Small Change
June 4th, 2007
I have The Herp again, which means the lower left-hand corner of my lip is swollen and pustuled and…well, it feels pretty tingly and gross, and I keep asking Adam if he wants to make out and surprisingly, he continues to turn me down. In truth, between freak lip and the dangerously hairy leg underneath my cast, I actually feel somewhat relieved that he’s letting me in bed at all. And, as I’ve discussed before, I’m still living in fear that I’m going to spread The Herp everywhere, and have become a model citizen in terms of hand hygiene, and if I smell Bath & Body Works Cucumber Melon anti-bac gel ONE MORE BLOODY TIME, I’m just going to smear my lips all over my body and be done with it for God’s sake, and just turn myself into a Garbage Pail Kid named Herpy Helga. I could do the circus circuit, actually, and probably make some decent money.
Somewhat separately, I got into a bit of a tiff with T-Mobile today (blah, blah, they reset my voice mail during a troubleshooting call and deleted my much-needed work related messages, blah), and I politely yet firmly expressed my displeasure…well, I tried to at least. I was very…firm and quite articulate in my dissatisfaction, right up to the point where I forcefully announced that under no circumstances would I call T-Mobile for assistance again “unless my PHONE was on fire!!”
Because a mobile phone fire is totally something I would have the flexibility to wade through three minutes of voice recognition introductions for, not to mention the vast potential for in-person help offered by some call center representative in Arizona named Dusty. And also, um, if the phone is on fire, I will not have a phone with which to call them. I also closed the call with the terrifying threat that “when my two-year mandatory unconditional contract is up I AM SO OUT OF HERE.”
I wish I were exaggerating. They are terrified of me, just petrified, can’t you tell?
(Also, that was entirely separately, not “somewhat” separately, because The Herp and T-Mobile have very little in common other than being vague nuisances.)
Even more distinct and separate, while I was out walking the other night, a neighbor stopped me and asked somewhat tentatively if I’d lost a lot of weight recently – she “didn’t want to offend,” but she noticed. Quite honestly, I can’t see how that would be offensive, because JESUS YES THANK YOU NEIGHBOR. Exactly no one in my actual life has noticed, save for a coworker who knew I was dieting all along who is being very kind and offering support by commenting how thin I look every day. But even I know how impossible it is to see weight loss on someone you see every day, because the changes are so gradual that they barely slip into our consciousness until one day everything is different, and you’re not even sure how it happened.
Not that you needed to hear this, but I’ve lost roughly 25 pounds since January, give or take a pound or two, and it’s a weird and completely exhilarating thing. It’s become passe to rely on the scale, out of fear that dieters – excuse me, lifestyle changers – will rely too heavily on the numbers instead of recognizing what’s in the mirror. To some degree, I get that, because although I don’t plan on getting carried away, I absolutely need the scale.
I need the scale to remind myself of what I look like, because I honestly have no earthly idea. I still look in the mirror and see a larger person – one who really should avoid anything sleeveless, if I’d like to protect the precious, precious eyesight of those around me. I went shopping with a friend the other day, and the things she suggested I try on simply shocked me – I can’t actually believe that I can wear them, and did you know that right now, I’m wearing a tank top? And I wore it outside of the house today and everything! And I looked almost good. Well, except for the hidden, yet excessively hairy leg and Herp-laden lip, that is. But we can’t have everything.
Happy Tuesday! I love Tuesdays.
*Tom Waits
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
19 Comments Add your own
1. Melissa | June 4th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
What a wonderful neighbor!
P.S. Sorry to hear about the herps. Godspeed the healing.
2. Aim | June 4th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
I begin to worry that you & I are the same person.
Go to your doc, get a scrip for Zovirax, keep it in the fridge, and at the first sign of the tingly lip, pop one. Lights out, Evil Herp. Seriously — I actually have a scar on my lip because I always got cold sores in the same place. (I haven’t had one in years — I’ve apparently outgrown them, or the Zovirax did a permanent number on ‘em, whatever.) This shit is da bomb. And no, I don’t like to fill my body with unnecessary medications blah blah granola fishcakes blah, but having a cold sore is agony. I’d cooperate with Al Qaeda to get rid of one.
3. jonniker | June 4th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Aim – this is going to sound crazy, but aside from the tingling and completely unattractive appearance (and um, lack of any sort of affection from Adam, who has never gotten one and is a little grossed out), they don’t bother me that much. Well, usually, that is. Once in a while I’ll get a big miserable one, but most of the time they’re a minor nuisance. I’m not one of those people who has her entire face taken over by one, thank God. It is intensely irritating, however, because they appear so quickly, without warning or days of tingling. I wake up in the morning, and oh hello! The Herp is here! So nice to see you.
