Sub-Culture

My oven needs to be cleaned so desperately that I actually can’t cook *anything* in it without setting off no fewer than three smoke alarms, and if you think that sounds incredibly irritating OH I ASSURE YOU IT IS. Especially when you’re married to me, the person who has actually started house fires in ovens, so every time the oven’s on and the smoke alarm goes off, Adam all but gathers his most precious belongings and heads for the nearest window.

Incidentally, tonight’s false alarm was brought to you by a variation of Smitten Kitchen’s roasted tomatoes and onions over white beans, and I’m telling you, it was so worth the flames. My variation includes a few cloves of garlic and a mixture of olive oil and balsamic vinegar and is it to die for? YES IT IS . Go make it now.

Wait, where are you going?

Oh hi! How was your weekend? And last week? Because I seemed to have missed all of it, given that all I did was stare at a computer until my eyes crossed and God if that doesn’t make for the most boring human being on the planet, I don’t know what does. And ah … I’m not even sure what to say about that. I go to work, work work work, then come home and freelance, because all of a sudden it’s busy freelance season! And given that I prefer my freelance work to my day job sometimes, I’m not about to turn it down, because who doesn’t like money?

Which reminds me: I celebrated Labor Day by … well, by laboring at the office, which seems like the perfect way to honor our nation’s workers, don’t you think? But that was not before we got to relax and do the usual Lowe’s/PetCo/Bed Bath & Beyond run and make a visit to Hooters.

Hooters! Hey, so have I ever told you that we eat out a lot? We do. A lot. Like seven to eight times a week a lot. Adam works from home, and while under normal circumstances, like when he goes to work in an actual office, we at least attempt to cook three or four nights a week. However, when his greatest social interaction of the day is a conference call and a drooling beast, he’s anxious to get out of the house every night, and I can’t say I blame him. And so, out we go.

To Hooters, because we eat out six nights a week, and oh my God, we’d exhausted all of our options, and it’s happened before, okay? MANY MANY TIMES. And I don’t have a problem with Hooters (or strip clubs, for that matter), but the whole outfit? The outfit that is borne of 1986? It makes me crazy. If you haven’t seen it, they wear cheerleading tights. And slouchy socks. SLOUCHY. SOCKS. And while the tights, I sort of understand, because I know my legs look like they’ve been through some sort of war involving a Venus Divine and a dog leash, and if it’s about the fantasy, let the men ogle perfect, shiny, nipped-in legs. Fine. But slouchy socks? Honestly?

The waitress next to us was extremely pregnant, and I can’t tell you how much it thrilled me, because how disappointed must her tables have been, unless they had a very, very specific pregnant fetish (and God knows, oh my God, there are PLENTY OF THEM). And yet, natch, Hooters can’t do anything about it, and it was so … gleefully subversive, I wanted to hug her a little, which would have been wildly inappropriate, and also weird.

I’m hopeful, by the way, that this week will be better than last, and I hope yours is relaxing as well. And with that, I’ll leave you with one question: I bought this dress in a desperate attempt for … well, I was dress shopping for a wedding I have in two weeks, and even though it wasn’t right for this wedding, I panicked and bought it anyway, because if I didn’t walk out of the shops with SOMETHING, then my head would explode, and hours would be wasted.

And I had big plans to return it, because oh my God, it’s boring, and then I thought wait! If not for this wedding, what about super-conservative October family wedding? Maybe? So I ask you: too funeral-like for October wedding, where black will be okay?

I’d also like to say for no other reason than I can, that this dress was purchased in a size six. And Adam’s only complaint about it was that “wasn’t fitted enough.” SOMEONE GIVE ME A [zero points, fat free sugar-free] COOKIE. (Just kidding. I eat real cookies now, I swear.)

Happy Tuesday!

*New Order

22 comments September 3rd, 2007