: Yes it did. I planned it that way. Or so I wish.
JN: It’s this crazy poison toad! I KNOW! What the hell?
16. Jen W. | June 23rd, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Yes, I was warned because I have two dogs as well. My friend’s dog (a crazy Jack Russel terrier) has eaten them twice and been hospitalized. Luckily, my dogs ignore them.
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