Parting of the Sensory
March 21st, 2007
I’m both thrilled and a little horrified that after about a month and a half, I’ve fallen more than a little in love with Weight Watchers again. I mean, as healthy and happily effective as it is, it’s so obsessive compulsive that it’s a little disconcerting. On some days, it almost feels like I have an eating disorder, what with the perpetual need to be mere inches from a computer so I can frantically calculate the value of what it is I’ve just eaten. It’s creepy, yet effective. Ew.
Related but not, here’s a question. Does Beano work? I ask because brussels sprouts and cabbage are perhaps my favorite things in the world to eat and, to put it nicely, they don’t like me. In fact, they dislike me so much that I am no longer allowed to eat them without special dispensation from Adam, lest I smoke him out of the bedroom whilst curled up in the fetal position. His family, incidentally, finds his restriction incredibly cruel, and constantly admonishes him for his refusal to allow brussels sprouts into the home, to which he simply offers up my gaseous self to sleep in bed with them, and see how they like wishing over and over again that they would just DIE already, before the noxious misery knocks them out cold. That usually ends the discussion, but the Beano. I need to know about the Beano, because if I’m going to be stuck sucking down that many vegetables, it only seems fair that I should be able to eat Green Giant baby brussels sprouts in butter sauce without risking divorce.
Unrelated, I read three or four (three! or! four!) posts today that reference the Junior League from people I really like. I’m shocked by this, because frankly, I’ve only ever had one friend who was a member of the Junior League, and she has an infinitely higher tolerance for sweater sets than I do, and does well with organizations like that, whereas I’m not so sure about me. And I guess I’m wondering, uh, what’s it like, and what the hell is the Junior League, and why does it sound so creepy? I guess I just always figured it was Sorority 2.0, and that didn’t work out so well for me, so you can understand my trepidation. Not that I’m considering joining anything, but I’m curious, because my terribly stereotyped impression is likely very, very wrong. Is it one of those Zonta-like things where a bunch of women get together and decide what charity they’ll gather housewares for this week?
Equally pleasant as Beano (I have been nothing but gross lately, and I don’t know why, but I apologize. I APOLOGIZE), we’ve got some backlog in the anal sac department – Sunny, not me, ahem – and God, it’s miserable, because not only is she leaving puddles of fishy ickiness all over the house, but she’s perpetually tossing her own salad and then trying to put her little lips all over us, and while I love her, I can’t, I just CAN’T, and I’ve never looked forward to a vet appointment more in my life. I just overheard Adam tell Sunny in a bright, singsong voice, “Somebody’s got a BUTT SQUEEZIN’ tomorrow! Who’s excited? Who’s excited?”
I am! I am! Oh, I really, really am. But sadly, yet fortunately, that’s about as exciting as things have been around here lately. Except that I might be the only person who doesn’t find Idol’s Chris R. to be at all gross or rapist-like, but instead see him as rather cute, and does that make me attracted to what most people see as a potential sex offender? I mean, he’s no Matt Leinart, who reminds me of a cross between William Kennedy Smith and Robert Chambers, and gives me the creepiest of willies, and for some reason the use of ‘willy’ in that statement gave me the shivers. Blech.
Happy Thursday
*Modest Mouse. I haven’t had time to listen to the whole thing yet, or like, at all, and mostly I’m curious about Johnny Marr’s influence, which is lame, because it’s not like he’s going to break into “How Soon Is Now?” in the middle of an MM song. Jeez.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
22 Comments Add your own
1. clickmom | March 21st, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Don’t know about the beano but I did have a dog with such an impacted anal sac problem that we had to have them removed. Never regretted that for one second, worth every penny. Imagine never coming home and opening the door to that ripe odor again. Never looking down and seeing the tell tale spot of stinky anal juice on your favorite chair. Never watching your dog butt-scoot across the carpet in front of guests! Yeah, that operation was the right move.
2. Suebob | March 21st, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Beano – yes, absolutely. The liquid is much, much nicer than the chalky-ass pills, however. As a 20-year, cruciferous-vegetable-loving vegetarian, I give Beano a big thumbs up.
Anal sacs – I am with Clickmom. Goldie dog was in the vet’s office about every 6 weeks with the “expression” and about once a year with the major horror infection until I came to my senses and had them removed. Now all is well. No more boot-scooting, no more nasty Taco Bell dog ass smell. She is fresh as a daisy. Fresh as a dog, anyway.
