Walking In My Shoes
July 15th, 2007
I don’t even KNOW what I was in the middle of writing, or thinking about writing, when my computer went blue in that awful, miserable blue screen of death-way on Thursday night. I knew the failure was coming–really, I did–after a few weeks of periodic crashes and blue screens and clanking sounds that sounded like the legs of a legion of little elves were getting tired inside the machine, but that didn’t stop me from doing a lot of moaning and hair-pulling and yes, garment-rending (um, seriously. I almost tore my t-shirt right off, like Brandi Chastain, but for much less celebratory reasons). I also may have clutched my chest in heaving desperation and screeched, “MY FIIIIIIILLLLLLES!” like it was some sort of SURPRISE that my computer was dying, nevermind the back-ups and blue screens and … well, whatever, this is boring to even me, but suffice it say that I am writing this on some wild back-up Dell machine that weighs approximately 4,500 lbs and runs hot enough that I could poach eggs between my thighs. I do, however, have a shiny new laptop zooming its way through the magic of UPS, depending on when it’s completed, which is exciting, and will hopefully have no impact on whether I can bear children.
I’m fairly certain I’ve mentioned the bizarre oddity of my neighborhood before, what with the people who walk their cats in strollers and whatnot, and while there are plenty of normal, nice folk that I love spending time with, the fact that I spied a man–A MAN–walking down the street wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and carrying a chihuahua in a Baby Bjorn really makes me wonder if this is all some sort of test. Is someone waiting for the day that we finally have enough and run screaming to the end of the universe, which is really just a Truman Show-like DOME? Because God, this man, he wasn’t wearing any shoes, and he was walking through a construction site with, P.S., a chihuahua in a Baby Bjorn. In his underwear. The man, not the chihuahua, I mean, although it wouldn’t shock me if the dog was wearing undies in the Baby Bjorn, and maybe a diaper.
I have to admit, nothing like this has ever happened to me anywhere else, and I’m becoming quite attached to it. Living in an underdeveloped area causes a ton of culture clash, and it’s fantastically entertaining, but hoo boy, I need to move out of this neighborhood.
Anyway, that’s plenty of weirdness for now, I think. At least if I run into much more, I will, actually run off to the end of the proverbial dome and maybe hang myself, because Jesus. Other than that, our weekend was spent doing exciting things like laundry and cleaning the litter box (Note to cat: Please stop peeing on the floor NEXT to the litterbox. I know you’re big, and I know you like to put your ass as close to the edge as possible, but really, it’s not getting in the box the way you think it is, and I, for one, am sick of cleaning up your urine. Thanks! xoxo, Mom), but we did get out to see Harry Potter, and I know look, I KNOW it’s a little on the lame side, but we always go to see them in the theater, we just do. It’s a bit of a compulsion, similar to the one we had with Lord of the Rings, though they are decidedly not the same experience (oh, how I wish there were seven LotR movies! Or twelve! I don’t care how nerdy it is! Bring on the ents!)
Did you ever, when you were younger, think that weekends would degenerate so? I mean, I honestly had a great weekend, even though the highlight was cleaning the bath mats and enjoying their fresh fluffiness (I’m thinking about going in there later just to stand on them, such is the nature of my jubilation. They’re so fresh! And fluffy! And clean!). Oh oh, and cleaning the master closet. That was a thrill. And sadly, I’m not really kidding. It’s just the way it is when you get older, I guess.
But finally, honestly, Big Brother? I love you. I love your Name That Pie contests, and I love Jen. I LOVE HER. She is very likely the dumbest person I’ve ever seen anywhere (although she is a member of JENSA), and it’s truly amazing, really, that you found her through the miracle of casting. Some might say it’s JENIUS.
Happy Sunday/Monday!
*Depeche Mode
**Edited to add that I accidentally edited/sliced a whole section while editing, and now I’m too tired to bring it back. Whoops. But it involved a strange man on an ATV with a swastika tattoo popping up out of nowhere, which is always exciting.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
21 Comments Add your own
1. Teej | July 15th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Oh, LotR. Why can’t there be so, so many more? *sob*
My weekend is a thrill if I can go on some walks and wash clothes in my favorite detergent and maybe eat guacamole. The 23-year-old in me would be moaning in embarrassment if she weren’t busy acting like she doesn’t know who I am.
2. Leane | July 15th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
That Jen is dumb AND completely lacking in the ability to read people..she’s so self absorbed she has no idea how much she annoys the others. And when she got to the HOH room and went on and on about the photos–being bad again..Like it’s Big Brother’s fault that they put in photos of her that were “BAD”..LMAO. Oh it brings me such sick joy to watch her act that way.
Your weekend sounds relaxing.
“Good Weekends” are definitely a whole different world when you’re older. We had so much family in town this weekend it was nonstop 24/7 family and food. I feel overfed and tired:).
3. Angella | July 15th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I, too, heart Big Brother. But Jen? Really? I shouted in disbelief when she won HOH. Maybe she’ll win me over this week
4. AndreAnna | July 15th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Ohmidog, you cracked me up with the visual of the boxer guy!
And I hate the blue screen of death! My problem is I’m married to a computer geek, who keeps giving my laptop CPR instead of letting it die so I can get a new one. I think I need a DNR.
5. jonniker | July 15th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Angella, she’s ATROCIOUS. That’s what makes her so wonderful. The drinking game? With the amount of times she said “I”? That was the best thing ever.
She is so, so stupid. “I think we could all do without the … negative … energy …negativity and stuff.” Meanwhile, most of the house wants to rip her face off, very slowly, and eat it on their slop.
HA. Greatest character ever. What’s completely fucked up, however, is that she’s an actual person. Oh, it’s fantastic though.
AndreAnna: I, too, married a computer geek who resuscitated four previous laptops. The only, and I mean the ONLY, reason we got a new one this time is because we have a discount through IBM AND it has a two-year warranty. In his words, “That way when you break it, you can send it to them so I can stop playing tech support.” Nice.
6. Allison | July 15th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
OH MY GOD. I forgot to watch “Big Brother” tonight. Damn you, “House Hunters”! DAMN YOU.
7. p|b | July 16th, 2007 at 6:08 am
My lovely neighbor likes to go on 40 mile bike rides and then hang his underware/riding shorts, socks and helmet from a hook outside his garage. I think I win. Yes…yes I do.
As for weekends, I don’t care that I did absolutely nothing but clean and go see an animated movie about a rat who can cook in Paris. What I do care about, is that it was over too soon. Way. Too. Effing. Soon.
8. Sadie | July 16th, 2007 at 6:35 am
You totally just made me excited to go home tonight and wash my bath mat. I mean, truly EXCITED. When you talk about degenerative weekends, this is exactly what you’re talking about, isn’t it? I am the youngest, single person in my office and on Monday mornings my coworkers all ask me how my weekend was, waiting excitedly to hear that at least SOMEONE’S life is fun…and I usually have nothing, NOTHING for them. I tell them I gave my dog a bath and watched old seasons of America’s Next Top Model until noon on Sunday, and I just watch the joy drain from their faces.
9. Suebob | July 16th, 2007 at 7:34 am
I did not wash the bath mats, but boy do the dog blankets look all nice and fluffy. I have a sheet that goes over the back seat of the car, and one she sits on in the car, and one that goes on the couch (where I never get to sit, because of the 70 lb dog).
I did have real big fun this weekend, though – partied with some bloggers (Queen of Spain, Mocha Momma, Leah Peah & others). Fun fun.
10. Laurel | July 16th, 2007 at 8:12 am
we renovated an old dresser that was given to us and kept going into the room to stare at it–like it was doing a strip tease in the bedroom. I would catch Rods just gaping at it.
The highlight of my weekend was Harry Potter, and within the first twenty minutes, as they were riding off on broomsticks, I think I started to blush and feel slightly embarrassed that I was not only in this theater, but also insanely excited about it. I got over it once they returned to Hogwarts. Oh my, that nerdy feeling is back….
11. mar | July 16th, 2007 at 8:32 am
i sat around relaxing, cleaning while listening to a book on disc. the highlight of our weekend was probably hp too. i can’t say that it was having dinner with the future in-laws and having mother start sobbing into my bf’s chest. not awkward at all. then dropping meatballs on my lap during dinner. brilliant!
although, during hp the preteens did break out into applause at the oddest and inappropriate moments. i don’t get it.
12. lizgwiz | July 16th, 2007 at 9:08 am
I gave up on thinking my cats would ever improve their aim, and I now have those puppy training pads under the litterboxes. Those things can hold a LOT of pee.
13. Melissa | July 16th, 2007 at 9:48 am
I thought I was the only one!!!! The other day I saw a woman carrying a yorkie in a baby Bjorn, it was possibly the strangest thing, along the lines of walking an invisible dog; a la “The Garden of Good and Evil”
14. Cassidy | July 16th, 2007 at 10:18 am
AH! I am so glad you talked about Jen. What a freaking idiot! The drinking game made me laugh so hard. I love that she said that she was getting rid of Danielle because of negative energy when she’s just jealous of her hanging out with Nick. Oh how I hate Jen. I thought for sure she would be gone this week and then she won the HOH! Boo! I have never met someone like that but I am dying to. I just want to know someone like that so that I can experience it in real life. Sorry I have rambled on and on about it but no one in my “real” life watches it. Thanks for bringing it up for discussion!
15. Claire | July 16th, 2007 at 10:54 am
That’s exactly how it is when you get older! The highlight of my Sunday was buying a microfiber cloth and dusting the mini blinds, then standing back and adoring their dust free-ness. Sigh.
16. ali | July 16th, 2007 at 11:46 am
my eyes bleed when i have to look at jen and her jenius shirts…
17. Susan | July 16th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
I’m sure I read the part in your post about the ATV coming out onto the street from a path with a woman on the back, right? I must have been one of the lucky few!
18. Kara | July 16th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
As soon as I read your blog I realized I was deprived at my parents house without a DVR to remind me that BB was coming on. So before I read the comments which were sure to contain spoilers I went to CBS and WAHOO! it had the full episode.
Now on to Jen…You have to love her because every one else hates her. Good TV, you know the producers are really hoping she doesn’t get booted anytime soon.
Okay dogs in strollers and baby bjorns…NUTS! These people really need some human kids to torture with their strange ways.
19. guinness girl | July 17th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
If you get your cat to stop peeing just outside the box, could you come make my lardass furball do the same? It is driving me crazy with a capital C. I’m all paranoid that the smell is going to seep into the laundry room (aka litter room) tile and never go away. GAH.
Also, I loved the new Harry Potter movie. LOVED.
20. Jhianna | July 18th, 2007 at 9:36 am
I’m so sad – I washed our bath mats this weekend too. And yep, I went in and stood on them in all their fluffy glory for awhile too, just because. (so clean and white and fluffy and pretty and clean!)
Ditto to Guinness Girl – loved the new Harry Potter movie.
21. Young Underage Pussy&hellip | October 15th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Young Underage Pussy
Sorry, it just sounds like a crazy idea for me
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