Food & Creative Love
August 29th, 2006
I’ve been going to the gym.
Let’s say that again: I’ve been going to the gym. Honestly, I can’t understand why I haven’t been receiving bouquets of congratulatory flowers for this, because it’s just that painful. I’d like tulips please, and in large bundles. I’ll take daisies if you’ve got ‘em. No roses!
I sincerely hope it’s worth it, you know, even if it’s just for my health. Oh sod it, I can’t say that with a straight face, I just can’t. Yes, yes, I’m a huge proponent of healthy living, and I don’t have major body image issues, but I’d be completely lying if I said that lately, I’ve been craving a leaner form.
I hate that fact, and I hate that I just said that. Like many other things, I feel like wanting to be thin is far too stereotypical for me to concern myself with, yet as I get closer to having kids, it weighs on my mind. While I’m not at my heaviest, I feel like I was somewhat rapidly deteriorating to the all-time foom-baba, foom-baba! weight of last January. And I think of adding pregnancy weight to this, and I just imagine…oh christ, I just imagine a giant, blob-like form slothing around the house like Grimace, a baby attached to my boob while my greasy hair hangs around my head in sad strings. Strangely, I would also be purple.
Given that I have tendencies towards laziness, and also am extremely resistent to change, I can’t help but think it would be a little easier to resist the transformation into a McDonald’s character if I had a six-pack going into it. That way, I would at least have had that body once – just once! – in my sad little size 10 life.
How is it that some people crave exercise and actually enjoy it, while others of us would rather sit on the couch and eat wasabi almonds while watching back-to-back episodes of Rockstar Supernova? (Did you think you’d get away without hearing about it? Absolutely not. I have decided/realized (duh!) that Ryan is most definitely Jewish. And that, my friends, is about the most attractive thing about any man in the universe, and a Jewish musician? Hotter than hot. At this point, you probably think that I am Jewish. And you would be wrong! I am not Jewish! But I am intensely attracted to all things Jewish, particularly Jewish men and also, stuffed cabbage and kugel and knish. Ooh ooh, and the sound of someone speaking Hebrew. Yes. I am way into that. Give me a man who speaks Hebrew and I will swoon. If Ryan spoke Hebrew to me and then sang “The Back of Your Car” then I would die of some sort of strange orgasmic explosion and And then we could sit together and have some meat knish, followed by sweet and sour cabbage and maybe some Ba Tempte pickles.)
Anyway, as I journey down the long road to killer abs and a smaller ass, err, healthy living, I can’t help but wonder: why, exactly, I wasn’t wearing a bikini and/or some sort of revealing clothing throughout the entire decade of my 20s? Why wasn’t I rocking half-shirts and miniskirts and oh, I don’t know, assless pants or something? Despite my perpetual self-loathing, I was skinny and kind of on the hot side (not so much anymore, and don’t argue with me, as I don’t think I’m hot anymore, so this isn’t as obnoxious as it sounds, and how about we end this caveat right now, because I am sounding stupid and should just go eat a knish and maybe some kugel). Oh, where was I? Right. I didn’t wear a bikini all the time because I thought I was too fat. For the love of God, I weighed 110 pounds sopping wet, and yet I can distinctly recall being 23 and putting on a bikini and grabbing hold of what I actually called “love handles” and refusing to leave the house. Oh oh oh, and my ass was too big.
God, I was so stupid sometimes. I was kind of hot! I was skinny! I should have been naked, like all the time.
* I married a Jewish guy, for those of you who didn’t know. It had to be that way.
**Rusted Root
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
24 Comments Add your own
1. -R- | August 29th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Yes, it’s stereotypical, but it’s honest. Most people are concerned about how they look; you shouldn’t be embarassed.
The Jewish rock star love though- now that is embarassing. =)
2. Marmite Breath (Nat) | August 29th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
I totally love Jewish men! I keep meaning to blog about that!
Oh, and I just died laughing at your brother’s shirt on Flickr. Thanks for the laugh.
3. Jen | August 29th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Um, hi. Ryan Star doing “Clocks” tonight was sublime. Just wanted to tell somone who might care. OK, carry on.
4. Cee | August 29th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Wasabi almonds sound intriguing. I can’t believe I spent my incredibly skinny teenage years thinking I looked fat, and draping myself in baggy clothes. What was I thinking? Those were the years I should have been getting around in miniskirts.
5. Gentry | August 30th, 2006 at 3:15 am
Wait…do wasabi peas make you fat? There’s no fat in peas. They’re vegetables. Nor wasabi. Please don’t tell me their deep fried or something.
6. Christine | August 30th, 2006 at 3:41 am
Mmm wasabi. And if you come up to me I will provide you with mass bouquets of wild flowers.
7. winterwheat | August 30th, 2006 at 4:12 am
This quote is from CBS News, covering Nora Ephron’s new book:
Ephron also writes that one of her “great life regrets” is “not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was 26. If anyone young is reading this, go right this minute, put on a bikini. Don’t take it off until you’re 34.”
I also read once in an interview with Olivia Newton-John that she felt like a complete idiot for obsessing over her body fat while she was shooting the movie Grease. She was looking back and thinking, “Why did I prance around naked?”
Then again, you could be like Sheryl Crow and save the prancing around for when you’re 40. Either way, it seems to make sense to do SOME prancing at SOME time, doesn’t it?
