Caravan
March 11th, 2007
God, the weekend went fast. So fast, in fact, that it hardly seems right that I have to start a brand-new week tomorrow with a Monday, of all things, only to do it all again for five more days. Oh, excuse me – FOUR more days, because next weekend, we’re going to Pennsylvania to visit my dad’s side of the family, and this time we’re flying Continental, which is greatly disappointing, even though the flight was only $100. It’s just that I’ve become really, really addicted to watching “What Not to Wear” while I fly, and I don’t like to travel without Stacy and Clinton, especially during take off.
The weekend was the most compressed sort of wonderful, however, and even though I hardly felt like I spent quality time with anyone, I loved every second of the time I did spend with everyone. I also learned that I really and truly suck at Wii, and actually fell into the coffee table while trying to play tennis, prompting my 9 year-old nephew, who is on a Yoda kick, to announce sadly, “Stink at tennis, you really do,” followed by a decidedly Yodish grunt and groan. Heh. I miss my family.
Somewhat separately, I have a hard time understanding people who prefer large groups of people and lots of acquaintances, as opposed to a few very close friends – it’s not that I judge, it’s that it’s so different from how I, um, roll. I have no desire to have lots and lots of friends – I never have – and prefer instead to have very, very few friends that are of the more (oh my God) intimate variety. I’m certainly not beating away friendships by the dozen, and this isn’t even something I consciously choose on a daily basis, it’s just the way it works out for me, and I’m not satisfied until that’s the case. Quantitatively speaking, it seems easier to have fewer friends, but qualitatively, well, as you can imagine, it’s that much harder, because you just don’t click like that with everyone. I’m a bit of a selfish friend in that I prefer to spend time with my friends in relative seclusion, i.e., not in a large group where I have to compete with 100 other people to have a quality conversation. It goes back to that whole intimacy (I’m thinking of lube! And yet there is no other word!) thing, I suppose. Well, that, and I’m an outgoing introvert, and while I can fake my way through large crowds, inside I am breaking out in hives, wishing I could just get the hell out of there and sit in someone’s living room eating Doritos and drinking wine, preferably of the boxed variety, maybe from a nice Target vintage.
It goes without saying that I haven’t found any really close friends since we’ve lived here. It’s no longer the austere frozen tundra of loneliness it once was – I do have really friendly acquaintances here and there; I have a nice, if odd, little support system in my neighborhood, comprising of people of all ages; and God knows, I meet more people through my work than I know what to do with, even if most of them are over 80 – but I don’t have anyone I’d get on a plane and drive down the Route 1 Automile in my sister’s purple minivan for, if you know what I’m saying, and I doubt you do, because, really, a purple minivan.
And God, I don’t even know where I’m going with this except to say while it’s tempting to be very sad that I don’t have any really close friends nearby, the thing is, I’m not sad at all, I’m just very, very grateful. I have at least three women for whom I would gladly drive 3,000 miles in a purple minivan even if it was just for five minutes of their company, and I’m pretty sure they would for me, too. I’m not sure everyone is that lucky, and I’m just so glad they’re there, no matter where they live.
*Van Morrison
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
9 Comments Add your own
1. TwoBusy | March 11th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
It’s the Barney of minivans!
(Or the Grimace. Depends on the shade, I guess.)
2. Christine | March 12th, 2007 at 6:31 am
You are just the sweetest. And if you were spending more time in the wilds of PA I would invite you out for drinks. Doh.
I am also of the few and intimate variety, when it comes to friends. My friends are just the best. That’s all, it’s hard to find others who will ever come close.
And you don’t suck at the Wii, you just needed to go bowling. I rock at the bowling, better than I am in real life. And your nephew needs the Ravin Rabbids game, because it is the best and the only video game I have ever been compelled to play obsessively. Oh so much fun.
3. Claire | March 12th, 2007 at 10:13 am
the BF’s 8 yr old son is into Yoda right now, too. i guess this is a Thing now…
I am in the same ‘few close friends’ camp, but i think that’s because i’ve never been good with a frillion people.
when my cousin was in college, her suitemate was a ‘frillion-friends’ kind of people and i remember going out to dinner for her birthday with her and 24 of her closest friends.
i could not possibly comprehend how you would even begin to accumulate that many people in your life. I’m just not socially adept enough.
4. Lawyerish | March 12th, 2007 at 10:54 am
As you well know, I am SO the intimate (hee) friend type and not the friend-collecter. And no purple minivan or hardship of any kind could keep me from any of the people in my little handful o’ friends. In fact, I’d lay down in front of a purple minivan for them.
5. Andrea | March 12th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
No, not everyone is as lucky as you. I’m not a friend collector. Sadly, I think my husband is, so I’m subjected to large group outings (25-30 person canoeing trips and 16 person beach house trips with his family? Holy Multitude of Cliques, Batman!) on a regular basis. I have one friend who is My Person. I just don’t get to see her as much as I would like, despite the fact that she’s only a 45 minute drive away. Must rectify that.
Also, my word ver is jaag. Maybe that’s an omen that the minivan will be replaced? Hmmm. Think on that, I must. Love Jags, I do. Vey, oy.
6. Leah | March 12th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
The hardest part about being an intimate-friends type is convincing the frillion-friends-types that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting a frillion friends and they should therefore stop making sad faces at me because, gosh, I must feel so lonely. I HATE that.
7. Sadie | March 12th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
I think the reason that all of us ‘handful-of-friends’ types are so well-represented on the internet is that the people with a frillion friends can’t possibly have the time to read and post, what with all the phone calls they need to return and lunches and showers they have to attend! God, I can’t imagine having to put effort into more than a few good friendships.
And Leah, AMEN! I am not sad and pathetic just because I don’t have 14 girlfriends. I am sad and pathetic for many other, better reasons than that.
8. Corinne | March 13th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
I just have to tell you that in this month’s Southwest Airlines magazine there’s an article featuring a wine expert who gives her top picks in boxed wines.
The Target brand made the cut.
9. Daily Tragedies | March 16th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
You have just described most of my friendships — deep, intimate, one-on-one. I can hang in a large group, but I’d really rather just go to dinner and put back a bottle of wine with one person at a time. And yes, many of them do live 3000 miles away, so those dinners are few and far between, but oh so cherished.
Glad you found a few good ones to hang onto!
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