Fluffy Tufts
June 19th, 2007
Not to belabor the point, but I learned that boyshorts really aren’t shorts, they’re more like thong hybrids, and the tanga is just one of those things that makes no sense at all. To clarify, just in case anyone was as confused as I was. And look! A panty primer! (Seriously, I found it very helpful, and I think what I was asking about is the “thongboy,” which sounds vaguely dirty.) (Also, why can’t it be an underpants primer? And further, Leane doesn’t like underpants OR underwear, so I ask: what do you call them? I wish we were in the UK and called them knickers. That’s my preference. Not that you asked.)
Oddly, this is the perfect segue, for while I waiting for my coffee at Starbucks this morning, an older woman was sitting with her back facing me, and her pants–clearly not fitting her properly– had slid down a little … as in, I could see her whole ass. Her whole, unadorned, naked ass just resting on the Starbucks seat. So the question is this: what would you do? Would you–could you–walk away, leaving her entirely nude ass exposed to the elements, not to mention picking up unknown bacteria, and um, leaving some of her own behind, I’m sure? Or would you say something?
There’s no denying that there are pros and cons of each, not the least of which is the mean-spirited bit of humor knowing that other people were very likely catching this whole-assery as well, and my God, it was…well, it was kind of funny, although I don’t like to admit it, but when was the last time you saw someone with their pants down and absolutely no knowledge of it? And further, how does that happen? I understand that when you get older, your faculties become a little dull, but she seemed to be relatively well-dressed and highly functioning, and she was carrying on a conversation, for chrissake.
I said something. I had to. How could I live with myself? It’s worth nothing that had she been a man, I wouldn’t have said a word. Once, many years ago, I was having lunch at a Taco Bell when a man, who had clearly just come back from a run, sat at a nearby booth and (oh my God) one of his testicles escaped the protective confines of his running shorts, and I said nothing because … well, I mean, it could have been an invitation for all I knew, plus I don’t understand the pain of a rogue nutsac (sack? Experts seem divided). But this was a woman–granted, an older woman of my grandmother’s generation–and we’ve all been the victim of baring something accidentally, be it a boob or a pair of underpants. (Granted, not a whole ass, but still.)
I don’t think she agreed. First of all, she was nearly deaf, and when I tried to whisper that perhaps her pants were slipping a bit in the back and she might want to take a peek, she yelled “WHAT? WHAT?” in response, which required me to speak up, and finally she yelled at me, “SO YOU ARE SAYING MY SKIN IS SHOWING BACK THERE?” This, of course, made the entire restaurant turn to stare, and at that point I just left, whole ass and all, because her perfunctory pull-up did absolutely nothing to stave the flow of crack, but no one can say I didn’t try my best, because I did, I really did.
All of this happened, by the way, before 9 a.m., and the rest of the day continued along uneventfully, except did I forget to tell you guys that I’ve been back to Bath & Body Works three more times? For nothing good, NOTHING GOOD AT ALL, except what is now an embarrassing collection of lotions that I don’t really use? It’s a strange sort of compulsion that I am unable to stop.
And finally, I wanted to say thank you, because Andrea is right: you guys are hilarious, and I’m very grateful for my smallish, tight-knittish readership and commenters (and if you’re reading, and not commenting, why? I mean, I understand, because I am a sucky commenter too, it’s just that I want to know who you are so that I can say hi!). You are honestly the highlight of my morning reading almost every day–not just your comments, but your blogs, because I read them all, I really do. That being said, if you don’t want to or just generally don’t comment, that’s okay too. I appreciate that you’re here with me anyway.
Not to go all…meta (HATE) on you, but it really irks me when writers of any kind (bloggers, media, whatever) demonstrate a regular level of superior disdain for their readers, because no matter how cruddy assvice and crappy e-mails can feel, for every shitbox of a reader, there are oodles of nice ones, and why, just why, insult the nice ones? And further, in the case of a paid job, and that totally includes blogging in some cases, aren’t those readers–even the crappy ones–the reason that you get a paycheck? I’m will admit, it happens to me so infrequently (at least here, because no lie, you’re the nicest group of people I’ve ever encountered) that I can’t entirely judge, but it mystifies me nonetheless.
Happy Wednesday!
