Ode To My Clothes
June 26th, 2007
So, a few things. First of all, I’m done losing weight, I think. I think I’m good where I am–I really don’t want and/or need to be any thinner, and since I’ve started running again, the rest of whatever is ailing me will work itself out. Am I giving up on watching what I eat? Hell to the no, but at this point, I’m not willing to kill myself for a shape that isn’t sustainable without a whole lot of torture and habits that border on the unhealthy. So I’m mostly sticking with a diet that is loosely based on Weight Watchers, and I’m not canceling it, because tracking what I eat in their little point system makes me happy, and I don’t know why.
That being said, I weigh 140 lbs., which is not a small amount in most people’s eyes, and I’m good with that–I’m 5’7”. It’s a healthy weight, and I say that because for me, that’s “skinny.” I don’t have a small frame, though I’m not horse-like or anything, I’m just not teeny-tiny and/or particularly delicate. I have hips, and they’re sticking around, and I like it like that. I hate that skinny is supposed to mean 125 lbs or less. Hate. Because for many people, that would be downright dangerous. Also, I am wearing clothes that are anywhere from a 6 to a 10, and I’m okay with that, too. Mostly, I’m an 8, which is what, a 10 in normal sizes, before vanity sizing took over the universe? I’m perfectly happy as an 8.
Incidentally, if you recall that I lost 25 lbs., that means I weighed roughly 165 lbs. at my heaviest, which is A WHOLE FREAKING LOT and is actually WHALE-LIKE on my medium-ish frame. I still don’t know how that happened, or how I let it happen, but honestly, never again, unless I’m carrying another PERSON in there. I regret, actually, not taking “before” pictures, because Jesus, I was busting out of all of my clothes, now that I think about it.
Clothes. This means, by the way, that I’ve had to–or should–buy a few things, because some things are falling off of me. Even more terrifying, however, is that some things still fit me, which means that oh my holy GOD, I should not have been wearing them 25 lbs heavier. No wonder I couldn’t keep my zippers up. The necessary shopping also points out a fact of my life: I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to fashion, and that’s not an exaggeration. I mean, I HAVE NO IDEA. My idea of “put together” is wearing a belt with my Threadless t-shirt and jeans, thankyouverymuch. I keep it simple, and by simple, I mean, I wear khaki, black and white in astonishing abundance, in clean lines. The only updates I really make are to cuts and silhouettes, and even those are done when absolutely necessary, i.e., when I realize that I’m wearing pants that were made well before the low-rise revolution and are actually impinging on my ability to move my arms.
(Okay, it’s not THAT bad. I don’t think. I mean, my pants are at least in a cut from this decade. I’m not sure…I mean, I look basically okay most days, just not particularly spiffy and/or cutting edge. I hope. My point is, I don’t go running out because trapeze skirts are suddenly in, because I’m totally good with the A-lines I have.)
Let’s look at yesterday’s flutter-sleeve incident as evidence, which is still drawing guffaws, as I was greeted this evening with more court jester jokes and further dissection of my mock-hairy armpits. Fashion risks are clearly not my forte, and I can’t even begin to tell you the first thing about how to wear a shoe that is not a) simple; and b) black or maybe brown, if I’m feeling really frisky. Preferably, the shoe is either of the fashion-sneaker variety (Pumas! Vans! Airwalks!) or Reefs. Oh Reef, how I love thee! This lack of shoe knowledge is despite my friends’ best efforts at assistance, including a complete red shoe TUTORIAL by my friend Amy.
It’s worth noting that today I bought my riskiest pair of shoes ever, and they are–wait for it–black patent leather ballet slippers. And despite their blackness, I have no idea what to wear with them. Zero.
I’m not sure how I feel about this, honestly. On the one hand, I think that I could really use some sort of assistance, because it would be nice to wear something other than Threadless Ts, jeans, and skirts–casual skirts, that is, the kind that go swimmingly with t-shirts. (Because I do not wear shorts, you see. No no. No shorts. Ever. Ahem.) On the other hand, I mostly don’t care, and that’s the sad truth. I mean, I care in the sense that I want to look nice, and despite my tendencies towards simplicity, I usually do, or at least I CAN if I have to. And I wear make-up every day and blow-dry my hair. Oh and I wear earrings, which is–well, that’s risky, isn’t it? EARRINGS. Someone give me a cookie.
The thing is, I can’t decide if this lack of concern is a by-product of my life, or if I’ve built my life around being casual, or both. I work in a super-casual environment where no one flinches if I wear Reefs, and I’m turned off by environments that are particularly formal. I rarely go anywhere that requires anything fancier than a skirt and maybe some (very simple) heels, and that is AT MY FANCIEST EVER OH MY GOD. I am a homebody in the truest sense. I like getting take-out and reading and watching movies. I like hanging with friends in super-casual places, and I hate anything too fussy, and the last thing on earth I feel like doing is messing with what I’m wearing–it’s just not a priority for me. And honestly, no matter how much money I’ve made in my life, I have never made spending money on clothes any sort of…well, priority is the word, yet again.
What I’m mixed about is this: I hate that to some, this implies that I have no self-respect and/or don’t care about taking care of myself. Not true! I eat right, and I exercise, and I get pedicures and God knows, I get waxed, and I wear make-up and I do all that other stuff. I care. But when it comes to what I’m wearing, it’s just not that important to me, because I don’t put myself in situations where anything more than casual is really necessary. And while I love What Not to Wear, it really gets me when Stacy and Clinton cheer people for spending $500 on a pair of shoes, because IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN in my house. Ever. Never ever. Where would I WEAR $500 shoes? To the local Argentinian steakhouse, which has fabulous food, but also gleefully accepts my Reefs? My life just isn’t set up in a way that $500 shoes make any kind of sense, and I like it like that.
On the other hand (what are we on our third? Fourth? FIFTH, hand?), sometimes I think seriously dude, I need to grow up. I cannot realistically wear Threadless Ts for the rest of my life, I just can’t. I will not be 31 forever. And it would be NICE to know what to do with a pair of shoes that aren’t Reefs. It would. I’m not saying I’d do it every day, but it would save me from a lot of panic.
As usual, I’ve no idea where I’m going with this. Also, not that I’m assuming anyone will ask, but I’m hesitant to post a picture of what I look like now, because a) I don’t have any; b) I hate having my picture taken; c) I am weird about posting pictures, not because I care that you all see–I’m not particularly self-conscious about what I look like, nor do I resemble a troll, I mean, I’ve done it recently–it’s just that I always feel supremely uncomfortable posting pictures of myself, like I’m fishing or something, so I just don’t do it. It’s just one of those weird things that I’m wonky about. What’s odd is that I like seeing pictures of other people, but I feel like the world’s biggest dork when doing it myself, so I don’t, and I don’t think I’m ever going to be one of those people who does it with any regularity.
However, I maintain that the Flickr self-portrait phenomenon makes me feel like I’m sitting in a room full of naked people who are masturbating and I’m fully clothed, and I just want to DIE as fast as possible.
See? Told you. No idea where I’m going with any of this.
Happy Wednesday!
*Tori Amos
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
30 Comments Add your own
1. elise | June 26th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
IF (and only if) you ever want the Fashion Help you speak of, I would be honored if you would allow me to give a suggestion or two. Of course they would be generalized tips and nothing specific, due to the fact that I have (unfortunately) never met you in real life, but still! It is what I do, after all. That’s got to count for something.
And oh MY GOODNESS, I agree with you on the Flickr self-portrait thing! I love to look at pictures of other people, LOVE it. I am like a fly on the wall, and it helps me so much to picture a room or the face of a person who is telling a story. However, I could never ever ever in a million years do the Flickr self-portrait thing, because I would feel like a total skeeze, like I wanted everyone to tell me if I was pretty or not, which completely defeats the purpose of anyone THINKING you’re pretty or not, if they think they have to tell you. Also, I can’t pose. Can’t. The serious poses? I just can’t do them! It’s a goofy smile or nothing, and I think the artistic merits of 365 days of Flickr goofy smiling would not be met with much aesthetic approval from the Flickrites.
2. Janssen | June 26th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
This was an awesome entry; I have no real idea what I LOVED so much about it, but it was just amusing and interesting to read.
I like clothing and shopping, but oh, if I hear those words about “classic, timeless pieces” and “quality over quantity” and “you should have a wardrobe with just a few fabulous pieces you can mix and match any which way” I will die. Because my wardrobe? Is full of things I bought just because I liked them, and not because they were classic, or quality, or fit with the rest of my wardrobe. And if I only wear it for a year or two? Who the heck cares? WHY must my wardrobe be small and quality?
3. Timi | June 26th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I hear you on the weight vs. size issue. I’m 5’4″ and even at my super skinniest during college (I think I wore a size 4 very comfortably) I weighed 130 pounds. You have to just know your body and know what a low weight for you is. Over the years that number has creeped up but my new good weight, where I feel good and feel like I’m in shape etc. is still about 150. Each body to their own. That’s awesome that you lost that weight, and if you feel good about where you are now, that’s where you need to be.
4. Sadie | June 27th, 2007 at 5:58 am
Congrats on the culmination of your weight loss! And I can appreciate that you feel “done” and you’re happy with your current weight. I lost about 10 lbs and while I could probably lose 5-10 more before somebody started commenting “you look really thin!’ I am content with where I’m at, and I mostly just like that I feel better.
Re: clothes: I have to fight, REALLY fight, the urge to live in nothing but cheap tee-shirts and jeans and flipflops, because of course that would be the most comfortable. But I really enjoy dressing up, and I love how my legs look in heels, and I tell myself that I am young and thin and should not waste those charms wearing boring clothes. It’s funny, too, how being well-dressed is all relative. Some of my more casual friends think I am a fashionista, whereas around some other friends/cowrokers, I feel positively schlumpy.
If you have no need/desire to wear anything other than what you already do, then it’s not a problem.
5. mar | June 27th, 2007 at 5:59 am
*sigh of recognition*
to pretty much everything you wrote
6. p|b | June 27th, 2007 at 6:05 am
I recently lost 20lbs. Apparently I was eating everything in sight, according to my mother, and just didnt know it. But I’ve jumped on that weight watchers bandwagon and man, I’m a lifer too. It’s such a reasonable way to monitor your intake. AND AND!!! It just makes you think about what your body does and doesnt need. For example, if I’m hungry in the afternoons, I realize I probably haven’t had enough fruit. So in order to follow the rules, I’ll grab an apple instead of a bag of fritos. Which, given the bad breath that ensues from fritos I’m sure all coworkers are glad. But congrats. I know the feeling of accomplishing this goal, and then being completely satisfied with how you look.
As for the clothes, I struggle with this crap DAILY. My office is super casual. Although they don’t allow flip flops. Gasp! But I’m leaving this job in 3 weeks and going where they DO allow these gifts to feet. It was not the only factor in the decision, but let’s just say it was a big one. Anyway I have a soapbox about the way people dress. Do what you want is the basis of it. If you feel GOOD in something, go with it. Because you know what? You are happy, and God knows that’s what’s important. I’m with you – take out, reading, movies, my couch, the dog, laid back patio with a beer. That’s the kind of thing I like. I’d rather cook at home and I’d rather be mellow. That kind of living requires Reef’s or Pumas, and it requires personal acceptance. I have all 3 – and it sounds like you do too. Don’t question it, just go with it.
As for those ballet flats, they sound cute. I have some similar and wear them with jeans and a fitted, girly t-shirt. It’s a good look.
And finally, I love the word wonky. And I love that you used it. You are awesome. Great post. Way to ramble.
7. bubandpie | June 27th, 2007 at 6:13 am
I went to a bridal shower a couple of weeks ago, and only when I got there did I realize that I was the ONLY woman in the room wearing shoes with soles made of cork. A week later, when I had to attend my husband’s graduation, I actually went to my mother’s house so I could borrow some shoes and a shirt that isn’t just a cotton t-shirt. And I’m 36. (But note that the two occasions are kind of leftovers from my early twenties – at this stage, bridal showers and graduations should be pretty much a thing of the past – I figure I can last another decade or so with a few Old Navy t-shirts, don’t you?).
8. Leane | June 27th, 2007 at 6:49 am
I lost 22 lbs with WW a few years ago. It was the best “diet” I’d ever tried. (well “WAY OF LIFE”)…
I really need to sort thru my clothes. I hold on to clothes because a) their size is so small that I enjoy gazing at them from time to time…b) They are too big but I really loved that top and what if someday I gain some weight back (god forbid).. and c) they fit but I haven’t yet figured out where I’ll wear the item.
and d) This was on sale and at the time I liked it but now I am not so sure. I am a size 8 as well and I have accepted I will never be a size 4..EVER.
9. Andrea | June 27th, 2007 at 7:52 am
I hate clothes shopping. It stems from pre-breast reduction where I looked horrible in any and every shirt there was on the market and unless I wore a tent, I was forced to flaunt my excessive boobage, because it was just that excessive. And the tents would hide the fact that I really had (past tense) a waistline and it really was quite attractive at times, if I’d just given it a little more credit.
Post reduction, I’m normal, but I still don’t like to shop. Doesn’t matter the occasion, formal or casual, shoe or purse, I don’t like to shop. I have never seen what the big deal is about clothes and I figured as long as I’m covered and not naked, and fairly comfortable, then I’m happy.
Good luck with your shopping. I hope you find some stuff you like that fits your criteria and still makes you happy. Who cares if it’s cutting edge trendy? That stuff never lasts long anyway and costs a fortune.
10. Laurel | June 27th, 2007 at 8:53 am
I must say that I love the word “wonky.”
Also, I LOVED your post. I was obese in high school and I lost 80lbs in college (I have no idea how, I went to college in New Orleans) I’ve plateaued at 150 (I’m 5’8) and finally accepted it. Though I do have a tendency to buy larger clothes out of habit.
I totally understand the reefs and casual wear–I wear jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops every day. But I’ve also grown quite fond of dresses from Old Navy and Target. They are super comfortable and make me feel like I’ve made somewhat of an effort even if I did just throw a dress on over my head.
11. ali | June 27th, 2007 at 8:59 am
i don’t wear shorts either. very few women can pull off shorts, i am not one of these.
12. Jamie | June 27th, 2007 at 9:25 am
As my legs are not my best feature, I do not own shorts. I have PJ shorties, but shorts to wear in public? None. Nada. In my next life, I want to have long, non-sparkplug legs that allow me to wear shorts. I believe karma owes me this, at the very least, for having to put up with my legs in this life. Maybe I’m asking too much?
13. Gentry | June 27th, 2007 at 9:32 am
I do not understand this indiffernce toward clothes/love for tshirt thing that you so many of the above are writing about above. Doesn’t everyone covet McQueen? If not, there is something wrong with you. I feel sad for those of you who do not know the pleasures of a well-cut dress. But Jonniker, I live in black slim capri pants and ballet flats.
14. Swistle | June 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am
I loved this whole post. I don’t know what to do about clothes, either. I feel as if I ought to care more–but it has JUST THIS VERY SECOND occurred to me that this falls into the category of “feelings I have that are probably given to me by people who want to profit from them.” I mean, obviously clothing places want us to spend money and ditch our old stuff and buy new stuff and spend a lot of money on that stuff, right?
Anyway, I feel like I should care more, and I don’t, and I worry that it sends the wrong image in many different ways, so I loved your post. On those things.
15. Suebob | June 27th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Different people’s brains are wired differently. You never know what is going to flip someone’s switch.
Gentry – I not only don’t care about what I am wearing, but I don’t notice or care about what others are wearing, unless it smells. THEN I notice. Clothing just doesn’t flip my switch. The government could order me to wear a uniform and, as long as it was comfortable, I would think “Oh, thank God,” not “I’m being oppressed.”
Plants flip my switch, though, and I always notice them. I am forever telling people directions by trees – “it’s that corner with the three nice birch trees” — and I am always incredulous that others don’t know what I am talking about. If someone said “I spent $500 on shoes,” I would feel sorry for them because I would secretly think that they are dopes. But if they told me they spent $500 on a cactus, I would be filled with admiration.
Switches. Everyone has them.
16. Audrey | June 27th, 2007 at 10:36 am
I recently found a skirt in the back of my closet that I had never worn, and I wore it to work (only AFTER confirming with my husband that it didn’t look stupid). I typically wear jeans and flip flops to work, because I think I’m a lot like you when it comes to dressing myself. When my favorite (and by “favorite” I mean “most hated”) coworker saw my “fancy” new outfit, she said “Wow, it looks like you actually put some EFFORT into how you look today!” (And this from the woman who has worn glorified sweatpants to work on several occasions. I may not care too much about what I wear, but I do know better than to try to look professional in elastic-waisted pants.)
Amazingly, I simply laughed and said “thanks” rather than punching her in the face, which was what i really wanted to do.
17. Amy | June 27th, 2007 at 11:28 am
My idea of dressing up is a skort and a cute shirt. I love to shop at WalMart and Kohl’s although I don’t do it very often (for clothes). I live in capri’s and flip flops. Congrulations on the weight loss.
18. Allison | June 27th, 2007 at 11:36 am
I think we should be friends because your description of your clothing sounds exactly like me. Down to the Reefs, which I am currently wearing!
Also…I’m going back to WW. When we get home from the beach.
19. jonniker | June 27th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Gentry: I admire your ability to care, and just to make it clear, I don’t judge people who care–it’s not like I have some sort of anti-establishment stance on fashion. I want to care, it’s just that I don’t. Oddly, I get why people care about lingerie more than regular clothes, which might mean something deeper, but who feels like going there? NOT ME.
Elise: But…but…what do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? I’m fascinated!
Also, Audrey, oh my GOD, the elastic waistband pants! Are! RAMPANT! In every office I’ve ever worked in! HOW IS THAT OKAY, but Reefs aren’t? How are dirty white pumps and elastic-waist POLYESTER pants okay, but FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT OKAY? HOOOOW?
20. Style Bard | June 27th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Lessee…
I have lost and kept off about 40 lbs in the past 6 years. I knew I couldn’t do something like WW because I have an addictive personality and god knows I’m obsessive enough about my ‘watch what I eat’ diet that I don’t need RULES, or I’d be an OCD diet freak. I’m trying to be comfortable with my weight but it’s so hard to break the mindset of LOSE! LOSE! LOSE! and then… what if I do get comfortable and…gasp… go back to my old ways, drop by drop?
As for clothes… god, I’m just the opposite of everyone here. Not to be mistaken, I NEED to be in cotton and comfortable, and I know, oh do I know, how hard it is to wear anything binding in Florida’s swelter. But I also just love LOVE having somewhere dressy to go and getting to shop for and dress up for it. Including mere dinner parties at my house where you HAVE TO DRESS UP OR YOU CAN’T COME. (I know, you hate me.) I want to buy dresses, I want to buy high heels, I want to strut down the sidewalk looking down at girls in sweatpants and headbands and say yes, damnit, -I- put in effort and yes, damnit, you’re going to notice. There’s just something great – and bizarrely feminist – about dolling up your assets and feeling like a thousand bucks and noticing other people noticing. I don’t want to be that mensch with the urge to dress everyone up who ends up pissing people off by merely suggesting I help with their look or take them shopping, but… I do, I want to share the feeling, and I’m trying to be a good person and make you feel wonderful, I swear!
That being said, I do spend about 30% of the time in an Old Navy tank top and jeans and flip-flops, cause I’m human and it’s hot.
Last note: Yay on the patent ballet flats!! They sound great and yes, let’s face it, timeless, and chic, and all that other good stuff. But they’re also gonna go with everything you already own. My sister rules the dress-up-a-Threadless-tee phenomenon.
21. Emily | June 27th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Lurve you, as usual.
I also am a “basics” kind of girl. When I find a tank top I like? I buy it in 15 colors. Same goes for pants. And t-shirts. And flip flops. And sweaters.
I am a Bulk Buyer. And I am totally ok with that.
So when I want something a little more stylish or trendy, I just go to to H&M. I refuse to spend a lot of money on something that won’t be cool next year. And that means the quality doesn’t have to be awesome either. In fact, it’s probably good that my cheap stuff falls apart pretty fast – that way I won’t still be wearing it in ten years.
22. Amanda | June 28th, 2007 at 9:22 am
I could read your writing for hours. This post went on and on but it kept me with it, nice and tight, for the duration. I love that you write so conversationally…makes me feel like we’re out for coffee or something (in a non-creepy way).
Congrats on making it to your goal and feeling so good about your weight loss. I would love to see more photos of you (again, in a non-creepy way) but if it makes you squirm, don’t worry. Your words more than suffice.
You are my WW inspiration, by the way.
23. Amy | June 29th, 2007 at 8:49 am
Okay, baby, we really can fix this, and it won’t even be that hard. E-mail me, I have a plan.
PS… Ouch. I’m an inch shorter than you & I’m at about a buck-sixty these days, mostly from not being able to run for a year. Does my speech sound like whale songs?
24. Mauigirl52 | June 29th, 2007 at 11:29 am
If you’ve gotten to 31 without having to dress up substantially, then go with it. I was at the Big Corporation in the 80′s when we all had to wear annoying three-piece suits and little scarves around our necks. If the workplace ever changed back to that level of formality I’d have to quit immediately.
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