In This Skin
July 19th, 2007
Look at me, all typey typey on a flashy new laptop! With VISTA! Vista, the bane of my existence, that I have no idea how to use. Oh Vista. We are not friends yet. But hello! HELLO! HELLO VISTA! I really dislike you, but gee, you are very pretty, even if you do exactly what the PC in the Mac commercial does, and scream at me every time I want to do anything at all, including open the calculator, because a calculator is SCARY, and you need my permission before you’ll add and subtract, because all that math could be dangerous.
Incidentally, Sunny ate the power cord to my other computer — the back up Dell that hard-boiled my eggs — which was the last straw in the technological meltdown that hit up Casa Jonniker, and also happened to occur on a freelance deadline, Jesus, that was sucky, and is also the reason I’ve been everywhere but here. But lo, Alert Reader Susan was quite helpful in the procurement of a shiny new TiVo for a third the cost of a new one! Turns out a little complaining is a good thing. Well, in certain contexts. I’ve beaten the complaining to a bloody pulp, so off we go! Let’s talk about lightning!
I’ve mentioned my fear of lightning before, but did I ever mention my EXTREME, RIDICULOUS fear of lightning? The fear that actually makes me hold my bladder the entire time a thunderstorm is going on outside? Yes, because you see, I actually believe that if lightning strikes the ground anywhere near us (and it does all the time, oh my God, this is the land of lightning, for God’s sake), that the electrical current is going to whip up the water pipes into the toilet, then travel up the stream of my pee and fry my girly bits. It could totally happen, I really believe this, and honestly, there isn’t much anyone can do to convince me otherwise. I will not go to the bathroom during a thunderstorm, no matter how badly I have to go. I’ll pee in a jar first, though thankfully that’s never happened.
Speaking of fried girly bits, as part of my ongoing plantar fasciitis treatment (please kill me now), I’ve got to smear Biofreeze (a very strong menthol-type rub that … well, it freezes and cools. Or something.) on the bottom of my foot twice a day, and while I feel absolutely no effect on the bottom of my very calloused foot, that stuff is potent and, as I’ve discovered, has aftereffects that last through several handwashings. Thus far, I’ve Biofrozen my earlobe, eye and–my personal favorite–my nether regions, thank you Moon Cup! Three handwashings, and a small exploration mission left me aflame, err, afreeze, for longer than I’d like to remember. (The prereq for the Moon Cup may also explain The Crazy of earlier in the week, and I hate admitting that, especially to Adam. It’s like I’ve lost some sort of feminist battle. The PMS-deniers will never let me into their ranks.)
Speaking of Moon Cup, one of the strangest things about writing here, and the infamous Moon Cup incident, is that strangers often e-mail me their difficulties using the cup. I don’t get much unsolicited mail, honest, but about this one issue, I am often inundated. This is problematic for one reason only: I’ve never had a single problem using the Moon Cup, and it worked for me right away, so I don’t know how to help them! And I want to! But I had no spelunking, no leaking (well, that one time, but that was totally not its fault), no messes. The whole “learning curve” thing that everyone insisted I would have? I never had it. Umbrella-like snap and go, and off I went into the land of menstruation without fear of leakage. Yes, yes, there was that time I almost yanked out my cervix because I forgot to break the seal, but that was easy to fix. (Break the seal, yo. Not worth it otherwise.)
So I ask you, gentle readers, as many of you have either been longtime users, or bought one since the incident, what, if any problems have you had, and how did you overcome them? Because I want to help people troubleshoot, and I just can’t. If you don’t want to tell me here (again with the menstruation, first mittelschmerz, now this oh my God, I may never move on), you can e-mail me at jonna at jonniker dot com or jonniker at gmail dot com — they both go the same place, as does that little contact form at the top.
Have a great weekend! Happy Friday! Wooo!
