99 Problems
January 22nd, 2007
I’m not really sure how or why to explain the overwhelming excitement I have, once again, at the new television season that picks up in January. I’m also quite certain that this means that despite my best efforts, I haven’t managed to pick up an actual life that means that I don’t need to rely on the television for vicarious entertainment. That being said, I couldn’t care less about Studio 60 anymore, and I’m not sure I ever did, because a) I find it patronizing, and b) I have very little interest in the insider politics that surround network television, but, I’m also not a fan of introducing an assload of romance to the scene, and when I look forward to new television for weeks! And weeks! I expect a little more than a glorified snorefest/sendup of network television fraught with condescension and tinged with just enough romance to allegedly interest those of us they believe are too dumb to really get it. Oh, I get it all right. I GET IT. I just don’t like it, Aaron. And I’m not sure I like you. Seriously, it’s insulting.
Apropos of nothing, I’ve gained and lost a total of 18 pounds in the last few days, and I’m still dropping about 2 pounds a day. I recognize that sounds upsetting and weird and completely unhealthy, and if you’d asked me any other time, I’d have told you, hell yes, I’m bloody terrified, and also, might have a tapeworm, or maybe a wicked stomach flu, and hoo boy, it’s unpleasant to poop all the time, even in my chair at work! Really!
That’s not what’s happening, obviously, or I’d be in a set of Depends right now, and extolling the wonders that are Desitin and baby wipes. It’s that the steroids I was on last week caused me to…plump up, shall we say, and I honestly hadn’t even noticed appearance-wise, but I certainly noticed that by last Monday, exactly one pair of my pants fit, and seeing as I was exercising and eating healthy, it was a weird thing. And so, hey, I weighed myself and promptly fell over, because the numbers on the scale were higher than any number I’d ever seen in my entire life, relatively speaking, and suddenly it all made sense why small children would cower behind their parents’ knees and the ground shook as I drew nearer. I’m sure the meatloaf I made didn’t help (Dude, I made meatloaf and it was awesome, and I cannot believe it, I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT), but really, what seems like a 25 pound weight gain and subsequent loss in about a week is a bit…shocking, to say the least, and I haven’t decided yet if the rapid gain or the rapid loss was more surprising, because waking up every day and seeing the scale dropping from 2-5 pounds every morning was just as upsetting, because really, where is it going? How is it leaving my body? Am I sweating it out? Pooping it out? Where is it? It’s like a game now. My guess is that the highish doses of steroids caused me to gain a small truckload of water weight, and anyone with an ounce of insight is welcome to let me know their thoughts, because again, it’s creepalicious, because I’d never been on oral steroids before. (Not Fergalicious! And I ain’t promiscuous! Someone stop me! And I said oral again!)
However, the fact that I’m starting to be able to wear pants that don’t have an elastic waistband is a major plus, and in that respect, I’m not complaining.
Finally, I have a confession to make, and I know I’m not alone in this. Flickr sometimes makes me uncomfortable. More specifically, some Flickr self-portraits make me uncomfortable. I am mystified by the wild Flickr phenomenon, and am even more baffled by some self-portraits, and though there are lots and lots of people who do them well (and if I know and like you and have you as a contact, chances are I haven’t even given this a second thought, so we can just squelch the paranoia right here and now, and some of my contacts do them, and do them well, I swear), there are many who just make me feel like I’m intruding on some kind of private moment, and not in a good way. And while that might be the point, and maybe it displays my own discomfort with my smiling (or pouting in a seductive manner, perhaps) face in front of a camera or maybe my complete lack of knowledge for all things photography, I’m still a little oogy about it, for reasons unknown. Although I’m sure those reasons have something to do with taking yourself seriously, which I am incapable of doing, for better or for worse.
And it’s totally my issue, not the issue of the rogue Flickrer, I realize this. I realize there are lots and lots of people who think that blogging is the most self-absorbed thing on the planet and that this whole thing is a giant trainwreck (hee!), and who on earth would want to write to work things out? And they might be right. And just as they can’t imagine writing a lot of the time, I can’t imagine thinking of whipping out a camera at some of my most, ah, intimate moments, and more to the point, I can’t imagine having the time, but for those who do, I tip my hat to you, because I am too clueless and gutless to fathom it. And I promise, I’m not judging, but good god damn, the Flickr gives me the heebs sometimes. It probably speaks to some sort of deep-seated discomfort I have with my nose or something. Or maybe just my desire not to see people pouting at the camera like there is some sort of photographer named Hans screaming, “GIVE ME ZE SEXAY” when really it’s just them.