*Cocteau Twins. I’ve been on a four-month kick and listening to them constantly.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
75 Comments Add your own
1. Jessica | June 19th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Oh Hai,
commenting! Second time. You are hilarious. I wish I could write like you, if I could I would have a blog. Eh, and this is So embarassing because this comment is lame and my sister reads too and she’s gonna notice and think i’m dumb. Nowhere to go from here. I wish I could stop typing, but I can’t. OK bye.
Jess
2. Jana | June 19th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I’m a horrible commenter, mainly because I think my comments sound stupid so I don’t contribute them very often. But, I just wanted to say that you crack me up on a daily basis and I wish I were half the writer you are.
3. Janssen | June 19th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Well, after that super nice little paragraph at the end, I just had no choice but to comment. I love your blog, especially because HOORAY! you update like EVERY DANG DAY. And that makes you completely awesome in my book. And I’m seriously contemplating the purchase a moon cup.
4. jonniker | June 19th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Oh my God, first of all, you guys, no comment is stupid, I swear. I love them–the whole reason I’ve become attached to this is because of the people I’ve “met” and the interesting things they say, even when they feel like they’re saying nothing at all. It’s an honest pleasure, I genuinely mean it.
5. Beth | June 19th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Oh goodness. Maybe you should have just casually draped a napkin over the back of her chair and left it at that?
6. aly | June 19th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
i’m a random commenter only b/c i feel as if i can’t compete. i mean, come on– i have NO POEMS about moon cups or ass cracks or even song titles most of the time. plus, i read you via google reader (most days from work) so that makes it more complicated…..
also? i am so impressed with you that you tried to tell that old lady about her ass. i am going to hell b/c i would have just pointed and laughed and/or recoiled in horror, never saying a word.
(but there’s some karma in there for you since yesterday i ran an entire trial– in a courtroom with my co workers watching!- with my fly down).(and no one said anything until afterwards when my supervisor GIGGLED IT at me)
7. Melanie | June 19th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
I have a commenting problem. I do it instead of actually writing my own blog. I probably spend more time writing comments on the 1002 blogs I read than I would if I updated my own every day, but it’s so much easier to a) just respond to somebody else’s creativity/brain farts and b) write shorter and pithier, which is what comments tend to be for me. Oh, and probably because I am an annoying person who has An Opinion About Everything and a need to share it whether the internet truly gives a fuck or not.
8. Kristin | June 19th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
I also don’t comment a lot because…well, I tend to overthink things. I’m one of those people who, in a confrontation, will say something completely inane and then, after replaying the conversation in my head for the next three days, finally come up with the perfect retort. Sometimes, if I work hard enough, I can convince myself that I actually DID say something totally witty, but I have to keep squashing down the little voice inside that reminds me I did not actually say the right thing. See, here I am, doing it again. What was the question?
9. margot | June 19th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
OMG, I’ve soooo been there, like today for example!! I live in the windy city, and lo, it is that very often. I was downtown (windier) wearing a floofy knee-length American Apparel skirt and was gripping two Trader Joe’s grocery bags. I remember thinking to myself how tricky this scenario could get since I had no free hands with which to hold down my skirt if a stiff breeze flew. Ironically that thought occurred right as I was descending into the subway, when I had a serious Marylin Monroe moment in the stairwell. I was SO glad there was no one in front of me because for sure they would have glimpsed the minge.
10. Amanda | June 19th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
You’re too kind, making us commenters feel so special. Thanks for the love.
Your posts are always so multi-faceted that I never know which part to comment on, so sometimes I don’t bother. I DO read you every day, however, and you always make me laugh, and I am sad when there’s no update.
11. Crystal | June 19th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
You are more brave than I. I would have never, could never, have told the woman her ass was showing. I felt weird when someone came up to me to simply inform me that the tag was sticking out of the back of my shirt.
12. Carol | June 19th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I cannot believe you said something to her…you are too nice. And of course she was hard-of-hearing. That shit always happens to you!
my question, though, is how – in this heat and humidity (just got off a plane from MN) can you drink hot coffee????
13. Stacy | June 19th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
I’m one of those bad people that read daily and never comment. Of all my blogs, you’re leading the tally of those that make me laugh so hard I spit Diet Coke all over the keyboard.
So.. umm. Congrats! (and thank you – I love to laugh)
14. Melissa | June 19th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Good of you to say something to her – I don’t care how good a woman thinks her ass looks, chances are she doesn’t want the entire thing exposed at Starbucks.
15. Maya | June 20th, 2007 at 1:00 am
Well….now, I don’t know if you deign to read my pointless drivel ro not….but do know that I So, SO love your posts, the Cocteau Twins, and many of the other artists you reference as song titles.
Put it this way: If my husband were to have read blogs 8 years ago, he prob. would have proposed to you on the basis of your title selections alone.
Ass in a public place = Bad.
16. bubandpie | June 20th, 2007 at 4:14 am
You caught me! I’ve been lurkish since the beginning of the month, and then here I was this morning, thinking of how funny you are (thongboy!) and feeling simultaneously amused and intimidated by all the wit, and then you come out with all the love so now I feel so included!
So, um, hi!
17. jonniker | June 20th, 2007 at 4:39 am
Maya: Deign! What on earth do you mean! I read EVERY SINGLE COMMENT, usually two or three times, honest, and it’s never pointless drivel.
Also Carol, you’re not HERE are you? You’re in Minnesota? Or home from Minnesota? AS LONG AS IT ISN’T HERE or I would go pick you up.
18. claire | June 20th, 2007 at 5:40 am
You know, a few years ago, full ass-exposure was totally in style at the community college i was attending. All of the 18 year old girls would sit in class, much like that – pants a leeetle too low, asses hanging out the back of their chairs. Granted, there was maybe a g-string involved, but it’s not like that’s really hiding anything. Feh.
Good for you for saying something, i would have been too embarrassed for her to even approach her.
19. Sadie | June 20th, 2007 at 6:08 am
Ditto to Melanie’s comment – I am blogless because I am lazy, but somehow I find the motivation to comment all over the interwebnets. Maybe it’s because the topics are already thought up for me – and your blog is always choc-a-bloc with material – plus from reading you, I feel like we have a lot in common and would get along famously IRL. Which I hope you don’t think is creepy, and I promise I’m not in your bushes outside or anything. *rustle rustle*
Also, I applaud you for attempting to help the asstastic lady at Starbucks – I would have done the same. it is not your fault that she was a stupid hollering person, though one could surmise from the fact that she didn’t notice her NAKED BUM was hanging out in public that she wasn’t a real sharp individual. At least, AT LEAST she didn’t have a whale tail, because the only thing more jarring than a naked grandmotherly ass is a grandmotherly ass with a thong on.
20. Joni | June 20th, 2007 at 6:08 am
Jonniker- your sweet comments forced me to de-lurk. And, unfortunately, I have been a victim of public display of ass. In college, I got in an argument with a bum on the bus in Madison who kept wanting to breath in my ear (gross, no?) So I got up very huffily and threw my backpack on and stormed off the bus. As I walked down the stairs and off the bus, I noticed it felt strangely air conditioned back there. Turns out, when I had put on my backpack, it had hijacked my skirt so my entire tanga-d ass was blaring to the bus full of crazies. And no one said anything to me. Could have died. Of course, this is also the bus where my lunch cooler leaked all over me and it looked like i peed my pants. So perhaps I am the crazy. Either way, good for you for telling that woman.
21. Jamie | June 20th, 2007 at 6:17 am
I recently hit up the online B&BW sale, and oh my GOD…did I really need those 3-for-$10 antibacterial lotions? Of course not. $70 later, I’m smellin’ good in the neighborhood. Like Applebee’s, only without all the local paraphenalia haphazardly hung about.
Maybe I can send you my 3-for-$10 antibacterial lotions and gels to spread on the next seat you use at Starbucks? Because there may have been a bare ass there prior to you. Frightening.
22. LyndaL | June 20th, 2007 at 6:30 am
Well, see now I feel guilty and have to comment. Love your blog, too lazy/embarassed/uncreative to comment but read compulsively. Don’t have a blog myself, well except one about running but that’s really dull. But! But! (Or should that be butt….) I did see the Cocteau Twins in concert in Edinburgh (where I live) back in….ooh, 1983 or so. Guitarist broke a string, crowd laughed, they both stomped off stage in a huff and refused to come back on. Oh well. Does that make me interesting? Thought not.
