Here Comes The Sun
August 13th, 2007
A glance at the clock tells me that it’s 9:38 p.m., and ah, I just got home about 20 minutes ago, which means I left the office at 8:45 p.m., and as some people who got PERKY! PERKY! PERKY! e-mails this morning can attest, I arrived at the office, bright eyed and bushy tailed, at 7:07 a.m. All of my daily blogs were read by 7:10, and I was on my third cup of coffee by 7:45.
Did I not mention my sudden change into Morning Person Extraordinaire? No? Well, it turns out, I have discovered the secret to getting up early feeling rested: go to bed early. I know! Someone give me a medal for this brilliant, groundbreaking discovery! But lo, I started going to bed early, and by gum, I was able to actually get up earlier. Now, please understand, I’m not loving the early mornings necessarily, especially when they involve nothing more than a perfunctory once-over to make sure my hair isn’t a complete and total disaster, because oh yes, I showered the night before, and why repeat the performance? However, I find them infinitely less repugnant than before, and I don’t even hit snooze anymore, and sometimes — and these are my favorite mornings of all — I’ve run two miles before 7 a.m.
I don’t know either, man, I just live in fear of that slippery slope that leads to people like my in-laws, who go to bed at 7:45 p.m. and get up at 4 a.m. They call us with random questions at 7 a.m., because Jesus, it’s MID-MORNING, and they’re on their way to the sidewalk sale at Bealls, and how are we not up yet?
Perhaps the most embarrassing point here is that I achieved this miraculous sleepathon by using a hypnotizing cassette tape that a therapist made me at one time. And ah, every night, I’ve been drifting off to the sound of her voice imploring me to let the thoughts come, but let them flow … flow … FLOW into blissful nothingness. I need not take any action on these thoughts, you see, but I merely need to let them pass … pass … PASS to the land of nod. Concentrate and inhale … inhale … INHALE and let the breath come while the hammock rocks … rocks … ROCKS … you to sleep.
Are you asleep yet? Because I’m letting them pass …. pass … PASS to the land of nod, and I’m rocking … rocking … ROCKING in some hammock somewhere, apparently, and whatever, look, it works, and I’m sleeping better and also up earlier, and this is a miracle, given that I very publicly swore it would never happen to me, but here I am, up before the sun, and running in the dark, for chrissake.
The reason I’m doing this is that I’m working more, and when I’m working more, I let my body and my health fall off of the map completely. For me, working is a compulsion, and one that I haven’t really learned to control, despite my best efforts to the contrary. When I took this job, I deliberately made some changes (ahem … salary, hours) that would force me to change my tendency to work until my fingers fall off, I’ve got a constant headache, and oh, when was the last time I ate something other than fried take out? Or exercised?
It’s an awful thing, and one that employers love to easily exploit. However, honestly, my current employer isn’t being unreasonable about what they need from me right now: what I’m doing is, actually, entirely necessary, given circumstances completely beyond their (or my) control, and there is an end in sight, albeit a vague, fuzzy, unclear ending with no actual date, but again, that’s no one’s fault. What’s freaking me out, however, is that I’m liking it. I love the satisfaction of working really hard on something, and the rush of finishing something and finally pulling it off.
I remember once, a few years ago, wrapping up a really stressful project — so stressful in fact, that if I screwed something up, not only would I be fired, but people would be indicted – and I threw up into a garbage can underneath my desk when it was all over, a release of all of the churning anxiety that had built up in my system, booted in one fell, literal swoop. And instead of seeing this as a sign that maybe I should change jobs, I got a little excited, because dude, I’d not only survived, I’d triumphed. And when can we do it again?
(I am forgetting that after a while, I hate working like this. After a while, when I haven’t seen my family in weeks, and I’m fat and have bad skin and can’t remember the last time I laughed. So I must stop this! Soon!)
It’s a sickness, you see. So in all of this right now, I’m trying not to push too hard, compete too much, fight too much simply for the satisfaction of winning some sort of game I’ve got with myself that yes, I can be the best, hardest worker anyone’s ever seen, and wow, look at all that productivity and brilliance! OMG LOOK HOW SMART SHE IS SHE IS THE BEST WORKER EVAR OMG.
(For the record, I’m aware that this very likely points to some sort of deficiency in self-esteem and/or overly competitive nature, but really, I’m focusing only on fixing it and not analyzing the underlying problem, like maybe I wasn’t held enough as an infant or something or my dad wouldn’t let me braid my hair or … I don’t know.)
What I do know is that getting up early, at the very least, makes me take care of my body three days each work week. Those mornings, I get up and run before trucking into the office, and for a half hour, it’s just me and the Today Show, or maybe the Cocteau Twins, and I forget about everything else. That makes me feel good, and it’s a hell of a lot better than I ever managed before.
So, ah, hooray for mornings.
Happy Tuesday!
*The Beatles
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
23 Comments Add your own
1. leenie | August 13th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
holy hell— running before 7am?? this seems like insanity.
that said, i’m also addicted to working really hard, sometimes to the point of anxiety-induced-chunk-blowing. oy. it’s so fun, and so not fun, eh?
2. whoorl | August 13th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
I am so frightened of the slippery slope, Jonna. My father wakes up at 4am; his sisters wake up at 3. With the time change, I have to call my parents’ house before 4pm to guarantee slumber hasn’t ensued.
I’m now waking up at 5:45, shortly before the baby gets up. WHO WAKES UP BEFORE THE BABY? IN THE DARK?
AMEN on the morning runs, sister.
3. Amy K | August 13th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Wow, exercise in the morning? Before sunrise?? I want to grow up to be just like you one day! That particular motivation gene hasn’t kicked in yet for me. Thankfully, neither has my father’s “in bed at 8:30pm, up by 3am at the latest” gene. He watches the Weather Channel until the newspaper is delivered.
4. Artemisia | August 13th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Good for you — keep up the morning workouts and keep us posted!
I just wrapped up a HUGE, three-month long project a week ago. You hit the nail on the head with your description of satisfaction by working oneself to the brink of death (and often beyond delirium). I actually find myself running on a sort of high if I am working on an important but tedious, detailed and obnoxiously huge project. SIck.
I was really proud of myself this time: I made healthy yummy food all week and brought my own lunches and dinners to work. It was considerably less depressing to put in 14- and 15-hour days knowing that my meals would still be great.
There were no morning runs, (NO WAY) but I did make sure to go to bed (and knocked myself out with 1 mg of melatonin – AWESOME STUFF) so I could rise early enough in the morning to have breakfast (yum – homemade granola!), COFFEE (A. bought me some beans called “Foglifter.” What a fantastic guy.), and a morning walk with the dogs.
It made all the difference in the world. I met my deadline (with no small amount of obsessing, mind you) and came out the other side of it ready to enjoy my weekend, not sleep through it.
Good luck and keep taking care of yourself. But do watch out if you start talking yourself into 7:45 p.m. bedtimes…
5. Assertagirl | August 14th, 2007 at 3:49 am
My husband has a new job that requires him to get up at 4:30, which means of course I am awake at that time, too. No, I don’t get up that early, but I’ve been getting up at 6:30, and I like it. So quiet, nobody around, time to enjoy my coffee, read some blogs, news, etc., before getting some work done. Early morning is COOL.
6. Leane | August 14th, 2007 at 5:35 am
ok I want the actual name of that tape by the hypnotist? Because I need it.
You go girl!
Me–I’m up at 9AM in the summer.. but in a few weeks i’ll have to be up at 6am again..and my brain won’t turn off at night. Ever. It will be even louder when school starts back up. My hubby has to be up at 5am for his job..I am a night person..and no matter how many years i am up early for work–i am not a morning person
7. Heather B. | August 14th, 2007 at 6:18 am
I get up between 5:30 and 5:45 most mornings for my AM workout and yet I’m still unable to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I get my green tea afterwards and yet I’m still surly. It’s amazing. I’m apparently just perpetually in a bad mood until happy hour. So possibly, if I could work on switching my AM cup of green tea with my PM glass of chardonnay then I might be on a roll.
As always, you’re a far better person than I.
8. Sadie | August 14th, 2007 at 6:49 am
Getting up really early (prior to 6am) actually makes me nauseous, like, dry-heave-in-the-shower-nauseous. There is NO WAY I would be strapping on running shoes in the morning darkness, NO WAY.
God bless you, you workaholic pre-dawn jogger.
9. Suebob | August 14th, 2007 at 8:15 am
I used to have that kind of deadline-driven work stress both in the printing world and in journalism. I can handle short daily deadlines but I don’t want ONE BIG PROJECT that everything rests upon – that seems like I would freak out.
When I worked in printing I had a psycho boss who would lie to customers about deadlines (sure! No Problem!) and I ended up crying at work every single day. That was back in the day when we had a darkroom, which was a great place to sob. I don’t know what I would do now that everything is digital.
10. erica | August 14th, 2007 at 8:20 am
Welcome to the team grasshopper.
Let me know when people start asking you: “You get up WHEN? Are you CRAZY? WHY do you DOOOO that?” like you’ve just committed a crime against humanity.
11. Swistle | August 14th, 2007 at 9:10 am
So! Funny! Also, I LOVE those times in my life when I arrange to exercise in the morning. It saves so very many “dreading having to exercise later today” hours.
12. chirky | August 14th, 2007 at 10:05 am
I’m just not sure about hypnosis tapes. How do you fall asleep when someone is talking to you? I think I’d stay awake, wishing I could fall asleep, wishing for the person on the tape to just shut up already.
And then there’s the stop button.
13. Jennie | August 14th, 2007 at 11:45 am
I wish I enjoyed running. I walk/hike, but I have never been able to run past the point of exhaustion and agony into the land of euphoria I hear runners talk about. My dad was a marathon director and runner while I was growing up, and I think I basically out-and-out failed him when the 5K became too much for me to suffer through. I’d like to start running, but how should I go about it. (Once around the block? Sticking to the treadmill?) What would you recommend? Two miles straight seems like such an unobtainable goal for me. And I don’t want it to be. I’d rather get up at 5AM to cycle then at 7AM to run just a mile or two. Are some people just runners and some aren’t or can ANYONE learn to love it? Or do some people save their energy for long-winded comments? Hmm…
14. Cassidy | August 14th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
I need to be honest; I can not see a day when I will ever be a morning person. Never ever. Never. No matter how many times I think that I will make myself become one, I just never make it. And it doesn’t matter if I get 6 hours of sleep or 10, if my alarm goes off before there is light outside, I want to shoot someone, and I am not a violent person. Congrats, you have beaten the odds, in my book.
15. Kara | August 14th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
I’m with you Cassidy. Before 7am is super cranky zone. After 8:30 is ideal. Of course if my sneaky kitchen bandit AKA my 4 year old beats me up there is no telling what mess I will find so I have to set the alarm just so I can be awake enough to hear the kids when they wake up.
Oh and no amount of anything will ever make me want to run, early morning or any other time. Walking and water aerobics are my only speed.
16. Gentry | August 15th, 2007 at 3:04 am
Your bosses job is to get the most work out of you while paying you the least amount of money.
I know this. I’m The Boss.
It’s a dirty little secret among all bosses. And you don’t have to go along with their plan. They won’t fire you.
17. Carol | August 15th, 2007 at 5:15 am
Good luck with your new assignment, but I HOPE it doesn’t last too long…it’s not aligned with your goals – remember? the ones that got you to move to Vacationland, USA? But I understand – and obviously they see greatness in you to give you all these new duties and that is exhilarating.
Well…I’m off to my gov’t job. Got up at 5:15, just so I could make it out the door by 6:30 (have to be there by 7) – doubt I’ll be exercising much until I figure out how to have energy at the END of the day – That’s what I am amazed by in people!
18. H | August 15th, 2007 at 7:03 am
You have perfect timing – this post came along the morning after my daughter started, again, to panic about not getting enough sleep. She’s a distance runner and, while I applaud the coach’s efforts to encourage the girls to take care of their bodies during cross country season, she’s a worrier . So when he says get 8 to 10 hours of sleep, she lays in bed thinking and stressing about being awake too late — to the point that she can’t sleep. The “season” started this week again, which is why it came up again yesterday. We licked it last year with a variety of tools, but she never did like the relaxation cd I bought for her. Have you ever tried an over the counter relaxation cd? If so, do you have one you’d recommend?
19. kerrianne | August 16th, 2007 at 9:13 am
I hear you on the working compulsion bit. It’s been a struggle for me to stay healthy and work “normal” hours. I’ve had to force myself to LEAVE even when I know I could get just a little bit more! work done if I stay just a bit longer. But it’s nice to be social sometimes, too. Which happens say, once every three weeks or so. Heh.
I’ve also tried the hypnosis thing. I LOVED it. I don’t know why it works, but it’s incredible the way it does. I lost my cd which is why I stopped doing it. Perhaps when I get around to actually properly cleaning my apartment it will magically reappear.
20. Mauigirl52 | August 16th, 2007 at 10:03 am
I will never be a morning person OR a compulsive worker. However, being a procrastinator, I do seem to thrive on the pressure when I finally HAVE to do whatever it is I have to do, and then I go all out and get that same rush of satisfaction when it’s done. Congratulations on finding a way to balance your life while still getting that satisfying rush!
I am a night person so the idea of going to bed earlier is not appealing; night is when I have all my best energy, Plus then I’d have to wait until 8 p.m. the next night to watch Jon Stewart’s Daily Show. But it is probably worthwhile advice to go to bed earlier! I will take it to heart! Midnight at least would be an improvement over 12:45 a.m. But when would I have time to read ALL my blogs? Oh yeah, that’s right, the morning!
21. Daily Tragedies | August 16th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Oh my gosh, I totally could have written this. Well, minus the indictment-avoided-throwing-up part. But, yes, I love working and more than working, I LOVE being up before dawn and working out before getting to the office.
These days, though, I’ve had to adjust to being an after work worker-outer because I’m running further and doing more than 3 miles on the treadmill makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Not such a good way to start the day!
22. Bob | August 18th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
What a fun post. I love your conversational writing style.
I’ve given you a featured link in a “Good News” post over at my blog.
Have a great day!
23. Nikol | August 27th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I have been TRYING to do this, but the snooze button? It beckons. What time do you go to bed at night? I would like to wake up at 5am, but I can’t seem to get to bed before 11pm. Which means I don’t fall asleep until closer to 11:30pm.
You are an inspiration, and even though I don’t know you, like at all, I hate you. But still, an inspiration.
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed