Did You Ever Look So Nice?
July 6th, 2006
Every single day, I think something nice about someone. Every day. Whether it’s how pretty they are, or how kind their eyes look, or how incredibly smart they sounded when sounding off about the wonders of melatonin, or why Mike Boogie has no earthly business being on Big Brother All Stars (anyone else addicted? Just me?).
While I consider myself relatively free with my compliments, the percentage is still somewhere in the 5% range of those happy thoughts I actually share with the owner. Mostly, it’s because I’m afraid of sounding like a stalker and/or a lunatic, and having the person think that I want something, or am trying to get into their pants. I also have a tendency to be a little over the top. I can’t give a reserved compliment without sounding insincere. Actually, I probably sound insincere anyway, because I am usually BLOWN AWAY by whatever it is I’m complimenting the person on, and before I know it, I’ve gotten mixed up with my words and I’ve just told a complete stranger, “I love you so much! Uhhh, I mean, I love that sweater so much! Not you! But I do like you! Maybe I would love you if I knew you! But not now! Ha! Just the sweater!” and run away.
99.9% of the time, I just like whatever it is they said/look like/whatever, and that .01 % of self-serving compliments are almost always reserved for Abe, whom I usually want something from and/or want to get in his pants. But that mercifully means y’all are safe.
Anyway.
I got a call from a woman today – a woman who saw something I’d done for work. She called to tell me how much she loved it – how much she loved me for writing it, and how much she hopes I continue to write, but for my life, as she’s been following things I’ve been working on. She finished it up by literally shouting into the phone, “KEEP WRITING! GET A BOOK DEAL! I LOVE IT!” and then hung up. She was probably 80, her voice breaking as she shouted over the airwaves.
I hung up the phone, put my head in my hands and honestly just burst into tears like a whimpering fool. She made my entire year with that one phone call, and she probably has no idea. She didn’t worry about offending me, or making me feel like she was a stalker – and she had to go through quite a bit of trouble to get my phone number, too, as I later learned she’d called four people looking for it. It was, to her, a simple thing to say, it cost her nothing but time, yet she went ahead and did it. And she had no idea how much it would mean to me, she just wanted to do it. She doesn’t know that it’s not just my day job, but a huge (wait for the gag word that I can’t believe I’m about to use in a sentence. You ready?) passion. (Heh, I just said passion in a sentence. PASSION! I might as well say “make love” and then throw up and die).
Complimenting someone else doesn’t take anything away from you – there is plenty of talent/beauty/whatever to go around – it just gives something to someone else, and you might never know how much. I know the 80 year-old reader who called herself Carol probably has no clue that I wrote down every word she said so that I’ll never forget it.
I know I said Fridays** would be fluffy, and I thought I’d go back to that. In fact, I had a whole post planned about the pros and cons of meringue (What is meringue? Why do we eat it? Why do egg whites get stiff, and why would anyone DO that?), but instead, I honestly want everyone who reads this to go out and compliment at least three people today. Genuinely compliment three people on things you notice. Maybe it’s the necklace on the clerk at the supermarket – for all you know, she made it and it’s her life’s work. Maybe it’s the way the waiter pours your wine – he could be studying to be a sommelier! Maybe that teacher at your son’s school goes home and works for 8 more hours in the evenings just to entertain her kids and keep parents happy, and all she wants is a “good job.” Or maybe someone is just always nice to you, no matter what. I’ll bet they’d like to hear it.
You get the idea. In the meantime, I’m figuring out where Carol lives so I can send her diamond earrings and kiss her on the lips.
*The Samples
**That I write on Thursdays 
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
16 Comments Add your own
1. Yez | July 6th, 2006 at 7:31 pm
1. I have no idea what Big Brother All Stars is, so maybe it’s just you.
2. OMG, you’re saying “y’all”.
3. It’s not Friday yet.
4. I LOVE CAROL and I love this entry and I yuv you
2. jonniker | July 6th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
I know! I know! LOL.
I write on Thursday nights, man. I’m an evening writer/poster. But I figure 90% of the readers don’t get here ’til the next day.
3. Lawyerish | July 6th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
I would usually be posting at the same time as you, but sadly I have been cramming for a court appearance tomorrow. Anyway, enough about meeeee – this is terrific. Yes, terrific! I still use that word. We all need a Carol in our lives, and to be Carol-esque toward others. And you should keep writing! And get a book deal! And I love it.
One of my greatest fears in life is that I am going to end a business call by saying, “I love you.” I would then have to kill myself immediately.
4. jes | July 6th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I kind of got distracted after the “KEEP WRITING! GET A BOOK DEAL! I LOVE IT!” and then hung up. She was probably 80, her voice breaking as she shouted over the airwaves.”
All I kept thinking was, “That’s SOOOOOOOO gonna be Jonniker when she’s 80, shouting compliments at people, without a care in the world.”
And that made me smile. (You should get started early. Throw caution to the wind! Compliment without fear! Plant kisses on people’s lips, just to throw them off! Tell them you love them! I mean, their sweaters.)
5. whoorl | July 6th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
I love your writing, and remember the email we had going back and forth about people’s “photo faces”? I keep it in my inbox and re-read it because it is so. freaking. funny. Literally, tears stream out of my eyes every time I read it.
6. carol | July 6th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
It was me…disguising my voice…I didn’t want you to think I’m a stalker. Oh, and one more thing…I LOVE YOU!!!
7. winterwheat | July 7th, 2006 at 4:30 am
Yay Carol and Yay Jonna!
Isn’t it funny that passion means both love and suffering?
Please share your account of the compliments you give today and the recipients’ reactions.
Last night I told a colleague who won a book award that she’s “right brainy” and has “mad skillz.” You can do compliments creatively, see.
(One more your way — your blog is among my very favorites. I check it out every single day. It’s always funny, even when it’s serious.)
8. Jurgen Nation | July 7th, 2006 at 6:08 am
1. I adore your writing – it always makes me feel something. Usually laughter and not gas or anything, but it’s very evocative.
2. Yours is my favorite “new to me” blog that I have been lucky enough to find. I can’t for the life of me remember who recommended you, but someone did and I want to thank that person.
3. You need a book deal. Seriously. (And then could you get me one?)
I heart you, Jonniker! What a great post.
9. christine | July 7th, 2006 at 6:20 am
Jonna, I love you, I mean your blog! or maybe both.
I do know that I LOVE the Carols of the world. They always manage to brighten someone’s day.
Keep up the good work and keep on writing!
10. Whinger | July 7th, 2006 at 9:46 am
SO exciting to get compliments like that. I keep a “Kudos” folder in my emails that I look over occasionally when I’m blue to see the nice things people have written me.
I generally fall into the over-complimenting arena. I worked with boys for years and never had ANYTHING superficial noticed, “Oh, did you get your eyebrow, nose and lip pierced? Six months ago, you say? Huh.” (Note: I have none of those things pierced, not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
So now I tell anyone I see or meet that I like their hair, bag, skirt, etc. I’ve never had anyone give me a strange look, nor have I been accused of stalking.
People like to hear nice things.
Which you know. Just reiterating your point.
11. Jen W. | July 7th, 2006 at 10:25 am
I LOVE this! There is a new girl in our office who always compliments people like “that is a great color on you” or “I love your hair!” It put me off at first, but now I can accept them with a smile and say one back to her.
12. lena | July 7th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
My Jonniker. You are looking quite striking today! And what beautiful eyes you have!
I agree with the compliments on writing. I do a little happy dance every time I get an email like that. I grin and spin around and go buy a mocha. You know, so I can dwell on it.
Maybe I could share the love now that you mention it…
Great post!
13. Jen W. | July 8th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Fantastic new look too!
14. Yez | July 8th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Woo-hoo! LOVING the new look! Yes yes yes. It’s fresh and fun and pretty, just like you :-}
15. jonniker | July 8th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
Ish: I was sad you didn’t update! I checked! SAD!
Jes: I’m practically that old woman now. You’re dead-on.
Whoorl: Awww, man. I love your stuff, too. Thank Stacy, who brought us together. *happy sigh*
Carol: I love you, too. No, really. Wait, you weren’t serious? Alas, I am :>
JN: You! It’s YOU! Purveyor of amazing photography and wonderful writing. And you are too kind, and I’m fighting every inch of me not to self-deprecate. So just: thank you.
Christine: oh man. the love. Honestly. I’m unworthy.
Whinge: You’re right of course. As always.
Jen: Accept the compliments! You deserve them.
Lena: You should grin and spin. You’re very good.
All: Yes, new look! It’s still being updated, and more on that on Monday. The person who did it is brilliant, and that’s all I’ll say :>
16. Beth | July 9th, 2006 at 5:18 am
Loving the new look!! Very crisp.
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