Blue Monday
October 22nd, 2006
Ah, I just didn’t want this weekend to end. Despite my bellyaching, it did involve one trip to Target late on Friday night (well, after 8 p.m.), but that trip was entirely centered around getting some sort of emergency plug-in widget thingy for A.’s computer. It was also after I was in my pjs and had consumed two large glasses of wine that can only be described as big bowls of wine, which left me a little on the drunk side. I didn’t realize this, and failed to de-amplify my behavior and spent the majority of the shopping trip giggling and screaming my way through the store. The low point was when I thought I lost A. in the food section, and when I couldn’t find him hollered, “HONEEEY? Where ARE you anyway? DID YOU LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE IN TARGET?” not unlike the way Caroline Mulford screams for Jake Ryan just before her hair gets shut in the bedroom door. This was followed shortly by: “I WANT TO BUY THIS BEEF STICK.” Except I said it in this kind of generic Slavic accent (“I vont to bie zis beff steck! Joo bie eet now!”) and I waved it around inappropriately at some woman who said, “Um, I think your husband is in the next aisle.” And then I scooped up two big boxes of Target cab/shiraz and loaded ‘em into the cart and insisted that we take them home, along with a pile of Slim Jims.
Which explains why this is in my refrigerator:
That’s four bottles’ worth of wine right in that there box, yo. And I know you’re not supposed to refrigerate red wine, but I like all wine cold. You would too if you were still sweating your ass off in October. And might I add, it’s Target wine. In a box.
Incidentally, we chose the museum/botanical gardens instead of the Jungle Ted’s Wildlife Swampy Pit-type thing, because we were supposed to go to a swamp-cum-local-type event next weekend, although it doesn’t really matter, because now we’re going away and skipping all swamp-related events. And I have completely lost my point, except to say that the botanical gardens turned out to be a big bust because of this:
They are growing a rare type of plant called “yellow tape” and also, “dirt.”
But lo, it was lovely anyway, and it was followed by an evening of boxed wine and Roman Holiday, which is one of my favorite movies of all-time, even though I don’t love Gregory Peck, and secretly wish it had been Cary Grant. Apropos of not much, I will say that Gregory Peck is oddly lucky, if you can call dying lucky, that he died before he could sign on as Grandpa Joe in Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, because what a trainwreck that turned out to be, and I say that as a huge fan of Tim Burton. Except no, just no, that was all wrong, even if it did involve Christopher Lee (why, Chris, why?)
All in all, an utter delight. And we haven’t even discussed weekend kugel but oh, we will.
Duuuuuude. You got any Ramen noodles up in this piece?
*New Order. Blue only because it’s over. Fleh.
**Edited to add that -R- reminded me to mention that of course, my husband was sober while he drove my drunk self to Target.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
24 Comments Add your own
1. whoorl | October 22nd, 2006 at 7:11 pm
That is ONE fancy vino cube!
2. Heather B. | October 22nd, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Well, I just drank an entire bottle of white wine after using 1/2 a cup for a recipe. So, I’m far to drunk to leave a quality comment, save for; heh. You’re funny. I’m also making a mental note to enjoy target drunk one day. Which means that I will not only NOT follow my list, but I’ll also happen upon some wine! in a box! Wheee!
Ok, enough. I’m also making a mental note not to comment while drunk, lest one would like for bloggers to know how truly ridiculous you are.
3. Jenny | October 22nd, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Cold, red target wine in a box.
You are so my friend.
4. Orange Peacock | October 22nd, 2006 at 8:20 pm
Awesome. The best way to experience Target is clearly while drunk.
As for me, I spent the weekend rummagine through thrift shops to create my Murdered Bride costume, shouting things like, “this will look so AWESOME with a slit throat!” and “Instead of being deflowered on the wedding night, I kicked the bucket!” while little Vietnamese men browsing through the sweaters looked horrified. And lo, it was very classy.
5. -R- | October 22nd, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Like everyone else, I think that Target wine in a box is awesome. How have I never noticed that? I have also made a drunken shopping trip to Target (with a sober driver!) and made some very strange purchases of my own that I could not remember the next day. I highly recommend it to those who have not tried it.
6. Blythe | October 23rd, 2006 at 1:01 am
You’ve just improved my Monday morning tenfold – references to both New Order AND Caroline Mulford in the same post? Heaven.
7. Gentry | October 23rd, 2006 at 1:19 am
I hope you’ve changed the words to that Regae classic “Red, Red Wine” to “Cold, Target Wine” and sing it all day long. I also highly recommend photos of Sunny in every entry. And is he on Dogster? If not, he should be. Napoléon is (bien sûr).
8. TwoBusy | October 23rd, 2006 at 3:00 am
Is that mold growing on the pitcher next to the wine box? You know you can wash those, right?
9. jonniker | October 23rd, 2006 at 4:29 am
TB: Um, no. Heh. I feel compelled to explain, lest anyone think I have mold festering in my fridge (given that, I don’t know, I had a moldy coffee pot, it’s not that far out of the range of possibility). It’s a mystery brand of sugar-free iced tea, which creates a film on everything almost instantly, including the glass you pour it in and it’s always really filmy at the bottom. And, I’m guessing that film also transforms your insides when you drink it. I’ve noticed that only brands made with Splenda do this, which is probably another reason why Splenda is evil disguised as happiness.
And I now see that when mixed with condensation and a really old frosted-glass pitcher and then amplified when photographed, it looks like mold. Great, just great. And also, yummy. (Although it doesn’t matter, since I’ve finished that batch of iced tea already, and have moved on to some sort of fruit punch that does not leave a film, so any whining about what the film could do to my insides is completely pointless and totally moot.) Thanks for pointing that out, though.
10. Claire | October 23rd, 2006 at 5:28 am
I LOVE Roman Holiday. It’s one of my favorites, too.. along with Charade, which DID have Cary Grant in it. I could just watch those two movies all day long… while drinking Target wine from a box.
And, ew, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was just yuck and i had no idea Gregory Peck was going to be in it. That would have been weird… I mean Atticus Finch playing Grandpa Joe, just doesn’t work, you know. Eh.
This now ends my morning movie ramble.
11. Christine | October 23rd, 2006 at 5:41 am
Oh the sadness that was the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. Some things just can’t be remade. Even when you have Johnny Depp.
12. aly | October 23rd, 2006 at 5:45 am
ok, i was all for you moving back to boston (and soon!) until i read this entry.
new york does NOT have target wine in a box. i’m wondering if mass. does. frankly, that may be reason enough to make out with florida and stay till you’re senile.
TARGET WINE IN A BOX?! could i love that store more?! (and the answer is yes, apparently. damn you nys liquor laws).
13. Amity | October 23rd, 2006 at 7:33 am
Yeah, I never knew Target had wine either. I feel deprived.
14. guinness girl | October 23rd, 2006 at 7:41 am
Thanks to the idiotic state of Pennsylvania and it’s stupid laws about where one can purchase wine, I had no idea the Target wine cube existed! OMG! That’s fantastic.
15. Desiree | October 23rd, 2006 at 9:08 am
The reference to 16 candles is fantastic. I also love the classy target red wine box because they decorated it to look all arty instead of just putting three big Xs on the front and calling it yuppie moonshine.
16. Lawyerish | October 23rd, 2006 at 9:17 am
That’s it. I am leaving this damn city for a place that has Target and therefore Target wine in a box.
I also like certain red wines a little chilled, and if I were in Florida I would want even my hot cocoa to be chilled, because damn. It be hot there.
17. Suebob | October 23rd, 2006 at 10:56 am
The idea of Target wine in a box makes my heart beat a little faster…I might give up the gin and tonics for some decent, cheap red wine. Being drunk at Target sounds like great good fun.
Aargh! There’s that scary, dangerous dog again!
18. Jonathon | October 23rd, 2006 at 10:57 am
That’s a totally awesome picture of your dog!!!
We went to the botanical gardens this weekend, too! But in Austin.
19. JayAre | October 23rd, 2006 at 3:09 pm
Target Box Wine! Did you know they sell it in little juice box things, too? They crack me up. One time at a Fourth of July party I drank red target juice box wine through a straw all night. I was much envied.
20. Y | October 23rd, 2006 at 6:32 pm
You’re not supposed to chill red wine? HAHA. No wonder my sister’s father in law looked at me like I was crazy when he poured me a glass from a very expensive bottle of wine and I asked him for ice in the cup!
21. meepers | October 23rd, 2006 at 7:10 pm
Awesome. Dear Jonniker, I’ve come by here from time to time, but only in light of your reference to Echo and the Bunnymen did I see your true genius. Target selling alcohol has go to be the best idea they’ve had in a decade …. now if only flippin’ S.B. would put one in so we don’t have to drive for 40 minutes to GET TO ONE!
But my question remains: Oh, wise one, can I add you to my fresh links list?
22. michelle/weaker vessel | October 24th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Dude, I drink the SHIT out of that red stuff from le Tarj. In true lowbrow fashion, I prefer the merlot! This one time? At band camp? I mean, this summer? It went on clearance — it was like 8-something for the big box, and I went white trash and bought like 50 of them. Seriously though, all of the major wine mags say that the new box technology is the shiznit — it’s very popular in Europe, you know, therefore, it must be okay.
Also, glad things are looking up for you.
23. no name slob | November 1st, 2006 at 1:55 pm
I love so many things about this post, partly because I’m a big fan of drunken shopping myself, although mine tends to happen at Walgreen’s rather than Target. Because, while I love Target beyond all measure, Walgreen’s is open all night. And it used to be across the street from me. No need for ANYONE to be sober to get there!
But I’m really commenting because I just can’t resist weighing in on the Gregory Peck/Cary Grant thing when it comes to Roman Holiday, because I’m an Audrey freak and I’ve given this too much thought in the past: while Audrey and Cary Grant had spectacular, flawless chemistry in Charade, I firmly believe that Peck was the right man for this particular job. Grant, I suspect, would have been exactly that—too flawless, too suave, too slick, while Peck has the right degree of awkwardness and self-doubt to play Joe–a man struggling with his own morals and a situation he never could have foreseen. And, accordingly, the chemistry between he and Audrey—and to me, there’s plenty of it—is not a polished, repartee-filled, or even necessarily classically romantic affair. It is slow and tender, between two people who begin from points awfully far apart in an awful lot of ways, and it is, to me, altogether affecting.
Plus, Peck (naturally) comes off as more “American,” which is also important here.
Wow, too much analysis of what’s really quite a fluffy movie. Hm.
24. REVIEW IT BEFORE YOU BUY &hellip | January 27th, 2011 at 8:56 am
**YOUTUBE VIDEO REVIEWS ON THE HOTTEST ELECTRONICS OUT**…
#1 SITE FOR THE LATEST REVIEWS ON THE HOTTEST TECHNOLOGY HITTING THE MAINSTREAM!…
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed