Moondance
March 15th, 2007
Whoa.
I’ve never seen anything quite like the past two days around these parts, and let me just say, I wish I did every day, because y’all are funny. In fact, I’ve never seen funnier people in my entire life, because seriously? The pendulum swing of the tampon? Wicking the poo to the who?
Please, I implore you, re-read those comments, because I’ve never seen funnier people, and for the love of God, don’t miss Diva Cup fan Clare’s Ode to the Cup. The cup, it moves people to poetry.
I’m beside myself, and while I draw the line at Jonniker-branded menstrual cups, I will fully admit, right here right now, in a public forum that I ordered the Moon Cup. Why the Moon Cup, you ask? Because I’m entirely with Swistle in that I cannot, just cannot wear anything that asks me to identify as a diva, and for chrissake, is TRADEMARKED as a diva-like entity. And winterwheat got me with the whole boiling/peroxide/porous thing with The Keeper, not to mention the germy tampon strings (GAAK). And it’s BROWN. So, ah, Moon Cup it is. And because you’ve all been on this…journey with me, I shall report back right around this time next month, and those of you who said you were trying it? I expect the same. Same place, same time next month. Be there or be…leaky.
And I just don’t know where to go from there. It seems sort of futile to go anywhere, as it’s all downhill from here, and I can’t help but think that you’ll all go there anyway, but the well may be dry. But really, Pattie deserves some kind of prize, because yesterday was the first time she came here, my sweet holy God.
Moving on! While I realize this will prompt nothing but a legion of tiny violins, tomorrow we head off for Pennsylvania, and we’re flying into Newark, and there is going to be snow. A WINTRY MIX, I hear, that should turn to heavy snow by tomorrow night, and I’m not pleased. For the first time in my whole life, I have managed to avoid winter completely for an entire year, and enjoy perpetual summer, and it seems wholly and entirely unfair that it’s almost spring, and I’m flying into a giant snowstorm on a plane that doesn’t have TVs. I call bullshit.
For the vast majority of today, my Weight Watchers-addled self would have gleefully sliced off my right nipple in exchange for a vanilla buttercream cupcake. Am I the only one whose Starbucks started carrying Cheesecake Factory products, including buttercream cupcakes and chocolate molten cakes? To say nothing of those goddamn cheesecakes that I don’t even like, yet they beckon to me. I like cheesecake, I just don’t like Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, because while it may their primary purpose, it’s sucky cheesecake and way too creamy, like cheesecake-flavored Cool Whip and not in a good way.
But! I persevered, in no small part due to catching a reflection of my whale-like sweaty self lumbering along while toting an ungodly amount of camera equipment after coming off of an assignment and GOD. Thus, I attempted to sate myself with a non-fat, no-sugar latte, which still netted me three goddamn points and zero satisfaction, because if you give me a razor, I’ll hand you the nipple, and you give me the cupcake. Sometimes it’s a grind, man.
Have a great weekend. I, for one, will be stranded in some frozen, wintry tundra wishing, just wishing, dammit, that it wasn’t so damn cold. And maybe dreaming of the day my Moon Cup arrives. Or not.
*Van Morrison.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
28 Comments Add your own
1. Jamie | March 15th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
I loved just sitting back and watching the comments develop for that last entry. I happened upon it around 3:30, and just kept on refreshing. So, SO incredibly classic.
2. Mauigirl52 | March 15th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
Greetings from the frozen tundra you are about to descend into. Your horror at the impending snow can’t be any greater than mine. I thought we missed winter this year; that we’d gotten away with just two slushy ice storms that melted quickly. Surely by the Ides of March we should be able to expect it to be spring. Especially after two days of summery weather (it was 80 on Wednesday, for heavens sake)!
3. kara marie | March 15th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Wyoming winters have completely jaded me.
Jaded!
But anywhere chilly, after a year of summer, will seem harsh.
I’ll report back to you about the DivaCup. I found them on AMAZON.I was super excited about that. Amazon + menstrual cup = giddiness. Let’s hope it all works out.
4. whoorl | March 15th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
I don’t know how I missed that last post and discussion, but I can’t stop laughing. Have a great weekend.
5. Jennifer | March 16th, 2007 at 1:23 am
Can you enlighten me (a non WW-type persona) as to whether they have the equivalent of a points-based “non-saturated-fat” diet that they’ll help you follow? I have insanely high cholesterol (it’s not fair… I exercise and I have an apropos BMI), and where you pine for a buttercream cupcake, I instead wish for eggs hollandaise and fried cheese sticks.
So in their points-count plan that they make for you, do they call out how much saturated fat is in everything so you can choose your points based on fat instead of calories?
Just curious… I haven’t been able to figure that out from their website.
Mauigirl – 80 degrees in New Jersey/Pennsylvania in MARCH? Are you SERIOUS?
6. jonniker | March 16th, 2007 at 1:26 am
Jennifer:
I don’t think so. Everything is assigned a point value based on a formula of fat, calories and fiber. If you exercise, however, you get a lot more points, because for every 30 minutes (roughly) of exercise, you get two points. They really discourage high sat. fat foods, though, so with that in mind, you could go for it – they do have a program to maintain your weight. I can’t imagine anyone’s cholesterol *not* going down, based on their low-fat, high fiber system, but it’s not a diet designed to watch that.
7. Pattie | March 16th, 2007 at 4:21 am
Ok, I’ll take a special prize…how about some chocolate? *LOL*
8. winterwheat | March 16th, 2007 at 5:58 am
Doesn’t Moon Cup sound an awful lot like Moon Pie?
What do you suppose the product development meetings were like that led to names like Moon Cup and DivaCup?
R&D person #1: Okay, something that calls to mind monthly cycles without making you think of blood. Something that makes the wearer seem cool.
R&D person #2: Chalice of Venus?
R&D person #3: Good god no.
#2: Grail of the Goddess?
#1: Ugh. Da Vinci Code meets Wicca.
#3: Okay, let’s switch focus… how about convenience?
#2: Mmmm… The Ragbuster?
#1: *glares*
#2: What if we anthropomorphize it, so women see it as a little friend?
#3: Named…?
#2: Uhh… Flo?
#1: I think need a drink.
9. Claire | March 16th, 2007 at 6:25 am
The RAGBUSTER! BWAAHAHAHAHA!!
yeah, that post probably got wayyy more interest than you were anticipating when you hit ‘publish’, eh? too funny. and i LOVE that poem. SO great. hee!
i’m probably going to go for the ‘Next-Month Challenge’ myself, and considering the silicone / rubber – washing / boiling thing i’ll be going for the Moon Cup, too. Because i’m really not into boiling things i’m not goign to eat. call me crazy.
(also – the weather up here is total shit today. i wish i could candy coat it for you, but it sucks. SUCKS. it was 68 degrees this past week. WTF?)
10. Amity | March 16th, 2007 at 6:43 am
This might be too much like the cheescake flavored Cool-whip, but have you tried the Sugar Free Jello pudding in the cheesecake flavor? Good stuff, and I’m sure it’s okay for WW if you make it with low-fat/skim milk. I read about it on another blog, and had to try it. I was kind of impressed.
11. Andrea | March 16th, 2007 at 9:12 am
I am only sorry I missed the comments yesterday while they were happening. Stupid job, getting in the way of my blogging. I laughed out loud so many times people probably thought I was seizing or something, because I was trying to be quiet about it, so I was sitting at my desk with my fist pressed against my mouth and my whole body was shaking. OMG.
And Pattie: See? See what I mean by Jonniker NEVER disappointing with the funny? How could anyone NOT add her to their blogroll after all that?
I’ll be ordering a Moon Cup myself (much for the same reasons as you stated, Jonna) if only to see if it is better. And also because I have a young child and don’t want to pollute Mother Earth with both diapers AND tampons. Or the ‘pon, as that poem mentioned, which I am now adopting as my new name for tampons. Awesome!
The cheapskate in me wonders if they take returns if I don’t happen to like it? $40 buys a lot of diapers for my stubbornly not potty training son. I guess it pays for itself in the ‘pon savings. The raging germophobe in me hopes they emphatically don’t take returns. Ugh. That got gross, fast. Sorry.