*Jessica Simpson. I don’t know why I’m admitting this, but back when Newlyweds came out, I was horribly addicted, and even developed a bit of an affection for Jessica Simpson that has since passed, thank God (I tend to do this, you see. Anyone remember Ryan Star? Ahem). And, in a fit of sympathy during season one, I picked up her CD In This Skin at Target for something like five bucks, because I actually felt sorry for her, because man, she was so dumb AND her CD was on clearance! The horror! It’s … well, it’s truly terrible, as you would expect. Oh Britney. You are missed.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
33 Comments Add your own
1. Page | July 19th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
I still have a hell of a time getting the thing to open up regularly, though I have gotten better. I did so much cup origami that I wanted to scream, when, finally my gyn (who is also a good friend, and NO, it isn’t weird at all) suggested it might be because I have a drastically tipped uterus that I might be having problems. I couldn’t figure out at first how to spin the thing, but after a bit, I got it. Now it spins like the Keeper on your page. Yay!
2. Page | July 19th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
oh, and VIVA La COOTERMATIC 3K!
I am still so ticked at my boyfriend for throwing away the paper bag containing the pin and the carrying case. I was like, “Where is my damn DIVA PIN???” Pretty amusing.
3. Trina | July 19th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Isn’t a new laptop a beautiful thing? And isn’t Vista the shittiest shit ever? I have never (NEVER) gotten a blue screen on a computer in my life. Since my new laptop (a month or so ago) I’ve had it *5* times!!! Also, I always have a billion windows open at once (turned off the “tabs” option immediately) and apparently Vista doesn’t like that. So every once in a while, it just stops letting me open any more windows. Period. Functionality deteriorates from there, and I have to restart the laptop to get back to “normal”. And don’t even get me started on the new Word format, I should have paid extra to get my baby with XP instead.
Why hasn’t anyone developed hindsight goggles yet?
4. AndreAnna | July 20th, 2007 at 4:13 am
Did you get a pretty skin for your new laptop? This is my new current fascination and obsession? I can make it look pretty! And pink! Or green! My only issue is choosing which one.
My husband (previously mentioned as government computer geek) HATES vista.. and just last night, I swore he was going to throw his laptop at the dog. He actually pouted and said “I miss XP”
Hell, I miss Windows 95. lol
5. jonniker | July 20th, 2007 at 4:27 am
oh Trina, the Word format is awful, just AWFUL. I lost a freelance project last night, and could NOT figure out how to get it back under any circumstances, when all I did was SAVE it. Old Office would have been a piece of cake, but this? THIS THING? No idea.
Although how do you live without tabbed browsing? You don’t use Firefox? Why the aversion to tabs? I LOVE TABS.
6. Cassidy | July 20th, 2007 at 4:33 am
I must admit I also liked Jessica Simpson for just ONE minute back when Newlyweds was on. But, I quickly got over it. But, I have never liked her music. Its too all breathy for me. Anyway, good luck with your new computer. Sounds awful! I hate getting used to new things when I was just so comfortable with my old things. I just got a new cell phone recently and I was almost in tears the first night because I was having such a hard time figuring everything out.
7. jonniker | July 20th, 2007 at 5:14 am
Cassidy: Does anyone like her music, I have to ask? I never really listened to the CD before, but my iPod is on the fritz until I can get iTunes up and running on this thing, and I popped it in in the car yesterday. I mean, it’s not my usual style anyway (dear God, no), but Jesus, the breathiness! I wanted to give her oxygen by track two.
8. winterwheat | July 20th, 2007 at 5:44 am
Ah… the Moon Cup reenters Jonna’s catalog of subject matter–yessssss! I bought the Diva Cup, remember, and I’ve had exactly the same experience as you. One time it leaked, and I realized that the trick to it is to avoid putting in too deep (as it says on the package). So you do need to get a feel for how deeply to insert it: not so deeply that it leaks, not so shallowly that you can feel it when you walk or sit down. For me there was a learning curve, but I’m not as sharp as you.
Other than the leakage episode, I did have a moment of doubt when I developed my first-ever UTI during my second cycle using the cup. Some people accuse cups of causing UTIs, but my doctor pointed out that it has been 95 degrees for 5 days straight, and there were hollows under my eyes and my urine was VERY concentrated, meaning I was dehydrated. Hell, I could have told him that. He said sex and dehydration are the only two things linked in research to UTIs: sex because it “drives” vaginal bacteria up the urethra, and dehydration because women’s urethra is short so the vaginal bacteria that are normally driven out by peeing get a chance to climb up and in because you’re NOT peeing. So–keep peeing! (How did I get here? Anyway, I continue to stand by the cup. And frequent peeing. Both good.)
9. Christine | July 20th, 2007 at 5:46 am
I hate J.Simp. and always have. HATE unrational, unbelievable hate. Hate from the top of her stupid occasional wigs, to her man jaw to her stupid feet.
For the mooncup…um, the only time I’ve had leakage issues are during certain times when my pill decided to go crazy and I bled for three weeks more than anyone should bleed. I could literally fill a cup and then bleed through a heavy duty pad and onto my jeans. As we found out a year and a half ago when driving to Boston. Otherwise, normally, no leaking problems.
If the cup won’t open immediately, I grasp the base as best I can and try to rotate the cup and push it up. If it’s too low it doesn’t open immediately sometimes. Then once it opens I pull it downwards to create the infamous seal.
And I’m done now. And somewhat shamed at how much I have to say on this subject.
10. Jeanne | July 20th, 2007 at 6:05 am
I went througha Jessica obsession back in the days of Newlyweds too. It was kind of the train-wreck mentality where I just couldn’t look away. I bought the her CD because it came with never-before-seen footage of her wedding. I listened to the CD once, and then my obsession began to wane…
11. Joni | July 20th, 2007 at 6:13 am
Ugh! Creatures eating power cords is so frustrating. My cat ate mine two days before my thesis was due last year and it took two weeks for Dell to send me a new one. Even though this mishap threatened to send me to the funny farm, I apparently still havent learned a lesson as he recently chewed my cell phone charger to bits- hmm, upon further review am a bit concerned that perhaps I will one day be a terrible parent if I repeatedly give my cat the opportunity to chew on electrical cords.
As for the moon cup, I just bought one the other day at my local feminist bookstore so will let you know if I experience any major debacles.
12. Leane | July 20th, 2007 at 6:22 am
ohhhh Moon Cup…eek. Frankly I wish they would just come up with a way to erase my period altogether. Oh yeah they did. Menopause. Only I’m not ready for that yet either. I also watched Jessica when she was on Newlyweds. (I was a closeted watcher) And then when she and Nick split up I was just a little irritated. How dare they sell their reality to us and then tell us it wasn’t so great to begin with.
(Speaking of which anyone watching Scott Baio is 45 and still single? That is interesting!).. Also-for book and music lovers-a new book I bought is called Lit Riffs. Short stories by current authors–each story is based on a favorite song. oh and PPS: I LOVED seeing Evil get HOH. If he doesn’t put Jen up I will scream.
13. Lawyerish | July 20th, 2007 at 6:44 am
Oh, man. I used to watch Newlyweds back in the day, too. Mostly, for me, it made Nick Lachey seem like a saint for putting up with her vacuousness and also her creepy dad. Nick also appeared to be a pretty regular guy, or at least as regular a guy as one can be when they have assloads of dough and are married to a Simpson girl.
I loathe Jessica, especially now with her freaky plastic surgery looks and her insufferable tarty persona.
14. p|b | July 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Shoulda’ bought a Mac.
15. Suebob | July 20th, 2007 at 8:49 am
I have this amazing ability to get new tech products and spend years totally ignoring handy features that are right there under my face. For instance, I always wondered why I had to go through 3 menus just to get my cell phone on “vibrate.” 18 months later, I finally found that if you just turn the volume button on the side all the ways down, it automatically goes to vibrate. Dur.
And tabbed browsing – how does one live without it?
I have a PC at work and a Mac at home, and using the PC always, always makes me feel vaguely like I am being punished. It makes work seem really unfortunately work-like.
I have no idea why the guy that designed Word has so much money that he gets to go play in space while the rest of us are stuck down here using the sucky thing, watching it reformat paragraphs to previously unused fonts every time we delete something.
16. Andrea | July 20th, 2007 at 8:56 am
Never used Vista. Now I know not to.
17. jonniker | July 20th, 2007 at 8:59 am
PB: I wanted to, I really did, but they are hella expensive compared to a PC, and my husband knows how to fix any PC out there, whereas a Mac, not so much. I’d be screwed when it comes to in-home tech support.
WW: I think my MoonCup experience was dumbass luck and anatomy, not so much with the sharpness. HEH.
18. ali | July 20th, 2007 at 9:17 am
my new computer is arriving this week…with Vista…i’m quite scared of it already!
19. celebrate woo-woo | July 20th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Seeing my husband spend the better part of a day trying to customize Vista only to give up and spend another numerous amount of hours reverting back to XP, I decided that Vista would not suit me well at all;>
I recently posted my Mooncup recommendation after had a chance to use it during my last cycle. I, like you, had not learning curve. I tried first suggested fold in the manual and didn’t work, then tried the next with immediate success. No leaks, no recovery missions, no frantic posts to the LiveJournal Menstrual Cup Support forum…just happy cup-love from day 1. Hell, I don’t even have stem issues; it’s perfect as is.
20. Beth | July 20th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Re: plantars.
Search for and follow the duct tape solution. I had plantars that I just ignored for YEARS because nothing helped them, and randomly decided one day to see if there are any new cures.
Yep. Duct tape.
Btw, VERY excited to hear you’ve created your very own mini-blogging convention. It’s better, really.
21. Artemisia (a.k.a. Sagebrushy) | July 20th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Joni – two days before your thesis was due?!! I am proud of you; I wouldn’t have made it through that. I am trying to finish The Thesis this summer, and now I have one more thing to be paranoid about… DEAR GOD.
Vista SUCKS. My partner, A., bought a new HP with Vista and all I do is stomp around the home office swearing at it. YES, YES, YES I WANT TO CONTINUE SAVING MY FREAKIN’ DOCUMENT!!!!
At work, I have steadfastly refused to switch to Office 2007 until the 400+ page cookbook I am working on is printed. I don’t want to dare the publications gremlins to import some crazyass silliness into my InDesign files from Office 2007 and loose the whole damn thing. Or suddenly have the index export in Chinese or something. No way.
22. Lori | July 20th, 2007 at 11:51 am
I went from Win98 to Vista.. So much fun. And my shiny new computer likes to freeze up almost as often as my dino-puter did. Sigh. Ain’t technology great?
Leane, I watched the Scott Baio show. Yikes. I much prefer the Baio of my tweenish/teen daydreams. Of course, he’d be a much different person now if he had met me in his youth!
I have to agree with Lawyerish on Nick Lachey.
23. Laurel | July 20th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
I totally understand your fear of lightning flashing up your toilet and frying you. I’m afraid of toilet snakes. I seriously believe that one day a snake will slink up my toilet pipes and strike me in My World as I’m peeing.
24. mar | July 20th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
tmi warning: like ww, i’d never had a uti & got my divacup halfway through my last cycle. used it & after finally getting it to spin(!), was pretty pleased with it. two days after my cycle finished, it hurt to pee. ouchie! i ended up drinking 4 liters of water for two days & an entire jug of cranberry juice. all better. except for my mother telling me over the phone that utis can be caused by intercourse. i don’t need to hear those words coming out of her mouth. i’m celibate, mother. the bf & i only ‘sleep’ together.
we’ll see how the next cycle goes, but i’m all for not shelling out more $$$ for tampons & being environmentally friendly.
i think my peeing issues (snakes, lightning) originate in seeing the cover of the movie ghoulies in the gas station video rental as a young impressionable child. every so often (& probably the next time i pee now), i’m reminded. *shiver*
25. Leane | July 20th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Lori- Yes Scott Baio is not as I remember
lol and he sure has some issues. I will never understand how these people put their lives on television. Now everyone knows that he lost his virginity to Erin Moran and she said he had a small peepee. EEKs.
26. Mauigirl52 | July 20th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Thanks for the heads-up about the horrors of VISTA. I will hold off on buying a new computer till they get the bugs out!
