Baba O’Riley
August 30th, 2006
I have lived through many, many awkward moments. When I was in college, I was out at 3 a.m. – after several drinks – having pizza with a girlfriend, when I recognized one of the nearby patrons as my former boyfriend’s roommate who, on at least two occasions, walked in on me completely naked, doing, um, embarrassing things. And do you think I could just let it lie there? Nope. Totally caused a scene. Went on for an extremely long, loud time about how the last time we saw each other, he probably “…saw my ass first, right? HAHAHAHA.” Except no one was laughing, and everyone just looked horrified. The veins were popping out of my neck with the strain of the awkwardness, as my friend whispered in a completely terrified tone, “oh my God, you are making a scene. For the love of God, stop.”
I am good at scenes.
Of course, there have been many incidents of physical discomfort and stumbling moments such as the time I fell into the stingray pool at Sea World. I was feeding them as part of some ridiculous exhibit thing when I slipped on the algae on the ground and tumbled headfirst into the water, displacing about a frillion stingrays, their slippery little bodies squirming away from me as fast as possible while throngs of SeaWorld employees rushed to their rescue. Not my rescue, mind you. The stingrays’ rescue. I spent the rest of the day soaking wet, covered in green schmutz and the red veil of embarrassment.
But all of those bits of humiliation cannot possibly compare to the wild and flailing and…desperate discomfort I felt tonight while watching Rockstar: Supernova. BABA O’RILEY. Dear God, Ryan. I’ve put away the Ba Tempte pickles. I no longer have dreams of sharing a large plate of kugel with apricots and beef knish at Zaftig’s deli in Brookline. I mean, I wouldn’t throw him out of my bed…errr, car, or anything, but my God. The second the words “Baba O’Riley” were out of his mouth, I died. I knew. It’s the song of death (does he not remember Dana?) and MY GOD, it was bad. I like Baba O’Riley very much, in fact, but not for him. Or anyone, actually, except for The Who.
I watched the entire song from behind a pillow on our couch screeching, “PLEASE. STOP THIS. LET IT END. OH MY GOD, LET IT END.” and yet: it didn’t end. It went on and on and on and by the time he crawled up on the speakers, I was almost in tears, pleading with Adam to hit fast-forward on the Tivo, or push pause or change the channel or something to save us from the trainwreck unfolding before our eyes. He cruelly refused. In fact, he rubbed it in, screaming back, “YOUR BOY IS GOING DOWN IN FLAMES AND I AM GOING TO WATCH. NOW PLEASE STOP.”
Strangely, I felt so bad for Ryan. There was screaming and screeching and crawling. WHAT WAS WITH THE CRAWLING UP THE SPEAKERS? I forgave him last night when he humped the piano awkwardly (which was at stingray-levels of humiliation), but climbing up a set of speakers and jumping around like – oh hell, I don’t know what it was like – just killed me. It reminded me of one of those bare-assed baboons that move around ungracefully and try to act cool while they pick their ass, forgetting that their asses are bright, flaming red and hello, we can all see them. And their asses. And it’s not good, not good at all. Did anyone else catch Gilby’s horrified face?
The truth? I’m slightly more endeared to him, but on a platonic level now. Platonic. Listen to me. Like a) it matters and b) anyone cares, because there are like, three of you who watch this damn show. And I’m sure he’s disappointed at the change of heart from some random married woman in the south, and will save the pickle and knish entry until the day he dies.
I’m awkward, and I get awkward people, and DUDE, if you asked me to be a rockstar, I would totally get so nervous that I’d fumble around like an idiot and probably do something like fart on stage, then fall backwards from the powerful kickback and stench. This would, of course, take out an entire set of speakers along with Jason Newstead and his incredibly annoying, nerdy tone. (Who knew a bass player from Metallica could be so…GOD HELP US, I don’t know? Something powerfully geeky and not in a good way.) And then I would try to play it cool by going out while loudly spouting about my solo career which would be, mercifully, entirely played out sitting down at a piano where I could maintain some level of hotness.
Which is basically what Ryan did, sans farting. Moving around the stage? NOT HIS THING, unless you count flailing limbs and more uncomfortable moments than you can shake a stick at as remotely attractive. And thus, along with the departure of poor, awkward, geeky-hot Ryan, ends my brief career as a Rockstar: Supernova groupie and blogger. I will continue to watch, but the magic is gone on every possible level.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
15 Comments Add your own
1. Meena | August 31st, 2006 at 5:35 am
hahah… it always seems to me that when ever i try and make an embarrasing situation sound funny, it comes back and bites me in the ass! kudos for making a scene – sometimes, the world just needs to be horrified with our ordeals! lol!
2. Amity | August 31st, 2006 at 6:06 am
I second your emotions. All of them. Every bit. Poor Ry. He succeeded in “blowing my mind.” I don’t know that it will ever recover.