23. sam | June 20th, 2007 at 6:50 am
I think you encountered the WORST possible asscrack situation. I can’t imagine trying to discreetly tell someone her butt is visible to the entire world to have her NOT be able to hear you! Ack! I would have died! And the fear of something like that happening is exactly why I would never say anything to begin with. You’re a brave woman!
24. Spring | June 20th, 2007 at 6:52 am
Hi! Love!
25. -R- | June 20th, 2007 at 6:57 am
I have thought about quitting the whole blog thing, but then I think, But I will miss reading the awesome comments I get every day! Is that weird? And I always love the comments you get. Joni cracked me up today.
26. p|b | June 20th, 2007 at 6:59 am
“whole-assery” is by far the phrase of 2007. It’s the best response to any question.
Q: What time is it?
A: Why don’t you get over your “whole-assery” attitude an find out for yourself.
Q: How was your day?
A: Well beyond the “whole-assery” situation at work, it was great.
I wasn’t sure if you welcomed comments from people you didn’t know – as in, was this a blog where you only liked your friends to read, not people you don’t know, who live in Texas. But I was reading anyway. And you are freaking hilarious. My day lights up when you post a new blog. That’s just a tiny bit sad isn’t it.
27. Sarah | June 20th, 2007 at 7:02 am
Hi! I read your blog regularly … and have gone through approximately 95% of the archives. So! I’m commenting. To say you’re funny! And I adore your blog! And!… now I think it’s time to retreat back into the shadows.
28. jonniker | June 20th, 2007 at 7:08 am
First of all Joni, you killed me with that story. I can picture it!
Secondly, oh my GOD, pb, no! Not just friends! The only reason it seems familiar is that many regular commenters have BECOME friends, because I’ve gotten to know them here. Hooray!
29. Andrea | June 20th, 2007 at 7:23 am
I’m very comfortable commenting here (possibly oversharing on every occasion) because your posts are so honest, and I can’t speak for other regular commenters, but I have the impression they feel as free here as I do. And your honesty, even about small things like having your cherries stolen at your work and your hairdresser escapades are so open and, I don’t know, innocent. And yet you’re not innocent, not entirely, because I’ve learned more nasty slang from you (felching, for example) than I’ve learned from anyone, but I share your horror of it.
I’m having a hard time articulating what I want to say, mainly that I comment because you strike a nerve on every single post you write. There’s always something that either had occurred to me as I’m reading and then you say just what I’m thinking, or you say something and your description hits me as so totally accurate that I laugh out loud. And yet even when you’re writing very stream-of-consciousness stuff, it’s interesting in a way that would simply be navel gazing on some other blog because you have such a way with words.
I would marry you if you weren’t already married. And if I wasn’t already married. And if I lived near you.
Okay, see what I mean about the overshare? Every. stinkin. time I comment!
30. Andrea | June 20th, 2007 at 7:24 am
And bravo telling the woman about her whole-assery. I’m with plb. Whole-assery is the best phrase of 2007 and I’m promptly stealing it.
31. amandampc | June 20th, 2007 at 7:27 am
I lurk and laugh here on a regular basis – your humor, writing style, observations and all else are priceless. I don’t have a blog to share but really love yours! Thanks for doing what you do.
32. Cindy | June 20th, 2007 at 7:30 am
Ok, ok, I’ve been reading you for months now, and never commented, but you guilted me into it! I adore your blog, and check at least twice a day to see if you’ve got a new post. Makes my days of drudgery here at work brighter. Thanks for that! And thanks for the exposed ass story – hilarious! I remember once in high school, we went to the demolition derby at the county fair (yeah, that’s right – I grew up in small town Iowa – t’weren’t nuthin else to do), Anyway, there was a guy a few rows down showing, oh, I’d say at least 6 inches of prime, hairy crack. So we folded a program into a paper airplane, and in a never duplicated feat of skill, I sailed that plane directly into the offending crevasse. Hilarious, and effective, ’cause he sure pulled his pants up in a hurry!
33. Rebekah | June 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am
I always read and never comment, and now I feel bad, so, hi! You rule, and I love the stories you share.
Especially bare-assed old ladies stories. That is hilarious, and how can you not know when your ass is entirely exposed in the middle of Starbucks?
34. Crystal In Texas | June 20th, 2007 at 8:17 am
Okay I have commented one or two times, usually only when something is mentioned that asks for opinions on the ever popular opinion/social spectrum….but now, I will start commenting just as a ‘friend’….because I DO read everyday and feel like I “know” you, so you should know something of me/us too, right?
And I do love reading the comments section here!
Also, is it just me or do you (and others here) find yourself thinking of the ppl whose blogs you read whenever you are reading/thinking of something IRL? For instance, I will be reading a book and an opinion will be stated and I’ll think “wonder what Jonna would think of that?” or “wonder if Jonna has ever read this and what would she think?”
Just using you as an example, I think this about other bloggers too, (also not in your bushes *rustle*).
35. Amy | June 20th, 2007 at 8:18 am
i am commenting bc i read your blog regularly…and realized i never comment.
i have an irish friend that calls them knickers…and i just looked at her the first time she said it…like…what? i think i am going to start to refer to them as this. why not?
i laughed out loud at my desk at the starbuck/butt lady.
36. Laurel | June 20th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Is it sad that I totally would have let that lady’s ass just hang? I am so not confrontational. Well, at least you get major good karma for letting her know!
37. Melissa | June 20th, 2007 at 8:59 am
This is me waving my hand since I never comment. Hello! Your blog is such a funny, bright spot in my day. Thanks! In fact, I wonder why I’ve never commented before, but maybe this is a start.
38. mcgee | June 20th, 2007 at 9:15 am
hi! i started reading your blog last week and already i am a devoted fan. man you’re good. haven’t commented yet because i haven’t been able to think of anything clever to say (clearly), but i wanted to make myself known. =)
39. Swistle | June 20th, 2007 at 9:42 am
I stood outside the window of Bath & Body Works this weekend, drooling but not going in. “You don’t LIKE fruit scents,” I told myself. “You don’t like the vanillas or florals either. You don’t need scented anitbacterial hand gel. Don’t go in. Sales don’t matter if you don’t like what’s on sale. Don’t do it!” And I didn’t. But it was close. (I DO like their lavendar-vanilla.)
40. Jhianna | June 20th, 2007 at 9:43 am
You’re one of my favorite blogs – and I’ve hooked my husband as well. Anytime we see anything to do with yoga, one of us yells “Namaste THIS, bitches!” at the TV.
I’m a lurker by nature, but I’m trying to comment more – love the comments on my own blog.
So hi!
41. jonniker | June 20th, 2007 at 9:47 am
Okay, first of all, I’m floored and touched. You should all know that, because I am. I am literally speechless.
Crystal in Texas, you made me get teary, because I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, because I totally feel that way about other writers I read, and the fact that you would even think that, much less let me know, is beyond touching, honestly. Thank you.
Laurel, oh my God, your comment killed me. Because next time, I’m totally not saying anything. I am basically all set with pointing out people’s naked bums, oh my stars.
42. Sues | June 20th, 2007 at 9:48 am
I adore your blog. You’re too funny. I also had a sticky situation. The neighborhood whack job (honestly it’s the nicest name I can come up with for someone who yells at passing cars among other things) was doing some lawn work for a store. He was kneeling down edging with his ass crack showing – I mean a good 7 inches – can’t they feel the breeze? I didn’t say anything because he was edging with a hatchet. I kid you not. I don’t think he would’ve been grateful to me for saying anything either. Bastard!!
43. Jeanne | June 20th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Let me join the others and thank you for sharing your thoughts/experiences on a regular basis. The first thing I do every day at work is pop in to see if you’ve written anything new. Then I check back throughout the day to read any new comments (although I think I’ve only commented once myself). I found your blog through the one other that I read (during the Moon Cup/Diva discussions), and you’ve become my number one go-to in cyberland. You’ve imparted so much useful information regarding lingerie, femenine hygene, literature, among other things, in a fun, interesting, irreverant way that I enjoy so much. And so many fascinating things go on in your world: the whole-assery, the doggy poo, the “sexy” comment from your MIL… Even the normally mundane is made interesting when you put your spin on it. So thanks!
