On and On and On
July 9th, 2007
Not to go on about my dog, but I think we thought in some small way that a puppy would be a trainer baby–you know, something to get us used to taking care of another being, wake us up in the middle of the night, and get us up early in the morning so that the shock of weekends before 9 a.m. wouldn’t be so…shocking. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, we ended up with the World’s Laziest Dog–a dog who gets up at noon on the weekends, and goes out for a nice brisk walk to the end of the corner and comes back and naps for three hours, because that 100-yard pee and poop just plum tuckered her out. She requires all of 11 minutes of exercise a week, and a good romp around the bedroom knocks her out for DAYS. Sunday, for example, I arose at 8:45 a.m., while Sunny didn’t get up until 11:30, when I rudely woke her ass up and dragged her outside for her morning poop, because Jesus people, you can’t sleep all day! After I woke up, I could see that she’d wormed her way under the covers in her bed, and when I went to retrieve her, shot me a look like I was ripping her paws off. She didn’t even have to PEE, for chrissake, she just SLEPT. UNTIL ELEVEN THIRTY.
I guess what I’m saying is if you’re looking for a low-maintenance, lazy-ass dog, get a pug. She won’t go for a jog with you, but by God, she knows how to sleep, and she snuggles like nobody’s business.
Also, Cassidy asked me yesterday if I watched Big Brother, and the answer, I’m embarrassed to admit, is yes. I’ve watched Big Brother since season one, and it’s now a sort of weird sentimental thing, as it’s the first show that Adam and I ever watched together (bad reality TV! How romantic!). This was, oh my God, eight years ago. EIGHT YEARS. I don’t know why that’s striking me as a strange sort of eternity (in a good way), but it seems so long ago I can’t even believe it. But anyway, I have a ridiculous passion for Big Brother that cannot be denied–from the first season, when One Legged Eddie won, to the neverending antics of Evil Dr. Will, I’m pathetically addicted, in part because it’s so, so bad. I mean, where else on television can you find grown adults who talk seriously about how well they did in some nebulous “food competition” where they get giant vats of butter poured on them and have to squeegee it out into big buckets of popcorn? And people CRY about their performance in said competition? Where, I ask you? WHERE?
I’m exhausted, and intended to go on about something more meaningful like, I don’t know, too-young teenagers in bikinis–oh, what the hell, I’ll go there for a second. Dude, tonight, I was at the gym, which is near the pool, and our little nymphet neighbor, who is no more than FOURTEEN, was toodling around in a zebra-striped itsy-bitsy bikini, and a) she looked super-hot; and b) every man/boy/whatever within 100 miles was ogling her, and I just wanted to cover her up like Johnny did to Paulette in that awful, terrible talent show scene at the end of Grease 2 (what?), and I guess I’m wondering, between this and the Victoria’s Secret rant, when did I get so old? And will I get over this? Am I being a prude by proxy? She’s FOURTEEN! Shouldn’t she be in a … muu muu, or at least a ONE PIECE? JESUS.
I mean, I am being a prude by proxy and also a crotchety old lady. I know. But God, I don’t know. Kids are growing up way too fast these days, and God, I just hope I don’t have a daughter, because if she–at 14–tries to act sexy in zebra for even ONE SECOND, she’s off to the nunnery. TO THE NUNNERY.
Finally, because I mentioned it once, it’s worth noting that I finished Atwood’s Cat’s Eye, and ultimately really loved it. I didn’t enjoy reading it, but I love it in retrospect, which sounds completely illogical, but makes sense in reality. It’s just one of those books I love thinking about, but hated reading. Which brings me to my next statement. Have any of you ever read Helprin’s Winter’s Tale? TwoBusy recommended it to me a few weeks ago, and it’s one of those books I’ve had for ages, but never picked up. I am positively enchanted. I’m obsessed, afraid I’ll devour it too quickly, so I’m reading it slowly, slowly, savoring every single word. I’m dreaming about it, mooning over it at work, weeping if I can’t snatch a free moment to read it. I’ve re-read chapters already, and I’m only 1/10th of the way through. Magic. It’s magic! Go read!
Between this book and the recipes I’ve stolen from him lately, I think TwoBusy is actually starting to worry that Adam and I are going to set up a yurt in his backyard just to soak off some more recommendations and eat his food, and actually, it’s a valid concern, as we’re very seriously considering it. I’m hoping his wife and kids don’t mind. We’re nice, clean people, and in fact, we come with our own super-special FloorMate.
Happy Tuesday!
*Wilco.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
29 Comments Add your own
1. elise | July 9th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
I’ve had that recommendation tossed my way as well, and haven’t yet done anything about it.
I guess I’m definitely going to now. Also, when I lifeguarded all through college summers, I would take note of the size (always getting smaller) on the kids (always getting older) as the summers progressed. It was so sad; there were these two twin girls who, when I started, were probably 10 and wore these adorable matching one-pieces, and by the time I was there for my last summer, were lounging about in microscopic black and turquoise bikinis, tossing their hair suggestively, and refusing to go off the high dive unless EVERYONE was aware that MY TOP WILL COME OFF, OMG!
Sad!
2. elise | July 9th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Umm, the recommendation I am speaking of is for Winter’s Tale. Sorry. I really jumped excitedly into my bikini story, didn’t I?
3. elise | July 9th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
And “I would take note of the size” was supposed to be “the size of the swimsuit”! Holy hell, I am done.
4. Jen | July 9th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
I went to college with Josh Souza, second place winner of the first season of BB. At the time, I was a reporter for the college newspaper, so a photog friend of mine and I somehow scored media passes to the live finale where they announced the winner. It was the most exciting thing ever, as after interviewing most of that season’s contestants, including sparkly eyed Brittany, who was wearing the worst hair extensions ever, and that older guy who wore a chicken suit on the finale episode, they LET US IN TO THE HOUSE for a tour. My photog friend and I ran around the place like kids in a candy store, sitting in the confessional room, taking photos of the gross-ass bathroom, until finally some bitch producer kicked us out. A couple months later, I got to interview Josh. He was a pretty cool guy who tried to break into modeling after the show with little success.
At any rate, I haven’t watched a single season of that show since then. Is it on again?
5. bubandpie | July 10th, 2007 at 3:46 am
I will never miss an episode of Survivor for that very reason (the first show hubby/then-boyfriend and I watched together).
Loving the Grease 2 reference – now I’ll just have to see which song ends up running through my head today because of it. Reproduction? Or Let’s Do It For Our Country?
6. Leane | July 10th, 2007 at 5:46 am
Your Pug sounds like my Corgi. She can’t be bothered to get up in the morning. I have to TELL her to get up. The only other way is when she hears me get her food out for the morning-she magically transforms into bright eyed and bushy (well no tail for her) tailed.
I watch Big Brother too. (embarrassingly) Did you laugh at Jen crying over her photo? That has got to be one of the best scenes yet. Her crying. The violins playing. The whole house looking at her like she was a freak of nature.
7. TwoBusy | July 10th, 2007 at 5:46 am
If you can find an open spot among all the other Mongolian goat herders who’ve settled there, by all means… feel free. (I think there’s a little room by the blackberry bushes, but be careful of the thorns.)
8. Allison | July 10th, 2007 at 5:51 am
Big Brother=LOVE. I love that show. I think the best thing about it is that it comes on 3 times a week. Jen crying over her picture was awesome.
9. Christine | July 10th, 2007 at 6:15 am
I happen to be in love with Sunny, lazy as she is. Her face is just too damned cute!
And now, I’m off to marinate some steak as per TwoBusy’s recipe. Only sad about having to wait until tomorrow and a trip for some yogurt before making the chicken. YUM.
10. p|b | July 10th, 2007 at 6:47 am
My dog wakes me up at 6am on Saturdays. I love him, but it sucks. Yet then he is ready for a nap around 11. And let me just tell you, I forgot how much I love naps.
I love Wilco. Nice choice.
11. Cassidy | July 10th, 2007 at 6:53 am
Oh, thanks for answering. I have been LOVING Big Brother 8 and when Jen started crying about her picture, I was so upset that I was watching it alone and had noone to laugh at her with. The Joe and Dustin drama has me all excited. I am so glad I have something to watch this summer!
