Block of Wood

November 12th, 2006

I saw Lawyerish this weekend, and for any of you who may have been jealous, even a little bit, I feel a little compelled to let you know that your jealousy is completely and utterly justified, for I am now just a little bit more in love with her than I thought possible. In fact, I’ve been trying to restrain myself in our follow up conversations not to say things like, “But…But… I LOVE YOU” and “THIS IS AN EPIC FRIENDSHIP, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. It’s like Beaches, man.” (And indeed it is, and her mom seems to agree with me on that last bit, though, so I’ve got some familial support. ) She’s funny, she’s so, so pretty and tall and willowy and dammit, she’s actually graceful, despite having an entire category dedicated to the adventures of Klutzy McGee. In fact, we spent a great deal of time afterwards correcting one another on the ridiculous physical flaws we warned each other about, in true embarrassing girl fashion (“You are not fat!” “What are you talking about? You have great feet!!”)

I’m basically sounding like I’m bringing a special kind of stalker-crazy, which could potentially bring an untimely end to our friendship, so I will stop. Suffice it to say that she’s actually way more wonderful that you can imagine from reading her, her husband is laugh-out-loud hilarious and adorable, and yes, I hugged her mom, met her dad and may be meeting her grandfather. And I think I freaked out her husband because I kept touching his arm, but he was so damn funny and cute, I didn’t know what else to do. So I hugged him, too, although in fairness, she hugged mine. (It should come as no surprise that we married versions of the same person. One came pre-programmed a Yankee fan, one a Sox fan, and no fisticuffs were exchanged. In fact, they liked each other as much as we did.)

This is probably annoying for you, and I think if I were reading this and it didn’t happen to me, I would be annoyed, because how many hugs and squees can you read about without wanting to throw up? I know, believe me, I know. But she really is that great, I can’t help it, honestly, and I wish we lived closer. Commence vomiting at any time. (Incidentally, she was here visiting her 90-year-old grandfather, who lives here. This is the second blogger I’ve met because an elderly relative lives here, which speaks volumes about where I live, non?)

Anyway, Friday night, we hit up our local Pizza Hut for dinner. Say what you will about Pizza Hut, but it remains one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Something about the 11 pounds of deliciously awful grease that basically deep fries the crust of the pizza is wholly irresistible to me. And, unlike 99% of pizza places, even of the mom and pop variety, they actually have a sauce with taste, even if it’s full of more preservatives than I want to know about, and is likely made in the halls of IFF, along with that manufactured McDonald’s french fry smell and the molecules that make up the trademarked flame-broiledness of Burger King.

Anyhow, while we were there, some guy walked into Pizza Hut with knives in his wristbands. Shiny knives as an accessory, basically, along with a menacing glare that let me know that hell yes, he has used them, probably on someone’s throat. Big, giant metal knives in fold-out blades tucked into black bandanas around each of his wrists and little daggers for earrings. I was panicked the entire meal, as I was facing him while he devoured his personal Meat Lover’s, and A. couldn’t see him. I was terrified to say anything about it, because he could STAB ME in the Pizza Hut for some sort of gang-related activity, like I ordered a Supreme, which is a Crip pizza, and he’s a Blood or something, and they only eat Meat Lover’s, because really, who displays actual blades as a fashion accessory? Except my husband told me that he thinks black is a neutral gang color, so that theory may be moot, but still, I am quite sure he wasn’t, as A. jokingly suggested, some sort of woodcarver or spontaneous whittler who can’t fight the urge to make a wooden duck out of restaurant benches.

And other than the fact that we bought a mattress, I watched How to Steal a Million with a young Peter O’Toole, which means I have yet another crush on a man who is either dead or exists in very pickled and not at all well-preserved form, that’s all I got, and really, I think that’s plenty for now.

*Carbon Leaf

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12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Orange Peacock  |  November 12th, 2006 at 8:56 pm

    Wahhh! I am terribly, terribly jealous of BOTH of you, because you both seem absolutely awesome.

  • 2. Lawyerish  |  November 12th, 2006 at 9:56 pm

    If this is going to be “Beaches”, then I just know that I’m going to be Barbara Hershey, expiring under a giant blanket to the strains of “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Because I am the New York lawyer who can’t slow down! And to slow down I have to gasp my last breath by the oceanside! Shit. Well, if you’re offering to care for me in those last days, then sure. “Beaches” it is.

    And I just gushed ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE on my blog, too, and even stayed up past my bedtime to do it.

    And by the way, I also love Pizza Hut, and I would have started crying if someone came in adorned with knives, because when I eat in mass-market restaurants, I am always convinced someone is going to come in and start blowing us all away. I have no idea.

  • 3. Heather B.  |  November 12th, 2006 at 10:02 pm

    The best part about meeting another blogger, is returning home to gush about the awesomeness of said blogger. Then all the other bloggers get jealous and it’s fun.

    Though now that I’m one of the jealous bloggers, it actually sucks a bit. Damn.

  • 4. Claire  |  November 13th, 2006 at 6:28 am

    Oh, how nice. The innernets bringing people together that wouldn’t have necessarily met otherwise. So nice! Sounds like you had a fun weekend with Lawyerish, and now i have to go see what she said about you…. It’s kind of like getting feedback from both sides of a blind date, isn’t it…. hmm.

    Also – Pizza Hut is the best because of the pool of greasy oil that is left in the pan when you lift a slice out. And you can’t beat that super-saturated oily crust. It’s disgusting, but oh-so-good. Artery-clogging good.

  • 5. guinness girl  |  November 13th, 2006 at 7:50 am

    Aww, how nice!!! And – I am dying for you over the Crip pizza vs. Blood pizza incident. Am hoping, for your sake, that the knife-wielder was indeed a spontaneous whittler. Maybe he was a whittler of pizza boxes, no less? And that is why he needed all of his blades on his person? No?

  • 6. Jamie  |  November 13th, 2006 at 8:00 am

    The only thing better than Pizza Hut crust is meeting people you don’t really know, but yet know everything about. Isn’t the internet wonderful?

    Glad you two had fun!

  • 7. Jen W.  |  November 13th, 2006 at 8:06 am

    Ah! So glad you guys had fun. And I’ll say this quietly (*I like Papa Johns better*). What? I didn’t say anything.

  • 8. jes  |  November 13th, 2006 at 8:19 am

    I’m so glad you guys had a good time. And that you loved each other. I think I could tell from your one of your first conversations, the one in which Jonniker had a crazy stalker friend who wanted to take her camping, and how Lawyerish came to her rescue (er, not really rescue, but whatever) and agreed that you just don’t go camping – don’t even spend the night – with someone you’ve only known for a few weeks.

    And, yes, I think the Internet is wonderful for bringing you two together. Though, still, am a bit jealous.

  • 9. -R-  |  November 13th, 2006 at 12:46 pm

    I’m glad you guys each got what you expected, and had such a great time. I assume neither of you turned out to be a creepy, stalky, middle-aged man. Unless BOTH of you are creepy, stalky, middle-aged men who have agreed to like about it to continue your creepy ways.

  • 10. Amanda  |  November 13th, 2006 at 2:31 pm

    You hit the nail on the head with all that gushing about Pizza Hut. It is the one place I would go to if I knew I were going to die the next day and I would bury myself in deep dish deliciousness.
    I even told my mom to buy me Pizza Hut gift certificates as a stocking stuffer this year. Sad? Yes. But I don’t mind.

  • 11. Leah  |  November 13th, 2006 at 4:21 pm

    I love that you love each other. Also that no one got stabbed.

  • 12. Schnozz  |  November 13th, 2006 at 10:19 pm

    OK, I really AM jealous, though. All jokes aside. I am going to start calling Lawyerish just to hear what the voice of treachery sounds like, then hang up on her, over and over.

    Of course, she probably has caller ID. Dammit. DON’T LISTEN TO HER. IT WASN’T ME. SHE IS JUST TRYING TO TURN YOU AGAINST ME BECAUSE I TOTALLY LOOK MORE LIKE MAYIM BIALIK THAN SHE DOES AND AM THEREFORE MORE QUALIFIED TO STAR IN BEACHES WITH YOU.

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