What I am TERRIFIED of, however, is The Eye Herp, or The Nose Herp, or The Finger Herp or, God forbid, The Herp Herp because I accidentally touched my lip and then touched…well, any of those other places.
4. Melanie | June 4th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Yum, herpes. My husband will run away from his mother’s used cups to avoid herpes. Your neighbor is awesome. And if TMobile keeps giving you trouble, just go straight to the top. I did it after agonizing times with Dell and managed to get $100 off my bill. Which isn’t a ton, but did make me feel slightly better.
5. ali | June 4th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
mmm…hairy legs and herpes…delish.
6. Jamie | June 5th, 2007 at 5:01 am
Jesus Mary and Joseph on Toast! 25 pounds?! Congratulations! That is so exciting! I’m going to go now! And stop using unnecessarily dramatic punctuation!
7. TwoBusy | June 5th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Of course, given your propensity for doing things like – oh, I don’t know, dropping your phone into the oven – a mobile phone fire isn’t an entirely far-fetched scenario.
8. claire | June 5th, 2007 at 6:20 am
funny, i wouldn’t have thought that you could HAVE 25 lbs to drop. Obviously, my professional opinion comes from pictures… which i guess are even just head-shots on your site, so…. i probably have no reason to chime in on this. Good for you!! 25 lbs makes a big difference and can make you so much more comfortable. Yay!
Also, Herpy Helga? Brilliant.
9. Cassidy | June 5th, 2007 at 6:41 am
My mother never allowed me to have any garbage pail kids cards. I wanted them SO badly. I have no idea why.
10. erica | June 5th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Congrats on the W2 success!
You must be so happy! YAY!
If I was there I would give you a big hug.
-e
11. Andrea | June 5th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Yay for 25 pounds lighter!
OMG I haven’t thought of the Garbage Pail Kids in years! I loved those cards! I remember when Dairy Queen was giving away a package with the purchase of a banana split. I had a lot of those that summer. Herpy Helga. That’s too funny!
12. j.k | June 5th, 2007 at 10:11 am
If it makes you feel better (and it will) please revel in the fact that I currently have a WART on MY FACE. Much, much worse than a herp lip. Okay. In my defence, you can’t see it, it’s under my jaw line. I think it’s caused by the same virus. Nice. I’ve never had a wart. EVER. Husband is not impressed. That makes two of us. Well, the two of us and now all of you, too.
13. Spring | June 5th, 2007 at 10:12 am
I say if the scale motivates you, stick with it. I’m so visual that I can’t see the number 100 without wanting the little pointer to go there. Or under it. And that’s when we get in trouble.
Good job on the lifestyle changing!
14. winterwheat | June 5th, 2007 at 11:43 am
I’m sure you look gorgeous, herp and all. But cast–CAST? I’ve been out of town too long. Must go back through your recent posts… Hope you’re okay! *concerned*
15. Daily Tragedies | June 5th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Hooray for the 25-pound loss, AND that someone noticed!
And now, for my Science Geek trick: I am compelled to remind you that The Herp is caused by a virus and all the anti-bacterial products in the world won’t do a darn thing, except, of course, contribute to the legions of drug-resistant bacteria strains.
16. Alexa | June 5th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
“Didn’t want to offend?” What a delightful neighbor you have. Congratulations on the loss–and I am with you on the scale, I have exactly zero ability to discern my own weight loss without seeing the numbers.
17. jonniker | June 5th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
DT: But…won’t the alcohol in the gel kill the virus? By “anti-bacterial” I’m pretty sure they mean straight-up alcohol (yep, in fact, I just looked, and indeed they do), which kills whatever’s on your hands, kind of like Lysol, right? I only do it in situations where I can’t wash my hands.
18. Maya (Meepers) | June 5th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Cassidy, don’t feel bad, my mom wouldn’t let me have Garbage Pail Kids either (yet….I still did…hmmm). I agree – you would NEVER have known that you had 25 lbs to lose. I keep telling myself that it isn’t *that* noticeable that I have (cough) 35-45 to go myself, but I am wrong. Dead wrong. You’re good inspiration – between the motivational speech and Tub Girl, things are looking down for my appetite (a good thing).
Lip herp – Mmmmmmm! So I take it no sexysexy time? LOL
19. Leane | June 5th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Congrats on the weight loss!! The Herp is definitely weird. Because it definitely doesn’t affect everyone the same. My husband can have a cold sore and I have yet to get one on my mouth at all from kissing him. I obviously try to avoid it but often i’ve kissed him before he realizes he has one or something. So..knock on wood none ever on my mouth. Though I’ve learned ixnay on the raloay exsay when he has one! (pig latin. In case my mother is reading this)
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