12. Leane | July 10th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Jonniker? Did you ever get together with that new friend from work? I ask because I am on the “new friend” thing right now–and if any of your readers can or will share how they’ve made new female friends, I’d love to hear about it.
13. AndreAnna | July 10th, 2007 at 7:37 am
I do have a daughter and that fear is very real. There was a 12 year old in our neighborhood wearing those short that have “juicy” across the ass, and my husband swore he was going to lock our baby in her room from 10-19, and then she could go to college. lol.
You just have to try and teach them self-respect but it’s hard when the girls on the covers of magazine and on TV are all 89 pounds.
14. Lori | July 10th, 2007 at 7:42 am
It wouldn’t be summer without Big Brother! Did anyone else watch the free internet feeds the first season? I’ll admit, I couldn’t look away !
15. Andrea | July 10th, 2007 at 7:54 am
I. Loved. This. Post. I can’t decide what opinion of mine to bombard you with first! Squee!
Girl’s clothes: too slutty too young these days. I think this and all the connotations that come from it are a big reason why my husband and I are a bit afraid if the baby I’m carrying is a girl. We’ll both be thrilled either way and I love the idea of doing a girl’s hair up in pig tails and braids and showing her how to throw a ball better than her brother, but really, the belly baring shirts and the tight super short shorts and the pressure to look older and sexier in the teen years does scare the beejeebs out of both of us. Teaching that self respect thing is a daunting task to be facing for sure. Not that we don’t have to teach our son self respect, because we do. But it’s different. God it’s so different.
Pugs: cute. Love them. My son’s godfather and his wife have a pug and I just love that dog to pieces. I think the only thing that would prevent us from getting a pug in the future is the price tag and the fact that we like to find animals from a shelter. Makes us feel all good and gooey to feel like we helped a dog avoid a terrible fate. But damn, pugs are so cute I may just have to start planting subliminal messages in my husband’s ears when he’s asleep.
Grease 2: Am I weird and the only one who liked Grease 2 as much as the first one? Granted it was cheesier, and there was that whole thinking the phantom rider dude was dead and then he wasn’t and it was just so contrived, but the jokes and the songs, and the antics were just so freakin’ funny. The one liners are so perfect for so many situatiosn. Yeah, I saw that movie a lot when I was younger. It may be time to buy the DVD if it’s available and watch it a few hundred more times.
I have to get that book now. You mentioned it on my bookshelves post the other day and I hadn’t looked it up yet on amazon, but dude, your description of it and the reviewers that talked about it on Amazon (my book crack dealer) and its overall rating have me doing more than adding it to my wishlist where I put books that I must have only to promptly forget about them. I’ve written this one on a sticky note that will stay attached to the cover of the book I’m currently reading and where I will constantly see the name so that it is embedded in my brain as the next book I buy. Or borrow from the library. But if it’s as good as you say, then I may want my own copy for re-reading later.
16. Suebob | July 10th, 2007 at 8:48 am
I bought “Winter’s Tale” at a yard sale and the people I bought it from got misty at the thought of letting it go. But they did, and I have had it for four years and still haven’t read more than 20 pages of it. I will give it another try based on your recommendation.
Teen girls in tiny swimwear – I WAS one of those girls. I had this soft green bikini that turned absolutely tissue-paper transparent when wet…and I liked it. If I was my mom, I would have locked me up in the basement. But we lived in CA and didn’t have basements, so I was free to go and show off my 32As all over the beaches of Ventura County.
17. jonniker | July 10th, 2007 at 9:22 am
All: Oh my God, Jen crying about her picture was one of the best moments ever. EV.AR. She failed to figure that um, people are going to be seeing her crying, smearing face way more than that picture! What an ass. Oh, what a deliciously stupid person. Love.
B&P: Let’s Do It For Our Country is currently cycling through my head.
Also, Andrea, I too, love Grease 2. Love. Cool Rider! Hilarious!
Leane: Not yet! She had to take a day off last week for the holiday, so we’re just getting back in. But it’s going to happen! It will!
Andrea: Dude, two words: pug rescue. There’s a ton out there, and that way you can rescue a dog AND get a pug! I can’t say enough about how awesome she is. Lazy, lazy bones, but she’s the sweetest thing.
Also, Christine: The chicken is to die for. I made it last night. Go marinate now. I also ordered the Weber Cookbook, which TB recommended, and where I think that recipe came from. I’m telling you, I’m one Amazon order away from that yurt.
18. Bellydancer | July 10th, 2007 at 10:11 am
My pug is just like that! Does yours squeal like a pig when you clip her claws or other strange “pug language only” vocalising?
19. Andrea | July 10th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Oh awesome. I didn’t know there were rescues for particular breeds. Some thinkin’ will be done in my house when time comes for another pet, that’s for sure.
Although, serious question. How gross is it really when their anal glands have to be drained?
Love pugs! I love how they can slap their own forehead with their tongue, and they snore louder than I do, which is saying something. But yeah, the anal gland thing could be a deal breaker.
20. Laurel | July 10th, 2007 at 11:30 am
I used to have a pug but she was overly active–I mean, pugs are supposed to be chubby, loveable things and I could see her ribs through her skin. She was anorexic–I’m sure of it.
In related news, every time I’m in a bowling alley the song “Score Tonight” comes into my head and I picture Paulette in those awful gold pants. Oh Grease 2…
21. Jennie | July 10th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
I kept wanting to think it was just manipulative editing, but Jen really was crying about a picture. A PICTURE. They can’t make that stuff up.
22. jonniker | July 10th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Andrea: The butt squeezin’ isn’t an inherent pug trait. It can happen to any dog, any breed–it just depends on the dog. And, honestly, it’s not that bad. I pay someone to do it, which happens once every 3-6 months, and even then, it’s only $15 per squeeze. Money well spent, if you ask me.
23. Anne L. | July 10th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Holy crap, I love me some BB. My husband and I have been mocking Jen for that picture-hissy since Sunday. And the VOICES on the girls this season! They all sound like helium addicts!
24. H | July 10th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
I felt pathetic watching the butter and popcorn challenge but then perked right up when the alliances began to form, the nominations were made and the drama intensified. Jen crying was priceless! I hope Jessica stays a few weeks just so we can enjoy her stupid comments. Does she remind you of ditzy Holly from BB5? (Also, did you see Holly when she was on Nip/Tuck? She played a porn actress. Big surprise!)
25. Kara | July 10th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Random I know…
Andrea and anyone else wanting to rescue a certain breed: http://search.petfinder.com/search/
You can search by breed and by zipcode. There are plenty of purebreeds in regular shelters. Some shelters will list the dog’s personalities as well. They also have listings for other species of animals. Just over sharing.
26. Kara | July 10th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Oh got so excited about pet search…
LOVE LOVE LOVE Big Brother this year. I took a couple seasons off and then watched all stars last summer and I had to come back to it again. Jen crying = greatest moment ever. Seriously if you are making such a big deal, every time people walk by that picture they are going to look and see it even more.
27. Maya | July 11th, 2007 at 12:12 am
Heh. The bikini thing cracks me up to no end – I’ve been wearing bikinis since I was five or six (meaning: two years prior to having ANYTHING to put in one) – and when I filled them out plenty a few years later, I was still wearing them. Why? I’m a born n’ raised So. Cal girl who grew up at the beach. There is a world of difference, though, between the teeny-weeny bikinis that I see girls wearing now and the sport-friendly ones I wore and those that are only good for sitting around in.
Am reading True North right now, so far so good.
28. Mauigirl52 | July 11th, 2007 at 4:15 am
Once when I was about 16 my friend and I were invited by my aunt to go to a private pool that she belonged to (one of those country club type things I guess). My friend and I had on two-piece bathing suits (NOT bikinis – these were the ones where the bottom part came up to your waist). Would you believe the snooty club wouldn’t let us in except in a one-piece? And it was the late 60′s already. We couldn’t believe it! We went home and changed and came back. But I agree, 14 seems too young for an itsy bitsy bikini.
Our dog sleeps in pretty well also. The only time she chooses to wake up at 6 a.m. is when my husband is away on business! She must be afraid that if she doesn’t wake me up I’d never get up and make her breakfast.
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