ETA: I’m not talking about all self-portraits, so if you have one, or if you’ve got photos of yourself on your sidebar or anywhere, I swear, I’m not talking about you, and I LIKE seeing what you look like! And even if you do self-portraits, I’m not necessarily referring to you – I like the 365 project, for example. Well, provided that you aren’t staring seductively at the camera or making your camera-face that involves some kind of pout that is not found in nature. I guess I’m thinking specifically of a…a…special breed of self-portraiture.
*JayZ of course. And I don’t really have 99 problems, or even one problem, and a bitch ain’t one, that’s for sure. Instead, I am very, very tired and don’t feel like finding something more appropriate.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
20 Comments Add your own
1. Lena | January 22nd, 2007 at 10:32 pm
how can u not like my self portraitz???!!!11
Joking. I agree. I did a couple but only because I need profile headshots and I felt too gay to ask somebody to take them. Swear.
About the weight loss thing: the same thing is happening to me! I think it’s that your body wants to be at a certain weight and when you lay off AT ALL with the stuffing of the face, your body naturally starts to balance. Does that make sense? I swear though, as soon as I stopped paying attention to it, the weight came off! So, I so believe you.
Or maybe it’s the winter being over and we’re really bears.
2. Jamie | January 22nd, 2007 at 11:08 pm
First off, congrats on the meatloaf. One of my favorite dishes, and so difficult to get right!
Secondly, I’m with you on the self-portrait thing. Recent iPhoto Booth binge and my Blogger profile photo aside, I think I’ve posted maybe 8-10 photos of myself in the last 2-odd years of blogging? Perhaps it’s just that I’m really no good at taking them, so mine always end up looking like a pathetic, gratuitous excuse to put my face on the internet. Those folks who can make them look good, look professional, look artsy, WHATEVER, seem to also have a knack of making them look necessary. This is a skill that I do not possess.
On the other hand, those people whose sidebars are comprised almost entirely of photos of themselves sort of irritate me a little. Just a little. I’m sure they’re very nice people, but are they aware of how egocentric that makes them look? I wonder this sometimes.
3. Meg | January 23rd, 2007 at 12:06 am
Heh. I have two photos on my blog all the time, one on my sidebar, one on my about me page, and they’re both of me. Then again, I blog under my own name, and I have no boyfriend, husband, kids, friends or family that want to be on there regularly.
Well, I have no boyfriend, husband or kids PERIOD to pop on there, but that’s beside the point.
I think I take self portraits (really just dopey arms-length things) because I’m trying to accept my own face. But that sounds like psychological mumbo jumbo, so I won’t use THAT justification again, will I?
I certainly don’t think anyone would think I was seducing them, though. Maybe offering to make lemonade?
Anyway, I think the whole thing is complex, and people do it for a lot of different reasons, and I get the creepy thing, I do. But I’m also not sure who else to put on my About Me page.
4. Christine | January 23rd, 2007 at 6:46 am
Just commenting on the meatloaf. My method is to make a pretty standard meat mixture (like for meatballs) then stuff with mozzarella and salami, and top with plain ol’ tomato sauce and more mozzarell. Oh ho the fatasserie of it all, BUT for “healthy” meatloaf we use ground turkey.
Weird about the gained and lost 18 lbs. I have no idea.
5. Heather B. | January 23rd, 2007 at 7:10 am
Two weeks ago, I weighed 10lbs more than I do know. I think I lost the weight because starbucks stopped carrying the egg nog lattes.
Oh and the second I saw this post title in my google reader (of course you’re in my google reader, under ‘Read or Die’) was “And a bitch ain’t one…” Now I’ll be singing JayZ all day.
6. Yez | January 23rd, 2007 at 9:22 am
I think at least 5 of those pounds came off due to all the backpedaling you do after having made perfectly rational comments such as the Flickr pix gripe ]:>
Lena, I howled at that first line!
7. jonniker | January 23rd, 2007 at 9:24 am
Yez: HAHAHAHAHA. Do you know I actually originally wrote that my legs were tired from the backpedaling? That’s so funny. And also, so true. It’s just that I didn’t take into account that anyone with a picture of themselves would wonder if I was talking about them.
8. lizgwiz | January 23rd, 2007 at 9:25 am
Short term steroid use can definitely cause water retention. (It screws up your electrolyte balance, I believe.) It also makes you crazy hungry, so long term use can cause real weight gain. Good for you for getting it all back off, and then some!