3. Jamie | March 21st, 2007 at 9:11 pm
There is no happier day than the day Doc goes to the vet for anal gland expression. He is a champion asshole licker, I’m sorry to admit. Don’t ever let him give you a “kiss.” I’m just sayin.
4. page | March 21st, 2007 at 9:15 pm
I have to agree that WW is ridiculously addictive, and that half of the time I drink a glass of water just so that I can have the pleasure of watching the little smiley face appear on the screen. I, too, love cabbage and brussels sprouts, much to the chagrin of my boyfriend and co-workers, and would love to know how beano or the little Gas-ex strips works. Then the question becomes “How many points for a day’s supply of Beano ?”
Can I just tell you that I seriously weighed with and without my Diva at home this week to see if it would make a difference in my weigh-in? I’d say if you are within a 1/4 pound of your goal, it’s gonna make a difference. Sick and wrong, I know, but I once dropped trou(sers) to make my goal. That’s just the kind of girl I am. The WW, it gets into your head, n’est ce pas?
5. jonniker | March 22nd, 2007 at 4:07 am
Clickmom & Suebob: I’m not quite ready to put her under the knife yet. This is only her second expression ever, and while it was only six weeks since her last one, I want to see a little bit of a pattern first. Surgery scares me, even though I’m sure it’s fine, I want to see how she does. If she gets impacted regularly, and/or is in there all the damn time, then I might consider it. Poor Sunny. She’s so uncomfortable right now.
6. Daily Tragedies | March 22nd, 2007 at 4:19 am
Ah, Junior League. Yup, I describe it as a sorority for grown ups: more philanthropy, fewer kegstands. (This coming from someone who was never actually IN a sorority…)
It’s not generally a charity-of-the-week deal, but more on-going projects that spring up, grow and are retired as needs change over time. Like any do-gooder organization, there are those who do good, those who raise money to fund the doing of good, and those who do the administrative stuff to keep the organization doing the good.
While I own plenty of sweater sets and pearls, I also volunteer for Democratic candidates and have a pierced belly button. They haven’t kicked me out yet.
7. winterwheat | March 22nd, 2007 at 6:04 am
My next-door neighbor is a Junior Leaguer, and had a party once where I met a number of her Junior League friends, and got to learn a little about the organization. I have to say I was pretty impressed by what they’ve got going, although I realized it wasn’t for me socially when some of them were taken aback by my suggestion that the name be changed b/c it’s outdated and makes the group sound all amateurish, when in fact they’re not. That outed me as a feminist who doesn’t respect Tradition, and the women I met that night were pretty traditional, so we hit an impasse. They were perfectly nice, though, and I do think the organization does some great stuff, but I would rather hang out with artists and other ne’er-do-wells.
8. Sadie | March 22nd, 2007 at 6:14 am
I am always perplexed, disgusted, and nervous when I hear about this anal gland expression business that some dog owners speak of. Is this something I should know about? Is it only certain breeds who need this done? Because I have a lab-mix-mutt and I am wondering if I am neglecting some important ass duty.
I am also intrigued by WW. I am getting to a crisis point where I NEED to do something about the extra weight I’ve gained, it’s not something I can ignore anymore. And I tried the Sonoma Diet and it made me batshit insane after two days because of the no-sugar rule. And so many people speak highly of WW. Do I have to pay to use the online tools?
9. mar | March 22nd, 2007 at 6:42 am
on the beano question, i use the children’s gas drops (simethicone-is it the same thing that’s in beano?) after i’ve eaten my tasty, tasty broccoli & cauliflower. works wonders.
sadie, if ww charges, you can do basically the same thing at http://www.thedailyplate.com for free.
track your food intake, weight, exercise (hell, they have kissing as an exercise, so i whenever i make out w/ the boyfriend i put it on my daily workout) tells you how many calories you can have daily if you’re trying to lose 1, 2 pounds per week. i’m trying to be diligent about it. i’ve got about 15 lbs to lose.
with regard to doggy-issues: i’ve never had one, but want a puppy & my friend has been trying to talk me into it. i live in a tiny apartment, i’m gone minimum 11 hours each day, she’s having a hell of a time housebreaking the little guy & now you’re talking about anal glands? perhaps i’m better off trying out a fish first. something hardy.
10. Suebob | March 22nd, 2007 at 8:05 am
After I had Goldie’s glands out, the doc said never would have been normal because her glands were all messed up in some way I don’t even really want to know about. I should have suspected because it was such a continuing issue.
Sadie – most big dogs – and many small dogs – never have these problems. I just hit the big dog ass lottery. If your dog doesn’t stink, doesn’t do the carpet or lawn boot scoot all the time, and doesn’t spend hours licking their own butt, you are okay.
11. Pattie | March 22nd, 2007 at 9:06 am
Glad to hear from the other commenters that Beano works. I ate broccoli last week and I almost killed my family *LOL*
12. Pattie | March 22nd, 2007 at 9:08 am
Oh, I forgot to mention in my comment above that I am really enjoying reading your blog. With subjects like gas, anal glands, and that Diva Cup, it sure is fun around here!
13. Sadie | March 22nd, 2007 at 9:29 am
Whew, thanks, Suebob. I am a bad dog mother in many ways (“do you want to lick this chocolate pudding cup clean, boy?!”) but at least I am not neglecting to attend to my dog’s anal needs.
Also, I have never tried Beano so I can’t vouch for its effectiveness…but the only food that ever seems to give me excessive gas is apricots. I eat broccoli and brussels sprouts and sausage and green peppers and Mexican food, and yet my gaseous emanations are fairly consistent across the board. I think I can digest tin cans too. I should have been a goat.
14. no name slob | March 22nd, 2007 at 9:49 am
I’m really curious about Johnny’s effect on the MM album, too, but must confess I’m not crazy about MM. So therefore am unwilling to buy the album and find out for myself. Maybe you’ll consider reporting back?
Oh, and I’ve never tried Beano, so I’m useless to you there. Look at me, infrequent commenter who is all demands and no help at all!
15. jonniker | March 22nd, 2007 at 10:44 am
NNS: I’ll totally report back. I’ve been shuffling in the car, and it just hasn’t come up in full force yet. I never loved them either, and until Marr joined, “Float On” was the only thing I’d ever really listened to, like everyone else. But because I am a Smiths groupie, I couldn’t help myself.
16. Esperance | March 22nd, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Hello!
I really like your blog.
I was wondering if you were interested in a link exchange? If you are, please contact me in my blog : http://mymanythoughts.com/
Best regards,
Esperance
17. Mauigirl52 | March 22nd, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Our previous dog had the anal gland problem; we had to take her to the vet’s about once every month or month and a half to have them emptied. The vet offered to teach us how to do it…we said “no thanks, it’s worth every penny to have you do it!”
The funny thing is the procedure always got put on the bill as “Anal Express” – which made it sound like some kind of fast food joint. “Where are you going for lunch?” “Oh, I’m stopping for a quick snack at the Anal Express…”
The dog we have now doesn’t need to have her anals “expressed” but she does have leakages from time to time if she’s upset about something or surprised by something. And then she cleans them up herself (shudder). I immediately offer her a Greenie if I see her at it!
18. Lawyerish | March 22nd, 2007 at 4:16 pm
I am cracking up over MauiGirl’s Anal Express. So…many…jokes…
The Junior League. I totally have the impression that it’s a thing for women who were the popular girls in high school and in sororities in college. Is it not? Seriously?
19. Melissa | March 22nd, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I wish I’d read all the pro-Beano comments yesterday. I’d have included it as a side dish before serving a gastrointestinally disastrous meal to a man who had some … issues going on.
Lesson learned.
20. Danell | March 22nd, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Hey there! Actually, surgical removal of anal sacs isn’t something most vets are real keen on doing…the sacs are actually more like potential spaces or sinuses around the butt, so they aren’t that easy to carve out. Also, it’s fraught with the potential for nerve damage…which means possible fecal incontinence…which isn’t something most people are real happy with following a surgery to fix a stinky butt. Soooo, most of the time it’s reserved for cases of real problems like recurrent impaction (not the same as perpetually full and stinky!) or cancer.
Sometimes I recommend trying a sprinkle of unflavored Metamucil on dinner. It doesn’t always help, but some dog foods produce pretty compact stools. Compact stools are nice to clean up, but they don’t press much on the anal glands on the way out. Which is when they are normally expressed. Metamucil can help bulk to stool up a little bit. And don’t we all like to have a nice bulky stool. Heh. Ok, I’ll shut up now…ahem.
21. Suebob | March 23rd, 2007 at 8:45 am
Oh, Danell, I KNOW. My vet told me there was a tiny tiny possibility of nerve damage and then I brought Goldie home and she leaked poo all over herself. I LOST MY MIND and turned into a wailing banshee thinking I had broken my dog.
But she got better. That was one of the worst days of my life though.
22. MckeeAnnmarie35 | June 17th, 2010 at 6:18 am
Don’t you understand that it’s high time to receive the mortgage loans, which will make your dreams come true.
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