Lost in the Supermarket
May 8th, 2007
I have a bit of a tan right now, the result of playing tourist with my parents and being out in the sun for more than three minutes at a clip. It’s nice, sort of, being tan, and it makes me long for some sort of outdoor exposure, but considering the last time I went out in the sun, my nose disappeared into the purple Barney-like entity that was my face, and wild peeling ensued for several weeks afterwards, despite my naturally olive complexion. So ah, sun. No thanks.
There was once a time, when I was in college and cruising through some kind of wild sorority rage, I became addicted to tanning – this was Syracuse, after all – and turned precisely the shade of a fresh-picked carrot, except for my white-rimmed eyes which were protected from the bright light from the tanning booth-issued goggles. My preternaturally orange color prompted a very nice, if overzealous, pledge-slash-neophyte named Shih-nan to report me, and a few others, to the standards committee in an attempt to stage a sorority tanning intervention. Our next chapter meeting involved a lot of circumspect discussion about skin cancer and tanning (*cough* Jonna *cough*) while Shih-nan glared at me pointedly, announcing that “SOME PEOPLE ARE ORANGE THIS CAN’T BE GOOD FOR YOU.”
Many years after college, Shih-nan would work for me, and lo, it was very tempting to chastise her every time she came in with a little color, but I resisted.
Other than that, hi! My parents are here! Life is awesome! Except really, there isn’t a whole lot of sarcasm there, as things are quite perky here, for the most part, as I really like spending time with them, and we’re having fun, and it’s nice to see them. That is, except for a dinner with my in-laws that required some lubrication of the Tanqueray variety that was, sadly, sorely needed, because I was a wreck in manner of oh-my-God-I-am-so-stressed-about-this-because-what-if-it-sucks kind of way, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts, meaning I have no idea how it actually went, all I know is that I was supremely uncomfortable, and maybe a little un-sober.
And oops, look at that, I have to run, because my dad, he is addicted to the Internet, and unlike two geeks like us, he doesn’t travel with a laptop. He is, however, enamored with the fact that we have wireless instead of dial-up, and has commented more than once how miraculous it is that THE INTERNET IS ALL AROUND US, and also, shockingly fast.
*The Clash. I have nothing that makes any sense.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
13 Comments Add your own
1. -R- | May 8th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I do not imagine you as a fake baker. There was a girl in my high school whose last name was Carat, and she fake baked until she turned orange, which I thought was hilarious because of the whole Carat/carrot thing. I had totally forgotten about that until I read your post. And then felt the need to share, even though it is only funny to me. Oh well. Glad you’re having fun with your parents!
2. Orange Peacock | May 8th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
I was *so* disappointed that the title didn’t refer to yet another Target adventure involving boxed wine.
3. Carol | May 9th, 2007 at 4:10 am
I would soooo have given anything to be a fly on the wall during the dinner with your parents and Adam’s parents. Let me think – did your MIL have broiled chicken????
4. Claire | May 9th, 2007 at 4:57 am
A tanning intervention. Wow. I never would have guessed that was going on in our country’s greek system.
But i have to agree with her. Orange is not natural…
5. Daily Tragedies | May 9th, 2007 at 5:31 am
I knew my life had taken a wrong turn somewhere when my parents got DSL before I did. Now, though, I have wireless and, indeed, the Internet IS all around us.
Orange? Orange is never a flattering skin color. Thank goodness for the tanning intervention!
6. TwoBusy | May 9th, 2007 at 6:28 am
I would have expected you’d see a lot of Orange people at Syracuse…
(or was that too obvious?)
7. Lawyerish | May 9th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Wow, I never would have pegged you as a tanning bed type. Of course, as we’ve discussed, I never would have guessed you were in a sorority, either.
Damn, Jonna, you’re just full of surprises! There are untold secrets at every turn!
8. EdenEising | May 9th, 2007 at 7:41 am
the internet all around us, crikey sounds like God.
9. Gentry | May 9th, 2007 at 9:25 am
You got sent to standards for tanning? I got sent for spending the night in the Phi Tau house.
10. Liz | May 9th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Just wanted to tell you that you’re my favorite blog today. I just caught up on last week, and I chuckled out loud all the way through it. THANK YOU.
11. winterwheat | May 9th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Honey, you are smart to stop tanning now, especially if you want kids. Olive skin here too, and also too much time spent in a non-sunny area. That’s a recipe for SAD and sun worship. Every spring I’d go to the tanning booth, not because I wanted to be a bronze goddess but because I was craving vitamin D and didn’t drink milk. I did a tiny amount of tanning compared to most people; we’re talking 30 minutes TOTAL, across 3-4 sessions, once a year. But it was enough to bring out brown patches that pregnancy then turned permanent. They faded a little after I stopped nursing but I’ve had to use a prescription cream to fade them further, and I’ll have to stop using it when/if I get pregnant again. Then it’ll be Hello mustache! A pregnant woman with a mustache — that’ll confuse ‘em.
12. Heather B. | May 10th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
In agreement with Lawyerish. Jonna=enigma. What will we find out next?
Though personally, my favorite tidbit was that you love Pizza Hut. That made me love you even more.
13. Healthy Lifestyle Feature&hellip | September 24th, 2007 at 1:11 am
Healthy Lifestyle Features
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting
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