Patience of a Saint
August 22nd, 2006
I was so ornery today for no good reason. I wasn’t in a particularly bad mood, but my patience was somewhere in the negative range. What’s worse, I had no idea until I was driving along, blithely listening to my iPod (which was, infuriatingly, only playing every other song and there was nothing I could do about it – not even a soft reset could save me), when two girls were driving too slow in the left lane. Honestly, I behaved as though they spit in my eye, the way I carried on and screamed at them and flipped them off wildly with two hands and then rolled down my window and stared them down with the Evil Eye of Angry Honda Driver. Yes, yes, they were going 25 MPH and if I’d stayed behind them, I’m sure I’d have been killed, or at least, okay fine, REAR-ENDED but really? Was the rage necessary?
No. No, it was not.
Later, when a perfectly nice and completely well-meaning co-worker asked me where the envelopes were kept, I felt rage boil within me like nothing I’d experienced before. Well, at least I’d never experienced it related to office supplies. Envelopes as a source of blind rage? Discuss.
I’m always like this when Adam flies, I’ve realized. So, in addition to not sleeping, worrying about random illnesses and a host of other concerns and maladies, I’m apparently a raging psycho who wants to beat up little girls while they drive to work. Oh oh oh! And also: entirely dependent on a husband for my emotional well-being, lest I unleash with the fury of hell on anyone who dares ask me for an envelope.
I am woman, hear me roar.
Really it’s that I’m afraid to fly, and when anyone I love is on a plane, I’m nervous and edgy and awful to be near. And since he was flying into our nation’ s capital, I had visions of some rogue teenager with a death wish blowing him up over the Chesapeake Bay with, I don’t know, Axe Body Spray. He’s fine, and I am now calm.
Also, did you know that I am opinionated and sometimes I can be a major asshole? Yes. I don’t know why I can’t keep my mouth shut, and for some reason, if there’s a subject that I have an opinion on, I feel compelled to stubbornly share that opinion, sometimes loudly, like I’m some kind of expert, even if I do not actually care about the subject at hand.
However, even discussing it at all makes it look like I care, and then, because I’ve launched INTO the diatribe in the first place, I feel compelled to finish it. And then I realize I actualy have no vested interest in the topic or person a hand, and I try to backpedal, because the truth is, I don’t actually care, but by then it is too late, and I have already launched off and I am in very, very deep. And also stubborn and mean-sounding. Over nothing that I actually care that much about.
I did this a few months ago while I was defending the safety of alligators in lagoons. Alligators. I couldn’t care less about fucking alligators, and yet there I was defending them like I worked for the WWF. This is a repeating pattern.
An all-around pleasant day, really. Road rage. Opinion-spouting. Envelope rage. Oh oh, and behaving like a general asshole.
But Big Brother AND Rockstar Supernova are on, and let’s hope the excitement of it all puts me in a better mood.
*Electronic
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
11 Comments Add your own
1. carol | August 22nd, 2006 at 8:38 pm
Remind me to watch my speed when driving in Naples!
You’re allowed to ornery every once in awhile – don’t worry about it. Your opinions? They are wonderful. I wish more people were as direct as you are. It’s refreshing.
2. whoorl | August 22nd, 2006 at 8:52 pm
You know I’m a little “off” when I plan my infant’s feedings around Rockstar: Supernova. The poor baby is literally eating his hand and I am begging him to just HOLD ON FOR A FREAKING SECOND ALREADY. We must wait until Rockstar starts!!
3. Gypsy | August 23rd, 2006 at 6:21 am
The other day my boyfriend and I had a screaming match about laundry. Yes. Laundry. I don’t know where our rage about laundry came from, but boy howdy did we stir it up.
4. -R- | August 23rd, 2006 at 7:32 am
Oh, that’s the Crazy Rage. I think everyone experiences that now and then. Last week, I flipped off a lady in a minivan for driving 40 in a 55 zone. I am not one to flip people off, which is how I realized I was just suffering from the Crazy Rage that day.
5. Banana | August 23rd, 2006 at 9:35 am
Oh god Jonna, that description of just defending something that you don’t really care about all for sake of defending it ?..It sounds like me to a T on most days. I’ve gotta say, ou are the most hilarious when you’re writing about yourself and your perceived flaws. It’s indecribably real and unedited and I swear I could read it for hours on end. You are equally real when you wrote of your childhood the other day…I loved that entry..Had to read it twice. Honestly, I felt like I was there. You are awesome.
Now where are the fucking envelopes anyway? ?
6. Laurie | August 24th, 2006 at 7:38 am
Well you know what you are allowed. Everyone is, it is just part of a woman’s nature.
And don’t get me started on Rock Star: Supernova, it was an awesome show last night.
7. Claire | August 24th, 2006 at 8:41 am
ooh. this sounds like that time you had in the supermarket with the coke. only, this time you weren’t having a nic fit and it didn’t escalate to screaming..
so, then maybe not like that at all.
Go, Dilanna!
8. Yez | August 24th, 2006 at 9:29 am
It was a Stationary Pugnacious Front over the eastern seaboard, Jonna. I know this because that same day, my mother (who has never even PRETENDED to have an interest in politics) held forth on the topic of Shrub saving our collective rosy pink butts because without our neverending presence in the middle east, America would be a gooey charred pit on the side of the planet.
And I took the bait. I think it was when she accused me of not being patriotic. Either that or when she implied that not enough Americans have died in Iraq vs. Americans killed in WWII (apparently when we exceed that magic number, whining will be allowed). WTF?
This comment is irrelevant to the theme of rage triggered by issues on the magnitude of office supply questions :> But it’s tangentially related – I avoid political discussions due to my profound ignorance/dislike of the topic. Our argument was like fish discussing skydiving.
9. Suebob | August 24th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
I only wish I could be so opinionated. I don’t mean that I’m not opinionated, only that I sit there marinating in my juices until I spew onto a loved one later, when the offending party is no longer around. I wave my arms around and scream “The NERVE of that nutball, insisting that [alligators in lagoons don't need protection - or whatever topic goes here]. Can you BELIEVE that dork?”
The worst part is that my loved one usually has no clue what I am talking about and has to sit there, bored with my tirade until I wear myself out.
I am getting better. Just today Mr. Snobby at work was saying he was looking for a place to rent and he got all shuddery at the thought of renting in my (poor but hellafun) neighborhood. I did manage to defend my digs, though in a fairly understated way. Maybe by the time I am 65, I will have enough guts to just yell at morons. Especially if they ask where the envelopes are.
10. Blythe | August 24th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
Blame your bad mood on being “too honest,” then put on some lavender faux fur eyelashes and tell a sad story about your mother to gain sympathy. It seems to work for other, very important Rockers.
11. Stinkypaw | August 26th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
I have daily rage these days, so I know how you feel, but can not explain it (in my case, anyway!)
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