12. Swistle | March 16th, 2007 at 10:17 am
“Moon Cup,” huh? Well, it’s kind of spacey (HA!–I didn’t even realize how COMEDY GOLD that was until after I typed it), but it sure beats names like Diva Cup and The Keeper. I’ll be waiting for your full report.
13. Andrea | March 16th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Dude, I just saw where there are Moon Cups available on eBay.
I am officially creeped out by that. (But I’m still going to invest in one.)
14. Jen from boston | March 16th, 2007 at 11:18 am
I have to leave a comment as the security code is “wtf” and what are the odds of that happening again?
Boston getting killed with the snow, too.
Anyway, yeah, late to class yesterday but so, so worth it.
Just got around to Clare’s poem. f’n tremendous.
15. Andrea | March 16th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Okay, so I was doing a little research on my own and found the Keeper people (makers of the Moon Cup also) have a 3 month guarantee.
“If you are not completely satisfied, return it to your place of purchase for a refund, provided that the stem has not been cut to less than ½ of its original length. Occasionally, a woman believes that trimming the stem of The Keeper or The Moon Cup will provide a more comfortable fit. However, if you cut off more than ½ of the original length of the stem, your Keeper or Moon Cup cannot be returned for refund. The stem serves a very important purpose; it is essential for easy insertion and removal of your Keeper or Moon Cup.”
Why? Why does it matter if the stem is cut off? Are they going to pass the returned one to a future orderer so if more than half is cut off, that unfortunate woman will then have difficulty with extraction? And seriously? Return it? After three months? Oy vey.
16. Schnozz | March 16th, 2007 at 11:42 am
OK, what’s with that guarantee, “Occasionally, a woman believes …” Did a man write that? Because you just let me know what you BELIEVE when you have a plastic STEM jabbing sideways into your LABIA, mister. YOU JUST LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE THEN.
Ahem.
That was my new Internet low you just read. Pay attention, because I’m progressing quickly these days.
17. Leah | March 16th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Moon Cups on eBay! That’s like underwear at the thrift store!
18. Jennifer | March 16th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Andrea, I’m with you on that guarantee! If you return a used one, it should be THROWN OUT, so who cares if the stem has been cut short? I’d think they would want you to cut the stem short to try and make it work for you, as in, try everything before giving up and sending it back.
19. Gentry | March 16th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
I still think moon and diva cups are way too large and space consuming to be stuffing up my small, never-been-employed-for-birth vagina. You’ve got to be able to feel that thing when it’s in place. I’ve seen smaller penis’ (unfortunately). One of which belongs to my ex, Bernard Thellier.
The only penis-shaped thing I want in my Private Area is a penis. Instead Cups look like diaphrams, but fold up l like tacos for insertion. I like sticking with the whole taco theme down there.
20. Daily Tragedies | March 16th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Jennifer — You should check out MyFoodDiary.com. It’s an online tracking system like WW, but rather than convert food into points, they track EVERYTHING — % of calories from fat, sat fat, g of fiber you’ve eaten, % Vitamin A consumed today, etc.
It can be a little overwhelming if you’re just looking to keep track of calories and what you’ve eaten that day, but for specific items like mg cholesterol and % sat fat, which it sounds like you’re looking for, it could do the trick. $9/month.
21. page | March 16th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
grande light mocha frappucino- 2 pts. damn the cupcake gods!
22. Tartine | March 17th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Ahhhh! Those comments are hysterical. I actually recently starting using a Diva Cup and I am IN LOVE with it. Tampons always leaked for me. I tried Instead and that was a bloody mess. But this one works like magic! NO leaks at all, and I only have to mess with it first thing in the morning and before bed.
23. page | March 17th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
OK, I caved and bought a Diva Cup today, and it came with a LAPEL PIN. a DIVA LAPEL PIN. Seriously. What is that about?
And I think having a holographic unicorn print on the cup would be RAD.
24. jonniker | March 18th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
MOON CUPS. ON EBAY. OH MY GOD.
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