44. Jurgen Nation | June 20th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Hi! I read you through reader and am a shiteous commenter, but HI! Just wanted to pop in to tell you that I would have done EXACTLY what you did with the old woman (even if it were for purely selfish reasons, as in, NOT WANTING YOUR EYES TO BLEED). Also, your last paragraph about the disdain of “certain” bloggers has always, always bothered me. I’ve vowed to answer every fricking e-mail and will always do everything I can to respond to comments in some way or another because, seriously? I think those people are asshats. I’ve written 3 “big time” bloggers for various reasons and none of them bothered with a response. Even if it were three months later, I would have been happy.
Now I hate them and trash talk whenever possible. Hmph.
45. jonniker | June 20th, 2007 at 11:54 am
JN: I wasn’t thinking of that, necessarily, but I understand why you’d be upset. Then again, I think for some of them, the volume of e-mail is overwhelming, I really do, and I know how badly *I* suck at e-mail sometimes, and I get like nothing at all, so who knows? I guess I was thinking of everyone else, too, not just bloggers, necessarily–the media is guilty, sometimes, of assuming that their readers are dumb, and while that might be true, without readers, none of them or us would have a job and/or a blog.
One of the first shitty comments I ever got really upset me–this was ages ago–and I told Adam about it, and his only response was, “Dude, they’re reading you. You moved them to react, and while you don’t like their reaction, it’s still a Good Thing.” And I’ve always figured he’s sort of right. Then again, I’ve never received assloads of hatemail or truckloads of dumb comments or angry letters to the editor written with such poor punctuation I can hardly see straight. But again, for every stupid comment/letter to the editor someone gets, there are a thousand people who really appreciate whatever it is you’re doing, and that’s the best thing we can all focus on, I think.
46. Heather B. | June 20th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
I agree with both you and JN in fact I even have a good story about that that and will share it umm….not in your comments section. But it’s a good one.
Hello, Jonna, just saying hi and commenting because I think you’re pretty cool and such. That’s all.
47. Amy | June 20th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
HI Jonniker! Dana at Mamalogues turned me on to your blog and now I read every day. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!! I happened to be sitting behind someone at a rodeo one time that had a hairy crack out and after one too many spilled a bit of beer down the offending crack. That poor guy moved so fast he might have pulled something. At least I didn’t have to look at the crack anymore. There is something about an offending crack that draws attention and I can’t help but look. The more I try not to notice the worse it gets so I would have said something also.
48. lightspeed | June 20th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Ahem. I *love* tangas. No lines under my pants, yet enough coverage to not have my bare ass hanging out.
p.s. I have become another faithful follower of the Diva Cup. Mwah!
49. clickmom | June 20th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
In that situaton I would have snuck my (always ready for action) point and shoot camera out of my purse and snapped a quick one so that I could blog about it later. Really, I would have.
50. TamiW | June 20th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Coming out of lurkdom to say hi.
Hi.
51. Taylor | June 20th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Coming out to say HI as well because of your so kind comments. I usually don’t comment only because when I do finally think of something half-way witty to say the day is over and then I feel silly. But you have inspired me to buy a Moon Cup so thanks for that. And I also spend too much money at BBW. Why, I don’t know.
52. jonniker | June 20th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Taylor: Do you like it? Have you used it more than once?
Everyone: It’s so nice to see your little faces! Really. Thank you.
53. TwoBusy | June 20th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Kumbaya, my lord… Kumbaya…
54. Leane | June 20th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Ahh i knew I loved you. We share the moisturizer/scented lotion etc. addiction. And it is an addiction. I’m powerless to it, I’ve decided.
Regarding the woman who’s bottom was bare..I guess I think if someone’s THAT OBLIVIOUS to their whole butt being there for the world to see? They deserve to have it showing. Though yesterday someone at work told me my button was unbuttoned and I appreciated it. That was the button that falls between the boobage–so it was important.
55. EDW | June 20th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Hi. I comment occasionally! You have a HUGE readership – really, look at this post – and every other one has so many comments, I usually have nothing left to say. Also, you know you’re big when you get negative comments – I can’t even get my offline friends to read my blog.
56. theotherbear | June 20th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
I think I have commented before. If I hadn’t I would have been forced to by this post, just so I can tell you I hate the word panty. I call them undies. It may be an Aussie thing. Panty sounds so dirty.
