True Companion
August 23rd, 2007
Our cat is going through a phase where he meows in a way that I imagine only Cillian Murphy is capable of, then promptly attacks our legs with the Death Clamp, sinking his teeth into our buttery, tender flesh and scratching the shit out of our bare skin. It’s pretty extraordinary, and by that I mean extraordinarily annoying, and is not boding well for his future. I mean, not that I’d ever have the heart to get rid of him, of course, but in some small universe, a girl can dream of an existence where he never … existed. Which of course, would be very sad, as he was the first living creature that Adam and I ever got together, and sometimes he can be sort of cute and cuddly, and he’s an outstanding nighttime snuggler and see, I just talked myself right into loving him again. Thanks for that, Internet. I’m officially keeping the cat I never planned to give away, and you convinced me.
In three weeks, I’m heading to the wedding of a childhood friend, and I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. Matt and I have been friends since we were 10, and seeing him get married is a surprising milestone for me, as I’m sure my wedding was for him, in a strange way. We met by virtue of our last names, which were alphabetically next to each other, and found ourselves sharing a locker on the first day of fifth grade. I thought he was a smelly, annoying boy, and I’m sure he thought I was a strident, unattractive geek with a bad perm. We were both right, of course, but a friendship was born, and over the next eight years, we became the best of friends, and we’ve been close ever since. Interestingly, he was the first male friend I ever had who never had any interest in me, nor I in him. It’s not that he’s not attractive — he is, oh he’s adorable — it’s just one of those things, and honestly, he’s never been attracted to me either, and we’ve discussed at great length over the years. Chemistry I guess, is all I can chalk it up to, because he’d be a darling husband, and I’m so proud of him and I can’t wait to see him get married. I don’t think I realized how much I missed him until I realized I was going to see him again in just a few weeks.
I know a lot of people have opinions on weddings, and I see the validity in all of them, really I do. I get people who just want to have a wedding “their way” and I get that it’s really not about anyone but the bride and groom, so they should just enjoy it and be selfish and blah blah weddingcakes. And while I think that applies to things like ice sculptures, and whether you invite your mother’s sister’s best friend’s son because your mom promised, I don’t necessarily agree that weddings should be an entirely selfish act. One of the greatest memories I have is of Adam’s grandparents dancing at our wedding, not only because his grandmother got sick shortly thereafter, but because for them, it was a huge deal to see their grandson get married. They were so proud of him, they were nearly bursting. Our wedding, strangely, was really important to them.
And when Eve, one of my closest friends in the world, got married this past April, it was a really important day for me, not because it’s all about ME ME ME, but because she’s important to me, and I was so proud of her, and proud of her relationship, and so honored to be there that I was nearly bursting with love, just as Adam’s grandparents had been.
And I feel the same way about Matt’s wedding. Twenty-two years is a long time to be friends with someone, and that he would choose and remember me to be there means the world to me, really it does, and I would travel any distance, anywhere, to be there. And I won’t even talk about the fact that he invited my parents, who he says mean as much to him as I do, because I can’t do it without getting choked up, I just can’t. Matt’s getting married, y’all, and I can hardly contain myself, I’m so happy for him.
(Incidentally, Adam’s not coming with me to the wedding — I have him a bye week, because it’s going to be like This is Your Life, Jonniker, and he’ll be bored to tears, plus, dude, I’ll be with my parents and my friends from high school, and Jesus, some of my old teachers are going, for crying out loud, including my old band director, which is so nerdy, I know, but I don’t care. A geek I am, and I’m aware of it. And ah, I can’t wait.)
Ah, weddings. I think too often they degenerate into superficial money sucks, and become about all the wrong things, but I think they’re more important to other people than we realize, and I wish I’d known that when I planned my own wedding. While I’m not denying that my wedding was fraught with a ridiculous amount of financial pitfalls, peril and stress, I am, in retrospect, so glad I had one, and I hate that many people choose to skip out on them out of convenience. But perhaps more than that, I hate that other people — parents, in-laws, relatives — spend too much time making the wedding about them, driving the couple to elope in a wise decision to save their own sanity. And while I realize that it’s just not practical for every couple, I do secretly wish every couple could have a wedding. I refuse to believe that there isn’t at least one person who wouldn’t be so proud and happy to see them there. And it’s not about the wedding itself, no, not at all — I wouldn’t care if Matt were having a wedding in the middle of a pile of pig shit, I would be there.
Oh, I can’t wait.
Happy Friday and weekend to y’all!
*Marc Cohn. Oh, what a lovely song it is, is it not? If you’ve never heard it, you must, you simply must. I don’t care how sappy it is.
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
32 Comments Add your own
1. Janssen | August 23rd, 2007 at 7:57 pm
This post is just brimming with joy and happiness, and I love it. I just found out today that my weekend back in my hometown next week will overlap with the wedding of an acquaintance which will draw one of my best and very oldest childhood friends home as well. I will get to see hiim for the first time in several year and, oh, I’m feeling just the same sort of excitement, even if HE’s not the one getting married.
2. Jennifer | August 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Your old band director! Cool. What instrument do/did you play in the band?
3. Maya | August 23rd, 2007 at 11:19 pm
Ahhhh! I Love weddings (good thing, since I plan them, huh?) but only the kind that are about Love and Together and not Money and Stuff and saying f-off, everyone, we are selfish, overspending piggies. Give an internets’ regards to Matt and his bride. Old friends are the best!
4. velocibadgergirl | August 24th, 2007 at 4:30 am
Not to skip the wedding stuff because Yay, Weddings!, but my cat recently went through a similar feasing-on-human-flesh phase. The night that I had to call my mom to see if I might need stitches in my soft, yielding calf was the day we decided we’d had enough.
No, no…he’s still with us. Sitting on the desk right this moment, ogling my cereal, I promise.
We bought a Feliway diffuser, and as skeptical as I was, this stuff really seems to work. He still does the Cillian Murphy yowls (hee!), but he has cut way back on his flesh-feasting.
Anyhow, good luck with the cat, and best wishes to your friend Matt!
5. mollykath | August 24th, 2007 at 5:13 am
I love weddings and I love wedding planning and I’m totally a sucker for all the floofy girly details and am totally the person to bother over place-card fonts and peony v. roses questions. I firmly believe people should be true to themselves and have whatever wedding they want, but at my own wedding was sort of shocked to make one big realization, which is that the wedding wasn’t really FOR us…sure, it was about us, but it was FOR all our friends and family, and as soon as I realized how special that was and how much it meant to have them all in one place, the wedding felt more like a big Thank You to them, and I’d never thought of weddings that way before. It was really overwhelming, in a good way. I still like all the frou frou stuff, though.
6. Christine | August 24th, 2007 at 5:42 am
A friend of mine is getting married this October. The first of my friends to get married. And I am excited beyond belief for her and to see everyone again because it has been (as always) too long.
Yay for Matt!
(Also, Dude, what up with Cat? — and why did that come out so white-girl ghetto?)
7. Tessie | August 24th, 2007 at 6:21 am
If there is a more perfect Wedding Song than “True Companion”, I’ve never heard it. LOVE that song.
8. Jennie | August 24th, 2007 at 7:02 am
“True Companion” is an absolutely gorgeous song, and I hope that makes up for both the Ashlee Simpson thing and the Delilah thing.
Also, this was really nice to read. My husband and I just got married and it got to be about a lot of other people besides us and we wanted it to be about other people, sure, but it got out of hand. One of my friends almost backed out two weeks before b/c she found out she wasn’t standing directly beside me. And it got really hard on me that our day was becoming less and less about what I wanted our day to be about, marrying one another. But on that day — that perfect, perfect day — everything was just as it should have been. Everyone had fun, everyone was happy for us. Everyone cried. It was beautiful. I’ll never forget an old, old friend (who I hadn’t seen in easily 10 years) walked up to me (mind you, he traveled almost 2000 miles to be there) and pulled an old picture of me out of his pocket and said he wouldn’t have missed seeing that girl get married for anything.
Enjoy your friend’s wedding! Eat a piece of cake for me!
9. Swistle | August 24th, 2007 at 8:02 am
I almost couldn’t finish reading, because I get so worked up about the selfish nature of wedding couples. Obviously not ALL! But the ones who natter on and on about “After all, it’s Our Special Day, we should have whatever We Want” make me want to crucify the entire wedding industry that supports that attitude for their own financial gain. *pant pant* That has nothing to do with your post, but it’s where my brain went when I saw the words “weddings” and “selfish.”
10. jonniker | August 24th, 2007 at 8:11 am
Jennifer: I played the oboe and the clarinet, which are quite possibly the most uncool instruments in the universe.
Jennie: I totally watched Ashlee Simpson’s reality show and really loved it. Mock me if you will, for you will have no judgment from me, I swear.
Swistle: Ah, um, YEAH. That’s kind of where I wanted to go and, as we’ve discussed, I have strong feelings on the strangest of topics, not the least of which is the Destination Wedding, of which I will refrain further comment, lest I enrage my readers.
11. Jeanne | August 24th, 2007 at 8:34 am
The wedding topic has soooo been on my mind lately. My husband’s nephew is getting married soon and we were just informed that our 5 year old daughter is NOT invited to the wedding. I’m OK with that (although my husband definitely is not), but the bride has also decided that the couple’s own 4 year old daughter is not welcome there! What the…? Seriously, how do you exclude your own child? My husband plans to boycott the whole affair, but I’m sure we’ll just suck it up and get a sitter rather than be permanently outcast from the family (although that may not be a bad thing). This couple had been considering a destination wedding…
I’ve recently gotten back in touch with a group of friends from high school and have realized just how much I miss them! It’s so wonderful to get together with the people who shared your history. Have a wonderful time at Matt’s wedding!
We also have a cat that is evil. She doesn’t bite unless provoked, but attempting to pet her is often enough to provoke her. She loves me, tolerates my daughter, and hides from my husband (unless he has food, then she paces around his feet yelling at him to share). We have to warn everyone that comes over that they’re likely to leave with less skin if they try to touch the cat. It’s really too bad that she looks so cute and sweet, she lures people into believing she’d be fun to play with.
12. Beth | August 24th, 2007 at 8:44 am
First, I’m so glad (for all sorts of reasons) the wedding isn’t being held in a pile of pig shit. Second, the cat. If it’s an indoor-only cat, it could be just bored. An old roommate of mine had a cat that we had to hide from the R.A. (this was in college), and the poor thing went a little nutso after a while, attacking our feet and attaching itself to our clothing in sneak attacks. Do you have time set aside in which you play with the cat? It may need this, and plenty of it. Also, you’ll need to devise a deterrent to the attacks, like squirting it in the face with a little spray bottle; a few times of this and it’ll get the hint. (Inconvenient, but it’ll save you stitches in the long run.) Lots of playtime and a deterrent. Good luck!
13. karamarie | August 24th, 2007 at 8:48 am
Oooh. I played the bass clarinet, which is even more dorky.
I agree about kitty playtime. Or maybe the cat doesn’t feel good? Or maybe you’ve switched food or litter? Or maybe the cat is trying to tell you Timmy is trapped in the well?
14. Beth | August 24th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Well sure, but if the wedding was in a pile of pig shit it would pose serious wardrobe issues. I mean, could you find rubber boots to match you dress?
15. H | August 24th, 2007 at 10:12 am
I just have to say…in my high school, the oboe was totally uncool because our only oboe player could not play 2 consecutive notes without screeching. However, in college, the oboe became my favorite because finally FINALLY I heard the beautiful sound it makes when played well. As a college clarinetist, I yearned to play the oboe but, alas, it was too late. I knew my musical career would end after college.
We, the clarinets, never feel appreciated — but we can be pretty screechy as well so maybe we deserve it.
Thus ends the band chronicles. Have a great time at the wedding!
16. One Smart Cookie | August 24th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Tessie, I also love True Companion but I think there is another song that gives it a run for its money… The Luckiest by Ben Folds. It is mushy and sappy and everything a love song should be.
17. Jennie | August 24th, 2007 at 10:52 am
One Smart Cookie: “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds is one of my favorite songs. It’s gorgeous, along with “Man and Wife” by Michelle Featherstone. (In terms of wedding songs.)
18. Jess | August 24th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
This is such a great post. Torsten and I are just getting started on the wedding planning, and this is such a great perspective to keep in mind as we think about what we want at our wedding, and what will make the wedding meaningful not just to us but to everyone who attends as well.
And I agree with you about wedding attendance. It’s really meaningful to have people you care about at your wedding, and it really sucks if people you’ve invited choose not to come. Of course I understand that some people genuinely can’t make it, and that’s fine, but if you can… well, I think you should. Almost half of my sister’s guest list turned down their invitations and she was really crushed. Although the wedding turned out to be a great size and a beautiful, meaningful experience anyway.
19. Jess | August 24th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Oh and now I’m double commenting because I just saw the mini dicussion about “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds, and I wanted to say that I also love that song, and I dedicated it to my sister at her wedding and then she went and set up a surprise for me which was this amazing friend of hers singing an a cappella version of the song during the ceremony, dedicated to me. Speaking of unselfish wedding gestures. It was incredibly beautiful and I am only hoping that her friend will agree to sing the same song at my wedding.
20. Leah | August 24th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Aw, man. Now I want to see Matt get married!
21. Sadie | August 24th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I will be the curmudgeon here: I HATE weddings. I mean, I like the free food and liquor, and the dancing, but I hate the annoying “life-or-death!”ness that the bridal couple inevitably attaches to the minutiae of their wedding, and the same sort of drama which wedding-planning inspires in friends and mothers-in-law, etc. And I equally hate that if a bride and/or groom does NOT attach a deadly-serious air to concerns such as roses v peonies or whether to invite children, they are made to feel bad about that too, somehow.
And finally, because I am a bitter pessimist at the ripe old age of 28, even at the weddings of people I care for dearly, I am forced to suppress my intrinsic sneer when people exchange vows. Because I know that there’s a good chance that within 5 years these people are not going to like each other very much any more, maybe not even enough to stay married.
22. jonniker | August 24th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Sadie: WEDDING SCROOGE! OMG! Actually, I’m not a fan of wedding trappings, per se, because as I mentioned, pig shit is a-okay. And while I’m not the romantic sort, I do have a particular soft spot for weddings, if done sincerely and with good intentions. And of course, the bride and groom have a healthy perspective about it all, and aren’t wailing and rending their garments because the napkins are pinky mauve, rather than mauvey pink.
23. Haley-O | August 24th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
hmm…a wedding in pig shit! I LOVE IT! Too bad I’ve already had a wedding….
And, that’s BRUTAL– what your cat does…and, hilarious…. If he snuggles at night, though, it’s ALL worth it….
24. Jennifer | August 26th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Oooh! Ooo! I was an oboist too!! I still am, actually, I have played in community orchestras and for occasional paid gigs for years past college. Oboe is uber-cool, well in a tecchy-geeky sorta way (shall I captivate you with discussion of the latest trend in reed-scraping techniques?)
Also (one more geeky oboe plug), playing in an orchestra is a nicer oboe showcase than the band, There are beautiful, beautiful passages written in the orchestral literature.
And, you crack me up: “rending their garments because napkins are pinky mauve.” LOLOLOL. The comments are as good as the main post.
25. Andrea | August 27th, 2007 at 10:07 am
My sister just got married a couple weeks ago and it was all the things you described and more. A childhood friend was there, a girl who was more friends with my sister than she was with me, but the three of us were pretty much glued to each other as kids, especially during summers. As she stood up to do a toast, she couldn’t even get past the first sentence, such was her depth of feeling. I’m tearing up thinking about it now. We’ve known here since she was FOUR, which equals about 27 years. Talk about emotional. Not only that, but watching my sister marry someone who I respect as much as I do her new husband was just beyond words.
So yeah, I totally get that the weddings are for others, even if they are about the couple. The froufyness can irritate me if it’s to the point where everything is pink and there are ruffles and bows everywhere, but there’s something about simply stated elegance that chokes me up with weddings every time.
Johnny Depp said it best as Jack Sparrow: A wedding! I love weddings! Drinks all around!
26. Andrea | August 27th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Oh, and I played the clarinet when I was in middle school. I gave it up when I went to high school, not out of a desire to avoid the inherent geekiness, but because I didn’t really like the way it sounded. I was wishing I had picked the violin or cello that fateful day in 4th grade when I was deciding to join the band and which instrument I wanted to play. I would imagine my parents were grateful for the difference in price between the clarinet and violin/cello, though.
27. Artemisia | August 27th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
That is my FAVORITE. SONG. EVER.
If A. and I ever get past our many political hang ups about marriage, THIS IS WILL BE THE SONG WE DANCE TO.
Oh, and I do hope we dance to this song someday!
I’ve always thought of weddings as community events. Community markers of identity, commitment and love. For those reasons, I think weddings are incredibly important.
If only ALL OF US WHO WANTED TO could get married. (I’ve been on this particular soapbox long before Brangelina made their views public…)
28. guinness girl | August 30th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Don’t get me wrong – I like the song and all – but…I totally hate that line about making love with wild abandon. It feels so…TMI.
29. Jonniker. » Always &hellip | September 16th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
[...] The weekend was perfect in that sickeningly perfect way that leaves your face in actual pain from smiling so much. I can’t tell you what indescribable joy it was to see my childhood friend get married, and to get to hang out with a group of my favorite people in the entire world. My friend Dee was the only exception, as she couldn’t get away, but every single person who was important to me while I was growing up was there, including my very first boyfriend, who I dated all through high school. [...]
30. Best Wedding Ideas&hellip | October 5th, 2007 at 9:08 am
Best Wedding Ideas
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting
31. Top Fashion Tips&hellip | October 9th, 2007 at 5:48 am
Top Fashion Tips
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting
32. Jonniker. » And Thr&hellip | October 10th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
[...] I’m normally more understanding than this about weddings (hello, they are EXPENSIVE, I get that), but she was one of my bridesmaids and there were extenuating circumstances. And y’all know my feelings on weddings. But honestly, what upsets me the most was that she didn’t tell me. I would have actually understood. And now I’m the douche who mentioned this here, but ah, hell, she doesn’t read it anyway, and if she does, that may solve the problem of what I’m going to do about it, which is very likely nothing, as I’m a bit of a pansy. I do have a nice, cathartic e-mail resting in my drafts folder that I think is best left there, at least for the time being. [...]
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