So Much
March 22nd, 2007
Well. There’s so much going on here, I’m not sure where to start. First of all, my Moon Cup arrived. Except it’s not a Moon Cup. I got The Keeper, which is so not what I ordered.
The Keeper. The one that looks like this, that I ripped on mercilessly here.
Where is my Moon Cup? Is this some kind of lesson not to judge a book by its cover? And the worst thing about it is that I’ll probably keep it (heh), because I am a wuss and don’t want to return and wait and return and wait and that whole not returning with the stem cut thing makes me irrationally scared that maybe if I get a new one, I risk getting a used one, which makes me want to cry. But then again, so does the Keeper. It’s BROWN. And POROUS. It’s going to ABSORB MENSTRUAL MOLECULES AND NEVER LET THEM GO.
And let’s face it, with the stem policy, who’s to say this one isn’t used? But let’s not think about that. (For those who missed the thread, apparently they don’t take menstrual cups back if they’ve got too much stem cut off, which begs the question: why not? WHY NOT? Are they sending unwanted cups back into the world? GOD.)
(Also, edited to add that I’m with Schnozz and I really don’t think they do, but that small, irrational part of my brain that is afraid of such things can’t entirely accept this.)
Ahem.
**
Unrelated, I went with a bold choice of earrings today, and while I wasn’t entirely sure if they were really for me, it was confirmed that indeed, they weren’t, when I returned home to find Adam staring at me, a bemused look on his face, until finally he said, “Wow. Um, you could use those as nunchuks later, if there’s some kind of…ninja emergency. You could just swing your head around. Nice.”
So there goes that.
**
Also! I am in the throes of plotting an upcoming weekend trip to Chicago, because – and this is so exciting – one of my best friends from way, way back is the lead! In Wicked! I know! If you live in Chicago, and you can go, please go. Because she’s amazing, honestly, and I quite guarantee it will be worth it. And it’s quite possible that she’s the nicest person ever, and I love when nice people get good things.
**
And now, ah, the misery that is the vet. The anal sacs just scratched the surface of the…issues.
She’s got fleas. And a yeast infection in her ear. Yeast. Fleas. Anal sacs. God.
Um, are you as itchy as I am? Because even though half of them were dead because of the Frontline. She’s Frontlined! And still! STILL! THE FLEAS OH MY GOD. She got them at the doggie spa last weekend while we were away and OH MY SWEET LORD, I can’t stop scratching and desperately seeking phantom fleas. FleaBusters are coming this weekend, and while she took some kind of Capstar something that had the fleas (THE FLEAS) literally falling off of her in little brown bits and I thought I’d kill myself right then and there, I really did.
I cannot. CANNOT STOP ITCHING, even though I’m not really itchy. However, the good news is that the infestation doesn”t seem to be bad, because the cat doesn’t have them, and thus far, Adam and I remain flea-bite free, save for the rashes we’re giving ourselves from scratching our skin raw in a bald panic. Gawd.
Lastly, because what’s a day without WW? Although I’ve been exercising consistently, I got to this point by using exercise as an excuse to hover over the sink with a jar of peanut butter after a run. Nice. And while I didn’t totally enjoy being healthy-but-hefty, one of the few side benefits of being…larger…was the boobs. Over the last few months, I’ve often looked in the mirror and marveled, because, whose boobs are those? I had boobs! Lots of boobs! And now, in a cruel twist of weight loss fate, they’re gone. The ass is there, but the boobs, they are dwindling, and it’s just one of the many, many ways that life is horrendously unfair.
ITCH. SANS BOOBS.
*The Sundays
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
25 Comments Add your own
1. Schnozz | March 22nd, 2007 at 9:38 pm
It is my fervent hope that the stem-cutting policy is just so you can’t cut the stem off, then bitch about not being able to get it out. I guess they consider it misuse that doesn’t deserve a return.
I really, really don’t think they’re recycling those things. That has to be all kinds of illegal. Let’s hope.
2. Jennifer | March 22nd, 2007 at 10:37 pm
OK, I do like dogs, I really do, even though I have cats. But this post, uhhhhh, sorta would make me think twice about getting a dog! And yeah I know cats can get fleas too but usually the Frontline works because the kitties stay HOME and don’t go off to animal Day Care, land of contagious fleas!
And the anal sacs thing sorta weirded me out. I’d never heard of them, although I’ve seen plenty of doings doing the butt-scooting thing! Now I know.
Well, she sure is a cute little thing nonetheless… and Pugs are my favorite in the small dog variety!
3. Gentry | March 23rd, 2007 at 2:04 am
What a cruel twist of fate! The keeper, I mean. On the ohter hand, I’ve never been so excited for someone else to hurry up and start their period. When do you think it’s coming? I’m going to program it in my outlook calander.
4. aly | March 23rd, 2007 at 5:13 am
FLEAS! good lord. i just went through a “flea thing”. i was watching three dogs (THREE! and mine is 14 pounds! these were… much bigger than my pansy dog!) and one of them had fleas. so now my house, THAT I JUST MOVED INTO, had fleas. i lost my shit. also? my cousin’s dog (that i was watching b/c her husband had HIP SURGERY and there was all this drama already) took fleas into her house. b/c i am nothing if not an outbreak monkey! or dog. or person. geh.
i will say though, that eventually you do stop itching. also? resist the urge to give adam a flea bath. my husband almost killed me when i (half jokingly) suggested it.
i would also request a full product review in a month (or less!) of your keeper. hee.
5. Claire | March 23rd, 2007 at 5:57 am
oh, i got mine yesterday, too. but now i’m a DIVA (*add jazz-hands here*). i found a site that sold them for cheaper than the Mooncup, so i went along with the crappy name and bought it anyway. And now that i see that i might have gotten the Keeper even if i ordered the Moon, i see it doesn’t really matter which brand i wanted. Now, patiently waiting for my next opportunity to use it……..
FLEAS. OHGOD. You’re very, very lucky that most of them are dead and that they haven’t spread because EWWW. And OHNO. I totally get the phantom scratching, too. Last night we were watching this week’s SouthPark – which is about Lice and i was totally scratching my head like i had them and was totally grossed out with myself. EW.
6. -r- | March 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 am
So cool about your friend in Chicago!!
7. Lawyerish | March 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 am
NO. THE KEEPER. It is brown! And non-porous! AAAH!
Although you know that we all expect a full report back after your, uh, first experience with the Keeper.
Fleas. Oh, God. I itch all over.
8. Swistle | March 23rd, 2007 at 6:42 am
Wait. You ordered a Moon Cup, and did not receive a Moon Cup, but instead received The Keeper? Send that thing BACK. I have already hardened my heart against The Keeper and can not be persuaded to get one, but I am eager to welcome the Moon Cup into my life upon your positive review of it. In order for this to happen, you need to have a Moon Cup. Send The Keeper back.
Also, I agree, the boob thing is totally unfair. It’s always where I lose weight first. I’m always trying to persuade my body to START WITH THE DOUBLE CHIN. OR THE BUTT. PRIORITIES, PEOPLE.
9. Christine | March 23rd, 2007 at 7:18 am
There was a time when I was a fatty fatty boomba laddy. And my gazungas, well they were massive. Then I lost weight (30ish pounds), and the boobs were still great! They were indeed awesome.
And then sometime last year I lost like ten pounds and they went to shit on me. How could they survive the big starve and not make it out of a mere fast? Assholes. Although, I will gladly take on a larger butt. Why can’t the weight just magically disappear from the ring of fat around my gut. I don’t go swimming often enough to require a life preserving tube.
10. Jamie | March 23rd, 2007 at 8:20 am
I was too busy chortling over “a…ninja emergency,” when I saw you are coming to Chicago! Yay! We will have deep dish pizza (which will absorb all your daily points, or whatever) and a cold cocktail waiting for you.
11. winterwheat | March 23rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
Sheeeit, I’d join the Chicago party in a heartbeat. Keep us Midwestern folks updated on your plans.
I think it’s the funniest twist of fate that you ended up with the Papper Keeper (as I like to think of it). Just microwave it in some water and I’m sure that’ll sterilize it between uses… right? Right??
I’m sorry about the fleas; Cowgirl got them too after a stay at “doggy camp.” I was convinced they’d infest the whole house but they did not. But the phantom itch — ohhh, I know the phantom itch. I had it for about a month after discovering a nest of big wolf spiders in our basement. *cringe*
12. erica | March 23rd, 2007 at 9:30 am
Where are youuuuuu?
Figured I’d drop a note here as I’m not sure if my email is still stuck in some crazy spam vortex.
13. Andrea | March 23rd, 2007 at 10:04 am
Jonna, you call up those people and you tell them you’re allergic to latex and that you can’t even handle the Keeper thing with your hands without breaking out in a rash. Then you demand that they overnight you what you ordered and assure them that you’ll have someone return The Keeper as soon as you get your replacement which is only to make sure they again sent you the correct one.
Sure, you may not have a latex allergy, but what if you had? Please don’t keep it. There is a reason they offer the Moon cup in silicone because of latex allergies. Even if you don’t suffer from a latex allergy, you should make them overnight you a Moon cup anyway simply on principle.
14. Jennifer | March 23rd, 2007 at 10:23 am
Andrea – go girl! You’re right, Jonniker has the right to hold the company to its business promises, insist on what she actually ordered and paid for. Can you at least phone them to discuss the matter?
Winterwheat: oooo, what does a nest of wolf spiders look like? *cringe* is right. Glad I don’t have a basement, although my attic or crawl space might be suspect…
15. Jennifer | March 23rd, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Just thought of another comment (am I bored at work today or what!), once I wore what I thought were beautiful dangly earrings and my husband asked me if I had gotten them out of some fisherman’s lures box….
16. Leah | March 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Every part of my body now itches.
17. Corinne | March 23rd, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Oh, if only I could get rid of the boobs. My husband misses the Bs. I miss not having to wear a bra.
But my ass is fabulous.
On a completely unrelated note…doesn’t the doggie spa require flea treatments? My boarder does, and if there’s one thing I comply with, it’s de-fleaing my dog. Because – ick. Which is exactly how I feel about anal sacs too.
18. jonniker | March 23rd, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Corinne: They do! That’s the thing – they really do, and for the most part, they comply, as I understand it. The dog sitter is HORRIFIED that she had fleas, just horrified. But realistically, if you’re a groomer/boarder, it’d be nearly impossible to keep them 100% under control, I would think. I mean, Sunny’s Frontlined religiously and yet, she got them – I would never think that would be feasible, but there you have it. Fleh. It was pretty foul. But the good news is, they’re gone. Hooray.
19. Amanda | March 24th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Is it weird that while I was shopping at a hippie market today and saw the Diva Cup, I thought of you?
Didn’t think so.
20. clickmom | March 24th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
You know, I am big boobed yet assless girl and you’d think if I lost weight it would have no other place to come off of but my boobs, but no, it always seems to come off the places I am not worried about. Like my wrists or something.
Life is not fair.
21. Mauigirl52 | March 25th, 2007 at 10:15 am
I believe dog fleas and cat fleas are two separate species (I am open to correctin on this but I believe it’s true). So that may be why your cat doesn’t have the fleas. Hang in there, they will go away eventually if you keep at it with the Frontline!
It is definitely a law of Weight Loss that the first place the weight decreases is the boobs. And they sag after they lose the weight. I can attest to this. And when you gain the weight back (which I always do) they get bigger again – but still sag. Sigh.
22. jonniker | March 25th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
MG: You’re right, they’re two separate species, but as I understand it, both can be affected by either one. GROSS. Also, both animals are Frontlined and Capstar’d, meaning all fleas should be dead by now. GROSS ANYWAY.
23. Urban Chick | March 26th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
man alive! the keeper is brown BEFORE usage?
ewwwwwwwwwwwww
get with the programme and get a mooncup – comes up a treat in the dishwasher provided you set it on a 60 degree centigrade wash
heh!
24. Jonniker. » When It&hellip | July 31st, 2007 at 7:52 pm
[...] So, look. I have a few menstrual cup-related notes gleaned from discussions with folks, and the most important thing that I had to learn first-hand, thankfully with corroboration, is this: Do not use The Keeper under any circumstances. I lost my Moon Cup and since I ended up with The Keeper by accident and never returned it, I figured hey! Why not? Ha. HA! [...]
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