As for erasing periods altogether, didn’t I hear there is a new pill out that does just that?
27. jonniker | July 20th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Mar & WW; I got a UTI too, right out of the gate. The bastard. That was my only real issue, though.
28. Trina | July 20th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
J – my aversion to tabs is pretty much arbitrary: I hate them because they are at the top of the screen. I have my own version of tabs, which is just opening lots and lots of windows and using the little windows buttons down in the taskbar as my “tabs”. I have a set group of them that I open in the same order and leave up constantly. The rest get added after those are up.
Another reason I hate Vista: The first window in my “set” is Free Cell. It is *always* supposed to be all the way to the left on my taskbar. But when I close my computer for the night, 1 out of 3 times Vista will move it all the way to the right or, strangely, somewhere in the middle of the other windows. So when I get up for the day and open my computer up, Free Cell is no longer where it belongs and (being the OCD person I am) I have to close all the windows and re-open them. At which point, I decide that since I’m doing that I might as well restart the thing. So I can’t just jump back in where I was, doing the silly boring things that I do. I don’t mind delayed gratification on *my* terms, but I hate it when something else forces it.
I know it’s uncool, but I use (and love) Explorer. I tried Firefox, but it never did it for me. Probably b/c I’m used to IE and hate change of almost every type. Also, I have my yahoo toolbar customized out the wazoo and would be lost without it. Another reason I don’t like the tabs: they’d crowd my beautiful, perfect toolbar.
29. Angella | July 21st, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I, too, just got a new laptop with Vista. Cursed, cursed Vista. Won’t let me print to the network printer. #$^%&^%&%!!
It also likes to change my screen resolution for no apparent reason. Sigh.
I use Firefox as well…and have about 7 tabs open right now
30. Melissa | July 22nd, 2007 at 7:36 am
I’m the Vista guinea pig of the office, and so far I don’t have any real complaints, except that things aren’t quite where I expect them to be. And Word. It probably has all the same functions, but I miss the easy-peasy pull-down menus. I don’t like icons, I like WORDS! I’m sure I’ll get used to it, and in the meantime maybe exploring it a little more will help.
31. karamarie | July 22nd, 2007 at 3:06 pm
All I know about Vista is that it causes my husband to swear a LOT. It seems like a big nasty bitch and I never want to use it. It creates rage, and I don’t need rage.
I’ve had no problems with my Diva cup, which I bought during the incident on your blog. No UTI’s, no leaking after I figured out that you have to twirl it after it’s in. I did realize that on heavy days I have to empty it more like…three or four times, because of some Issues I Have with my Uterus, but that’s usually only the first day, and travelling on my period has become soooo much easier. In fact, I’m prone to announcing that it has CHANGED MY LIFE! My only problem with it is that I’m constantly wanting to convince everyone to use one now. Which has to be super awesome for them.
32. claire | July 23rd, 2007 at 5:47 am
I’m one of the perfect strangers that emailed you about Moon cup problems. I was a leaker. And since i am totally lazy and a procrastinator, i never sent it back within the 30 day money-back guarantee thing. So i still have it. And now, reading all of these people’s comments about how they were able to make it work, i’m wondering if i should start futzing around with it some more. Maybe it was me.
Well, lets be honest here. It was probably me. There. Will try again next month since everyone else seems to be in love with these things.
33. metalia | July 23rd, 2007 at 5:31 pm
I had, what was in the words of a seasoned podiatrist, “the hardiest, most stubborn plantar’s wart [he'd] ever seen.” He basically gave up, and do you know what finally (after THREE YEARS) made it go away? Pregnancy. I’m writing up my article for the New England Journal of Medicine as we speak.
I also used to watch Newlyweds; I most sincerely did not want to, but it kept sucking me in: Will Nick be mad about the $1200 sheets? Will Jessica let Nick go to the Playboy Mansion? I HAD TO KNOW.
And I, too, loved Ryan Starr back in the day! She was so punk rock! (I mean, look at her leather wristbands! And oversized, hip-slung belts!) You’re not alone, my friend.
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed