Summertime
August 8th, 2007
It’s that special time of year when my nose becomes remarkably faucet-like, and instead of doing its job, and just politely — and rather delicately — breathing, like a normal nose, it’s dumping out large rivers of clear snot everywhere, which is really becoming quite annoying. I can’t even brush my teeth without fear that a tiny clear ball of mucus will suddenly be poised for a speedy exit, and suddenly I’m forced to decide: spit or blow, SPIT OR BLOW OH MY GOD BLOW BLOW BLOW. I think my favorite part of the whole thing — really, my absolute, hands-down favorite thing ever — is when I get out of the shower and conveniently forget that I am a walking allergy machine, and rub my towel all over my face, including my snotty-ass nose, spreading clean lines of snot all over my face and hair. I love that. And, just in case there was any doubt, I do then get back in the shower and re-wash everything, because, oh yes!, I’ve snotted myself all up in this piece, and snot isn’t a good look.
This reminds me, rather inappropriately, of that terrible time in eighth grade when I forced myself to go to school with a raging cold, and I sneezed, covering my mouth with my hand, but failing, in my feverish fog, to prevent myself from grabbing a nice hunk of hair and snotting right into my hair, and apparently I was too foggy to even notice the large hunk of mucus dangling from my golden tresses. That was cool. What was even cooler was that a classmate pointed it out to me. And ah, I went home sick a short time after.
So! As long as I get through this without publicly snotting myself, I think we’re okay, is what I’m saying.
Interestingly, at least for me, my job has entered a universe of … massively increased responsibility, like a hundred fold, so the next four weeks should be really exciting and by “exciting” I mean, it should kind of be like jumping out of a plane and just hoping that I got the parachute on right. Because no no! I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed enough already, thanks! But truthfully, it’s a nice distraction. At least I’m saying that now, before the shit actually hits the fan, ha ha. HA HA.
::crumples into a maniacal heap of laughter::
In truly exciting, weather-related news, I can say with total accuracy that it is moist outside, as in, it actually feels wet, even when it’s not raining. I stepped outside to talk to a colleague, and within seconds, I was … well, I was moist, look, I’m sorry, there’s no other way to put it. It’s humid! Dangerously humid!
Speaking of humid, and I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this something in the range of 800 times before, but really, the whole pronunciation of humid as YOO-mid really perplexes me, as does the word huge as YOO-ge. I mean, really, while this might be correct, there’s just something about it that doesn’t sit well with me. I imagine that these are the same people who pronounce white, “HWA-ite,” which mildly grates my cheese even though look, I know it’s right, it’s just that honestly, there is subtlety and then there is HWA-ITE and HWA-ALE.
Incidentally, one of the most public perpetrators of this is Betty White, you know, being a HWA-ITE and all. And as if my love for Betty White wasn’t enough (because oh, I love all of the Golden Girls equally), my beloved father is a YOOGE HWA-ITER, and would totally say YOOMID.
Now, bear in mind, I’m not paragon of pronunciation, with frou-frou and clandestine and … well, let’s just say that I know full well that Jurgen Nation is pronounced “YURR-gen”, and yet there I am to myself, every time “JERGEN!” But I’m not sure that counts, because that one I really do know, because my first Cabbage Patch kid was German, and his name was, fittingly, Hans Jurgen. I just … well, I just apparently choose instead to flout the gentle rules of the English language and go with some vague, arbitrary phonetics. You have complete free reign to mock me and tell me how ridiculous I am with my fear of yoogely annoying hwa-ite-hot yoomidity.
Happy Thursday! Dear sweet baby Jane, is it Saturday yet?
*The Sundays.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
22 Comments Add your own
1. Susan | August 8th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
What about Yoo-ston, that city in Texas? I’m with you, the invisible Y drives me nuts.
2. Leane | August 8th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
As a teacher, let me just tell you that my least favorite phonics lesson is the “WH” sound. They really want us to teach the kids to say HWA—and I HATE IT. Because we don’t say that when we say the words themselves. Not most people anyway. Irritates me.
The oddest word to me is my grandfather’s word for chimney. Highly educated man but he says “Chimley”..and i have no idea why..
3. Swistle | August 8th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I say WHHite, HYOOge, and HYOOmid, like a right-thinking person.
On senior picture day I was so sick I almost couldn’t function, but it was SENIOR PICTURE DAY so I went to school and went home immediately after having my picture taken. By all that is right, that photo should have been crap–but in fact I looked frailly beautiful, serene and soft-focused. I’ll bet the layer of snot just makes your complexion iridescent.
4. -R- | August 8th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
I pronounce things correctly like Swistle. I have never heard anyone pronounce an H sounds as a Y sounds. That is weird.
I have worked for people who pronounced the word “err” as urr. Which, unfortunately, is technically correct. But it sounds dumb, so I will always say air. The court did not URR; it AIRED.
5. TwoBusy | August 8th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
I’ve just gotta say that when I first looked at your post, my eyes immediately leapt down to the all-caps part in your first paragraph, and… uh… well…
(crickets)
I should probably learn to stop talking about these things.
6. Jurgen Nation | August 8th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Oh, I HATE “HHHHUH-WHEEEEL” when it all comes whooshing out so fast you can’t help but smell plaque and stale mouth. Ugh.
7. Sadie | August 9th, 2007 at 5:30 am
OMG, there was *just* a Family Guy episode last weekend where Brian (the dog) is going crazy because Stewie and the sister keep overpronouncing the “wh” sound in words like “whip,” making it sound like “huh-wip.” Heh, funny and random.
Also, I too have had the experience of brushing my teeth while a clear, thin ribbon of snot ran from my nose, and I actually have used a small piece of tissue as a stop-gap until my toothbrushing was complete and I could finally address the situation more thoroughly.
Finally, this is why I love you: “I’ve snotted myself all up in this piece, and snot isn’t a good look.”
8. Jamie | August 9th, 2007 at 6:33 am
My fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Speers, did BOTH the hidden Y and the overly pushed, breathy WH sounds. And that is literally the only reason I even remember her. So, so irritating.
9. Suebob | August 9th, 2007 at 7:54 am
I LOVE YOU GUYS. Because I have been listening to that damned NPR announcer (the one who does the little non-commercial commercials between the news bits) say “Subaru with all- HUHHH-WHeel drive” and cringing every single morning.
And then I spend the next few minutes wondering about what a weird person I am for obsessing and cringing over the strong WH sound.
But you have made me feel normal. I can’t thank you enough.
10. Leane | August 9th, 2007 at 8:07 am
well good Lord. I just looked it up and apparently more people than my grandfather says “Chimley”…
weird.
11. claire | August 9th, 2007 at 8:23 am
When i looked at it printed here, i still said “Frow-Frow” in my head.
I will never get over that one.
12. Jennie | August 9th, 2007 at 9:21 am
You’re funny
And, no it’s not Saturday but it’s OH SO CLOSE.
13. Whitney | August 9th, 2007 at 9:21 am
I totally mispronounce things in my head all the time that I know the correct pronunciation for, even though I use the correct pronunciation out loud. I always notice speech tics in other people, too. they kind of fascinate me.
14. ali | August 9th, 2007 at 10:53 am
the usage of the pronunciation “YUGE” should be outlawed. seriously. i’m talking to you, Mr. Trump!
15. Leah | August 9th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Old-money East-Coast pronunciations are exactly the reason I can’t stand to listen to NPR. News schmews, I can’t handle NPR-speak.
16. Style Bard | August 9th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I think not being able to pronounce words suddenly – whether I know how they should be said if I stop and think about it, or not – is one of my huge self-peeves. It’s just so grating. Also because you can totally correct me a thousand times on it, and if it’s one of my “problem words” I am still going to either misspeak it or ask you how it’s said A THOUSAND MORE TIMES…. unless I create a little pneumonic device for myself. Does anyone else do that outside of school but me?
My mother, from the Bronx, does the “Yoooge” and – and I’ve since paired these in my mind – “broadWAY.” Nono, it’s “BROADway” and for that matter, “BOARDwalk.” These two speech things always occur in the same people as far as I’ve observed, but those are all in my family, so maybe it’s just them. I hate— hate—- hate the “HWH—” unless it is me doing it, while making fun of someone. Ahem.
Last but not least, I…. am that clear-snotty girl every.day. it is cold outside. And I’m from FL. So by cold? I mean under 70. God, I hate winter. How do you get that in summer? How? Summer- is just- beautiful-…… I think promoting all the fashion Back to School stuff lately has gotten me really defensive about how fast cool weather is approaching…
17. Leane | August 9th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Style Bard, my mom is from the Bronx too..and we always used to pick on how she said “Orange”..she would say “AR-INGE” and we’d say “OR-Ange”..and she says bureau in a weird way..
I have a really hard time saying focaccia. I can make a delicious focaccia. But I have to consistently THINK the word through before I say it..or I want to say “Fo-SOCKIA”..which my mind knows is wrong.
18. AndreAnna | August 9th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Nothing really important to say, except the word moist makes me feel all giggly, like a schoolgirl.
19. Heather B. | August 9th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
I’m pretty sure that half of the words I use when writing, I would probably mispronounce. But I use them anyway, because I know the meaning. Like prodigious. I’ve probably been saying it wrong for years but I use it like it’s my job.
And speaking of pronunciation I just spent a week in Boston and after awhile a missing ‘r’ in a word just became normal.
20. Cassidy | August 12th, 2007 at 9:18 am
My first cabbage patch kid was named Carlene Kalula. I still have NO idea how to pronounce it. I think that she was from Sweden.
21. kerrianne | August 12th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I can’t tell you how many books turned into movies have “mispronounced” the character’s names I was most fond of (mis)pronouncing. OK, so maybe there have only been a few. But, sill.
Oh, and I always pronounce “Yurg-en” “Jurgen.” It’s a sickness. But I think Stace forgives me. Or at least, I pretend she does.
22. bleedingespresso.com &raq&hellip | January 14th, 2008 at 8:35 am
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