My List
January 4th, 2007
This morning I timed how long it takes me to take my daily dose of Synthroid. The answer? 12 seconds from start to finish, not including the time it takes to make coffee, which I do anyway. I am bloody sick of seeing Sally Field hawk osteoporosis medication by talking about how she has poor, over-scheduled friends who have to “make time every week!” to take their pills. Make time? Honestly? It’s a miracle I manage to take a shower every day, what with all of the PILL TAKING I have to do.
I’ve become increasingly irritated by advertisements this week, which is no doubt the sign of a declining mind. I started screeching at the radio on my way to work this morning, not just because of the absolute horror that is Smack That (um, oh my God? ), but because some woman was trying to get us all to join in her her quest for a hair-free face, and claimed that she started with her “upper lip, chin and eyebrows – and that’s just the beginning!” The beginning. What, pray tell, is the end?
I distinctly recall watching my grandfather sit in his leather chair and alternate between laughing his face off at any commercials involving animals in clothing (I don’t know, but he was wearing a cardigan while he did it. Does that make it better?) and screaming at any ad that irritated him. I have that leather chair, and if I had thinning hair, the resemblance would be pretty uncanny.
I’ve also been enthralled with lists, which is a first for me, and while it thrills me to no end that finally I have some shred of organization, I’m approaching it with typical new-thing excitement, and have documented my entire life to an obsessive degree, and nearly planned out every second. Right now, for example, I am blogging under the 20 minutes of allotted time for the evening. There are showers to take! E-mails to return! Books to read! (I scheduled reading time. Is that sick?) There is absolutely no room for spontaneity, which, while good in the sense that keeping to a list stops me from idly sitting, staring into space for 45 minutes (which I’d done almost nightly), if something unexpected comes up, like my husband pausing The Office for me on the TiVo so we can watch it together, it can throw my whole night off. I stood there awkwardly and said, “But…but…this is snack time!”
Snack time. Because I am four.
And now, as pathetic as this entry is, it is actually shower time – or rather, it is WELL PAST shower time, because I did watch The Office, and am I the only one who just lost it when Pam started crying? Oh Pam. You blew it.
Have a great weekend.
*The Killers
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
18 Comments Add your own
1. Moose | January 4th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
This is way more information than you, or really anyone, needs. But I’m hoping it will make you feel better about scheduling snack time. I put sex on my to do list. OH YES I DO.
As you were.
2. Beth | January 5th, 2007 at 5:38 am
First, you’re so, so darned funny.
Second, I also lost it when Pam started crying. She’s trying to be big about things by helping Karen, but she’s in conflict with herself and stop me before I psychoanalyze her any more because, hello, she’s fictional. But yes, lost it. Gah! Speak up, Pam! Okay, enough.
3. Christine | January 5th, 2007 at 7:16 am
GAH. Smack that.
I first heard that song at the boyfriend’s company Christmas party where I had to suffer the indignity of watching the morning meteorologist and her sports anchor husband bump and grind on the floor to it, and MYGOD the news has not been the same since.
4. sam | January 5th, 2007 at 7:42 am
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I missed The Office! I have to go cry now.
5. Michele | January 5th, 2007 at 7:50 am
I didnt almost cry, I shouted at her to go tell Jim she wants him. Go Pam, NOW!
I love Jim. I want Jim. I must go now….
6. Lawyerish | January 5th, 2007 at 7:52 am
I loathe commercials. There isn’t one on TV at the moment that I find the slightest bit clever, and why does it seem that every break is the SAME commercials? I need to watch everything on TiVo from now on, because I may have to jump out the window. Or, you know, stop watching TV. (As if!)
I’d never really watched “The Office” until last night, and damn, it was funny!
7. -R- | January 5th, 2007 at 8:06 am
I am with Beth except for the crying part. While I didn’t lose it, I did crack up when Dwight asked, “So the PMS is really bad, huh?” or something along those lines. Oh, Dwight. We also decided last night that one of my bosses is David Brent (the British boss). Not Michael Scott because Michael Scott actually cares about his employees.
I think a schedule is good, but maybe you could relax it a little bit. Is the 12-second pill-taking on your schedule? =)
8. clickmom | January 5th, 2007 at 8:24 am
I am totally with you on the commercials, if you pay attention there all these odd ambiguous meaningless statements being amde. I sit on the couch shouting back at them too because 1. I find it all so infuriating and 2. I want my kids to be better/smarter consumers than the ones that the advertisers are aiming for.
Also, Pam totally had me in tears and Dwight did get a whoop out of me with that line (which I naturally immediately informed my sons was NOT what to say to a girl) Man, I want to step into that world and give Jim and Pam both a little smack upside the head.
9. Suebob | January 5th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Well, your schedule has made me feel better about my creature-of-habitude.
10. LCA | January 5th, 2007 at 9:04 am
Yes! I lost it, too! Oh, Pam!
I also might have teared up when Dwight was being so sweet to her. Thank goodness he ruined that moment so that I could laugh for once.
11. Mauigirl52 | January 5th, 2007 at 9:05 am
I watched “The Office” for the first time last night. Hysterical. I am a convert. My husband even liked it. Speaking of which, I think he’d like it if I put sex on my “to do” list too…LOL!
Regarding commercials, I can’t stand most of them and many of them I totally don’t get the point of. Which obviously means I am so old I am no longer in the target audience of most of the shows I watch.
12. Amity | January 5th, 2007 at 9:24 am
I feel sad every time I see the Sally Field commercial because she’s a damn OSCAR WINNER. Is that really what she’s been reduced to? Hocking pharmaceuticals? It’s a sad state! (As if making the switch from big movies to a TV drama wasn’t bad enough…)
It think the whole deal with the “taking 30 minutes” is that with some of those osteoporosis pills you have to be upright (not sitting?) for 30-minutes afterwards. I don’t really know what the point of that is, but I do know those are the directions. (My mom has taken them and she says it is kind of a pain because you have to keep yourself mentally in check and fight the urge to sit.)
13. Mauigirl52 | January 5th, 2007 at 10:29 am
Amity is right – I think that must be the reason. I believe it is because some of those drugs can harm the esophagus if you don’t get them all the way down there. So staying upright must prevent heartburn or whatever would make it back up into the esophagus.
Personally I’m not sure it would be worth the risk. Why not just exercise and take calcium? (As if I actually exercise…who am I kidding? I am the original “take a pill to cure everything” person!
14. jen fromboston | January 5th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
If yelling at commercials is a sign of a declining mind, then I’m right there with ya.
Me and my friend Mare used to lose our shit when the 1-800-DENTIST commercial came on. It was an office scene and 2 women were talking, one in need of a dentist and the other was all, “Oh, call 1-800-DENTIST! They’re super!….Here, let me get you the number.” and me and Mare are like IT’S 1-800-DENTIST YOU MORON! YOU DON’T NEED TO “GET HER THE NUMBER”!!” I swear my friend split in two everytime it came on,
Re; Ms Pam. while I didn’t lose it, my heart did break and I thought it so sweet of Dwight who’s usually a tool, to quietly comfort her and let her have a quiet cry. That made me all “aaaaw”. Well, right up until he said, “you must be PMS-ing pretty hard.” Ah, good ole, Dwight.
15. Jamie | January 5th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
“smack that” made me feel like an old lady for the very first time in my entire life — you know that feeling which makes you feel simultaneously like you’re turning into your mother and also shocked at how inappropriate publicly recorded song lyrics could be?! DON’T KIDS THESE DAYS KNOW HOW STRICT THE WORLD USED TO BE? Don’t they remember how we were still walking uphill both ways in snowshoes when production staffs everywhere were still bleeping out the word “ass” on telelvision?! Is it just me?!
16. Anne L. | January 5th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Awww, I lost it when Pam was crying, too! And my husband laughed because when he asked if I was crying when he heard all my snuffling, I was actually surprised that I was!
17. jonniker | January 5th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Oh man, thanks for that MauiGirl. I am suitably chagrined, because, well, at least I don’t have to stand upright for 30 minutes, although, truly, I shower almost immediately after taking my pill, so it’s kind of what I do anyway. (I can’t eat or drink anything heavy for an hour after taking it, though I do not count coffee, because who wants to die? Such is the way it goes.)
18. metalia | January 6th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Re: Smack That — Wow…I don’t know if it’s having a kid or what, but every time I see this sort of video lately, I can’t help but imagine the following type of conversation taking place:
Middle Aged Lady: So Sheila, how’s your daughter doing?
Sheila: Oh, she’s doing well…She’s dancing half-naked in a music video, wherein the singer exhorts the young ladies to smack their own asses. Preferably, on the floor. Oh, and also, to the point that they get sore. We couldn’t be prouder!
(I assume at this point, Middle Aged Lady says something like, “Well, I NEVER!!” and storms out angrily.)
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