8. winterwheat | August 30th, 2006 at 4:13 am
Er, that would be “why DIDN’T I prance around naked.” It’s early.
9. Kathryn | August 30th, 2006 at 6:04 am
Roger that!!!
I should have been much more naked in my 20s. I’m such a dumbass.
At least now I’ll know how to handle the hotness if I ever get back down to my fighting weight.
10. TwoBusy | August 30th, 2006 at 6:20 am
If it’s any consolation, Grimace is a badass. You could do a lot worse.
11. Beth | August 30th, 2006 at 7:13 am
Same here with the early 20′s hotness that I totally did not appreciate and now miss. I was a size 2 and thought my thighs were fat. Stupid girl.
Also, I’m Jewish. Well, part Jewish. Well, a little Jewish. Still, wanna make out?
12. Claire | August 30th, 2006 at 8:31 am
and i think that while i AM in my 20s i should have that bikini-body and so totally don’t and hate myself for it. I’m not going have much more time to be HOT and should damn-well do something about that. 16 was my skinny year… i should have rocked a mini in 1996, dammit…
on your Jewish Rockstar Ryan sidenote: you are hysterical. Jewish men, eh? Boyfriend’s hebrew is lacking, so maybe i just haven’t ever been exposed to a jewish musician’s sexy hebrew. Will tell him to read the hebrew passages at the next holiday so i can see what you mean.
13. GG | August 30th, 2006 at 9:46 am
I love Jewish men, too! I actually considered putting my profile up on JDate (before I got sidetracked by Wilman the Catholic) and making my headline be “Not Jewish, but I LOVE Jewish Men”. Heh.
As for the skinniness, I know. I KNOW. I was a fuckin’ moron when I was younger for not realizing how cute and slender I was. Granted, I was never a 2, but still.
14. Kristen | August 30th, 2006 at 11:50 am
And now you can look forward to NEXT decade, when you’ll be saying, “Oh my god, I was only a size TEN??? I was SKINNY!!! Why wasn’t I prancing around all the time?”
Seriously, a 10 is small. I would kill and/or die to be a 10. Kill and/or die, but not exercise more and/or eat less.
15. Heather | August 30th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
I too would love to be a size ten. Then again, with my height and build, a size ten *would* be skinny. Probably even bikini-able.
16. Stinkypaw | August 30th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
I think I was a size 10 when I was 15!!! We all have issues with our weight/body in different ways ! I also think that deep down we all are somewhat “anorexic” in some twisted way… or is that just me?
I have a thing for “any” men who speak a different language (except arabic and german – don’t like the sound of those!) – yuuummmmyyyy!
17. ali | August 30th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
hmmm…Ryan is most definitely 100% jewish. looks like every boy i went to high school with.
maybe it’s because of the fact that i’m superjewish that i think you’re crazy for liking jewish men!!! i did marry one, but i got one of the good ones.
and hebrew, seriously, is one of the ugliest languages to listen to. second only to german, i think. what an awful sounding language.
18. Daily Tragedies | August 30th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
Ah yes, I would love to travel back in time and smack my 18-year old self upside the head for not prancing around in a bikini. EVERY. DAY.
I, too, go to the gym to “be healthy” and “look kick-ass before I have children in the hopes that I’ll look kick-ass after children.” And then I remind myself that if I spend all my spare time at the gym, I’ll never meet anyone to “be the father of my children.” And I worry about what kind of “eating disorder” I’m likely to foist upon my poor, unsuspecting daughter.
But, you know, one challenge at a time. And right now that challenge is the pursuit of Madonna-like abs…once I decide that the burning, searing pain is worth it. Got any secrets to share?
19. MoMMY | August 30th, 2006 at 8:00 pm
Let’s see…
I’m here from Beth’s. Her intro was impossible to resist.
I married a Jewish guy. And my God why was I not naked more at 20? Unfortunately, by 23 I was pregnant and should not have even ventured into public. (I gained a LOT of weight)
20. jonniker | August 30th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
I feel compelled to note that I got too busy today to reply personally to all of the comments, but dude: I loved them as usual and TOTALLY love that you all wish you’d been naked, too.
Gentry: I ate wasabi almonds. I think wasabi peas are a-okay. Almonds are okay, too, but not, um, whole jars of them at one sitting.
21. jonniker | August 30th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
Oh and DT: No secrets. I’m still figuring out what the hell half the equipment DOES.
22. suze | August 31st, 2006 at 6:44 am
i agree, if we are working out we deserve bouquets and bouquets of flowers. The gym is painful. And yet for many of the same reasons you stated, I go. But next time I go, I’m bringing flowers for everyone, especially me!
23. Suebob | August 31st, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Yes, I remember being 21 and appalled at these little 1/2 cup sized lumps of fat on my inner thighs! I was a cow! OMG!
Well, now I am 70 pounds heavier and I would kiss George W. Bush’s ring on bended knee if I had that body again…I mean, people! What was I thinking??
24. Lose Man Boobs&hellip | February 26th, 2009 at 2:09 am
Lose Man Boobs…
You can lose man boobs naturally by taking natural supplements. But you have to ensure they’ re made of 100% natural ingredients. The two most popular man boobs reduction pills are Gynexin and Gynemax. Personally, I’ m against taking supplements be…
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed