Maniac
July 24th, 2006
I’ve been tagged by Lawyerish, by way of Martha (do you read those two? If not, you should. Go there now. After you finish here, of course), to list my obsessions over my lifetime. So, am I the last person, like ever, to get this meme? And, as Martha accurately asked, how the hell do you SAY meme anyway, and what does it stand for? I doubt that it’s “meem,” like I want it to be, but “meh-may” just sounds stupid.
Anyway, it’s a welcome distraction, because I can’t bring myself to communicate with anyone since we got an erroneous $12,000 bill from a certain terrifying government agency. One of our banks made a mistake and lo! a $12,000 bill made its way to our mailbox today and I have only recently begun breathing again without the assistance of a paper bag after we discovered the root of the problem. If I’m wrong, I shall eat my toes one at a time after stringing them on a necklace. I am not Richard Hatch, I swear.
But anyway. Gah, I was obsessed with so many things throughout my lifetime. Let’s start with knitting, shall we? I was way – WAY – into knitting at one point, to the point where I would dream about yarn and knit my way through the hardest of times. I put in so much tireless effort into knitting, you would think that I would have a house full of hand-knit things! Socks! Booties! SWEATERS!
You would be wrong. I never progressed beyond scarves, and I have a dangerous overabundance of them. I tried making a sweater once, but I ran out of the proper yarn and ended up thinking that I could just sub a different yarn for the arms, when in fact, YOU CANNOT. I ended up with a giant sweater that was supposed to be a turtleneck, but instead resembled an off-the-shoulder cowl neck with veryvery tiny arms. And so ended my career as a knitter.
Erasure. Yes, I loved and wanted to marry – MARRY! – Vince Clarke. And you know what infuriates me? I could have, if I’d only put in a little effort! And um, he liked me and I liked him and all that, but whatever. Leave me to my fantasies. He’s married to some totally normal woman and he lives in Portland (Maine! New England!) which means that I totally could have had a chance if I’d been willing to do a little stalking. And you know, I believed the rumors that he was gay? Wrong! I was so, so wrong. Later, this obsession transitioned to Depeche Mode where I spent a long – LONG – time trying to convince my mother (at the age of 14) that I should get a tattoo of “DM” on my arm in electric blue ink. It didn’t go over so well, like, at all, and let’s all praise Jesus. Because while I still love Depeche Mode, do I really want them tattooed on my ARM? In electric blue? For ever and ever, amen? Uh, no. And as usual, my mother was right.
Jason Bateman. Before “Arrested Development,” our resident hottie was on a show called “It’s Your Move,” followed by “Valerie” with Valerie Harper. And I loved him. We were totally getting married. I actually wrote in my diary that I wanted to bring him home and introduce him to my mother, and then I would go to meet his mother and then – THEN – we would be betrothed (I said “betrothed.” In my diary. God.) and then would get married and make out, which was all married people did. God, he was adorable, and frankly, he still is, is he not? Who wouldn’t want to make out with him? I was also obsessed with Chad Allen of “Our House,” but I can’t bring myself to talk about it, except to mention that the pictures I had of him on my walls from Teen and Tiger Beat displayed what horrendous acne he had, and Jesus, did they not have AIRBRUSHING then? Oh Chad.
Flashdance. Jennifer Beals. Jonniker. We were synonymous, in my mind. I watched the movie over and over and over again and when I couldn’t watch it anymore, I listened to the soundtrack over and over and over again. Michael Sembello! Kim Carnes! Nude women! Welders! I had no idea what it was really about, all I knew was that they were dancing! For money! In bars! I informed my mother on about 100 different occasions that I wanted to be a flashdancer, and to her credit or detriment, she indulged me and bought me a set of shirts that said “Flashdancer!” on them in glitter, which I promptly wore with hot pink legwarmers and teal plastic dance pants and whirled around the living room for hours and hours and hours on end while channeling Alex the Welder. I was maybe 12, so even if I was a Flashdancer! there wasn’t much to flash, except maybe to a pedophiles, which is, um, gross and I can’t believe it just crossed my mind. So, um, Flashdance. Rock on.
The Golden Girls. This obesession lives on, my friends. Bar none, hands down, this is the best show ever to be on television, and if anyone – ANYONE – tells me differently, I will hunt you down. Blanche. Rose. Dorothy. Sophia. I do not lie when I tell you that I have every single episode on VHS, and am in the process of collecting them on DVD. And worse? I have every single episode memorized. Toss me a line! I can finish it for you. And, in case you were wondering, my favorite character is Dorothy. I know! I know! Most boring EVAR! But I think that’s why I liked her – boring, simple, sarcastic – but entertaining in a droll sort of way. Responsible! Immune to foibles! My exact opposite, in other words. Sigh.
And with that, I’m out. I need to go search for more documentation of the most ridiculous proportion to figure out how to explain why in the name of Christ we’re not supposed to pay an inordinate sum to the government. This is a lame, cheater of an an entry, and I apologize.
But I will totally pay it forward! Yes! Erica, you’re up! Yesrie, you’re up! Lara, you’re up! And Jen! You’re up too.
*Michael Sembello. Bring on the legwarmers.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
24 Comments Add your own
1. Lawyerish | July 25th, 2006 at 6:28 am
God. “It’s Your Move” was classic. CLASSIC. I also loved “Valerie” and the subsequent “Valerie’s Family”, which took over when Valerie Harper became a contract-negotiating diva so they killed her off and sweet little Sandy Duncan became the aunt who was LIKE a mom. Ah, 80s television. You were so simple, yet so complex. (What ever happened to the “twins” from that show? I am pretty sure they never acted again.)
I am SO GLAD someone else remembers “Our House.” I’m always telling people, “You remember that show? With Shannen Doherty and Wilford Brimley and that blonde lady who played the mom on some other show? And during the theme song there was this graphic of a house? With photos in it?” And they look at me and wonder if I did a lot of drugs in my teen years.
Now I know, it wasn’t just me.
2. -R- | July 25th, 2006 at 7:16 am
Re: knitting – I moved from scarves to a blanket, but it was a sad, sad little blanket. It is the thought that counts, I tell myself.
Re: Golden Girls – Dorothy is OBVIOUSLY the best character on that show. Do not dis her and call her boring!
Re: Lawyerish’s blog – It hates me and will not let me comment, and when I was amazingly able to leave a comment once, it disappeared. Aargh.
3. Lawyerish | July 25th, 2006 at 7:19 am
-R- – I’m sorry my blog has been hostile to you! I have no idea what the deal is. TypeKey was all messed up that day, so maybe your account on there got eaten in the confusion?
4. Heather B. | July 25th, 2006 at 7:31 am
In the event that I found out I owed $12,000 to anyone, anywhere, I would have died. It is a minor miracle that you have managed to put together actual sentences.
5. jes | July 25th, 2006 at 7:39 am
This may be totally off-subject (okay, fine. It is ENTIRELY off-subject), but I am soooooooo hungry.
Am I always saying that? Am I always saying how hungry I am? Lately I think that it’s all I can talk about.
I’ve been keeping plums and tangerines in my purse just for this very reason. And then I retrieve them and devour them and think to myself again how hungry I still am.
It’s really a problem.
6. Stinkypaw | July 25th, 2006 at 7:50 am
The Golden Girls was and always will be the best!!! I loved those ladies and to this day, every time I see Betty White I can’t help to think of Rose.
BTW, Justin is still a cutie!
Good luck with your doc. search!
7. Jamie | July 25th, 2006 at 8:20 am
This past Halloween, my close friends and I had grand plans to be the Golden Girls. I was, as the shortest, going to be Sophia Petrillo. My personality almost demanded it of me, actually – and I’m so sad that we actually didn’t get a chance to see the vision through to fruition. I had even found a white wicker handbag (complete with beaded handle) at a secondhand store.
8. Whinger | July 25th, 2006 at 8:45 am
*Deep breath.*
I have never seen Flashdance.
I know. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I haven’t. But I lurve me some Jennifer Beals, and if you have not seen The L Word, you should. It’s not just for lesbians anymore.
9. jonniker | July 25th, 2006 at 9:42 am
Ish: I knew you’d know the shows. I KNEW IT.
R: Ack! Lawyerish will help. And knitting blankets! I should have thought of BLANKETS!
Heather: I’m contemplating death, if we can’t figure it out.
Jes: I carry plums in my purse, too. Just don’t forget them in there, or you’ll wake up one day surrounded by fruit flies.
Stinkypaw: Rose! I love Rose. And Betty White.
Jamie: WHY DIDN’T YOU DO IT? I’m dying! That would have been perfect! WHYYYYY?
WHINGER: JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU INSANE? You’ve seen EVERY STUPID MOVIE, including “Bring It On” and you’ve NEVER SEEN FLASHDANCE? OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.
Oh my God. This? Is a PROBLEM.
10. Yez | July 25th, 2006 at 11:09 am
Oh no you di’int!
I’m wondering whether I’ll even be able to recognize my own obsessions; maybe Jef will be conscripted to provide a list :>
I LOVE Golden Girls too. Sophia was probably my favorite, but I can’t give short shrift to any of the others :-I
Knitting: the off-shoulder-cowl-with-arms-for-stick-insects was your initiation ritual object. You may now “fly up” from Beginner to Tentative Bashful Intermediate, having paid your dues. If the Greatah Wistah Arier is truly in yaw fewtcha, I’ll be on call 24/7 for knitting emergencies, and I make house calls :>
Erasure: [...crickets...] but props for the one-degree-of-separation-ness (or would that be zero degrees? Math is hard).
Jason Bateman: OMG totally! Even now! When he was a kid I wished I was a younger kid so I could rush around his playground at recess and bump into him “accidentally on purpose.” If I were not married, I’d totally stalk with intent to bump AOP.
Flashdance: I was content with the one song :> Had rugrat by then, needed to winnow the choices (saw current flicks infrequently, on Babysitter Night). Besides, off-shoulder sweatshirts should be loaded into teal cars and driven off a cliff. (I know I should see it, though. Will surf the TV Guide site.)
11. Lara | July 25th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Oh dear. I fear I must join Whinger in the House of Shame because I, too, have not seen Flashdance. I am red with embarrassment.
12. Jen W. | July 25th, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Wasn’t Jason Bateman on “Hogan’s Family” with those creepy looking “twins”? And the dad later became Roman on Days of Our Lives? And Sandy Duncan could look at the twins (on opposite sides of the kitchen) at the same time? Eeek!
And dude, I’m tagged? I will have to think about this…..
13. allison | July 25th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
I was briefly obsessed with knitting as well. Enough after taking ONE lesson, to buy a whole bunch of rawther expensive yarn and some plastic knitting needles and whip me out some scarves. That is all I can make though.
I loved “Our House.” The touching drama! The hilarity!
14. lena | July 25th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
I LOVED Valerie! Also, Golden Girls STILL rocks. I often watch it drunk….is that weird?
And it’s me me as is “ME! ME!”.
15. jonniker | July 25th, 2006 at 8:41 pm
Yez: You can knit ANYTHING! I know this.
Lara: I mean, are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Jen: Get thinkin’ sister.
Allison: Totally rockin’ the scarves here, too. And that’s where it ends.
Lena: OH MY GOD. The mystery. It’s been solved. I love you.
16. Whinger | July 25th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Clearly I am going from here DIRECTLY to Netflix.
I was too young, you see, when it came out. And then everyone had seen it.
I AM ashamed.
17. Jamie | July 26th, 2006 at 9:15 am
The only reason Sandy Duncan could look in two different directions at once is because she has a glass eye. I swear I am not making this up.
18. debbie | July 28th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
i recently read that “meme” is the shortened slangy version of phenomenon. where did i read that? i don’t know. and i am usually the LAST person to know that kind of stuff!
i am in paige’s room listening to her 21 year old sister watch DVRed episodes of “golden girls.” BACK-TO-BACK. like, ALL DAY. heh. sure, that sophia was a pistol, but i don’t get how this kid is so obsessed!
if i were to try to list my obsessions, it would be ridiculous. impossible, probably. might be a good exercise, though! heh.
19. claire | July 28th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
i thought that meme was pronounced “Me Me” you know, cause it’s about uh.. me me… dunno.
flashdance always makes me think about my first college job at the theater on campus. one of the stage directors and one of the techs were passing time one night in between performances and came up with a little “Maniac” routine. Let me tell you, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a 200 lb chinese guy doing split-jumps 5 feet in the air. dancing like he’s never danced before…
Hysterical, that.
20. Lesbian Sex Free Lesbian &hellip | January 11th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Lesbian Sex Free Lesbian Sex Videos Lesbian Sex Videos
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view
21. Lesbians Lesbian Girls Le&hellip | January 23rd, 2008 at 1:48 am
Lesbians Lesbian Girls Lesbian Twins
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view
22. Lesbians Lesbian 69 India&hellip | January 30th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Lesbians Lesbian 69 Indian Lesbians
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view
23. Nude Pamela Anderson Nude&hellip | February 1st, 2008 at 2:13 am
Nude Pamela Anderson Nude Nude Boy
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view
24. Teen Girls Black Teens Ki&hellip | March 5th, 2008 at 4:05 am
Teen Girls Black Teens Kiss Lesbian Teen…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed