The Circus
September 11th, 2007
Am I the only person who doesn’t find Sarah Silverman funny? I never have, honestly. It’s not just the Britney Spears thing, although really, kicking someone when they’re down, and I don’t know, IN THE ROOM, isn’t something that thrills me. It’s just that when Jesus is Magic came out, everyone was all, “Sarah Silverman is so funny! And she’s so hot!”
And I just … well, I didn’t, because I just think she’s mean, and really … base … and not particularly intelligent, no matter how ironically she tries to portray her humor. And really, I promise, I thought this before Sunday night. I mean, look, dude, I have a mean streak, and God knows I’m capable of not-so-shining moments of moral superiority, but honestly, the genre of comedians who do nothing but push the envelope and cross the line do nothing for me, and I don’t think it’s smart comedy (there were times I disliked Dave Chapelle for the same reason, though I mostly liked him). Maybe that makes me … not smart, and I’m sure it means on some level, I don’t get it, but I’m kind of happy not to get it. Stuff it, Sarah Silverman.
Anyway! On with my own base humor! I find it ironic (OH THE IRONIC IRONY) that I purchased blush at Sephora today from a woman who was sporting a thick, luxurious mustache — I mean, you could pet this sucker, and maybe braid it — given that part of what Sephora is selling is the expertise and the … experience and the illusion. A MUSTACHE, oh my God, seriously? Please? You are there to sell me beauty products. Beauty TOOLS, no less — the kind of tools that can remove facial hair. And while personal beauty isn’t a requirement of the SAs, really it isn’t, you might sell more blush if you wax the mustache, is what I’m saying. I just …. well, she was very nice, and I bought my blush (Nars Orgasm, for those who care), but the mustache lingers.
Random beauty aside: You know how Orgasm is universally flattering and easy to wear and all that rot? I implore you, do not expect the same level of universal goodness from the lipgloss of the same name, for it is … well, it is not flattering on me, unless I’m aiming for Corpse-Like and Lipless. Also, whatever you do, don’t try to use Philosophy Three-in-Ones as a shampoo, no matter how desperate you are, because your hair, it will die. It’s not even a good bubble bath either. So Philosophy One-in-One is really what it is. Oh, how they lie.
Also, oh my God, I also experienced the, um, helpful shoe SA at Nordies who was wearing hotpants and metallic high-heeled platforms and, when I professed that I was seeking dark patent red peep toes, spent at least 10 minutes trying to sell me a pair of clear red plastic superthick platforms. To go with this dress, mind you. Which, unless my name is Mysti, and I spend my nights moonlighting with a set of pasties, isn’t remotely appropriate. And now, because I used the name Mysti, at least twelve Mystis will send me angry e-mails because I called them strippers. Do you know why this will happen? Because when I wrote a post about my dislike for Ben Folds, the wife of one of his former band members (yeah, um, from Ben Folds Five. AM SMOOTH) announced herself (quite gracefully, I might add, BUT STILL), such is my luck.
Mystis of the world, reveal yourselves!
Also, while I’m at it, can we talk about the horror that is long nails on men? And why is it that it’s always the pinky nail? My waiter at my favorite local (read: only) sushi restaurant placed his long, yellowed nail in front of me this evening, like some kind of hardened urine droplet — no, no, PEE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER — along with my spicy tuna rolls, and for a moment, I thought I wouldn’t make it.
It’s always the pinky. Why the pinky? Is it for added elegance while drinking tea? Is it used as some kind of tool to remove rogue mustaches from Sephora employees?
Happy Wednesday! For my part, it’s the last day of the week for me. Happy!
*Erasure
Entry Filed under: Nuttin'
39 Comments Add your own
1. Mauigirl52 | September 11th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
I’m not nuts about Sarah Silverman either. I watched her show a couple of times, and you’re right, she is mean. I used to hate Married With Children for the same reason. Mean-spiritedness.
LOL about the Sephora woman with the mustache. It does seem rather a disconnect.
I also know what you mean about the Mysti issue. One time when I was in 9th grade and was new in town I was sitting at lunch with some girls I had just met and we were talking about names and I mentioned how much I hated the name Margaret. Turned out one of the girls was named Margaret. I was so mortified! I stammered and stuttered and I think she forgave me because we remained friendly but I have never forgotten it!
2. Mauigirl52 | September 11th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
And, let me just say, I no longer dislike the name Margaret. It’s a nice name, it has a lot of great nicknames like Meg, Maggie or Peggy (have never known why Peggy is short for Margaret but it is).
3. Jess | September 11th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I never liked Sarah Silverman either. That song “Give the Jew Girls Toys” always pissed me off.
Also, I have a question about this whole “universally flattering makeup” concept. I keep reading that X shade of lipstick or Y shade of blush suits EVERYONE! EVERY SKIN TONE! HOORAY ONE STOP SHOPPING! It sounds like BS to me but then I haven’t changed my daily makeup routine in about two years. Is it BS or do such things really exist?
4. jonniker | September 11th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Jess: Orgasm is this perfect sort of peachy pink with gold flecks that seems to work with everyone because it either goes peach OR pink, depending on your skin tone. I have medium olive skin, and my coworker has pale pale PALE pinky skin, and it works on both of us — it goes peachier on me, and pinkier on her. You’d never guess we were wearing the same blush.
5. Cari | September 11th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
I bought makeup from a woman at Ulta who had the hairiest jaw, for lack of a better word. It was the area under her chin, before her neck. I totally agree that one should be somewhat “groomed” if one is going to work in the beauty industry.
And also? My father-in-law is visiting as I type and he has that freakishly long pinky nail, too. Ew. It makes me think of digging out earwax; not that I have ever witnessed that. But now the image is out there and for that I am deeply sorry.
6. Cee | September 11th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I’ve seen guys with long fingernails on one hand who play classical guitar – I think it’s a revolting look but at least there’s a practical reason for it, I guess. Just the one finger though – why would you do that? Wouldn’t it be incredibly annoying?
7. Schnozz | September 11th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
It’s the pinky so you can snort coke out of it. Hence the name “coke nails.” But I don’t think that’s everyone’s reasoning. Maybe some people don’t realize it’s a coke nail, so they grow one themselves just to be like that cool guy down the block?
8. EDW | September 11th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
I don’t like her, either. And I don’t think she’s that hot, but whatever. She has a lot of good buzz, and that’s what counts in that business.
Oh! The mustache! When will women learn? I don’t care if it’s blonde, you have to remove the hair. It’s called waxing, and it’s your friend. I personally think lips need a wax, but I’m a dedicated hair-remover. Pluck, trim, whatever. Get rid of it!
Did you sign up for the Sephora reward thing? They give you a free sample – I’m a sucker for a free sample.
9. Suebob | September 11th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
If I ever meet you, I shall call you “Mysti.” I NEED to.
Sarrah Silverman, feh. Everyone is so impressed that she talks like one of the guys, ignoring the fact that the guy she talks like is your shithead white-trash racist cousin-in-law who makes you want to scratch your eyeballs out rather than to spend another minute cooped up with him.
The long fingernails on men…makes me throw up. It is right up there with cheap male cologne and crusty feet in sandals.
10. Beth | September 11th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Sarah Silverman: yuck.
Long nails on men: suspicious; coke nails. Also, not conducive to, er, intimacy.
Mustaches on women: not sure about that. I wouldn’t want one, but I also tend to dislike the idea that women are supposed to get rid of or alter *so many* things that are, well, part of them. I see it as a way that men have attempted to subjugate women over time, and that women have bought into. I’m not an extremist about it, although I did experiment for a period of time with not adhering to certain societally expected beauty procedures. Surprisingly, I found there were many men who were more than okay with that. Would I do it now? Nope, not gutsy enough at this point to go against the norm. *sigh*
11. jen | September 11th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Yeah, Sarah is not my favorite. Sometimes she is funny, but generally… I still love Ellen. Her stand-up is so funny, and designed to include while still being semi-smart. I will never forget her reenactment of the universal sign for “shut up, you talker behind me in the movie theater.”
Speaking of mustaches, do you know how hard it is to um, keep yourself in line when you are with someone for 24 hours a day in a foreign country and you might have forgotten certain creams that you use?
12. hello insomnia | September 11th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
the long pinky nail—why? I always imagine that they have one of those baroque-style snuff canister that they tuck away in their powdered wigs. in any case, it’s disgusting.
13. Jennifer | September 12th, 2007 at 1:13 am
So I was waiting for the end of the story about the shoes to go with the cool black dress. Did you find anything? Are you going to wear the black dress to the wedding (I think you should – it’s beautiful).
Was Mysti at Nordstroms really wearing hot pants? I don’t think I’ve seen anyone wearing hot pants for quite a while. That’s probably because I wear Birkenstocks and hang around with lots of people who wear khaki cargo shorts!
14. Swistle | September 12th, 2007 at 4:27 am
You know how in certain creepy books, a hulking dangerous mental patient will be described as having dark eyes dully shining with animal cunning, or whatever, and that’s when you know there’ll be a dead pet in the next scene? That’s what I think of when I see Sarah Silverman.
I think she’s making money by impressing men with how gross a GIRL can be.
15. jonniker | September 12th, 2007 at 4:42 am
Swistle: You and Suebob are right. She’s “hot” because she’s so gross and talks like a guy, but as SB pointed out, she talks like a racist, ignorant guy with a plumber’s crack who married his cousin.
Beth: Oh, the feminist theory on shaving/mustaches. I went through a (BRIEF, like if you blinked, you missed it) phase when I was a budding women’s studies student, and ultimately, I realized that it’s not the kind of symbolism I care about. I see how theorists do, and I see how many believe that I am wrong, but I don’t personally subscribe to the theory that my personal grooming habits are selling out to a patriarchal society. At its simplest level, when I’m waxed/shaved/groomed, I perform better as a human being — not just a woman, but as a person. I feel better, I look better (to me), and that enables me to focus on the things that I think are important for me, and for, ah, women.
I don’t think that being aware of the subtext means that you have to eschew all beauty standards, and I don’t think that by choosing not to be an extremist about it, that you are being a wimp. Not at all. Then again, I eat at Hooter’s, so you might not want to ask me (but you can ask Camille Paglia about it!)
Also, while men are allowed to yes, walk around like apes, while we’re supposed to be hairless pre-pubescent nymphets, they also shave their faces, get their hair cut and many men, um, are well-groomed down there as well, usually to please a woman or a man. And eegads, with the metrosexual movement, all of this theory is, at times, somewhat moot.
I didn’t mean to go on about this, I just think about it from time to time. Plus, to get back to this specific instance, the woman works at Sephora, which makes me think that maybe she’s not so down with feminist theory and personal grooming, given that she works in the very TEMPLE of societal standards of femininity.
16. Crystal | September 12th, 2007 at 5:35 am
have never, ever liked Sarah Silverman either. My husband says it’s just because I don’t get her sense of humor. But no, dude, I GET IT. I just don’t find it funny. He also says I don’t get “guy humor”, which is just ridiculous. Funny is funny, whether it’s a fart joke or whatever. Sarah Silverman, however, is just not funny.
17. Sadie | September 12th, 2007 at 5:52 am
my boyfriend and I were *just* discussing Sarah Silverman last night and I said that while I find some of her material funny, she is just too mean. And I am pretty mean myself, so for her humor to be TOO mean to be funny, well, that’s saying something. My boyfriend said, and I quote, “She’s not bad-looking, but I could never bang her. I don’t like chicks who have to be funny all the time. It’s bad enough when guys have to make EVERY thing funny, but it’s even worse when chicks do it. Not sexy.” I swear my boyfriend is not a misogynistic bastard, and I get his point.
I immediately thought “coke nail” when I read about your waiter. But yeah, regardless of the purpose or lack thereof, long nails on men makes me cringe. Cringe!
18. TwoBusy | September 12th, 2007 at 5:53 am
LOVE Swistle’s description of Sarah Silverman. I’ll never be able to look at her the same way again.
19. ali | September 12th, 2007 at 6:05 am
i LOVE Sarah Silverman
(hangs head in shame…)
20. Lawyerish | September 12th, 2007 at 6:10 am
I HAAAAAATE Sarah Silverman. We got “Jesus is Magic” from Netflix a few months ago and sat with our jaws dropped in horror at how awful it was. Not just that she tried SO hard to be shocking, but because it WASN’T FUNNY. She’s so damn pleased with herself all the time, and I think she is a no-talent racist who has been given carte blanche by the entertainment industry to unleash her screed in the guise of “comedy”, I suspect because she has big boobs.
21. Val | September 12th, 2007 at 6:39 am
Hooray! I’m so glad to hear that so many others cannot stand Sarah Silverman. My brother and sister think she is hysterical. I find her mean and extremely offensive. And most of all, she never balances out any of her “shock and awe” tactics with even a glimmer of heart or humanity. I think at least showing every once in awhile that you have a softer side can endear people to you and make some of your outlandish remarks a little easier to take. I equate that to how I used to feel about Kathy Griffin. Honestly I couldn’t stand her either. I thought she was harsh and offensive most of the time. But then my husband got me hooked on My Life on the D-List, and I was able to see that she’s an extremely hard-working woman who loves what she does, loves her family, loves animals, and makes herself cringe when she watches back some of the things that come out of her mouth. And then there’s Sarah Silverman who just sucks.
22. Janssen | September 12th, 2007 at 6:47 am
I don’t think I’d have been able to eat my tuna rolls, and that’s saying something. For I love tuna rolls.
23. -R- | September 12th, 2007 at 6:49 am
I cannot get the image of that woman’s mustache out of my head and it is creeping me out. Ew.
24. Jennie | September 12th, 2007 at 7:16 am
I’ve never found Sarah Silverman funny either.
25. Tessie | September 12th, 2007 at 7:26 am
Ugg, Sarah Silverman just makes me feel AWKWARD, and I intensely dislike awkward.
26. Lori | September 12th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Ok, so I’m the only deranged one who could focus only on the fact that Orgasm is not flattering on the lips?
27. claire | September 12th, 2007 at 7:49 am
My boyfriend has a giant crush on Sarah Silverman and sometimes i wonder if it has anything to do with him rooting for his jewish tribe members or what – cause he’s like that sometimes. He loves her. Eh, i am not so smitten. She bugs me, too. Though, i have to admit that her part in The Aristocrats was really, really funny.
Also, the long nails – like Cee said, the boyfriend’s best friend plays classical guitar and every time i look at his right hand, it makes me cringe. I tend to wonder if that’s why he’s single since he’s such a good looking guy, otherwise. But just the pinky? I immediately thought ‘Coke Nail’.
Also, also – I can’t believe you got crap for saying something about Ben Folds. You must have a target on your back just waiting for friends of famous people to tell you that you’re wrong about whatever you say here. That’s just crazy. Maybe you should post a disclaimer somewhere… jeeze.
28. Mymsie | September 12th, 2007 at 7:56 am
I totes agree about Sarah Silverman. I heard rave reviews about Jesus Is Magic but was not impressed. Anybody can make obnoxious, over-the-top comments and get a laugh, but to put together well-thought-out jokes that intrigue and delight without playing on base stereotypes and prejudices? Now _that’s_ comedy
29. Gentry | September 12th, 2007 at 8:16 am
I’d like someone to introduce Sephora Moustache lady to Tattooed Face Waxer so that the later could propose a Bejeweled Tiffany Box weave right into her upper lip.
30. jonniker | September 12th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Claire: She didn’t give me crap at ALL, I swear. She was awesome, and totally had a sense of humor about my complete lack of Ben Folds knowledge/love.
31. mar | September 12th, 2007 at 8:54 am
i was completely unimpressed with ‘jesus is magic’ after such great reviews. and then we were at a b&b when the mtv awards were on earlier this summer & ss was hosting and i really didn’t need to hear that my bf thinks both ss and amy winehouse are hot.
i’ve never really cared for her bf’s humor, jimmy kimmel, either. it’s like she’s trying too hard & apparently she made the same low blows at paris in june and now britney this past weekend. hit’em when they’re down; i guess they’re easier targets.
and i also thought coke nail. but i’ve always had my pinky nails longer, mostly because they don’t get used as often & thus break less. but when i was in hs one of my guyfriends loved dennis rodman & emulated him by growing out his pinkies & painting them black. (it was the 90s, c’mon!)
32. Missy | September 12th, 2007 at 11:02 am
My name is Missy, and Im a burlesque dancer who wears pasties. No seriously. But acctually I dance under the alias of Maxx DeMilo. Because, well, Missy is a stripper name already. So I figured I could only go up from there. =)
33. Jamie | September 12th, 2007 at 11:17 am
I intensely dislike Sarah Silverman in the same way I intensely dislike people who argue for the sake of arguing – you know those people, who take the other side of the debate (usually one they don’t actually advocate or agree with) and argue until they’re blue in the face JUST to get a rise out of the person with whom they’re arguing. I really fucking hate that.
34. jonniker | September 12th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
I just want to say that dude, COKE NAIL? I’ve never heard of such a thing, and oh, how glad I am. I may know what felch means, but I have never heard of a coke nail! Or been around that much cocaine! I would have thought you meant it was to OPEN COKE CANS.
MY GOD.
35. Cassidy | September 12th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
I don’t ever understand how being mean to someone to their face and humiliating them (not matter how much they ask for it) is funny. Won’t ever understand it. It’s just so awkward and I felt like they brought her out at the VMAs just to make fun of everyone and I hated that.
36. Carolyn J. | September 12th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I think the word for Sarah Silverman is “coarse”. I don’t like her either.
37. H | September 12th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
I also thought coke nail and I’m pleasantly surprised to see many people feel the same way I do about Sarah Silverman. My friend told me she was hilarious and I can’t stand her.
38. anon | September 13th, 2007 at 9:40 am
So…can we talk facial hair removal? Because I’m too embarassed to talk to any of my IRL girlfriends about this. I am ignorant on this front. I tried having my upper lip waxed once and it promptly removed a layer of skin with the fuzz and left a delightful scab – pretty! Do you guys wax yourself, or get a professional? At a salon? Anyone else have ridiculously delicate skin that got hurt in the process?
39. Jen from Boston | September 17th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Sarah Silverman “humor” is all about taking the cheap shot, the lay-up, the kicking a person when their down. Somehow I was raised to believe comedy was supposed to be clever. Or funny. Or both. Sadly, for the viewers at home, she is neither.
Also, attacking a few tots who don’t have the verbal capacity to tell her to go F-ck herself doesn’t endear me to her much either.
I know that not every comediain is nice or PG (ala Ellen), but as Val put if best, there isn’t even “a glimmer of heart or humanity” in what she does.
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