Crazy
July 16th, 2007
So, hahahahaha, I really must be in the mood to bring The Crazy this week, I guess, because wow, I’ve been a waffly, slightly insane person to be around, and I’m pretty sure–no no, I’m certain–that Adam would like to pack me up and ship me elsewhere until it passes, along with a few other people (GOD SORRY SORRY SORRY IF YOU’RE ONE OF THEM). I don’t have any sort of logical explanation for my complete departure from reality, other than the fact that yes, yes, a man on a Confederate-flag-emblazoned ATV with an ammo box (and, you know, AMMO and things that require ammo) and a swastika tattoo burst out of the woods near my house, and my computer died, and I haven’t slept in a few days and God, someone get me a Valium! Perkins, bring me my smelling salts! And smack me in the face, because I have a case of The Dramatics. And also, I’m afraid until today, for the past three days I’d packed up my sense of humor and lost it somewhere in the bath mats. I think maybe I found it, and not a moment too soon. In fact, it may be several moments too late, because I was … well, I lost my mind. And did I mention that our TiVo died, too? Two weeks after the warranty expired? And that this very scenario happened the LAST time my computer died, which was about a year ago?
Separately, not that anyone’s asking, but I’m not going to BlogHer, and the only reason I’m mentioning it is because Lawyerish is coming that weekend, and I’m a little excited about that weekend, but not for any of the reasons everyone else is, it’s just that she’s coming! Here! A whole weekend of unadulterated Lawyerish. I’m afraid I’m going to hold her hand too much and freak her out. Yes, actually, I am a LOT excited about it, and I’ve been looking forward to it for so long that I actually already dread the moment I have to drop her off at the airport, because it will be too soon! TOO SOOOOON! Visit aside, it’s highly unlikely I’d be going to BlogHer anyway, because I have to go to Chicago for other reasons at some point, it’s expensive, and large groups make me want to start crying, and I’d have to down 11 vodka tonics just to get through five minutes, not because everyone isn’t lovely and perfect and wonderful, but again, large crowds and all. I wish there was a way for me to meet everyone in a one-on-one situation over cookies. But meeting everyone en masse? It kind of makes me want to run and hide, until individuals plucked me out one at a time and talked me off the ledge (ONE AT A TIME. TWO AT MOST.)
Plus, if I’m honest, and I’ve said this elsewhere, but I’m interested: does anyone else not have the slightest desire to overanalyze blogging, or is it me? Frankly, if I take a closer look at this weird little thing that I do, and examine it closely, warts and all, wow, um, I’m pretty sure I’d pack up and head for the hills and never think about it again. Not that I don’t think it’s wholesome and lovely and actually quite helpful, but I have no desire to monetize it unless it was sheer happenstance (the idea of turning something relaxing into a job-like entity makes me want to cry, and I know that’s counterintuitive), and I’m not particularly ambitious about it, ergo, the content of BlogHer is of little interest to me personally (the people and the blogs? Totally of interest to me, and I know that’s sort of silly to make that distinction, but there it is, but again, ONE ON ONE). To be clear, however, I do not mind ads on blogs in the slightest, nor do I think that they have any impact whatsoever on the quality of the content. I don’t believe that any blogger writes to please her advertisers, unless it’s that godawful Pay Per Post, and the second, and I mean THE VERY SECOND, a blogger writes one of those, I run, and I never come back.
I didn’t mean to go so meta on you. Sorry. In other news, why didn’t anyone tell me about the weightlifting hunger? I’m familiar with the running hunger, but the weightlifting hunger is something else altogether. It’s a primal need for … peanut butter. If someone could please hand me an entire vat of peanut butter, I’ll gladly spoon it up and eat it with nothing else. I never even LIKED peanut butter before, but tonight, I did everything I could to convince Adam to have peanut butter & jelly for dinner. He declined, but the need is still unfulfilled, and I’ve packed two peanut butter & jelly sandwiches for tomorrow: one for breakfast, one for lunch. Because I’m twelve.
And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me, because my ovaries are currently preparing themselves for some sort of deviled egg dish, because my God, this laptop is hot, and we’re going to be in brief blogging land until my new one arrives, because I really can’t imagine that I’ll be able to procreate if I keep this up.
Happy Tuesday. May it be a less insane one than Monday was, and dear God, please, let me calm down and stop acting like someone who needs to chill out already. Perkins!
*Alana Davis
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
27 Comments Add your own
1. Sueb0b | July 16th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
1. Something is terribly wrong with you, isn’t it?
Which is why I love you.
2. Hint about BlogHer: it isn’t about the conference and the learning and the thinking. It is about meeting all your peeps and sitting around the pool and developing a year’s worth of inside jokes. At least that’s what I am going for. Oh, and some cool swag, though last year all the t-shirts except the Saturn one were sized for mosquitoes, not women with real bodies, and in any case I was NOT going to wear a t-shirt advertising condoms, even if they were condoms for women, which is something I would rather not think about.
2. Janssen | July 16th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
Amen to your PayPerPost feelings. I loathe those. . .one of the blogs I used to read got all into it and then kept rattling on about how awesome it was all the dang time (which meant I only read about PayPerPost, either the actual posts or posts ABOUT PayPerPost). And then I unsubscribed. And I haven’t been back. Except for right now, of course, because now I’m dying to know if she’s still doing it. Ahhh, PayPerPost, how I loathe thee.
3. whoorl | July 16th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Am I a tad naive for thinking I’ve never come across a payperpost on a blog?
Wait. Don’t answer that.
4. mar | July 17th, 2007 at 6:41 am
same here, whoorl. maybe i’m just too discriminating in my blogreading to not have run across it. ha!
and may today be so much more calm than yesterday. i’m usually a scoffer at horoscopes, but mine said yesterday would be stormy & besides the actual thunderstorms and tornadoes that are still hovering, i had my first blow-up fight with the bf. ergh! crazyland, here i come!
5. Tessie | July 17th, 2007 at 6:51 am
The peanut butter thing, yes, THANK YOU.
After lifiting I’ve eaten it on bananas, _Shrek_ branded mini vanilla wafers(?), and (eww) PLAIN.
6. Andrea | July 17th, 2007 at 6:53 am
I’m a little sad not to be going to BlogHer. It’s close enough to me that I could drive and I would love love love to meet the people whose blogs I read every day, but I agree with you on the conference content. I blog for reasons other than to garner an audience and make money. I don’t really want to waste time learning about the best posting times and how to arrange ads and such. Plus, I wouldn’t want income on my blog to make it begin to feel like a job. Lately, it’s been hard enough to get a decent post out.
I remember awhile back you said something about how sleep deprivation makes you go nuts, so maybe that’s the simple explanation for your Crazy. Although if my TiVo crapped out, I think I’d be shooting up the nearest Best Buy to get a new one. Because I’m a sad human being who has come to rely on recorded Tom & Jerry episodes to entertain my son. Play in the yard? Psh! There’s Tom & Jerry! Take him to the pool? Nope. There’s Scooby Doo! Run around outside with him? Too hot. Let’s put on some Backyardigans! Bad mommy.
I sincerely hope your laptop and TiVo woes are resolved soon. For the sake of your sanity. And for Adam.
7. AndreAnna | July 17th, 2007 at 7:00 am
I agree with Andrea (must be the name). In a different world, I think I’d love to go. But my reality is that I’m a blogging nobody and that’;s totally okay with me, because I do it for me. At least for now. Ya know, until I eventually sell my soul.. lol.
8. celebrate woo-woo | July 17th, 2007 at 7:12 am
I have written one PayPerPost post, I think. I mean, I know I wrote one, but I can’t remember if there was a second one. I use it incredibly sparingly. Because that was one, possibly two, posts in a span of the past four months. Sometimes the opportunities provide good blog fodder that I wouldn’t have had necessarily, one that came to mind was an independent music artists site. The site looked promising, and I was happy to have found it, even if it was through an advertising opportunity. I consider myself one of those idealistic PayPerPost people…I only blog it if I really feel I know what the heck I’m talking about and, dare I say, liked it.
I think I’d have to run and hide in a conference center full of bloggers, too. One on one sounds like a much better plan. And, with cookies? Well, that just sounds fabulous.
9. Lawyerish | July 17th, 2007 at 7:14 am
Ten days. TEN DAYS! TEN motha-effing DAYS!
Yay.
10. p|b | July 17th, 2007 at 7:58 am
PB&J is incredible. I eat it at least 2 times a week for lunch. So satisfying and comforting. Just one important question. What kind of jelly?!
And I just had a long 2 paragraphs about blogging – and deleted it. I’m in marketing, and what I had to say was boring. But the basics of it is this – blogs have done amazing things to start discussions and get feedback and have real conversations with people you would never be able to reach. But the beauty of a blog is it can be whatever you want. Personally, I like that yours is about Confederate Flags, Dog Poop and Under Garments..you just can’t get this content anywhere else.
11. Susan | July 17th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Have you called Tivo customer service? A similar thing happened to me and they offered to send me a new box for free, even though I was out of warranty. They are very interested in preserving their customers and (in my experience) will go out of their way to make you happy. I can’t live without it!
12. Swistle | July 17th, 2007 at 9:09 am
I would like to go to BlogHer, but as a fly on the wall so I could see all the blogging celebrities without having to, you know, TALK. I dreamed last night that I went as myself instead, and it was a total disaster: I met Sundry and I acted so stupid she was backing away slowly and saying “Oooooo. Kay,” and I felt horrible. Um, so until I can be a fly, I’m too shy to go.
I just encountered Pay Per Post for the first time in a blog I was reading. I continued to read the blog for a couple more weeks, then stopped. Now that I’ve built up an immunity, I suspect my white cells would force me to ditch a blog at the first PPP. Not because I hate paid posts so very much, although I do, but because once a blogger does one paid post, they seem to do it ALL THE DAMN TIME. And if I want to read ads, I can read a women’s magazine.
13. Jamie | July 17th, 2007 at 9:15 am
OH DEAR GOD, how I love a good pb&j.
i love it even better in writing, because it means I get to use the ampersand, my favorite symbol in the English language.
14. Schnozz | July 17th, 2007 at 9:38 am
I don’t think BlogHer HAS to be about overanalyzing blogging. I’m with SueBob: it’s for the peeps. I get to see my friends ALL IN ONE PLACE, and that excites the hell out of me. Moose and Alexa in the same room? WITH ME? Oh my God bring on the raspberry mojitos. Which just happen to be killer at the W.
(As for turning blogging into a moneymaking opportunity, Mimi Smartypants said it a lot better than I could in her last post. I love that woman.)
I think BlogHer can be really good or really bad, and it’s up to me to make it what I want it to be. Which, frankly, has nothing to do with learning to blog (wtf?) or attending seminars of any sort. Ah, playing hooky without consequences: yet another benefit of adulthood.
We’ll miss you!
15. jonniker | July 17th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Y’all, you would KNOW if you saw Pay Per Post. I think they have to disclose it on some level. But maybe I’m wrong. But it’s usually obvious, because out of nowhere, a link to something bizarre like hotel and restaurant management classes will show up.
Also, re: BlogHer. Oh I KNOW it’s all about the peeps, it’s just that I while I love the people, I kind of know that I could not handle that many people in one place. And couple that with expense and the fact that I have zero interest in the content, and it becomes kind of hard to justify, is what I was trying to say. Maybe next year, I will overcoming my crushing fear of massive, large groups and also be very rich. It could happen. IT COULD HAPPEN!
