Ain’t it Fun
December 26th, 2006
I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I can say with total truth that ours was wonderful, even if it did involve the horrible realization that my 10 year-old nephew no longer believes in Santa, as evidenced by his 2 a.m. bedtime Christmas Eve. He kept us all awake and miserable, desperate to put out the gifts so we could finally, for the love of God, go to bed already, after we realized he was going to bed, faking it, then hiding behind the bathroom door, awake and suspicious. At 11:30, we slipped him some Benadryl out of desperation, and at midnight, he was weeping the sad tears of the overtired, and by 1 a.m., we were all weeping with the pathetic tears of misery and terror that Santa wouldn’t ever be able to come because he’d never sleep again, which meant that we would never sleep, and Christmas would be spent face down in a pile of pancakes.
At 1:30 a.m., I was sent to the top of the stairs for a Christmas vigil of sorts, and finally, at 2:15, he relented and agreed to go to sleep, but not before peeking down the stairs to see the mysteriously full stockings, despite the fact that my parents were still toddling around the kitchen. Toddling grandparents, of course, meant that Santa didn’t come, because everyone knows he doesn’t come when people are wandering the house, and the full stockings were the final confirmation of what he already knew, but didn’t want to admit.
Le sigh. The heartbreak of shattered Santa dreams. I actually have no recollection of ever believing in Santa, since I figured out the whole ruse by the time I was 6. My parents somehow believe that it was the by-product of my parents’ divorce – that somehow, that first Christmas, someone – though no one will say who – forgot to follow through on an important tactic to maintain the illusion.
At any rate, Christmas was lovely and full of delight, and things like new pajamas, stuffed clams and good times. I hope yours were as lovely. And, sadly, it’s all been a little on the downhill side since I realized that by the time most of you read this, I will be entering my 32nd year by way of turning 31, which is no good, no good AT ALL. I plan to spend the day lying about on large cushions and demanding that people bring me Indian food.
And finally, Christmas: A SuperBrief and Pointless Photo Essay, well not really an essay, as it only includes two photos and everyone is asleep.
Sleep. Sleep is good on a holiday.
The true sign of a successful Christmas. Or maybe it was the 2 a.m. bedtime?
*Guns ‘n Roses
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
18 Comments Add your own
1. Beth | December 26th, 2006 at 8:20 pm
I have a fridge full of Indian food and am gracious enough to be older than you. Come on over.
2. Heather B. | December 26th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
I’ve got some naan and saag paneer courtesy of the fine folks of Trader Joe’s. I can fly it down to you, if you’d like.
Also the only way my mother got me to go to bed on christmas eve was to tell me that Santa wouldn’t come if I didn’t go to bed.
I slept and he came and brought me gummie bears and Twizzlers. Awesome.
3. -R- | December 26th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Happy birthday!!! And merry Christmas! Do you and Adonymous (is that the right code name?) celebrate Christmas and Hannukah?
I remember when I straight out asked my mom if Santa existed and she finally said no. I was devestated. Poor kid. I hope he still had a great Christmas morning.
4. lizgwiz | December 27th, 2006 at 9:00 am
I had Indian food on Christmas Eve–it was lovely.
I figured out the whole Santa ruse on my own when I was about five, but I didn’t let on for a while–didn’t want the presents to stop coming.
5. Sadie | December 27th, 2006 at 9:50 am
I am sorry your nephew’s Santa dreams were “shattered,” but for a while I thought your nephew was just staying up to torture the adults while FULLY KNOWING there is no Santa. And that would be pretty crafty of him.
I am glad you enjoyed Christmas; mine was also great, except for the part where my stepmother was high as a fucking kite on pain pills and drooling on herself at my Christmas Eve open house. But that is neither here nor there, because I got a new cell phone! and licorice! and books! and there was pimiento cheese spread and prime rib! And no fighting.
That’s a great-looking dog.
6. Suebob | December 27th, 2006 at 10:06 am
Sorry about the Santa problem, but it sounds like a really good Christmas other than that.
7. H | December 27th, 2006 at 10:37 am
Happy Birthday!
8. Jamie | December 27th, 2006 at 10:40 am
Age is just a number – glad to hear that you had a wonderful Christmas!
9. TwoBusy | December 27th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
Nothing says “the spirit of Christmas” like stuffed clams.
Meanwhile… happy birthday, ancient one. I hope the big man wined and dined you appropriately, so as to numb the pain.
10. wordgirl | December 27th, 2006 at 1:24 pm
Those sleeping guys (and the dog)? Yeah….I can completely identify.
11. guinness girl | December 27th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
The sleep pictures pretty much sum up my Christmas vacation. Fantastico. Dude, you were six when you learned about Santa? That’s so sad!
12. Mauigirl52 | December 27th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
I too never really bought into the whole Santa idea. I think I noticed early on that “Santa’s” writing was exactly the same as my mother’s! Plus I have a vague recollection of being schlepped down to Bambergers or Macy’s or someplace that had a Santa that you had to sit on the lap of (a la “A Christmas Story” HO HO HO) and crying in terror during the whole ordeal. Never really got into the whole thing and have no real remembrance of “finding out” there was no Santa.
We had a lovely Christmas with 13 people at dinner, which was a lot of fun, as it was a combination of family and friends and I made a really easy main course – boneless rib roast of beef – which required no work whatsoever.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas!
13. Melissa | December 27th, 2006 at 4:07 pm
Can’t remember how old I was when I learned the truth about Santa, but I do recall my sister following up the horrible news with a gloating, “And there’s noTooth Fairy, either!”
It was time I knew, anyway.
Glad you had a good Christmas and happy birthday to you!
14. metalia | December 27th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
Happy birthday!
15. Claire | December 28th, 2006 at 8:13 am
Happy Birthday!!
Santa was kind of short lived for me, too. I lived in a predominantly jewish neighborhood and i remember one of my so-called “friends” telling me that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. I was crushed. But i had always thought it was weird that Santa shopped at Toys-R-Us and left all the price tags on everything. The parents were a little lazy when it came to wrapping Santa’s presents, too.
Ie: they didn’t.
16. Amanda | December 28th, 2006 at 3:47 pm
I will never forget when I was a kid playing hide and go seek and I went to hide under the bed in the spare bedroom and found a mound of unwrapped toys that had been on my xmas list. An angel lost its wings that day.
Glad your Christmas was a good one…and thanks for posting some pictures!
17. sam | December 28th, 2006 at 11:18 pm
Holidays are the best when sleeping is involved. Actually, pretty much anytime sleep is involved is a good time. I love sleep!
Glad to see you haven’t run into your snake friend again.
18. dissed | December 29th, 2006 at 8:46 pm
Ah, the Great Santa Expose. My 11-year-old refused to sleep this year. I solved the problem by staying up and making lots of “normal” noise while putting out the Santa gift and stuffing the stocking (yelling at the cats, doing laundry, running the dishwasher, stubbing my toe and cursing loudly).
Happy birthday. Mine’s next month. A big one. Very, very big. Wipe your eyes, blow your nose and get on with it.
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