3. Christine | August 31st, 2006 at 6:21 am
Oh, I’m sorry for your loss of love for Ryan. I have watched Supernova two times (much more towards the beginning) and decided that the judges’ panel creeped me out with making reference to every girls’ panties or lack thereof, and never watched again.
BUT I think it is very funny that Adam subjected you to the pain of watching your “boyfriend” go down. It my house it would have gone much the same way.
Funnier still, imagining someone flailing in the stingray tank. That is some serious talent.
4. Jen | August 31st, 2006 at 6:47 am
Yeah, it was pretty awful. And one of the more short-lived crushes I’ve ever had.
I’ve moved on to Toby, if you must know. I really liked his version of Rebel Yell. Though, I’m not sure I like the whole “EVS” thing. A little too Aussie for my taste.
And did no one else notice that Magni forgot the beginning lyrics to I Alone? That killed me, but then everyone loved it. I don’t get his appeal at all.
Really, it should be called Rockstar:STUPIDnova. Bah.
5. Blythe | August 31st, 2006 at 7:14 am
I missed the show last night, because I was standing on a grassy knoll in an amphitheatre, watching Def Leppard (Joe Elliott still rocks) and Journey, whose new lead singer made me just as uncomfortable as Ryan made you. I almost had to leave the venue when I heard the opening strains of “Open Arms” but was saved when the drummer started to belt out the lead vocal, replacing the frat boy they’ve hired to impersonate Steve Perry.
Now, I shall click over to the Rockstar site and be embarrassed anew. Poor Ryan.
6. Stinkypaw | August 31st, 2006 at 7:23 am
When we watched it last night and saw Ryan’s performance I had a thought for you. It was embarassing even for me who hasn’t been rooting for him, really. My dude is Magni and Dilenna of course!
The night before on the piano I thought he was “trying” a little much, but last night, dude! Get a grip! He knew he was going home so he wanted to make an “exit”, but that was embarassing! When he climbed the speakers , hubby said “Check this out! he’s going to jump and break an ankle”.
I’ll give him that, he did try, but he was forcing it a little too much… oh well!
7. GG | August 31st, 2006 at 8:50 am
Okay, so my shoulders were shaking as I was snorting out my silent laughter over here in my cube. I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and watch this Rockstar Supernova show…
And, dude? You fell into the stingray pool? Awesome.
8. -R- | August 31st, 2006 at 8:54 am
“Not my rescue, mind you. The stingrays’ rescue. ” — hilarious! I hope the stingrays were all ok!
9. TwoBusy | August 31st, 2006 at 9:07 am
1. I’m not sure whether or not I should be embarassed by the fact I’m watching this show. I blame a friend of mine whose wife apparently knew Storm waaaay back in the day in Southborough, MA… in fact, she actually still wears a piece of jewelry that Storm’s mother made. (This is about as close to a brush with fame as I’ve ever had. It’s kinda pathetic.)
2. Ryan was horrible, just horrible (it sounds better when Bill Walton says it) last night. And as cringe-inducing as his slow crawl up the speakers and unsteady, 4-year-old on a balance beam gyrations on top were, nothing was more painful than watching the fear on his face as he realized that he didn’t actually want to jump off the top — I was grateful to the director who actually cut away from his “leap” so we didn’t have to see him very gingerly and carefully make his way back down.
3. When did Jason Newstead start looking like a younger Tom Waits?
4. Mmm… Zaftigs.
5. Good stingray story. Will you be trying something similar in an alligator pit later this fall?
10. Dee | August 31st, 2006 at 9:23 am
Dude I have been watching rockstar with reckless abandon – I somehow have a thing for Gilby Clark. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY, but he totally makes me hot.
11. Claire | August 31st, 2006 at 10:27 am
*lalalalalalalalalalala – covering eyes, scrolling past vital rockstar spoilers*
I haven’t seen anything from this week’s yet (will watch 2-show commercial-free marathon tonight) but now i am in total suspense. I CANNOT believe Ryan did something that didn’t make you swoon. will come back and read this tomorrow.
But that frillion of sting rays thing? F-ing hillarious. Poor you.
12. Heather B. | August 31st, 2006 at 11:23 am
Watching people embarrass themselves is so freaking difficult. I would so the same thing you did, hide under the pillows and pray for it to stop. But trainwrecks are like that; by the time it’s all over, it’s much too late.
13. suze | August 31st, 2006 at 1:15 pm
I have a thing for geeky, nerdy bass players. I don’t understand. I don’t try to understand. I just go with it.
14. Suebob | August 31st, 2006 at 4:27 pm
The stingray story. Priceless.
15. Jonniker. » In This&hellip | July 19th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
[...] *Jessica Simpson. I don’t know why I’m admitting this, but back when Newlyweds came out, I was horribly addicted, and even developed a bit of an affection for Jessica Simpson that has since passed, thank God (I tend to do this, you see. Anyone remember Ryan Star? Ahem). And, in a fit of sympathy during season one, I picked up her CD In This Skin at Target for something like five bucks, because I actually felt sorry for her [...]
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