16. Beth | July 17th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Ovaries…deviled eggs…LOL! ;^)
17. Heather B. | July 18th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Yeah, I’m just excited to see my peeps. And hopefully I’ll do a little better socially than I did last year. Last year I was rather ‘durrish’ and this year I plan on sitting my ass down in one spot with a drink in hand and never really moving. Except for those 20 minutes when I have to speak and I plan to take a very large pill of some sort prior to that.
So yeah, just chillin’ at the W offering Schnozz drinks and watching her get drunk. While Suebob and I enjoy some tanqueray and tonics. Should be a good time..you know, if I remember it after all of the drinking.
And no worries, you’ll get to meet me soon enough. I know that’s what you’re waiting for in life.
18. Suebob | July 18th, 2007 at 8:11 am
Heather B. is a huge liar. She was very charming and not at all “durrish.” Meanwhile, I was thrusting my red stapler into the hands of unsuspecting bloggers and saying “I love your blog. Will you take a picture with my stapler?” I did that 92 times! No, I’m not exaggerating. The evidence is up at my flickr red stapler set – username suebobdavis
19. elise | July 18th, 2007 at 8:55 am
I’m terrified of BlogHer.
Just sayin’. It’s scary! What if I was left sitting at a table all alone, my only other option being tagging along with already-formed groups who didn’t really want me there or really know me much at all?
Does it not sound to anyone else like the first year of high school, relived? And not the high school all your friends went to, but the one in the town you just moved to, where you didn’t really know anyone except from stories and pictures?
Yikes!
20. Schnozz | July 18th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Wait … HeatherB is going to OFFER me drinks?
This is the best scam ever. I plan to act as puritanical as possible so she can think she’s corrupting me by buying me drinks. FREE BOOZE, SUCKAS!
21. Leah | July 18th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
What Suebob said: The conference? Meh. The monetizing? Nah. The hanging out with people? YES. If I could afford to fly all my blog friends to Oakland so we could hang out in my backyard, I’d do it in a second, but it’s so much cheaper and easier when someone else organizes it all for me and I get to stay in a swank hotel. Anyway, it’s one of those things that is what you make it–small or large, intense or relaxed, networky or chill and casual.
22. Suebob | July 18th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Elise – the difference is that 1. We are all older and 2. We just don’t care anymore. Walk up. Begin talking. Soon you will be someone’s BFF. It’s that simple. If you do it right, you will end up in the swimming pool with your clothes on at some point, probably late in the evening, hugging someone and screaming.
23. Cassidy | July 18th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I have no desire to go either, but I am a new blogger so maybe I don’t know what I am missing.
Sometimes being crazy is good. About every six months I lose my mind, but I always seem to find it again. I love that being-so-silly-I- am-annoying-everyone-around-me-and-I-couldn’t-care-less feeling. But, I don’t have a husband to drive crazy, so maybe that makes a difference.
24. MonkeyPosh | July 19th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Hi J!
Long time to chat. How are you?
Sorry to do this here, as it is totally unrelated to this blog entry….BUT are you watching Big Brother?
Is Jen the Sociopath of the year or WHAT?
Oh and evertime I see the commercial for Kimora Lee Simmons (THE MOTHER OF ALL MOGULS) I think of you and crack up!
xoxoxoxo
Hope you and Adam and Cappy and Sunny are all good!
25. Nothing But Bonfires | July 19th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
I’m so on for the cookies. Where are we meeting?
26. Jen from Boston | July 24th, 2007 at 8:02 am
I am going, just not attending the conference part (cocktail party part- sure thing). I am staying at me da’s place which is 1 mile from the conference, otherwise, I may have had to bail this year (buying house and all- closing in Aug).
Anyway, I smartly did the “conference w/o the conference” last year and by ppls. reactions you’d think I’d discovered the Flux Capacitor. I swam, I drank, it was better than Cats! (except for the next day hangover/barfing in a toilet part- I coulda done w/o that).
My hope is to meet up with a few ppl. who mentioned they’d be there and see where it takes me.
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