57. Cassidy | June 20th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Dear Jonniker,
You are brave. Very brave. I would have taken a peak at the bum, had a good laugh and kept on going, Maybe telling some friends and co-workers throughout the day.
I could not agree more with theotherbear. Panty is such a gross word. It does sound dirty. And I think that is because everytime I hear panty I think of panty waste which is just so horrifying to think about. I am sorry that I even typed it, but I just had to.
Saw Knocked Up this weekend because of the comments on your blog actually. I even noticed parts that people mentioned on your comment section. Isn’t that funny? I am glad that we are all on the same page here. It’s like our own little forum and I love it.
Love,
Cassidy
58. lizgwiz | June 21st, 2007 at 7:15 am
I just have to point out that “Rogue Nutsac(k)” would make a great name for a rock band.
59. Suebob | June 21st, 2007 at 8:51 am
I am so happy to come here and see 58 comments!! I feel so proud and clever to have been an early Jonniker adopter (because it IS all about me, you know). I can’t wait until you are in the Technorati top 100 and then I will feel really, really smart and smug.
You do have the best comment section in Blogdom.
I told all my coworkers the Starbucks story and they laughed and laughed.
60. Beth | June 21st, 2007 at 8:54 am
Oh, poor hearing and ass-crackery are a bad combination, obviously. I saw two exposed asses in the past year or so — one at a restaurant and one in my son’s kindergarten class. Regarding the latter, I didn’t say anything because the poor child wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it, as her mother obviously let her wear clothing a coupla sizes too small (and I figured the mother would eventually figure out the problem on her own). Regarding the former, well, the young woman was sporting more of a mail slot than a coin slot, but I kind of wondered if perhaps she was doing it on purpose. She was also sitting with friends, and I assumed if any notification were necessary, said friends would take care of it. But I think the next time I encounter an adult with an exposed ass, I may just write her/him a note and deliver it on my way out the door. There’s no way I would want to hang around and have an ass-crack conversation. ;^)
61. ali | June 21st, 2007 at 10:52 am
i’m partial to nutsack over nutsac,
jesus, that sounded bad
bwah.
62. Mandee | June 21st, 2007 at 11:01 am
Guilted into commenting. I, too, read everyday and figure it can probably be pretty freaky to know that someone is lurking without any idea who they are. So, it’s just me. Laughing my ass off every morning and envying your encyclopedic knowledge of song titles.
63. claire | June 21st, 2007 at 11:04 am
holy popular, jonna…
64. AndreAnna | June 21st, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Hi, my name is AndreAnna and I’m a lurker.
Recovered lurker. About 3 months lurk-free now.
I just happened upon your blog recently and have spent some time catching up on old posts – you are one funny chick.
And I always thought it was nutsack, as in derived from a sack o’ nuts. But, I just learned what “taint” was a few weeks ago, so my knowledge of male colloquialisms can not be depended on,
Thanks for making me giggle!
65. Jen | June 21st, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I’m so very late to the comment/de-lurk bandwagon, but just wanted to add my two-cents of love. I love your style, and you never fail to amuse me. I rarely comment because of the few times I have, one time I think I unintentionally offended you because of my hate for music from Grey’s Anatomy, and from that time on, I’ve been intimidated. At any rate, thanks for writing! Love it!
66. jonniker | June 21st, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Oh Jesus, Jen, DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED. We were discussing it! You spurred discussion! It was a good thing that it happened, and you were not offensive, and frankly, I’m horrified with myself that I made you feel the slightest bit intimidated, because that’s not right. I apologize. Sometimes I get all riled up about something, and it comes out at the person who brought it up, instead of a general statement directed at no one, and that’s likely what happened, and I’m really sorry–my brain-to-mouth filter, it seems to be broken.
(Incidentally, I just re-read the discussion, and you started one of the best threads in it, so there’s no place for being intimidated here! NO PLACE! In fact, you should do it more often.)
Seriously, I sincerely apologize, because that wasn’t right, if that’s how I made you feel. I’m sorry Jen.
67. no name slob | June 22nd, 2007 at 4:59 am
Late! I’m late. But I’m a habitual reader and infrequent commenter, and here’s why: I often start comments, relating to some funny or interesting or thought-provoking thing you’ve said, I get halfway or three-quarters or so into the comment, read it over, and realize it’s all ME ME ME. And I think, god, this just makes me look like a big self-absorbed prick, and not even in a funny or interesting or thought-provoking way. I hate noticing that I’m being that person who thinks that the only way to take part in a conversation is by turning it towards herself. So I delete the comment and lapse back into appreciative and relatively non-pricky silence.
I do this style of almost-commenting a lot over at “Leah”‘s blog (agirlandaboy Leah, I’ve noticed you have other Leah commenters), too. I suck.
And look at that! Even this is self-absorbed!
68. Angella | June 22nd, 2007 at 6:14 am
Hi! Just getting caught up here. I don’t comment often because I read you through my reader, and often don’t have anything to add. Stupid, I know, because I myself live for comments. I used to be a person who commented on every single post I read, but my blogroll is growing and I HAVE NO TIME. Three kids does that to you.
Anyhoo – you are hilarious and I appreciate your posts
69. boccadice | July 4th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Long time reader, first time poster ….
I had to share (God only knows why, maybe because you share so openly and honestly) an embarrasing event that occured to be involving the inadvertant display of flesh …
I am a woman of substance (a VERY substantial woman!) and after visiting the bathroom at work, walked along the corridor, into the kitchen which was full of the chattering crowd of morning tea (mostly men, around 6 or 7 people). I bent down to retrieve my mug from the cupboard, pointing my (as previously mentioned) SUBSTANTIAL ASS in the direction of the said mob … when the lone girl in the room tapped me on my shoulder to let me know that I had tucked my skirt into my knickers (that is just for you Jonniker!) and was displaying my (did I mention I have a lot of backside?) sexy black cotton behind to all and sundry.
I had been in this job all of 2 weeks.
Blush? I could have melted into the floor!
70. Jonniker. » Girls &&hellip | July 4th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
[...] But I digress. While perusing the undies and picking up a few boyshorts, a boob popped out in my face. A boob! A pierced boob! People are undressing before me all OVER the place, and what am I supposed to do about it? Is this some kind of test? The worst part is that I could see that it was about to happen. I saw the tank top give way, saw the boob about to break free, and for one fleeting moment, considered screaming, “YOUR BOOB! YOUR BOOB!” but remembering the Starbucks incident, I stayed quiet. And then…there it was. An entire boob, with a pale-blue barbell through it, just staring me in the face as its owner and I hovered over the size M thongboys. It almost brushed my NOSTRIL at one point, but I stayed calm, despite the fact that she remained oblivious to the exposed barbell, until finally, she giggled and said, to no one in particular, “MY TIT!” and put it away. [...]
71. ali | July 6th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
OK – so I know I’m way behind on commenting, and after all this who needs me? But… HI! I love reading you and you more than a little intimidate me, so imagine my delight at seeing you pop up in WWW! Seriously, I’m looking forward to being motivated and challenged by great writers like you!
Oh, and I’m so excited to know of someone else who is as irrationally repulsed by hair as I am! My whole life my dad – and now my husband -has had to be my advance team in hotel bathrooms to make sure there were no errant strands about lest I not be able to use the facilities for the duration of our stay. But I’m happy to report that I seem to have unintentionally passed on my neurosis to my daughter. I can’t tell you how many times every day I find her fishing an invisible hair out of her mouth.
72. Kris | July 10th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Funny how I found this…I was looking online to find out where to buy StEve underwear (I swear I thought it was Steve too) and starting reading. this stuff is hilarious! Anyway, I have about five pairs of these undies, pretty new but have no idea where I got them. I have to do laundry constantly because I only want to wear these! Does anyone know where to get them? I can’t find them online. Oh, and they are thongs which I am not really a fan of either, but these aren’t bad. I forget I have them on.
why on earth would you turn around to look at yourself in the mirror in a thong?? that can’t be a good idea!
73. Cum On Her Tits&hellip | September 14th, 2007 at 3:27 am
Cum On Her Tits
Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me
74. Young Lesbians Having Sex&hellip | October 2nd, 2007 at 10:55 am
Young Lesbians Having Sex
Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me
75. Fashion and Clothing Tips&hellip | November 29th, 2007 at 5:55 am
Fashion and Clothing Tips
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting
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