Crazy

So, hahahahaha, I really must be in the mood to bring The Crazy this week, I guess, because wow, I’ve been a waffly, slightly insane person to be around, and I’m pretty sure–no no, I’m certain–that Adam would like to pack me up and ship me elsewhere until it passes, along with a few other people (GOD SORRY SORRY SORRY IF YOU’RE ONE OF THEM). I don’t have any sort of logical explanation for my complete departure from reality, other than the fact that yes, yes, a man on a Confederate-flag-emblazoned ATV with an ammo box (and, you know, AMMO and things that require ammo) and a swastika tattoo burst out of the woods near my house, and my computer died, and I haven’t slept in a few days and God, someone get me a Valium! Perkins, bring me my smelling salts! And smack me in the face, because I have a case of The Dramatics. And also, I’m afraid until today, for the past three days I’d packed up my sense of humor and lost it somewhere in the bath mats. I think maybe I found it, and not a moment too soon. In fact, it may be several moments too late, because I was … well, I lost my mind. And did I mention that our TiVo died, too? Two weeks after the warranty expired? And that this very scenario happened the LAST time my computer died, which was about a year ago?

Separately, not that anyone’s asking, but I’m not going to BlogHer, and the only reason I’m mentioning it is because Lawyerish is coming that weekend, and I’m a little excited about that weekend, but not for any of the reasons everyone else is, it’s just that she’s coming! Here! A whole weekend of unadulterated Lawyerish. I’m afraid I’m going to hold her hand too much and freak her out. Yes, actually, I am a LOT excited about it, and I’ve been looking forward to it for so long that I actually already dread the moment I have to drop her off at the airport, because it will be too soon! TOO SOOOOON! Visit aside, it’s highly unlikely I’d be going to BlogHer anyway, because I have to go to Chicago for other reasons at some point, it’s expensive, and large groups make me want to start crying, and I’d have to down 11 vodka tonics just to get through five minutes, not because everyone isn’t lovely and perfect and wonderful, but again, large crowds and all. I wish there was a way for me to meet everyone in a one-on-one situation over cookies. But meeting everyone en masse? It kind of makes me want to run and hide, until individuals plucked me out one at a time and talked me off the ledge (ONE AT A TIME. TWO AT MOST.)

Plus, if I’m honest, and I’ve said this elsewhere, but I’m interested: does anyone else not have the slightest desire to overanalyze blogging, or is it me? Frankly, if I take a closer look at this weird little thing that I do, and examine it closely, warts and all, wow, um, I’m pretty sure I’d pack up and head for the hills and never think about it again. Not that I don’t think it’s wholesome and lovely and actually quite helpful, but I have no desire to monetize it unless it was sheer happenstance (the idea of turning something relaxing into a job-like entity makes me want to cry, and I know that’s counterintuitive), and I’m not particularly ambitious about it, ergo, the content of BlogHer is of little interest to me personally (the people and the blogs? Totally of interest to me, and I know that’s sort of silly to make that distinction, but there it is, but again, ONE ON ONE). To be clear, however, I do not mind ads on blogs in the slightest, nor do I think that they have any impact whatsoever on the quality of the content. I don’t believe that any blogger writes to please her advertisers, unless it’s that godawful Pay Per Post, and the second, and I mean THE VERY SECOND, a blogger writes one of those, I run, and I never come back.

I didn’t mean to go so meta on you. Sorry. In other news, why didn’t anyone tell me about the weightlifting hunger? I’m familiar with the running hunger, but the weightlifting hunger is something else altogether. It’s a primal need for … peanut butter. If someone could please hand me an entire vat of peanut butter, I’ll gladly spoon it up and eat it with nothing else. I never even LIKED peanut butter before, but tonight, I did everything I could to convince Adam to have peanut butter & jelly for dinner. He declined, but the need is still unfulfilled, and I’ve packed two peanut butter & jelly sandwiches for tomorrow: one for breakfast, one for lunch. Because I’m twelve.

And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me, because my ovaries are currently preparing themselves for some sort of deviled egg dish, because my God, this laptop is hot, and we’re going to be in brief blogging land until my new one arrives, because I really can’t imagine that I’ll be able to procreate if I keep this up.

Happy Tuesday. May it be a less insane one than Monday was, and dear God, please, let me calm down and stop acting like someone who needs to chill out already. Perkins!

*Alana Davis

27 comments July 16th, 2007