Ask

I went to work this morning as I would any other day. I was meeting-free, and had a whole day of cruising through the work I had on my plate, and ducking out early to go to the mall to get some Christmas shopping done. Until a meeting was scheduled, but whatever, I could totally roll with it, and fine, yay, meeting! Until I went to pee before leaving for said meeting, and spied the outline of a black bra underneath my white shirt, and realized I looked like a fatter, sluttier Avril Lavigne and it was time to hit the Target pre-meeting, because dude, I am not sexy enough to rock the black bra/white T-shirt look, and that realization might actually suck more than having to brave Target in December. And also, I might add that I had to change in the Target parking lot, and it was only when I couldn’t get the shirt on properly that I realized that I was parked next to a man that I am convinced was only pretending to be asleep, but was in fact, enjoying a not-so-hot show of a frantic shirt-changer.

Anyway. The day was somewhat doomed from the get-go, because Ad and I both had dreams that we cheated on one another, and woke up feeling rather damaged, crushed and pissy. However, I contend that I had the infinitely worst end of the deal, dreaming that there was an ex-girlfriend-type named Sunday who wanted a piece of him, and was willing to camp out on our front porch for it, while he dreamed that I’d been carrying on a torrid sexual affair with…the checkout boy at the supermarket. Sexy Sunday vs. Supermarket Checkout Boy. And yet he’s entirely convinced that his dream pain was so much worse, because at least the checkout boy is local, and it could totally happen every time I hit up Hannaford for some applesauce and muffins (sexy!). And honestly, whatever, just whatever, because that’s just crust, and I’m sure you agree with me. Or someone does, I hope, because the last supermarket checkout boy I conversed with had a head the size of a watermelon because he hadn’t yet gone through puberty and his body hadn’t caught up. Hott.

Uh, an important edit I just made is that I wrote that section of the entry last week, and where was I going with it? Was it really that bad of a day? I do not know! I barely remember it, honestly, but I distinctly remember hanging up on my husband when he teased me about Sunday, because I was PISSED. And, uh, that’s all I’ve got.

So look, there are several things going on here, not the least of which is extreme inertia. Something about being completely overwhelmed with the holidays and a host of other personal items that just keep piling up like a pile of presents, only not the fun kind, but the kind that you open and you’re all, “Wow! A confusing letter from the IRS! Thank you, U.S. Government, THANK YOU!” leaves me completely paralyzed, unable to think of anything worthwhile other than “cupcakes!” and also, “Bacardi! Oooh ooh, and ginger ale!” (Incidentally, both are alongside me right now, and I’m pretty excited. Also, herein ends the Cupcake Period, as they are finished. Hooray!)

Annyway, the point of mentioning the inertia is twofold. I haven’t done an ‘About’ section for this site, and I’ve been intending to for months, and this weekend, lo, I think I will finally do so, because there are a lot of things I assume people know, but then, why would you? And every time I visit a new site, I always want to hit the ‘About’ section, and when they don’t have one, I am often confused. But more importantly, because I am in a period of laziness in the writing department, can I make an open request for questions? Any questions at all from the peanut gallery? Is there anything you want to know that you don’t already know? You can ask me anything within reason, and I’ll do my best to answer you, and truthfully, if I can’t do it here, I’ll respond via e-mail (I loves the e-mail). I realize this is a cop-out, kind of obnoxious and also a bit on the side of something a lazy sow would do, but given that I am a bit of a lazy sow who also eats cupcakes, it seems appropriate. I won’t, for obvious reasons, disclose in a public forum exactly where I live, exactly where I work or you know, my last name. But everything else is fair game, and I will do my best to answer! Because I am a lazy sow! But I love answering questions, and I actually want to know what I’ve left out that would be helpful. Helpful in what sense, I don’t know, because I am, as a rule, unhelpful, especially in the blog department, but that also seems to apply to life.

And if no one asks anything, I might cry. Alone and unloved. And also lazy, and eating cupcakes. Upside!

(But other comments are also welcome if you can think of nothing. I can never think of anything when people ask me this, so I usually bust out with, “What is your favorite food?” because I am original! And thoughtful!)

Have a great weekend.

*The Smiths

23 comments December 14th, 2006