I can’t find any love for Studio 60, either. And, though I’m a vegetarian, I occasionally crave meatloaf, so I’ve perfected a vegetarian “meatless loaf” that tastes almost exactly like my father’s “real” version. His being the standard by which all meatloaf is judged, of course. Hee.
9. whoorl | January 23rd, 2007 at 9:27 am
You’re right on the money regarding the weight gain- it’s all salt and water. Plus, steroids can increase appetite, so it’s like a freaking trifecta of fatness. Luckily, the moment you stop taking them, the trifecta disappears.
Oh, hello. Here I am pretending to be a doctor AGAIN. Help! It’s a sickness!
10. Schnozz | January 23rd, 2007 at 11:07 am
My objection to the Flickr culture is that it is determined to prove that every last one of us is pretty. All six billion of us. And I do not understand this. If we are all pretty, pretty becomes a rather unnecessary distinction, doesn’t it? Plus: We probably aren’t all pretty. There, I said it.
I think the Flickr mission of making everyone feel pretty, while full of good intentions, is rocketing in the wrong direction at about six million miles an hour. I don’t want to hear “We’re all pretty!” I want to hear “Pretty don’t mean shit.” THAT is when we as a culture will have finally arrived.
And that whole Flickr culture that you referred to, Jonna, is actively working AGAINST that desperately needed paradigm shift. The Flickr culture is assigning a whole new value to pretty, and more and more people are launching their own bids to be called pretty, to be validated. Even if Flickr generously validates everyone with its comment chorus of “you’re so pretty! you’re so beautiful! lovely! lovely! even when you’re crying like that!” it is emphasizing the wrong trait and it’s unhealthy. In my humble opinion. So many people have said, “Flickr has taught me that I am pretty!” as if this represents mental health. Mental health would be not placing such a value on cosmetic appearance to begin with.
I think what started out as a well-meaning effort to promote self-esteem has turned into an unintentionally shallow chorus of mutual admiration. And that? Gives me the heebs. Just like you said. (Some of these concerns apply to blogland, too, but how long can this comment really be?)
Of course, I’m pretty! And thin! So I don’t get to think about or talk about this stuff. I’m so glad I’m pretty and thin so that my opinion means nothing … it really got me what I wanted!
All sarcasm aside, I saw a big ugly schnozz in the mirror. Instead of devoting years of effort to seeing myself as pretty, I decided to embrace the schnozz (imaginary or no) as the symbol of all my “nonprettiness”: my humor, my intellect, my straight-up geekiness. And now I love my schnozz and all the nonprettiness it represents. I suppose I could have just decided it was beautiful (whether it is or not), but that would have been a far less interesting journey to self esteem, would it not?
I don’t look in the mirror and see someone pretty, but on a good day, I do look in the mirror and see a funny, smart geek. Something tells me my reflection is going to age a little more gracefully than if I had chosen the other method of being OK with myself.
11. Meg | January 23rd, 2007 at 11:21 am
I knew you weren’t talking about me because you don’t know me:). But it is a classic rule of the Internet that if you write something, the vast majority of readers will assume you are writing about them, and take exception/comfort accordingly.
It’s why blogging is SO FUN. Heh.
12. H | January 23rd, 2007 at 11:48 am
It is so funny that you mention meatloaf because I found a new recipe for meatloaf and tried it yesterday. We think it is the Best Meatloaf Ever and I annotated the recipe as such. It is a relatively healthy version of meatloaf too. Relatively. If you want the recipe, send me an e-mail and I’ll be happy to share it with you.
13. Lawyerish | January 23rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Why do I always think I have already commented and then come back and realize I haven’t? Hmm. I think it’s a personal problem.
As you know, I am equally put off by the Flickr self-portrait genre, in particular the ones in which you can tell the person is working SO HARD to be sultry/sexy/pouty. Save it for your significant others, people. I don’t want to feel like I just stumbled across someone’s boudoir shots as I’m innocently roaming around Flickr.
In fact, I’d rather see a photo of your meatloaf. (THE FOOD meatloaf, you pervs!) Food porn I completely support.
14. jes | January 23rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Just come out with it: are you talking about Flickr porn?
(Hello, perverted Googlers!)
15. metalia | January 23rd, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Everyone else has already spoken so eloquently on the Flickr thing, so I will simply say YES to the “Studio 60″issue. Ugh. I wrote about this very topic myself a few months back; I cannot abide this show, try as I might, and you perfectly captured the reasons why.
16. Stacy | January 24th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I take lots of Prednisone for my lung disease. A few years back I got very ill and was in the hospital for a month on really high doses of steroids.. I gained, count ‘em, 100 pounds. On hospital food! In a month! My body has never been the same.
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