Run
June 24th, 2007
She leaves tomorrow. My in-laws’ dog, that is. And I can’t wait.
I feel so guilty about this. I love dogs! Love! In fact, most of the time, I’d rather be with dogs than people (present company excluded). And it’s not her fault–she’s scared, and her people have abandoned her! It’s not my in-laws’ fault, either, for they would have no way of knowing she would react this way to being away from home. And she’s a sweet dog; she means well.
But the barking. Oh my God, the barking. The barking that makes it impossible for us to say anything to our new neighbors, who are hammering hammering HAMMERING non-stop at all hours of the day, because God knows, we are the House of High-Pitched Bark and Squeals. And the peeing, which can be prompted by anything from one of us getting an ice cube to some imperceptible shift in the air’s molecules. Mostly, however, the peeing is brought on by seeing her own reflection in the glass doors, because who is that strange dog? WHO IS THAT DOG OH MY GOD I HAVE TO PEE?
We’re down–and I wish I was kidding–more than half a gallon of Nature’s Miracle. Also, Alert Reader Leane brought up a good point: why is it that I will gleefully (well, not gleefully, I guess) pick up my own dog’s pee and poop, but another dog’s bodily fluids make me want to kill myself, very slowly, maybe with my neighbor’s hammer? It’s not like I birthed Sunny, and yet I am impervious to her deposits. I’ve managed multiple assplosions, and wiped them up with nary a complaint, but this dog so much as drools and I’m choking back chunks.
But it doesn’t matter, as she’s heading out tomorrow, back to the people who love her; back to people who can handle her elephantine poop without praying for death. And we will, once again, return to normalcy, and return to a life where we don’t have to cancel all of our plans because oh my God, the dog is pooping again, break out the shovel. Praise Jesus.
Entirely separately, I picked up my orthotics from the podiatrist last week, which rounds out the collection of ridiculous paraphernalia I got after I tore my tendon, which already includes some sort of foot fetishist-type bondage-looking night splint contraption. I’m cleared to run again, hooray!, but when the nurse gave me the orthotics, she informed me that I am supposed to wear them in sneakers every day, all day, for the rest of my life. Sneakers. Repeat: I’m not supposed to wear anything but sneakers, every day, for the rest of my life. I don’t know, I’m not a shoe person, but sneakers? Seriously? Come on. And when I mentioned that this seemed a bit … Draconian … the attitude emanated from her like a fart after eating too many cruciferous vegetables. So, um, sneakers it is. Except no: it won’t be. It will not be, it cannot be, I just can’t. Does she know how hot it is out there? My feet need freedom, for God’s sake. They need to feel the breeze.
Incidentally, I’ve started running again, and I didn’t realize how much I missed it. Also, if you’ve never run and always wanted to, but the very idea of running conjures images of death by exercise and also harsh wheezing, I cannot recommend Cool Running’s Couch to 5K Program enough. I’ve done it too many times to count at this point, and each time, it eases me back into a reasonable running program with as little pain as possible.
Finally, because honestly, we couldn’t leave the house because of Guest Dog and her Neverending Bladder and Exercise Demands, I watched a lot of television this weekend…a lot. This included the ill-advised Starter Wife, which I advise you to avoid at all costs, and is something I totally should have known to avoid, given that I um, read the book, which is one of the worst things I’ve ever done, and I can’t believe that Gigi Levangie Grazer has any sort of career outside of her husband’s shadow. Four whole hours I’ll never get back. Four hours!
Also, I recently started reading Margaret Atwood’s Cat’s Eye, which has been in my book queue for months and months, but kept getting pushed to the side by other books. I have to ask: is it worth it? Because I’m not as into it at this point as I feel that I should be (150 or so pages in). I loved The Blind Assassin and The Handmaid’s Tale, but I did not so much love Alias Grace. Nay, I hated Alias Grace. Which side of the spectrum does it sit, does anyone know?
I hope you had a great weekend. Happy Monday!
*Snow Patrol. I might have used it before, I honestly can’t remember. Sorry, if so!
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
32 Comments Add your own
1. Carol | June 24th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
I have orthotics and I only wear them in sneakers – well, my running shoes – which I only wear running. Don’t worry. Wear your Reefs for everyday stuff, but you’ll be stunned at the wonderful difference the orthotics make in your running.Good luck! and congrats again on the amazing weight loss – I think we need a picture!!!
2. -R- | June 24th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I just checked out The Blind Assassin from the library yesterday! I haven’t ever read Cat’s Eye though, so I have no opinion.
Also, I can’t imagine not complaining about picking up poop, whether it be from a pet or a child or something else that poops.
3. theotherbear | June 24th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
I loved Cats Eye. I didn’t so much like one of the others but can’t remember which. So, there, wasn’t THAT helpful!
4. MsPrufrock | June 24th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Uh, bugger. I loved Blind Assassin, and followed that with The Robber Bride, which I didn’t love, but enjoyed. I’ve had Alias Grace sitting on my bookshelf for about 52 years now, but I’m doubting whether I should bother. “Hated” is such a strong word.
Thanks for the link to the Cool Runnings site as well. As someone getting back into exercise after far too long I think I have thrown myself into it too quickly. As a result I have shin splints that make me want to rip my tibias out with my bare hands. So I will try this and hope for the best.
5. Amy K | June 24th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Sneakers, forever? The Florida summer in sneakers? I wonder what percentage of their patients end up following that advice. Toes need to breathe, man!
My in-laws were mad at my husband and me for weeks (hell, they might still be mad) after we told them we wouldn’t watch their adult standard poodle while they went out of town for a month. They tend to be particularly insane dogs anyway, but this one circles things. CIRCLES THEM. Like, he’ll run a bare track around every tree in the yard, and around your couch, and your coffee table. Oh, and he marks everything. Pees on every surface. And barks. And growls. And tears up anything within reach, like wallpaper. And did I mention pees on everything? He’ll look into your eyes and pee on the chair you’re sitting in. “But we’ll pay to have your house cleaned when we get back! He’ll get emotional problems if we put him in a kennel.” Like I wouldn’t have emotional problems after a month of coping with the beast. You and Adam are saints.
6. Laura | June 25th, 2007 at 4:22 am
I also hated Alias Grace and loathed, loathed Cat’s Eye. I don’t even remember the plot that well. I just remember hating it to death. I love almost all of her other books, especially the two you’ve read and The Robber Bride.
7. no name slob | June 25th, 2007 at 4:41 am
Good luck with the running! And the orthotics. I have some but never wear them because I am a shoe slave. I also want to thank you for that Cool Running link–I wish I’d had it this past winter! That was when, after more than a year away from running (and the earlier regimen only went to 5K, in prep for a race), I threw myself back into it and promptly sprained my ankle. So, yes, maybe 4 miles was too much to start with. (But I alternated running and walking, dammit! I thought I’d be fine!)
Really, though, the best part was when I went to the doctor and he told me that “at my age” (for the record, 30 at the time, 31 now), I should probably just stick to walking anyhow.
AT MY AGE.
It reminded me of when someone at work called me “a grown woman” and it kind of gave me the heebie-jeebies.
8. Jamie | June 25th, 2007 at 5:18 am
To love a small dog is to know the benefits of small dog poo. (and also to lord it over any large dog owners, along with the absence of drooly jowls, big huge food dishes, and the necessity for a choke collar…ever)
Long live the reign of Queen Sunny, the sole canine royal of the Jonniker household!
9. claire | June 25th, 2007 at 5:41 am
I checked out the couch to 5k thing about a month ago and it occurred to me that i have no idea what i’m doing when it comes to exercise. It sounds like such a great plan, but then i kind of.. Stopped. Like everything else. Should try again, now that its getting nice and hot out.. ugh. bad timing.
I had orthotics for a little while and they wound up cracking on me. i never replaced them and i’m not sure if they really improved anything in the first place. I hope you see a difference, but i don’t think you’ll have to wear them everyday for the rest of your life. That’s just ridiculous. And totally unrealistic.
10. Leane | June 25th, 2007 at 6:05 am
I remember liking Cat’s Eye but it’s been so long I cannot remember what it is about. Handmaid’s Tail I enjoyed too.
I’m so glad you are giving back the visiting dog. It’s a lot of stress to care for someone else’s dog if they are peeing everywhere! My sister just adopted a dog recently. She pays for doggie daycare two times a week, and a dog walker three days a week..and now a behaviorist is going to help her. The dog lunges at manly men. Dogs with issues are costly! (but I’m like you-sometimes i’d rather be with dogs than people!)
11. p|b | June 25th, 2007 at 6:14 am
Congrats on your upcoming freedom from dog goo.
I would also like to know if you use the term “sneakers” at your own choice? Or is that what the ghastly woman used…but regardless, people should never be forced to wear whole shoes. It’s asinine.
12. jonniker | June 25th, 2007 at 7:14 am
p|b: She said “tennis shoes,” which is a term that, while I realize it’s common, I find completely confusing, as I don’t play tennis, and when I think of tennis shoes, I think of Tretorns. And yet, lots of people use it. I always say “sneakers.” Is that weird? What do most people call them?
13. Jen | June 25th, 2007 at 8:22 am
I am not a shoe person either, but a life in sneakers is not much fun. You need the flip! The flop! It’s summer, after all.
And can I just say that I am a reading back through your past entries and positively snorfling with laughter. So thank you for that!
14. Joni | June 25th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Oh I share your pain about having to wear ugly shoes for the sake of foot health. I had cancer when I was little and as a result, my right foot rolls outward so I am supposed to wear orthopedic shoes only (aka those ugly velcro numbers that grandmas wear when their feet get really swollen- nothing says sexy like a nude velcro old lady shoe!) FYI- I find that Privo shoes are relatively attractive and provide a lot of support, especially their flipflops.
As for Cat’s Eye, I just read it this summer and I think you should slog through it. While I think it pales compared to both Blind Assasin and Handmaids Tale, both of which I adore, I thought it was a wonderful commentary on the complexities of female relationships.
15. -R- | June 25th, 2007 at 8:44 am
I say “sneakers” as well. When I lived in Texas, I was mocked for it, and yet Texans use such phrases as “might could,” so I do not really care about their opinions of my word choice. So the point is that I think sneakers is a normal word.
16. AndreAnna | June 25th, 2007 at 10:16 am
As a self-professed shoe whore, I have many a pair I cannot wear my orthotics in. But they are fabulous in my sneakers for exercising. Here’s a tip: you might have to remove the insole the shoe came with in order for your orthotic to fit comfortably. Otherwise, it sits above the insole and usually causes your shoe to fit wrong and annoy the hell out of you.
17. Melanie | June 25th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Ugh. The idea of running makes me feel a little sick to my stomach. Though I wonder sometimes if I would like it if I tried it, since is seems like there is such a huge cult of runners out there who can’t live without it….
I remember Cat’s Eye as being good, more on the Handmaid’s Tale spectrum, but I’m not sure. Atwood has good poetry, too.
18. Kristin | June 25th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Hi — I’m trying to leave my lurking ways behind me…
Here’s a confession: I hated the Handmaid’s Tale. Hated it so much, I have never picked up another Margaret Atwood book. I read it a long time ago, so maybe I should give it another go.
My husband wears orthodics and they make a world of difference for his back and feet. Like AndreAnna recommended, he often takes the insole out to make the orthodics fit, espcially with things like ski boots (okay, so that’s not so much an issue in Florida). But maybe they didn’t mean that you had to wear them all the time, every day, for the rest of your life. Did they? Really? Maybe she forgot you were in FLORIDA, for pete’s sake.
Also: we had a pit bull long ago, who would do his business not once, not twice, but three, four, five times when he had to go. I’m not talking about a quick whiz here or there. He would poop, then stop, then find a new place, then stop, ad nauseam. He was the nicest dog I have ever met, but enough with the pooping already! The yard! The poop! It was endless! (Now we are dog-free but have moved on to children, which is a whole ‘nother realm of poop, as you can imagine.)
19. p|b | June 25th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Where I am (Texans) say tennis shoes. I personally do not understand EITHER term. Are you “sneaking” up on someone in such a way that you need shoes specifically designed for sneaking? That have thick rubber soles and laces and come in obnoxious colors? I don’t think so. But neither term makes sense to me. And come to think of it I don’t really refer to them all that much – in anyway that would matter. But when I do, I think I call them by their brand. i.e. PUMA, ASICS etc.. So now you all know I have brand identity issues. It’s all about the label. So shallow I know.
20. Kathie | June 25th, 2007 at 11:29 am
I hated Cat’s Eye. Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever read anything by Margaret Attwood I really liked. Handmaid’s Tale was just about readable, but Cat’s Eye. Bad. Just bad. My advice? Don’t.
21. Cassidy | June 25th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
I thought that I would like Starter Wife so I programed my Tivo to tape every episode. After the first one I thought, well maybe it will get better. After the second I thought, why am I still watching this. After the third, I just got angry at myself for watching it. I mean, come on! A homeless man? An escape from rehab? Her fugly husband dating a pop star? Please! I have deleted the show and hope to never even accidently run across it in the future. I hated it that much.
22. jonniker | June 25th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Cassidy, you summed it up so well. And worse, the homeless guy? That she likes FOR NO REASON? IS A BAD ACTOR.
23. Style Bard | June 25th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
1) Sneakers everyday? Pshaw. Despite the Eye of Evil I’m sure the woman gave you, I’m pretty sure even she doesn’t take herself seriously. Florida begs sandals. I recommend a fierce rebellion in the form of something sparkly and stiletto-like.
2) The Starter Wife – why am I still watching this? why am I still watching this? I
24. Style Bard | June 25th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Ugh, that got cut off. Good job, self.
1) Sneakers everyday? Pshaw. Despite the Eye of Evil I’m sure the woman gave you, I’m pretty sure even she doesn’t take herself seriously. Florida begs sandals. I recommend a fierce rebellion in the form of something sparkly and stiletto-like.
2) The Starter Wife – why am I still watching this? why am I still watching this? I heart Debra Messing to almost girl-crush levels, but why, why am I still watching this? Ugh, I might as well finish it now. I have a problem with not finishing things I start, even terrible books… which brings us to….
3) I am not a big book re-reader, but I read The Handmaid’s Tale twice. I was so-so at first, and loved it the second time. It is a book that deserves a second try. I liked but did not love The Robber Bride. I am actually right now making my way through The Blind Assassin, but it really isn’t catching me yet… I’m trying! I’ve heard great things! But it’s slow-going… maybe because it keeps shifting back and forth, who knows. Meanwhile: Surfacing? DO NOT READ THIS. God, I wish I had those minutes of my life back. Just… don’t read Atwood’s Surfacing, even if it WAS only $1 at thrift and you’re on an Atwood kick. Haven’t read Cat’s Eye but I’m willing to try on the basis of good reviews and managing to get through Blind Assassin. What is up with Atwood’s kickass titles? She just can’t live up to them, no one could possibly, and I think that’s the problem.
25. TamiW | June 25th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
In Southern California we call ‘em tennies. Not tennis shoes or sneakers. I used to have custom made orthotics and they were gifts sent from heaven, (actually they were in the $300.00 range), they made my back and ankles feel so much better. I have the equivelent of carpel tunnel in my ankles, I just can’t remember the correct term for it. However, please take note…if you throw your tennies in to the washing machine and perhaps forget to take the orthotics out of said tennie….the orthotics will melt and shrivel up in to lovey plastic wads. Don’t ask me how I know this. If I were still married to my last husband we’d still be fighting about it.
Cleaning up after animals…I have always had cats and while I certainly to not live to clean out their litter boxes I have always been able to deal with it. When I was going through my divorce my two cats and I moved in with my mom and her one cat. It was then that I discovered that her cat was a shit machine and I would rather die than clean up after someone elses animal. So, I’m sure no one will blame you if you are caught dancing in the streets once the interloping poop monster leave your house.
26. Carolyn J. | June 25th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
For better or for worse, “The Handmaid’s Tale” was unique among Margaret Atwood’s books. I rather like “The Robber Bride” and you might try “Oryx and Crake” if you like the science-fictiony types.
27. Jen | June 25th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
I really liked Handmaid’s Tale, but didn’t care so much for Oryx and Crake (and I _like_ postapocalyptic books). Cat’s Eye…well, I read it a very long time ago. As I recall, I thought it was a good book, but one I would never read again, as it was just very downbeat. I can’t even give you specifics, I just know that when I saw “Cat’s Eye” on your entry, I thought “depressing”.
And I’ve had the Robber Bride on my “to read” pile forever, and I now suspect it will stay near the bottom.
28. Lisa | June 27th, 2007 at 6:31 am
Hello there, long time lurker, first time commenter here.
Just had to say – Cat’s Eye, Read it – I really enjoyed it. It never really got all action, but it was interesting and had something to say…
Wow, commenting is fun! I should do this more often!
29. Audrey | June 27th, 2007 at 10:19 am
I am playing catch-up here, so I may be a little late. But I loved Cat’s Eye. However, I did not love The Blind Assassin (loved Handmaid’s Tale with all my heart and have not read Alias Grace), so maybe we have different tastes in Atwood’s books.
30. Leah | June 28th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Loved “Cat’s Eye,” but I read it when I was sixteen or so, so that probably makes a difference. It’s nothing like “Handmaid’s Tale.” Nothing.
31. declutter your home | May 26th, 2011 at 10:06 am
Hey! I simply wish to give an enormous thumbs up for the good data you might have here on this post. I can be coming again to your blog for more soon.
32. Feet Problems – 9 T&hellip | February 16th, 2012 at 7:00 pm
[...] ↑ Back to Top HomeAbout Us [...]
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed