True Companion

Our cat is going through a phase where he meows in a way that I imagine only Cillian Murphy is capable of, then promptly attacks our legs with the Death Clamp, sinking his teeth into our buttery, tender flesh and scratching the shit out of our bare skin. It’s pretty extraordinary, and by that I mean extraordinarily annoying, and is not boding well for his future. I mean, not that I’d ever have the heart to get rid of him, of course, but in some small universe, a girl can dream of an existence where he never … existed. Which of course, would be very sad, as he was the first living creature that Adam and I ever got together, and sometimes he can be sort of cute and cuddly, and he’s an outstanding nighttime snuggler and see, I just talked myself right into loving him again. Thanks for that, Internet. I’m officially keeping the cat I never planned to give away, and you convinced me.

In three weeks, I’m heading to the wedding of a childhood friend, and I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. Matt and I have been friends since we were 10, and seeing him get married is a surprising milestone for me, as I’m sure my wedding was for him, in a strange way. We met by virtue of our last names, which were alphabetically next to each other, and found ourselves sharing a locker on the first day of fifth grade. I thought he was a smelly, annoying boy, and I’m sure he thought I was a strident, unattractive geek with a bad perm. We were both right, of course, but a friendship was born, and over the next eight years, we became the best of friends, and we’ve been close ever since. Interestingly, he was the first male friend I ever had who never had any interest in me, nor I in him. It’s not that he’s not attractive — he is, oh he’s adorable — it’s just one of those things, and honestly, he’s never been attracted to me either, and we’ve discussed at great length over the years. Chemistry I guess, is all I can chalk it up to, because he’d be a darling husband, and I’m so proud of him and I can’t wait to see him get married. I don’t think I realized how much I missed him until I realized I was going to see him again in just a few weeks.

I know a lot of people have opinions on weddings, and I see the validity in all of them, really I do. I get people who just want to have a wedding “their way” and I get that it’s really not about anyone but the bride and groom, so they should just enjoy it and be selfish and blah blah weddingcakes. And while I think that applies to things like ice sculptures, and whether you invite your mother’s sister’s best friend’s son because your mom promised, I don’t necessarily agree that weddings should be an entirely selfish act. One of the greatest memories I have is of Adam’s grandparents dancing at our wedding, not only because his grandmother got sick shortly thereafter, but because for them, it was a huge deal to see their grandson get married. They were so proud of him, they were nearly bursting. Our wedding, strangely, was really important to them.

And when Eve, one of my closest friends in the world, got married this past April, it was a really important day for me, not because it’s all about ME ME ME, but because she’s important to me, and I was so proud of her, and proud of her relationship, and so honored to be there that I was nearly bursting with love, just as Adam’s grandparents had been.

And I feel the same way about Matt’s wedding. Twenty-two years is a long time to be friends with someone, and that he would choose and remember me to be there means the world to me, really it does, and I would travel any distance, anywhere, to be there. And I won’t even talk about the fact that he invited my parents, who he says mean as much to him as I do, because I can’t do it without getting choked up, I just can’t. Matt’s getting married, y’all, and I can hardly contain myself, I’m so happy for him.

(Incidentally, Adam’s not coming with me to the wedding — I have him a bye week, because it’s going to be like This is Your Life, Jonniker, and he’ll be bored to tears, plus, dude, I’ll be with my parents and my friends from high school, and Jesus, some of my old teachers are going, for crying out loud, including my old band director, which is so nerdy, I know, but I don’t care. A geek I am, and I’m aware of it. And ah, I can’t wait.)

Ah, weddings. I think too often they degenerate into superficial money sucks, and become about all the wrong things, but I think they’re more important to other people than we realize, and I wish I’d known that when I planned my own wedding. While I’m not denying that my wedding was fraught with a ridiculous amount of financial pitfalls, peril and stress, I am, in retrospect, so glad I had one, and I hate that many people choose to skip out on them out of convenience. But perhaps more than that, I hate that other people — parents, in-laws, relatives — spend too much time making the wedding about them, driving the couple to elope in a wise decision to save their own sanity. And while I realize that it’s just not practical for every couple, I do secretly wish every couple could have a wedding. I refuse to believe that there isn’t at least one person who wouldn’t be so proud and happy to see them there. And it’s not about the wedding itself, no, not at all — I wouldn’t care if Matt were having a wedding in the middle of a pile of pig shit, I would be there.

Oh, I can’t wait.

Happy Friday and weekend to y’all!

*Marc Cohn. Oh, what a lovely song it is, is it not? If you’ve never heard it, you must, you simply must. I don’t care how sappy it is.

32 comments August 23rd, 2007